“If You Love Something, Let It Go”

Medically reviewed by Paige Henry, LMSW, J.D. and Corey Pitts, MA, LCMHC, LCAS, CCS

Updated April 24th, 2025 by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Have you ever heard the saying, "If you love something, let it go"? This phrase can be interpreted in many ways. At first glance, it may seem like an oxymoron. However, when we truly love something, we generally want it to thrive and grow. By letting go, we may be giving it the space to do just that. This concept can apply to relationships of all kinds, not just romantic ones. You may find it helpful to develop self-awareness and self-compassion, put healthy boundaries in place, and set reasonable expectations as you let go of the things you love and release codependency. For further guidance, consider scheduling an online or in-person therapy session with a licensed mental health professional.

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Is letting go the key to happiness and inner peace?

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Letting go of a relationship

When you let go of a friendship or professional connection, you're generally allowing them to find different paths in life and make their own choices. You may be creating a situation where both parties can continue to grow, learn, and move forward without feeling restricted by the relationship.

The same can go for material objects. If we cling too tightly to our possessions, we may never be able to experience the joy of giving or receiving something new. Conversely, releasing our attachment to material items can allow us to open the door to a wealth of possibilities and explore the world in different ways.

“If you love something, let it go.”

Perhaps most importantly, "If you love something, let it go," can apply to us, ourselves. We can create space for self-acceptance, personal growth, and inner peace by releasing our need for control and perfection.

The key to unlocking the true meaning of this quote may lie in understanding that letting go doesn't necessarily mean giving up. Rather, it can be about creating a balance between maintaining an emotional connection with something and allowing it the freedom to be independent. When we recognize this delicate equilibrium and practice it in our everyday lives, we can find joy and contentment in the process.

Historical background and origin of the quote

While the exact origin of the quote,"If you love something, set it free", may be uncertain, the sentiment generally has a long history in various philosophical and religious contexts.

For example, Buddhism often emphasizes the importance of being in harmony with the natural flow of life. As a result, Buddhists frequently practice "non-attachment," or letting go of the need to control and possess things.

The same may go for Christianity, in which the concept of surrendering all earthly desires can be seen as a sign of true spirituality.

At its core, the quote, "If you love something, let it go," can be an invitation to view life with a sense of presence, gratitude, and acceptance. By understanding the meaning behind this phrase, we can open ourselves up to the possibilities that await us in each moment, no matter how challenging or uncertain our current circumstances may be.

In general, this saying has become an important part of many different cultures and beliefs. For some, it can be a reminder to practice selflessness in relationships. For others, it may encourage them to be more mindful of their possessions and recognize their impermanence.

Regardless of its cultural significance or personal interpretation, the quote may inspire those who seek peace and contentment in their lives. By understanding the true meaning of these words, we may learn to let go and embrace a life of joy and freedom.

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The concept of attachment and how to let go

To understand the concept of attachment and how it relates to letting go, it can be important to look at the definition and types of attachment. Put simply, attachment can be defined as a close emotional connection between two people. It can be healthy or unhealthy, depending on how it is expressed and experienced by each person in the relationship.

Healthy attachments tend to be based on mutual respect, trust, and understanding. They typically allow both individuals to feel safe in the relationship. On the other hand, unhealthy attachments may create feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and fear.

When it comes to your mental health, attachment can play an important role. Individuals who experience healthy attachments tend to be better equipped to handle stress and difficult emotions. Those with unhealthy attachments may be more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and other mental health challenges.

By understanding the concept of attachment and its importance in our lives, we can learn to practice "loving-kindness" in our relationships. This process normally involves letting go of unnecessary control or perfectionism and embracing a balance between emotional connection and independence.

The connection between love and letting go

Love and letting go may seem like two opposite concepts, but they can work together to create a more harmonious and fulfilling life. When we understand the distinction between love and possession, practicing selfless behavior and letting go of our need for control often becomes easier.

Love means affection for another person

Love is generally about giving, understanding, and respecting another person's needs.It is about showing affection by nurturing their well-being and supporting their personal growth. Possession, on the other hand, is usually about controlling and demanding. When you understand the difference between these two concepts, it can be easier to practice selfless behavior and recognize when it may be necessary to let go.

Letting go means you cherish someone

Letting go doesn't always mean the end of a relationship or the abandonment of something you care about. Rather, it can be an act of love. By releasing control and allowing someone else freedom in their life, you can create a healthier relationship based on respect and understanding. It is possible that after you let go of someone, you still cherish that person for life.

Release is mentally healthy

Additionally, letting go can have many positive implications for your mental health. Letting go of our need for control in relationships may help us maintain a healthy balance between emotional connection and independence. This balance can reduce codependency and unhealthy attachment, which can lead to decreased stress and anxiety.

Releasing codependency

Codependency can be defined as the reliance on another person for validation and personal identity. It can often lead to feelings of low self-worth and depression, as well as difficulty forming boundaries in relationships. By understanding the signs and symptoms of codependency, we can learn to recognize when to take a step back from our attachments and practice healthy self-care.

Signs of codependency

To determine whether a relationship is codependent, it can be important to look for signs, such as the following:

Excessive neediness: Some codependent relationships involve an excessive need for attention or approval from the other person.
Unbalanced roles: In a codependent relationship, one person often takes on more responsibility than the other.
Boundary issues: Codependency can lead to difficulties in setting and maintaining boundaries.
Lack of independence: Codependent relationships can make it difficult for one partner to have an independent sense of self.
Feelings of guilt or shame: Codependent relationships can lead to guilt or shame when one partner makes independent decisions.

Whether in a romantic relationship, family dynamic, or friendship, understanding the connections between love and letting go can help you create healthy attachments and foster better mental health.

Practical tips for setting someone free

Now that we understand the importance of letting go and the validity of the quote "If you love something, let it go", here are some practical tips to help you do so:

Recognize the need to set someone free

It can be difficult to recognize when a relationship becomes codependent. To ensure your mental health and maintain healthy relationships, it can be important to take some time to reflect on how your interactions may be affecting your well-being.

Develop self-awareness and self-compassion

Once you recognize the need for change, it can be crucial to practice self-compassion and be mindful of how your behavior may impact others. This process often requires honest reflection and empathy toward yourself and others.

Establish boundaries

To create healthy relationships, it is vital to be aware of your boundaries and respect the boundaries of others. However, when these boundaries are crossed, the relationship becomes toxic, signaling you that it may be time to release each other.

Set expectations for yourself and let go

Before making big decisions, consider whether you are setting reasonable expectations for yourself and others. If necessary, consult a trusted friend or family for advice.

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Is letting go the key to happiness and inner peace?

Talk about it with an online therapist

Benefits of online therapy

If you have difficulty letting go of relationships, exploring your thoughts and feelings with an online therapist may be helpful. You may easily match with a licensed mental health professional who has experience helping others with similar challenges. Plus, talking about vulnerable topics like codependency is often more comfortable when you’re in a familiar setting, such as your home, rather than a therapist’s office.

Although more research may be needed regarding the effectiveness of online therapy for codependency and letting go, a growing body of evidence supports the idea that online and in-person therapy tend to be similarly effective. Either option can be a valid choice for those interested in seeking professional treatment.

Takeaway

Letting go may be a universal experience, but it can also be a unique journey. Although the process of letting go can be emotionally challenging, it may also open up new possibilities, lead to a deeper understanding of yourself, and contribute to healthier relationships in the long term. When you take time for yourself, practice self-love and patience, and remember that letting go can be necessary to create healthy attachments, you may find the balance and peace of mind you seek. A licensed therapist, whether in person or online, can help you learn to manage codependency and establish healthier boundaries in your relationships.

Frequently asked questions

Read more below for answers to questions commonly asked about this topic.

“If you love something, let it go.” Is this quote true?

The quote, "If you love something, let it go", highlights that love isn’t about possession but trust, faith, and acting in the best interests of both individuals in a relationship.

In many romantic situations, it can be true that holding on too tightly might suffocate the relationship. Making the effort to loosen the grip on the partnership allows both individuals to grow independently and, if the love is genuine, come back to the relationship stronger. The so-called truth of the saying may also apply to giving freedom to let go of other things you love, such as material possessions. The sentiment can relate to different philosophical and religious traditions. For example, Buddhists refer to "non-attachment" as a way to release the grip on things, people, and notions as a way to foster acceptance of one's changing reality. Learning to let go of fixed thoughts related to one's self-concept can also be an extension of non-attachment. Non-attachment also encourages viewing life with gratitude and a sense of presence. This philosophy can be incredibly difficult to practice, but it can lead a person to realize what true love means beyond immediate attachment.

Can an online therapist tell you when a relationship is over?

While an online therapist may help you notice signs that might indicate that a relationship is not in your best interests or is nearing its end, they won’t give you a direct answer as to whether the relationship is over. Instead, they can guide you to reflect on your romantic situation and decide what makes sense for your future. They can also offer perspectives on outside circumstances that might be influencing your decision, such as memories of past traumas or unhealthy patterns.

Who originally wrote, “If you love something, set it free,” and how does this quote relate to attachment styles?

The full quote, “If you love something, set it free. If it returns, it’s yours. If not, it was never meant to be,” is often attributed to Richard Bach, although this attribution is disputed.

This quote relates to attachment styles by underlining the idea that secure attachment can involve letting someone go, trusting that what’s meant to be will stand the test of time. Those with an anxious attachment style may find it very difficult to practice this philosophy because they consistently fear losing the same person. Those with avoidant attachment might find it easier to let go but have trouble opening up if the girl or guy does return.

Does true love or affection ever go away?

When you find love, it may seem like it will last forever, and the pain of letting go can make you feel like it’s completely gone. Love may change or evolve—and even fade—over time, but it often never disappears. Past experiences with friends or a significant partner might show that affection endures even after relationships end. In other words, your love for a past boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner may leave an imprint that shapes how you find love with a new guy, girl, or partner in the future.

Can a man love and cherish you and still let you go?

Yes, it’s possible for a person to care deeply for you and still choose to let you go, especially if they believe that breaking off the partnership is in the best interests of both. They might hope that, in the future, you’ll realize that the separation was necessary for personal growth, or they might be dealing with circumstances outside of the relationship that make a breakup the healthiest option. Choosing that, despite the difficulty of the decision, can be a sign of deep respect for the other side, even if hurt feelings are part of the process of letting go. It takes faith and love to wait and see what unfolds without forcing the relationship.

At what point do you let go of someone you love?

It can be difficult to determine if you should follow the message of "If you love something, let it go". While it may not be an easy decision, it may be time to let go when staying causes more pain than joy or when you notice that neither partner is growing in the relationship any longer. If the relationship isn’t healthy or the connection broke at some point, you might notice that holding on feels like a fight against the natural course of things, which can be exhausting and counterproductive.

How do you let him go when you still love him?

Letting go of someone you still love is very difficult, and it’s hard to think straight when your emotions are tangled and confused, but it may help to remind yourself that you’re doing it for both your peace and your highest good. This involves accepting the past and holding space to build a future that could involve meeting someone new who better aligns with your personal growth and well-being. After making the decision to move on, it’s important to stand firm in your decision, even if it means returning to an empty house at night. Focus instead on yourself and find comfort and support in friends and other loved ones, hobbies, or new experiences that help you find your individuality outside of your romantic situation.

Can you talk about why letting go is so powerful with a mental health professional in online therapy?

Absolutely, you can. Discussing this topic with a professional can help you to fully grasp why letting go is a transformative decision that shapes your sense of self-worth. Therapy can also provide the tools to stand strong when you’re tempted to question your choice or fill the void in unhealthy ways. Therapy, whether in person or online, can help you realize that it’s not a mistake to prioritize your well-being and personal growth.

Is it true that if you love something, let it go?

It’s true in the sense that letting go can reveal whether the love was based on possessiveness and fear or trust and a desire to see your partner thrive. It makes sense when you realize that love isn’t just about being together—it’s also about allowing space for growth.

Why should you let something go if you love it?

Letting go of someone can be a profound act of selfless love. It shows that you’re willing to prioritize someone’s happiness and well-being, even if it means stepping back. Letting go isn’t giving up; it’s trusting that if it’s supposed to be, the person will come back or remain connected to you in a meaningful way, even if you choose to follow different paths.

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