For many years, people have used various metaphors to discuss the different levels of physical intimacy that people typically experience in a relationship. One of the most prominent metaphors in the United States, perhaps thanks to American popular culture, is that of bases, which correspond to the bases used in baseball. The baseball metaphor is often used to describe different stages of physical touch, but there may be some confusion about different activities and where they fall within these stages. 

It can be important to recognize that the baseball metaphor doesn’t necessarily take into account modern relationships, such as non-heterosexual couples, the variety of activities that couples engage in, or the order in which they engage in them. This article will discuss the general idea of physical bases in a relationship, what each base represents in terms of physical contact or physical affection, problems with the baseball metaphor, and ways to improve communication, comfort levels, emotional connection, and intimacy.

A note about the physical bases to represent sexual activity

Finally, the metaphor doesn’t consider consent. It may lead some people to interpret sex as a game in which the insertive partner has to compete with the other person to achieve an end goal. This can lead to pressure on the other person to move forward with certain activities that might make them feel uncomfortable. 

Finally, some people may wrongly assume that it is safe to proceed through each base because they have already made it to “home base” with a person. Consent can be given and revoked at any point, during any encounter, no matter how long a couple has been together.

What each base means can vary from couple to couple, although each base represents certain types of physical contact in American popular culture and among young people. It can be important to remember that the general idea of bases in a relationship is not a requirement or a guideline. The emotional connection and comfort levels between partners can determine what types of physical affection they wish to engage in.

First base in physical intimacy

In the traditional baseball scheme, first base is often considered kissing on the mouth. To some, this may involve any type of kiss on the mouth, but for others, it may entail open-mouth kissing or French kissing. The timing of this step in a relationship can vary depending on the individuals involved, and consent can be given and revoked at any point by either person. 

Second base

Second base typically involves touching a person’s breast. To some people, this may mean touching under a person’s top or shirt. To others, it may mean touching above the waist with clothing removed. Couples can discuss this stage of intimacy and what makes them comfortable at each moment, with no pressure to move forward from either partner. 

Third base

Third base typically refers to touching another person’s genitals. To some people, this may involve stimulation with the fingers. Others may include oral sex in this stage of physical intimacy. 

Sexual intercourse

Sexual intercourse is typically what people refer to as making it to fourth base (a “home run”). While sex often culminates in intercourse for many people, this isn’t always the case. Some couples may go back and forth between bases, and they can reach climax together in any number of ways. Hence, the metaphor of intercourse being a home run often fails to represent the numerous ways that people express their sexuality and reach orgasm. There may also be times that sex doesn’t involve orgasm. People may engage in many types of physical and emotional intimacy without always reaching a climax.

Communication about sexual activity

Regardless of whether couples use the language of the sexual bases, they may find that their sexual intimacy grows with better communication. Couples who openly discuss what brings them satisfaction and the ways they like to give pleasure may find that they have better physical encounters. Conversations about sex may involve fantasies, sexual positions, settings for sexual activity, and the frequency with which each partner would like to connect sexually. 

The importance of clear communication about physical intimacy 

Each couple defines physical intimacy differently, and each person’s comfort levels should be of the utmost importance. Taking things at your own pace with respect and clear communication can be crucial so that the two individuals can feel comfortable. If you’re not sure how to communicate openly and effectively, consider speaking to a therapist about open communication strategies.

Navigating physical affection and emotional closeness 

Emotional closeness and physical affection are often intertwined, with both usually having great importance in a relationship. For example, some people prefer to have an emotional connection, to consider someone their best friend, or to be in a committed relationship before engaging in physical connections. Others may have different comfort levels. Ultimately, it can be ideal to physically connect with someone who has respect for you and who you feel comfortable with. Growing emotional closeness can lead to greater comfort levels.

The “bases” explained: What each one typically represents

Each couple defines the bases differently, and they can mean different things to different people. In general, though, each base represents the following:

• First base: Kissing
• Second base: Physical contact in the chest area
• Third base: Oral or manual stimulation of the genitals
• Fourth base: Sexual intercourse
• Fifth base: Anal intercourse

While the general idea of the bases may be helpful to some people, individual boundaries and consent have great importance when it comes to physical affection.

​​Setting boundaries and moving at your own pace

Respect and open communication can ensure the two individuals’ comfort levels are taken into account. Everyone involved in physical intimacy should feel comfortable and take things at their own pace. It can be vital to communicate openly in order to understand each person’s boundaries. The importance of consent cannot be overstated, and each couple defines their level of intimacy.

How pop culture has shaped the idea of relationship bases

Young people often develop a general idea of what each base represents based on American popular culture, both past and present. In general, each base means different things or implies different levels of physical intimacy, according to movies and other media. Taking each person’s boundaries and comfort levels into account before engaging in intimacy can be of the utmost importance.

The roles of trust, respect, and communication in a healthy relationship

In a healthy, committed relationship, the following qualities usually have great importance:

• Trust
• Respect
• Open communication
• A strong emotional connection
• Emotional closeness
• High comfort levels

If you don’t feel comfortable with your partner or have encountered conflict that you can’t seem to navigate on your own, connecting with a couples therapist may be beneficial.

Talking to a professional about your level of intimacy

When it comes to intimacy, some couples may find it helpful to speak with a therapist about any concerns they’re experiencing. This may involve sex therapy or talk therapy with a licensed therapist. Therapy isn’t just for couples experiencing problems in their relationship. It can often help couples enhance their emotional intimacy, which may improve their sexual connection, and vice versa. 

Online therapy to improve physical intimacy

Some couples might live in an area with few licensed therapists. Others might be hesitant to attend therapy in person. In these cases, online therapy can serve as a valuable option to receive evidence-based support. An online couples counselor through Regain can help couples address concerns related to physical and emotional intimacy, as well as any other challenges they’re experiencing. Couples can communicate with an online counselor via audio, video, or live chat at a time that works for everyone’s schedule.

For individuals whose partners aren’t amenable to couples therapy at this time, individual online therapy can still be of help. BetterHelp has a network of more than 30,000 licensed therapists, so individuals can be matched with a therapist who has experience helping individuals navigate matters related to physical intimacy and any other concerns they’re experiencing.

In addition to offering a large selection of licensed therapists, online therapy has been shown to be effective in numerous peer-reviewed studies. One study found that online therapy could effectively treat anxiety, depression, and substance use disorder, among other conditions. However, online therapy isn’t just for people living with a mental health disorder. It can also help people navigate relationship concerns and matters related to intimacy.