What Does It Mean, “If You Love Something, Let It Go”?
One of the last things you want to hear when you are in a relationship (that you think is the one for you) are the words "If you love something, let it go".
The very idea of letting go of something you hold so dear may seem incomprehensible, maybe even a little insane, but the alternative can be that you will lose that person forever.
Am I too Clingy?
When we first fall in love, our whole world centers on our relationship. Once the flames have cooled down, however, most people return to their primary personal goals - finishing an education, building a career or perfecting their skill sets. You may have a codependent relationship if you are unable to find satisfaction in life outside your romance. You recognize unhealthy behavior in your partner but choose to stay and you give your partner support at the cost of your own mental, emotional and physical well-being.
While some people thrive on codependent relationships, they can be an unhealthy breeding ground for conflict. Codependents will often try to control the relationship, usually by manifesting acute anxieties, jealousies and a tendency to be clingy. If the green-eyed monster has been controlling the way you relate to your partner, you may need to step back and give your one true love a little emotional freedom. Although this may prove painful, if you love something, you let it go because relationships are built on equal trust.
Because You Love Yourself
The quality of the love you can give to others reflects in how much you love yourself. A person who has confidence doesn't undermine the confidence of others. A person who takes pride in self takes pride in the accomplishments of others. When you love yourself, you are supportive of your partner, but will not accept self-destructive behaviors because they reflect a poor treatment of the love you have for each other. If you love something, let it go when destructive behaviors have abused your mental well- being and the mental and physical health of your loved one.
Cross Roads of Life
There is really nothing more difficult than letting go of what you love just to see if it comes back to you, but it's a decision we'll be faced with throughout our lives. More often than not, there will be a family member who makes a decision that will separate them either physically or culturally from the rest, but we have to accept the choice.
Children leave home and we accept them back with open arms. We demonstrate our best qualities to love when we do it openly, with respect and support for each other.
Sometimes relationships drift apart simply because we go through changes and the changes set us in separate directions. Sometimes those drifting directions bring us back together. We can't really expect ourselves to be at the helm of anyone's life but our own, so when we love something we let it go to find its own meaning. If it comes back to us, it becomes an essential part of our lives. If it doesn't, it means that when you came to the crossroads, you chose one direction, and the person you love chose another.
For more help with letting someone you love go, please contact us at BetterHelp.com and get personalized advice on how to better cope with these feelings.
What Do You Really Want for Them?
You may feel that you already know that what you want for them is to be happy staying with you. That's probably true, but it may be your inner child that doesn't want to say goodbye. Think as an adult, someone who truly cares about them and wants the best for them. Do you want them to feel like a whole, independent person? Would you rather they stay if it means they'll never reach their full potential? Perhaps you feel that when you let them go, they'll never return. That might or might not be true. Yet, taking that risk may mean that when they do return, they'll appreciate your love even more than they ever have before.
What Do You Want for Yourself?
Examine your motives for wanting them to stay. Are you afraid they'll be hurt out there in the larger world without you? The truth is that people can get hurt whether they are in a relationship or not. You can't protect them from everything. Even trying to do so can create a situation where they resent you and want nothing more than to get away from you. No matter how much they love you, they may feel compelled to stretch their wings. In the meantime, you may have anxiety issues you can work on with a counselor to be ready for their return or for a new love.
Maybe you're afraid of being alone. If so, you probably need to work on your own issues rather than focusing on your relationship with them. Also, the dating scene can be pretty intimidating if you've been in a relationship for a long time. Yet, it may be better for you in the long run to develop your social skills more.
If you're a parent with a child leaving home, you may have spent much of your life taking care of them, worrying about them, building your life around their needs and desires. Parenthood can be a beautiful thing, and it may be hard to let their dependency end. However, as they leave, you have a chance to do the things you never had time to do before. You can spend more time being an adult, free of the responsibilities that come with raising a child.
You may be faced with a situation where your loved one isn't leaving the relationship but wants to go far away for a while to further their education, take care of an aging parent or a sick relative, or pursue greater career opportunities. If you hold them back, they might come to resent you, or even worse, they may give up on ever living the life they want. If they settle for being with you when their heart wants to follow their dreams, either you or they or both of you will suffer along until they feel they're too old to live up to their potential or the two of you fall out of love completely.
Letting Go with Love
If you're angry with them for moving on with their life, you might want to lash out at your loved one. You might want to make them feel bad about themselves for putting you in this position. You may indeed want them to suffer - at least a part of you might want that. Dealing with those feelings is your first priority, not only for their sake but for yours as well. Talking to a counselor can help you get your feelings out without burdening your loved one with your emotional outbursts. Certainly, you can tell them how you feel in words, but you need to be careful about displaying intensely negative emotions towards them. When all is said and done, you'll regret having hurt them if you truly do love them.
Instead, think of what you want for them as they move away from you. Do you want them to remember your relationship as a happy time in their life - so much so that they would consider coming back some day? If so, treat them with kindness and respect. Let them know you want the best for them and you're excited to see what wonderful things they can do. Congratulate them on their promotion or getting into the college of their choice. Make the departure one of such love and so many good wishes that they can leave with a strong feeling that life is good and is about to get even better.
Is It Okay to Stay in Touch?
Whether you maintain contact is really up to the two of you, but you should both agree to stay in touch. If they want to be completely independent and not hear from you right now, the best thing you can do for them is to respect their wishes. If they don't want visits or phone calls, they may feel okay about receiving a letter or email from you that they have the option to respond to or not when it comes. Don't tell them what the two of you should do. Instead, give them a chance to state their wishes before you make any suggestions.