25 Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend And Strengthen Your Relationship

By Jessica Saxena|Updated August 2, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Laura Angers, NCC, LPC

A strong relationship doesn't just happen. It takes work, commitment, affirming experiences, and romantic attraction to get to know the deepest levels of a partner through deep questions. In a serious relationship where both people love each other, this is something that naturally happens over time. However, this doesn't mean that it's an easy process. Some people have the gift of gab and come up with random questions or great conversation starters easily. Others may need a bit more practice knowing what questions to ask to get the conversation flowing.

girlfriend and boyfriend

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Getting To Know Your Girlfriend

It's perfectly normal for it to take some time to really get to know another person. Couples usually start with a conversation starter or by talking about the things that are more surface-level. This includes things like where you are from, what you do for a living, and what school you went to. Or they can be fun questions like what your hobbies are or what your favorite reality tv show is. Weird questions may help you laugh together. Flirty questions like if they’ve ever been to a strip club could shed some light on their past experiences.

But it's essential that as your relationship develops, you continue to get to know your girlfriend on a deeper level beyond sensual attraction. There are different types of attraction from a deep friendship to intellectual attraction. There is an attraction overlap between these areas that are more than necessarily sexual.  You can accomplish this by digging deep for more meaningful questions to ask your girlfriend. 

One difference between short and long-term relationships may be a certain level of compatibility. As things become more serious and you invest more time into the relationship, you want to know that it can go somewhere and become a long-term, healthy relationship. If you never move past the surface conversations and romantic contact, it can make it more challenging to discover that there are more significant things you might not agree on. There are more serious questions to ask your girlfriend. This could include things like getting married, having kids, and moving out of state.

Don't Fall For The Relationship Stereotypes

There's a stereotype that all women are naturally chatty. This can make you think that it will be easy to learn all about your girlfriend. However, this isn't always true. Some women don't enjoy talking, some don't enjoy sharing personal things, and others have been through painful situations that make it difficult for them to open up all the way. Just because they are the same gender, does not mean all women are alike. Using this guide of questions to ask your girlfriend can help them open up and you may be able to understand them on a deeper level. Even if you are aromantic heterosexual, many deep questions are useful questions to ask.

Ask Relationship Questions About More Than Love

If you're finding it hard to get your girlfriend to open up, try to ask her a few specific questions. You can start by finding some lighthearted, cute questions to ask your girlfriend. They'll serve as a jumping-off point to more revealing conversations and personal questions that can help you get to know each other more. Here are 25 deep questions to ask your girlfriend.

25 Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend

  • What is one thing that I do that makes you happy? What does a happy life look like to you?
  • What is your biggest fear? Do you have an irrational fear?
  • What is one thing that you would like to change about our relationship - and why?
  • What is one thing you absolutely love about me?
  • Do you believe in marriage? Are some relationships meant to last forever? Why or why not? What are some expectations you have of marriage?
  • Do you want to have kids? Why or why not? How many?
  • How do you want our relationship to be different than your parents' relationship? How do you want it to be similar?
  • What is the biggest lessonyou have learned from a past relationship? Why did your last relationship end?
  • What is one secret that you've never told anyone?
  • If you had things your way, how often would we be physically intimate?
  • What's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you?
  • What is the best gift you've ever received?
  • If you could be any fictional character, who would you be and why? If humans could live on other planets, would you?
  • What were your first impressions of me when we initially met? What is one thing that you would change about me if you could - and why?
  • What do you want your retirement years to look like?
  • If you could go back and change one thing in your life, what would it be? What advice would you give your younger self?
  • What is your biggest regret?
  • Tell me about your high school experience. Were you popular? A nerd? Did you have friends, or were you lonely?
  • If you are having a hard day, how will you let me know, and how would you like me to respond?
  • When was a time that you felt lonely? What was that like for you?
  • What is your favorite childhood memory? What was your favorite toy as a kid?
  • Who was your best friend growing up? What is your favorite memory from spending time with them?
  • Who has been the most positive influence on you thus far? How did they change the course of your life?
  • What are your biggest vices? What is your favorite unhealthy food?
  • What has been your favorite date of ours? What does your ideal date night look like?
  • How did you know that you wanted to do _________ for a career? If you could do anything else, what would be your dream job?

Briefly, it is worth mentioning that while article was geared towards asking a girlfriend questions, these questions can apply to many different types of relationships and any different gender or between romantic and sexual orientations, aromantic people, the non sexual who do not engage in sexual activity, or nearly anybody else. For example, just because you might not have physical affection or be physically attractive to someone, does not mean these questions cannot be useful. These questions can be asked by almost any kind of relationship, from queer platonic relationships to romantic heterosexual, to everything else. In summation, these questions can apply to the opposite gender, the same gender, or any different gender, this does not have certain circumstances restraining it, and it does not have to apply to a specific person or specific genders.

After You Ask Questions: What To Do Next

Remember that as you ask questions, it is important that you also open up and share information about yourself. These questions are not meant to be asked as though you are interviewing or interrogating her. Instead, you want to have discussions around the questions that you are asking and the answers that you both are giving. By asking interesting questions, you may be able to enter into a deep conversation and build a stronger bond.

It's also crucial that you stay calm. Some of these questions may bring up answers that you don't want to hear, and that you may disagree with. Remember that even the strongest relationship can exist between two people with vastly different opinions and worldviews. However, if she says something that you don't agree with and you overreact, you might unintentionally show her a side of you that she's not going to like. When someone is at their most vulnerable, this may create a feeling of insecurity or they may be less inclined to open up in the future.  

Never react in a judgmental way to a response. Always be kind and empathetic. Deal with disagreements in a healthy way using "I" statements and a calm tone of voice. When you ask your girlfriend intense or romantic questions, it may feel like a vulnerable moment for her. It’s important to make her feel heard and accepted, even if you don’t think the same way. Even just saying one sentence to acknowledge that you’ve been listening can go a long way. And if you don’t understand, think of questions to ask to better grasp her point of view.

Look for opportunities where you can ask your girlfriend further questions to deepen the conversation. Some of these questions will bring up follow up questions that you have naturally. If you are having trouble thinking up what to follow up with, consider asking why she feels that way. Remember, this is your chance to get to know your girlfriend more. Make sure you understand what she's saying, why she feels that way, and how her answer helps make her who she is.

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Make sure that you never push her into sharing information. Some life experiences are very painful, and she might not be ready to open about them. For example, if her parents had an abusive relationship before her dad left, she might not want to open up to you about the details until she feels more comfortable with your relationship. If you ask your girlfriend questions in an attempt to push her into sharing information, you are more likely to make her uncomfortable, which can make her shut down even further.

Other Ways to Strengthen Your Relationship

Asking questions is the best way to get to know each other. However, there are other little things you can do to strengthen your relationship and the connection you have with your girlfriend.

  • Spend Quality Time Together.When you are spending time together, be fully tuned in to each other. Actively listen to what she has to say, put your phone away, and focus on building and strengthening the connection you have with her.
  • Leave Love Notes For Her.Write her small notes about how much you care about her, what you love about her, and so on. Not only is it a great way to express yourself, but they are something she will cherish.
  • Show Her You Appreciate Her.Doing little things she loves and telling her outrightly that you appreciate her can go a long way in strengthening your relationship. It will make her feel noticed and loved and help strengthen the connection between the two of you.

Part of the process of dating is learning more about each other. Even if your relationship is going well, talking to a counselor can help you both develop the tools needed to communicate well to overcome any issues that crop up during your relationship. Online counseling is both convenient and comfortable for both of you as you can get counseling on your own schedule via messaging, chat, phone, or video. BetterHelp counselors are licensed and certified to help you develop a truly remarkable relationship. Research shows that online therapy is a powerful tool in strengthening couples. 

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You may read the full study here: Marriage: A Randomized Controlled Trial of the Web-Based OurRelationship Program: Effects on Relationship and Individual Functioning.

BetterHelp counselors have helped thousands of others to improve their relationships. They also have a specialized couples therapy service, ReGain.Us. You don't have to wait until you have a significant issue to get help from a counselor. Below are some reviews of BetterHelp counselors, from people experiencing similar issues.

Counselor Reviews

"Mark has been extremely attentive to everything that I disclose. He's not only provided me support but insight and encouragement to let me know I'm on a good path to self improvement and discovery. Furthermore, Mark has provided me valuable insight on my romantic relationship, specifically with learning more about the relationship dynamics and how to build a stronger, healthier relationship."

"Rachel is awesome! Gently encouraging and very responsive. I prefer to communicate via messages, and I love that that is an option. I feel that she totally understands me and is never judgemental. The stress from work impacts my partner less since I've been talking to Rachel - I am managing my stress and insecurity better."

Strengthen Your Relationship And Love, Ask Questions Of Your Girlfriend

Asking questions is a great way to get to know your girlfriend and strengthen your relationship. A fulfilling and lasting relationship is possible - all you need are the right tools. Take the first step today.

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