Helpful Tips For Coping With Stress In A Relationship

Stress is often a part of everyday life and, as such, a part of partnerships. To highlight this point, a 2019 survey published by Statista found that between 2015 and 2017, 81% of respondents reported that workplace stress always, often, or sometimes impacted their relationships. 

Situations filled with tension outside of a marriage may lead to reduced relationship satisfaction through a phenomenon called stress spillover. Every person processes stress differently, and when it is chronic or goes unmanaged, it can cause problems with communication, emotional distance, and other behavioral challenges. There are various ways to manage tension, both as a couple and an individual, and restore emotional intimacy.

Common sources of stress in romantic relationships

Couples may deal with several factors that cause tension. A few examples include:

• Workplace problems like difficult co-workers or pressure to perform
• Educational pressures such as pursuing a master's degree, vocational certification, or continuing studies program
• Conflict with a friend or family member(s)
• Parenting disagreements
• Work/life balance
• Financial difficulties
• Dividing domestic responsibilities
• Physical or mental health challenges

Warning signs of stress

Tension can be subtle and difficult to spot at first. However, minor pressures can add up over time, potentially leading to chronic stress that becomes increasingly more challenging to manage as time goes on. Learning to identify and address the warning signs of how tension affects your partnership as early as possible might help you avoid chronic symptoms. These may emerge as:

• Communication breakdown
• Increased arguments
• Increased opposition or disagreement with each other's thoughts and opinions
• Frequent, inappropriate anger about small matters
• Sudden irritation at each other's habits
• Infrequent, rushed, or nonexistent intimacy
• Withdrawal from each other or a preference to be alone
• Disinterest in what's happening in each other's lives
• Suspicion that one is purposefully trying to irritate the other or start a fight
• Frequent criticism or blame
• Lack of support and partnership
• Avoidance of couples conflict

These warning signs often have a bi-directional connection with tension. They can be caused by a stressor and then create a negative cycle as they contribute to further tension. Each partnership is unique, and what applies to your relationship may not be the same as others. If these signs exist between you and your partner, but you can't resolve them together, reaching out to a professional with experience in helping couples may help. 

How to resolve challenges

Tense partnerships aren't typically born in a day. As such, it might take time and effort from both parties, but you and your partner can overcome it together. Here are some suggestions for where to begin:

Identify and explore its sources

Try to make a conscious effort to identify and reflect on the specific problems you think might be causing issues. External factors like work, family, or health challenges can affect a person’s mental health and increase these levels. In addition, internal factors like communication challenges or unmet needs can create tension and negatively affect couples. 

Communicate effectively

Create a safe, non-judgmental space to discuss your feelings with your partner, ensuring one partner does not dominate the conversation. Effective communication can lead to improved relationship quality by allowing both parties to express their concerns and find common ground to work together. While knowing what you'd like to say helps, you may also need to consider how you say it. Using "I" statements and choosing your words carefully allows you to express how you feel without making your partner feel defensive or placing blame.

Active listening is part of effective communication, so listen actively without interrupting and pay attention to your partner's perspective and facial expressions as they talk. You may acknowledge their feelings and concerns with body language, such as nodding or leaning into them as they speak. It also helps to repeat back what you've heard to ensure you understand correctly and show them you're paying attention. 

Practice empathy

If you're communicating effectively, it's often easier to put yourself in your partner's shoes. Try to understand their point of view, recognize that they may be experiencing pressure differently, and validate their feelings. Using dismissive language or body language will likely present barriers to progress. Showing empathy may help your partner feel supported, which may help improve partnership well-being and reduce some of the fear or anxiety that may accompany tense situations. 

Set realistic boundaries and expectations

Sometimes, unmet expectations between romantic partners can contribute to an already tense relationship. Identifying your expectations for each other and determining if they're reasonable can prevent misunderstandings that lead to tension.

For example, if your overwhelmed partner isn't feeling social, expecting them to attend a social engagement with you may be unreasonable. But, barring special circumstances, it is reasonable to expect your partner to be ok with it if you go without them. Moving forward, if this becomes a recurring situation, you may want to deal with differences in expectations constructively with open communication.

Upholding reasonable expectations includes clearly communicating and respecting each other's boundaries. Balancing expectations can help maintain overall balance in your partnership, whether it's around time spent together and personal space or behaviors you're comfortable with versus those you aren't.

Make time for each other

When juggling obligations, work responsibilities, and other daily tasks, it may seem like taking time out of your already busy schedule isn't possible. Still, maintaining a solid connection and managing issues together can help reduce relationship stress. Scheduling quality time together can have positive effects on your relationship quality, allowing you to work through external pressure and reinforce your partnership against tense experiences.

You might also take time out to acknowledge and celebrate your "wins" and the positive aspects of your partnership. Whether it's celebrating with an evening out or a quiet dinner at home, supporting each other in this way can remind you of the strengths and reasons you're together.  

Address your own stress

Even if you take extensive steps to handle pressure as a unit, it can be equally helpful to address your personal stress and take care of your well-being. Encourage your partner to do the same—when both of you are emotionally and physically healthy, you may experience improved satisfaction. Here are some self-care activities for management:

Deep breathing exercises and mindfulness activities 

Deep breathing exercises have been clinically proven to decrease the effects of stress by boosting the body's natural stress-relieving capabilities. Breath exercises can be as simple as inhaling slowly through your nose, holding for a few seconds, and then exhaling through your mouth. Making it a habit to engage in mindful breathing throughout the day can go a long way toward easing tension. 

Activities like meditation, yoga, and tai chi can help focus your mind on the present moment, reduce pressure, and increase overall well-being. 

Maintain a healthy lifestyle

Quality sleep, a balanced diet, adequate hydration, and regular exercise may have significant benefits. Studies show that exercise can be particularly effective in controlling stress responses in the body. Whether you choose to walk, jog, cycle, or develop a strength-training regimen, physical activity is a tension reducer and positively affects your mental health. You can even exercise with your partner or do another activity that interests both of you.

Take a break from tech and spend time in nature

For some, it helps to get away from technology. Constant connectivity can add more pressure to your day. Instead of scrolling social media, try spending time outdoors in nature. Whether taking a walk in the park or hiking in the mountains, reconnecting with nature may help soothe tension. 

Practice time management, set realistic goals, and establish boundaries

Often, tension is compounded when we must rush from activity to activity. Try to organize your tasks and prioritize them. Breaking down tasks into smaller, manageable steps can make them feel less overwhelming.

Stress also often arises when we overextend ourselves. Whether it's overcommitting or setting unrealistic goals for ourselves, both can leave you feeling overwhelmed and drained. Be sure to set achievable goals for yourself, and, when possible, learn to say no to additional responsibilities. This is often easier said than done, but remember that your mental health is a priority. 

Do something you enjoy 

Some choose to capitalize on the stress-relieving benefits of laughter by attending a comedy show or watching a funny movie. Others engage in creative activities when they feel overwhelmed, like drawing, painting, writing, or playing a musical instrument. Both can be highly effective for reducing tension and therapeutic for your mental health. 

Seek support

Social support can provide comfort and help you cope. Spend time with friends and family who exude positivity and make you feel good about yourself. If it becomes overwhelming or chronic, don't hesitate to seek help from a mental health professional trained in counseling psychology. They can provide support and strategies to cope.

Reach out to an online therapist for support

Because of its availability, convenience, and affordability, many people choose online therapy. Online platforms like BetterHelp match couples and individuals with licensed mental health professionals experienced in treating stress-related distress who may be able to provide support and advice. You and your partner can speak to a counselor at your convenience via video chat, online messaging, text, and phone from the comfort of home. 

Online therapy is often more affordable than traditional therapy without insurance, and research shows it's just as effective as in-person therapy for helping couples address and overcome stress-related challenges and other mental health struggles.