Knowing The Six Types Of Love That Can Improve Your Relationship

You may love your spouse, your job, or your car; even though we use the same word to express these feelings, they're different types of love and should often be approached differently according to the situation. Earning about the different types of love can help you increase relationship satisfaction and develop stronger connections. Here are some of the different types of love and how they play a part in your life.

The Greek theories of love

Altruistic love (Agape)

When you give to others without expecting anything in return, you display altruistic or selfless love, called "agape" by the ancient Greeks. This is one of the types of love that can be shown in multiple relationships between family members, best friends, romantic partners, or even strangers. Some people tend to express this affectionate love through patience and giving; they may find great joy in their relationships by giving more than receiving.

Infatuated, playful love (Ludus)

One could argue that infatuation isn't one of the types of love at all, but this is relative and up for interpretation. Infatuated love colloquially (called "puppy love") may require no commitment between partners, but the individuals involved typically have passion and desire for each other, sharing ludus or playful love. They often enjoy fun activities together but may not be ready to commit to a long-term relationship.

Of course, ludus playful love can evolve into more long lasting love, such as pragma enduring love or philia affectionate love, over time without sacrificing passion. As lives intertwine and friendships deepen, memorable and impactful moments may contribute to this transformation.

Companion love (Storge)

It is one of the types of love that typically involves a close connection in which two people care about each other, feel connected and understood, and offer emotional support. Romantic partners may also experience this form of love, which involves caring and commitment but may lack passionate love. Brotherly love and friendships can similarly embody this type of connection. This kind of love, and all other types of love, can be experienced in tandem with others. None are at the exclusion of others.

Romantic love (Eros)

If you have fallen in love, you may have experienced romantic love. Eros is named after the Greek god of love, which is characterized by intimacy (being emotionally close to each other) and sometimes sexual passion and attraction (whether physical, mental, or both). However, it is possible and natural to experience romantic love without any sexual element.

Many people seek Eros when looking for a long-term partner, hoping to find everlasting love. Successful romantic relationships often depend on both partners' romantic love for each other. This love style can also combine with a commitment to creating a stable, long-term relationship, fostering well-being and a lasting impression in their lives.

Obsessive love (Mania)

Obsessive love is not considered healthy and may involve jealousy, controlling behavior, and one-sided attraction felt only by the pursuer and only on a surface level. The person experiencing this may feel that they genuinely love the other person but may not be familiar with their personality. Instead, they may feel attracted to a mental image they have created rather than the natural person. 

It is challenging to maintain stable and happy relationships with obsessive love. Research indicates that tendencies toward obsessive love may have roots in an individual's attachment style, particularly the attachment style built with their caregivers as children.

Practical love (Pragma)

Two people can commit to one another without necessarily having intimacy or passion, often forming a strong friendship. Many alternative marriage arrangements involve this kind of family commitment between friends or partners who do not feel romantic attraction toward one another. Physical touch and self-worth can play a role in pragma relationships.

Additionally, some romantic relationships evolve into this kind of commitment. The pragma can grow into other forms of love, be experienced in addition to other forms of love, or exist within a relationship independently, impacting the lives of people around the world.

Using love to improve relationships

While learning about and understanding the six types of love can give you more insight into love, knowledge alone cannot help you cultivate better relationships. 

It may be helpful first to understand your relationship dynamic with another individual. Then you may explore your love languages (how you feel and express love) and those of loved ones. Next, you can implement this knowledge, take action, and create the change you want. Being open and communicative with yourself and others may be one way to improve your bond.

Below are three ideas you may want to emulate in your relationships as you move forward.

Know (and care for) yourself

Our personalities and actions often have direct and indirect influences on our relationships with others. Understanding your personality and behavioral patterns may help you know your close relationships. Along with cultivating self-awareness, it may be beneficial to nurture your internal relationships and take care of yourself. 

Sometimes, we may spend too much energy trying to find someone else to satisfy our emotional needs when we can look within and find fulfillment there. Learning to accept and love ourselves genuinely can improve self-esteem and empathy, with studies confirming that low self-esteem and self-love can affect our relationships with others.

Additionally, taking care of yourself can help you face difficult periods with courage.

Know (and care for) your partner

When you enter a relationship, your priorities may shift as you make room for another person in your life. All relationships require attention and effort to thrive; as the relationship develops, you're likely to learn more about each other. It may be helpful to take the time to discover your partner, treasure them for who they are, and communicate with them. 

Treating your partner with attention and care may increase relationship satisfaction for both of you.

Know (and care for) your relationship

Relationships can grow, change, and evolve with time. Relationships may have the best chance to thrive when given consistent time and care. You can provide care to your relationship by scheduling quality time with friends, family, or a romantic partner.

You may also try setting aside time to talk about your week. Listen to your loved one, and make sure they feel heard and validated. Being mindful of your relationships can help you form a deeper bond.

Seeking help

More than one type of love can exist in a relationship, and the same connection can fluctuate between kinds of love over time. If you want support with relationships, you may try speaking with a therapist, such as those found at BetterHelp. If you're not happy in your relationship, online therapy can also help with that.

A growing number of studies show that online therapy is just as effective as face-to-face therapy in treating concerns and conditions like relationship issues, anxiety, depression, substance use disorder,  post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and a range of others – all things that can impact our relationships. One study found that the primary reasons people don't seek out relationship counseling are social stigmas and stereotypes associated with couples counseling, cost, and scheduling difficulties. The study also found that online therapy removes many of these barriers, as online treatment can be utilized from home.

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

For example, platforms like BetterHelp offer sessions outside of traditional hours since they're not limited to an office setting. BetterHelp can match you with a licensed mental health professional you can start seeing in just a few days. You can also message your counselor anytime with questions and comments between sessions to receive in-the-moment guidance.