Strengthen Your Relationship With These Deep Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend
By: Jessica Saxena
Updated October 28, 2020
Medically Reviewed By: Laura Angers
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A strong relationship doesn't just happen. It takes work, commitment, and a genuine effort to get to know the deepest levels of another person. In a serious relationship, this is something that naturally happens over time. However, this doesn't mean that it's an easy process.
Getting To Know Your Girlfriend
It's perfectly normal for it to take some time to really get to know another person. Couples usually start by talking about the things that are more surface level. This includes things like where you are from, what you do for a living, what school you went to, and what your hobbies are. But it's essential that as your relationship develops, you continue to get to know your girlfriend on a deeper level.
As things become more serious and you invest more time into the relationship, you want to know that it can go somewhere. If you never move past the surface conversations, it can make it more challenging to discover that there more significant things you might not agree on. This could include things like getting married, having kids, and moving out of state.
Don't Fall For The Stereotypes
There's a stereotype that all women are naturally chatty. This can make you think that it will be easy to learn all about your girlfriend. However, this isn't always true. Some women don't enjoy talking, some don't enjoy sharing personal things, and others have been through painful situations that make it difficult for them to open up all the way.
If you're finding it hard to get your girlfriend to open up, try asking her a few specific questions. They'll serve as a jumping-off point to more revealing conversations and help you get to know each other more. Here are 25 deep questions to ask your girlfriend.
Deep Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend
- What is one thing that I do that makes you happy?
- What is your biggest fear?
- What is one thing that you would like to change about our relationship - and why?
- How did you know that you wanted to be with me?
- Do you believe in marriage? Why or why not?
- Do you want to have kids? Why or why not? How many?
- How do you want our relationship to be different than your parents' relationship? How do you want it to be similar?
- What is the biggest lesson you have learned from a past relationship?
- What is something that you've never told anyone?
- If you had things your way, how often would we be physically intimate?
- What's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you?
- What is the best gift you've ever received?
- What were your first impressions of me when we initially met?
- What do you want your retirement years to look like?
- If you could go back and change one thing in your life, what would it be?
- What is your biggest regret?
- Tell me about your high school experience. Were you popular? A nerd? Did you have friends, or were you lonely?
- If you are having a hard day, how will you let me know, and how would you like me to respond?
- When was a time that you felt lonely? What was that like for you?
- What are some expectations you have of marriage?
- What is your most embarrassing memory?
- Tell me about a time when you were severely disappointed. What happened? How did you recover from that?
- What is one thing that you would change about me if you could - and why?
- How did you know that you wanted to do _________ for a career?
How to Respond
Remember that as you ask questions, it is important that you also open up and share information about yourself. These questions are not meant to be asked as though you are interviewing or interrogating her. Instead, you want to have discussions around the questions that you are asking and the answers that you both are giving.
It's also crucial that you stay calm. Some of these questions may bring up answers that you don't want to hear, and that you may disagree with. Remember that even the strongest relationship can exist between two people with vastly different opinions and worldviews. However, if she says something that you don't agree with and you overreact, you might unintentionally show her a side of you that she's not going to like.
Never react in a judgmental way to a response. Always be kind and empathetic. Deal with disagreements in a healthy way using "I" statements and a calm tone of voice.
Look for opportunities where you can ask further questions to deepen the conversation. Some of these questions will bring up follow up questions that you have naturally. If you are having trouble thinking up what to follow up with, consider asking why she feels that way. Remember, this is your chance to get to know your girlfriend more. Make sure you understand what she's saying, why she feels that way, and how her answer helps make her who she is.
Make sure that you never push her into sharing information. Some life experiences are very painful, and she might not be ready to open about them. For example, if her parents had an abusive relationship before her dad left, she might not want to open up to you about the details until she feels more comfortable with your relationship. If you attempt to push her into sharing information, you are more likely to make her uncomfortable, which can make her shut down even further.
Other Ways to Strengthen Your Relationship
Asking questions is the best way to get to know each other. However, there are other little things you can do to strengthen your relationship and the connection you have with your girlfriend.
- Spend Quality Time Together. When you are spending time together, be fully tuned in to each other. Actively listen to what she has to say, put your phone away, and focus on building and strengthening the connection you have with her.
- Leave Love Notes For Her. Write her small notes about how much you care about her, what you love about her, and so on. Not only is it a great way to express yourself, but they are something she will cherish.
- Show Her You Appreciate Her. Doing little things she loves and telling her outrightly that you appreciate her can go a long way in strengthening your relationship. It will make her feel noticed and loved and help strengthen the connection between the two of you.
Part of the process of dating is learning more about each other. Even if your relationship is going well, talking to a counselor can help you both develop the tools needed to communicate well to overcome any issues that crop up during your relationship. Online counseling is both convenient and comfortable for both of you as you can get counseling on your own schedule via messaging, chat, phone, or video. BetterHelp counselors are licensed and certified to help you develop a truly remarkable relationship. Research shows that online therapy is a powerful tool in strengthening couples.
You may read the full study here: Marriage: A Randomized Controlled Trial of the Web-Based OurRelationship Program: Effects on Relationship and Individual Functioning.
BetterHelp counselors have helped thousands of others to improve their relationships. They also have a specialized couples therapy service, ReGain.Us. You don't have to wait until you have a significant issue to get help from a counselor. Below are some reviews of BetterHelp counselors, from people experiencing similar issues.
"Mark has been extremely attentive to everything that I disclose. He's not only provided me support but insight and encouragement to let me know I'm on a good path to self improvement and discovery. Furthermore, Mark has provided me valuable insight on my romantic relationship, specifically with learning more about the relationship dynamics and how to build a stronger, healthier relationship."
"Rachel is awesome! Gently encouraging and very responsive. I prefer to communicate via messages, and I love that that is an option. I feel that she totally understands me and is never judgemental. The stress from work impacts my partner less since I've been talking to Rachel - I am managing my stress and insecurity better."
Strengthening Your Relationship
Asking questions is a great way to get to know your girlfriend and strengthen your relationship. A fulfilling and lasting relationship is possible - all you need are the right tools. Take the first step today.
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