The last thing you want to hear in a relationship is to forget the one you adore. Maybe you want to stay with this person forever. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to move on, no matter how painful it may be. You may have heard, "if you love something let it go". The idea of letting go of a loved one may seem incomprehensible, maybe even impossible, but it's better than losing that love completely.
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When facing a breakup, you'll have a choice: is it best to force them to stay in your life when they don't want to? Or is it best to move on?
Is The Saying "If You Love Something Let It Go" True?
Throughout our lives, we encounter new partners we love. According to a recent study, men will have an average of six love relationships in their lifetime, while women will average five. Despite this, your current relationship can sometimes feel like your last. When you give them the opportunity to
come back or not
, it can feel scary. As humans, we seek companionship, love, and security. Letting go of someone you love can make you feel you're losing these things. So, should you follow the advice-"if you love something let it go"?
Am I Too Clingy?
When we first fall in love, our entire world revolves around it. Once the flames have died down, however, most people return to their primary personal goals-finishing an education, doing things they love, building a career, or perfecting their skills. You may have a
codependent relationship if you're unable to find satisfaction in life outside your love. Even if you're capable of recognizing unhealthy behavior in your partner, you may choose to stay and give them your support at the cost of your own mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing.
A person who has self-confidence doesn't undermine the confidence of others. A person who takes pride in the self can take pride in others. When you love yourself, love and support your partner, but will not accept self-destructive behaviors . Maladaptive behaviors are an indication that the love had for each other isn't healthy. It's important to let it go when destructive behaviors have damaged your mental wellbeing as well as the mental and physical health of your loved one.
The Crossroads of Life
It can be extremely difficult letting go of love just to see if it comes back, but it's a decision you'll be faced with throughout your life. Life is full of loss, and breakups are a part of that. People either stay together or they grow apart. There are also times that a family member makes a decision that will separate them either physically or culturally from the rest of the family. Sometimes we have no choice but to accept these circumstances.
Source: unsplash.com Children will eventually leave home for college, boarding school, or camp, yet we love and accept them back with open arms. We demonstrate our best affection and love when we do it openly, with respect and support for each other. If you love something let it go might be useful advice in these situations. Sometimes relationships drift apart simply because we go through changes. These changes can often end up sending us in different directions throughout life. If it comes back to us, it's an essential part of our lives and destined to be so. If it doesn't, it simply means that when you approached your crossroads, you chose one direction, and the person you love chose another.
What's Best For Them?
You may believe that staying with you is your partner's best path for their happiness and wellbeing. This may or may not be true, but it could also be your inner child who doesn't want to say goodbye. There could be triggers from your
past that are making you hang on to this relationship, when in reality, it may just be your own inner conflict. In an adult relationship, your top priority should always be what really is best for your partner. It's good to ask yourself if "it you love something let it go" serves you, the other person, or both.
What's Best Personally?
Examine your motives for wanting them to stay. Are you worried they'll be hurt out there in the larger world without you? People can get hurt whether they're in a relationship or not. You can't protect or shelter them from all harm. Trying to do so can create a situation where they resent you and want nothing more than to get away from you. You don't want to sabotage what might be your only chance at making this relationship work. No matter how much they love you, they may feel compelled to stretch their wings. In the meantime, you may be dealing with anxiety issues. You can discuss these issues with one of BetterHelp's online counselors to help you progress forward and prepare yourself for finding love with someone else.
Source: pexels.com Fear Of Being Alone
Maybe you're afraid of being alone. If so, you need to work on
your own emotional issues rather than focusing on your love with another person. Staying in a relationship because you don't want to be by yourself is unhealthy. It's better to be alone. Also, the dating scene can be pretty intimidating if you've been in a relationship for a long time. It's better for you, in the long run, to further develop your social skills. Parent-Child Relationships
If You Love Something, Let It Go
If you're a parent with a child leaving home, you've probably spent most of your life taking care of them, worrying about them, and building your life around their needs and desires. Parenthood is a beautiful thing, and it may be hard to let their dependency end. However, as they leave, take a chance to do the things that weren't available. Spend more time being an adult, free of the responsibilities that come with raising a child. If your partner isn't leaving the relationship but wants to go far away for a while to further their education, take care of family, or even pursue greater career opportunities. If you hold them back, they might come to resent you, or even worse, give up on ever living the life they want. If they settle when their heart wants to follow their dreams, both partners will suffer until they feel they're too old to live up to their potential. If this becomes mentally unbearable, falling out of the relationship completely is likely. In these situations, "if you love something let it go" is probably sage advice. How To Follow Through And Let Go Of Love
If you're angry or resentful toward them for moving on with their life, the need to lash out at your partner may arise. You may want to make them feel bad about themselves for putting you in this position. A part of you might even want them to suffer. This seems counterintuitive, but it's a normal human reaction to feeling rejected or abandoned.
Dealing with those feelings is your first priority, not only for their sake but for yours. Talking to a counselor can help you express your feelings with love without burdening your partner with emotional outbursts. Certainly, you can tell them how you feel in words, but you need to be careful about displaying intensely negative emotions toward them. When all is said and done, you'll regret having hurt them. Instead, think of what is good for them as they move away. Will they remember your relationship as a happy time in their life-so much so that they would consider coming back someday? If so, treat them with kindness and respect. Tell them how excited you are to see what wonderful things they can do in their life without you. Though this may sound painful, it will ultimately foster their independence and potentially lead them back to you. Congratulate them on their promotion or getting into the college of their choice. Make the separation process one of love and good wishes so they'll leave with a strong feeling that life is good and is about to get better. If You Love Something, Let It Go - But Is It Okay to Stay in Touch?
Maintaining contact is up to the couple. Many people who choose to take some time apart try the "no contact" rule. It gives both people time and space to heal and work on themselves. However, limited contact is ok if it was agreed on. If they want to be completely independent at first, the best thing to do for them is to respect their wishes.
If they don't want visits or phone calls, they may feel okay about receiving a letter or email to which they have the option to respond to it or not. Don't tell them what the two of you should do. Instead, give them a chance to state their wishes before you make any suggestions. Whatever happens in your relationship, whether you reconnect or not, it is best to focus on the overall wellbeing of both you and your partner. Alternative Solutions
Seeing New People. Though you may not be out looking for love immediately after ending a long-term relationship, going out and seeing new people is a healthy first step to moving on. A clean slate and can help to take your mind off it. And, who knows? You may even end up finding someone you care about just as much, if not more.
Source: pexels.com Exercise. After a rough breakup, one may experience depression or a sense of feeling lost. Exercising can help to stimulate the mind and increase endorphins that counteract the sadness. It is also a great way to focus on both physical and mental health. Write Your Thoughts. If one overthinks in frustration, they may end up acting out or saying things they regret. Try writing down thoughts and words on a piece of scratch paper. This way, one can still express it without the consequence of harming themself or others. BetterHelp Is Here To Support
A relationship with BetterHelp lasts. That's why we offer private online counseling for those who need support. For more help with moving on from a loved one, contact BetterHelp and get personalized advice on how to better cope with these feelings. An
online therapist can help work through those feelings of wanting to hang on to a partner who might need some space. Read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors, from clients experiencing similar issues. Therapist Reviews
"I could not have had the confidence, groundedness or ability to let go on a weekly basis if it were not for Ann-Marie. She is exceptional at being there to listen and give advice and I am honored to be her patient."
"Sharon Valentino has helped me through so much! Since we started working together, just a few months ago, I already feel like I have more power and control over my life. I have moved away from abusive relationships and really gaining skills and tools I need to keep myself safe and happy. She has taught me that I have the power to control my thoughts, my anxiety, and most of all my company. I really like how direct she is, it helps me get grounded and connect to myself. I can't wait to see where I am after working with her a year!!!"
Falling in love is an indescribable feeling, which is why it hurts so much when we have to say goodbye. Love is not selfish, jealous, or controlling. Love is kind, tolerant, and accepting. If one truly cares for someone with all their heart and want to see both flourish, the best thing to do is move on. When both have the time and space to grow as individual people, it's possible to reunite in healthy ways, or its possible to re-discover how to love onerself first. Either way, BetterHelp is there to support. Take the first step to more fulfilling relationships today.