I Need To Know How To Get Over Someone Quickly

Medically reviewed by Paige Henry, LMSW, J.D.
Updated May 3, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

It can be hard to let go and move on after a relationship ends, as you may have shared important moments and developed a strong bond with your former partner. It’s normal to feel like you’re still connected to—or even in love with—an ex for some time. However, these lingering feelings can make it difficult for you to start moving forward in life or pursue future relationships in a healthy manner. While you may not want to forget that person completely, it can be healthy to take some time to focus on yourself, tend to your own needs, and find out what your future may hold. If you're looking for effective strategies to help you get over someone as quickly as possible, consider the tips below.


How to get over someone fast

Research suggests that people who have ongoing feelings for a former partner can experience psychological distress and have trouble adjusting to their new situation.

To avoid these potential negative effects or damage to your next relationship, there are several techniques you can try to navigate the post-breakup period and move forward in a healthy way. If you want to know how to get over someone fast, consider the following advice on how to work through your emotions, give yourself closure, and embark on this next chapter of your life.

Say a final goodbye

Often, feelings for an ex stick around because of a lack of closure after the relationship ends. If you feel as though you weren’t able to properly say goodbye to your former partner or understand why things didn’t work out, you might consider reaching out to them and asking if they’re willing to talk if it’s safe to do so. You may be able to find out what happened that led to your split, address unresolved conflicts, and bid farewell amicably. 

It isn't always possible or desirable to say goodbye directly, though. Instead, you may opt to write a goodbye letter. Even if you don’t end up sending it, writing the note can help you process your emotions regarding the relationship and provide yourself with the closure you may need. Research indicates that putting your feelings on paper may help you recognize any grief, sadness, or anger you might feel while also easing stress. Regardless of how you do it, saying goodbye could help you get over the love you may still feel for your ex and move forward.

Show yourself love

Parting ways with a romantic partner is an emotionally challenging experience for most people. After a breakup, it can be important to take time to grieve, focus on yourself, and practice self-care—particularly patience and gentleness if you feel you’re not moving on as quickly as you might like. Self-compassion in these forms can help you cope with feelings of grief, loneliness, frustration, or guilt due to the breakup and your reactions to it and determine which healthy long-term behaviors you’d like to foster moving forward. This can look like eating nutritious meals, maintaining a regular sleep schedule, exercising, and leaning on friends and family for social support. 

It may also help to keep a journal to record how you’re feeling from day to day. Rather than repressing your feelings—which can lead to them resurfacing in unexpected ways or cause you to act rashly—you might write them down. One study suggests that journaling helped alleviate distress in participants after a breakup. You can also journal in order to express gratitude, track healthy behaviors, and plan for the future. Self-love can lead to mental wellness, happiness, and a new perspective following a breakup.

Avoid reminders of your past relationship

It can be harder to learn how to get over a former partner if you frequently encounter mementos of your relationship. While there are some reminders that may be difficult to avoid—mutual friends, a car, etc.—there are many that you can keep out of sight. That’s why many people decide to return any of their ex’s things to them and put away photos, gifts, or other reminders of the relationship, if only for a few weeks or months. You’ll likely also want to avoid in-person or digital contact via text or social media with your ex until you’re further along in the healing process. 

Consider waiting on future relationships

While it may feel tempting to start a new relationship as a way of getting your mind off your old one, some people find it more helpful to give themselves space to heal and adjust to their new life first. For some, it can be hard to connect with a new person when they’re still in the time period of processing feelings from a recent relationship. Once you’ve processed the breakup, you may be able to approach the dating world with a fresh, healthy perspective on relationships and the emotional availability to let someone new into your life. Your next partner will likely appreciate the fact that you waited to start dating.  


Lean on your support system

It may be tempting to self-isolate when you’re feeling down, but learning how to focus on social connection can be crucial during this time. Loneliness can have serious mental and physical health effects, including anxiety, depression, and sleep disruptions. Your loved ones may be able to help you avoid these impacts and offer you emotional support, advice, and care. Try to spend time with your mom, dad, best friend, or sibling—if not in real life, at least through social media or the phone. Talking to a friend or family member can both feel amazing and provide you with insights into your former relationship. If you don’t have a strong social support network, it could be beneficial to your mental health to join clubs, take up hobbies, or get to know your neighbors in an effort to expand your circle of social connections.

Immerse yourself in a new activity

As you learn how to focus on yourself and figure out what your goals for your future might be, think about whether there are new interests you’d like to pursue. Adopting a new hobby can help you get your mind off of your ex and may be part of defining how your life will look going forward. Whether you choose to take up painting, learn a new language, start an exercise routine, get into fashion and beauty, pick up a sport, or join a volunteer group, for example, a new activity can be a rewarding and potentially creative or social outlet during a difficult time. It can also feel good: Activities that have a physical component in particular may offer the added benefit of potentially improving your mood.

Meditate for your mental health

Mindfulness is a form of the ancient Indian practice of meditation in which you learn how to bring your attention to the present and cultivate a nonjudgmental awareness of your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. Research suggests that mindfulness may help alleviate stress and reduce loneliness you might be feeling after receiving the news of a breakup. There are many meditation apps, videos, and audio tracks available online that can help you learn how if you haven’t practiced mindfulness before.

Getty/Luis Alvarez

How therapy can help during the healing process

If you’re having trouble moving through a breakup or could simply use additional emotional support, connecting with a licensed marriage and family therapist could be a constructive next step. They can offer you a nonjudgmental space where you can share and process your honest emotions and help you devise strategies for healthfully moving forward and even approaching new relationships in the future. If you have a busy schedule or can’t find professional help in your area, online therapy could be a convenient alternative to traditional in-person sessions.

Research suggests that online therapy may be a useful intervention for those wanting to move on from the end of a relationship. For example, in one study, researchers found that online therapy helped participants improve their self-esteem and increase their willingness to forgive their former partner after a breakup. The study also mentions the convenience that this format can offer when in-person treatment isn’t feasible.

If you’d like to seek professional emotional support and guidance as you work to get over an ex, online therapy can help. With a platform like BetterHelp, you can process your emotions regarding a breakup remotely with a therapist via video call, voice call, or in-app messaging. Continue reading for reviews of individual or marriage and family therapists at BetterHelp from those who have experienced similar challenges.  

Counselor reviews

“When I first matched with Sam, I was coming out of a pretty bad breakup and I had no idea how to get back to my normal self. Sam was AMAZING in helping me refine my normal self and develop the skills I need to have healthy and long-lasting relationships in the future.”

“It's been a hard couple of months and I'm so grateful the universe (or BetterHelp algorithm) has paired me with Katrice Hollins. Katrice is extremely patient, professional, non-judgmental, supportive and such a helpful guide as I navigate my recent breakup, insecurities in my sexuality, family trauma, and insecurities. She responds in a very timely manner and in a way that I know she's listening and has my best interests at heart. With her guidance, I am learning to set a foundation of self-love and strong boundary setting in a way I've never established before.”


Parting ways with someone you care for can be difficult, potentially leading to painful emotions and making it hard for you to take the next steps in life. If you’re having trouble getting over someone after a breakup, it can be helpful to take time for yourself, practice self-care, and talk to someone about how you’re feeling. For further support, consider connecting with a licensed therapist. With the right help, you can learn from a past relationship, move on, and grow.
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