What Does “If You Love Something, Let It Go” Actually Mean? Will It Ever Come Back?

Updated May 1, 2023by BetterHelp Editorial Team

"Have you ever heard the saying, "If you love something, let it go"? It's a phrase that can be interpreted in many different ways, and its true meaning has been lost over time. But understanding this quote is important to living a life of peace and contentment.

At first glance, it may seem like an oxymoron — how can loving something mean letting it go? While it may feel counterintuitive, powerful lessons can be learned from this age-old wisdom. To unlock its full potential, we must look beyond the surface-level interpretation of these words and explore their deeper significance.

When we truly love something, we want it to thrive and grow. By letting go, we are giving it the space to do just that. This concept applies to relationships of all kinds — not just romantic ones.

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When you let go of a friendship or professional connection, for example, you're allowing them to find different paths in life and make their own choices. You're creating a situation where both parties can continue to grow, learn, and move forward without feeling restricted by the relationship.

The same goes for material objects. If we cling too tightly to our possessions, we'll never be able to experience the joy of giving or receiving something new. Conversely, releasing our attachment to material items allows us to open the door to a wealth of possibilities and explore the world in different ways.

But perhaps most importantly, "If you love something, let it go" also applies to us. We can create space for self-acceptance, personal growth, and inner peace by releasing our need for control and perfection.

The key to unlocking the true meaning of this quote lies in understanding that letting go doesn't mean giving up. Rather, it's about creating a balance between maintaining an emotional connection with something and allowing it the freedom to be independent. When we recognize this delicate equilibrium and practice it in our everyday lives, we can find joy and contentment in the process.

Historical Background And Origin Of The Quote

While the exact origin of this quote is uncertain, the sentiment has a long history in various philosophical and religious contexts.

For example, Buddhism emphasizes the importance of being in harmony with the natural flow of life. As a result, Buddhists practice "non-attachment" — or letting go of our need to control and possess things.

The same goes for Christianity, where the concept of surrendering all earthly desires is seen as a sign of true spirituality. The Bible even states, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me" (Matthew 16:24).

At its core, the quote "If you love something, let it go" is an invitation to view life with a sense of presence, gratitude, and acceptance. By understanding the meaning behind this phrase, we can open ourselves up to the possibilities that await us in each moment — no matter how challenging or uncertain our current circumstances may be.

The saying has become an important part of many different cultures and beliefs. For some, it is a reminder to practice selflessness in our relationships. For others, it encourages us to be more mindful of our possessions and recognize their impermanence.

Regardless of its cultural significance or personal interpretation, the quote inspires those who seek peace and contentment in their lives. By understanding the true meaning of these words, we can learn to let go and embrace a life of joy and freedom.

To understand the concept of attachment and how it relates to letting go, it's important to look at the definition and types of attachment. Put simply, attachment is a close emotional connection between two people. It can be either healthy or unhealthy depending on how it is expressed and experienced by each person in the relationship.

Healthy attachments are based on mutual respect, trust, and understanding. They allow both individuals to feel safe and secure in their relationship. On the other hand, psychological studies show that unhealthy attachments may create feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and fear.

When it comes to your mental health, attachment can play an important role. Individuals who experience healthy attachments are better equipped to handle stress and difficult emotions. Those with unhealthy attachments may be more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and other mental health challenges.

By understanding the concept of attachment and its importance in our lives, we can learn to practice "loving-kindness" in our relationships. This process means letting go of unnecessary control or perfectionism and embracing a balance between emotional connection and independence.

The Connection Between Love And Letting Go

Love and letting go may seem like two opposite concepts, but they can work together to create a more harmonious and fulfilling life. When we understand the distinction between love and possession, practicing selfless behavior and letting go of our need for control becomes easier.

Love is about sharing, understanding, and respecting another person's needs. Possession, on the other hand, is about controlling and demanding. When you understand the difference between these two concepts, it's easier to practice selfless behavior and recognize when it is necessary to let go.

Letting go doesn't mean the end of a relationship or the abandonment of something you care about — rather, it can be an act of love. By releasing control and allowing someone else freedom in their life, you can create a healthier relationship based on respect and understanding.

Additionally, letting go can have many positive implications for your mental health. Letting go of our need for control in relationships helps us maintain a healthy balance between emotional connection and independence. This balance can help reduce codependency and unhealthy attachment, which can lead to decreased stress and anxiety.

Codependency is the reliance on another person for validation and personal identity. It can often lead to feelings of low self-worth and depression, and difficulty forming boundaries in relationships. By understanding the signs and symptoms of codependency, we can learn to recognize when to take a step back from our attachments and practice healthy self-care.

To determine whether or not a relationship is codependent, it's important to look for signs such as:

Excessive neediness: Some codependent relationships involve an excessive need for attention or approval from the other person.
Unbalanced roles: In a codependent relationship, one person often takes on more responsibility than the other.
Boundary issues: Codependency can lead to difficulties in setting and maintaining boundaries.
Lack of independence: Codependent relationships can make it difficult for one partner to have an independent sense of self.
Feelings of guilt or shame: Codependent relationships can lead to guilt or shame when one partner makes independent decisions.
Whether in a romantic relationship, family dynamic, or friendship, understanding the connections between love and letting go can help you create healthy attachments and foster better mental health.

4 Practical Tips For Letting Go

Now that we understand the importance of letting go, here are some practical tips to help you do so:

Recognizing the need for change: It can be difficult to recognize when a relationship becomes codependent. To ensure your mental health and maintain healthy relationships, it's important to take some time to reflect on how your interactions are affecting your well-being.
Developing self-awareness and self-compassion: Once you recognize the need for change, it's important to practice self-compassion and be mindful of how your behavior impacts others. This process requires honest reflection and empathy towards yourself and others.
Establishing healthy boundaries in relationships: To create healthy relationships, it's important to be aware of your boundaries and respect the boundaries of others.
Setting expectations for yourself: Before making big decisions, it's important to consider if you are setting reasonable expectations for yourself and others. If necessary, consult a trusted friend or family relative for advice.

Letting go is not always easy, but it can be vital to creating healthy relationships and maintaining your mental health. By understanding the connections between codependency and letting go, you'll gain insight into the importance of self-care and how to develop healthier attachments.

If you have difficulty letting go of relationships, exploring your thoughts and feelings with an online therapist may be helpful. An experienced therapist can provide the support and guidance you need through this process. With their help, you'll gain a better understanding of yourself, your relationships, and all the necessary steps for developing healthier attachments.

A 2020 psychiatric study illustrates how cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can effectively reduce unhealthy attachments and promote acceptance. CBT is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on helping individuals recognize negative thought patterns, learn to manage emotions, and challenge unhelpful behaviors. Through this approach, it encourages individuals to accept their current situations while also understanding how they can make positive changes.

Takeaway

Letting go may be a universal experience, but it is a unique journey. Although the process of letting go can be emotionally exhausting, it can also open up new possibilities and lead to a deeper understanding of yourself and healthier relationships in the long term.

It's important to remember that you don't have to do this alone. There are resources available to provide support and guidance through this journey. With the help of an experienced online therapist, you can learn how to manage codependency and establish healthier boundaries in your relationships.

When you take time for yourself, practice self-love and patience, and remember that letting go is necessary to create healthy attachments, you can find the balance and peace of mind you seek.

Commonly Asked Questions:

Who originally said if you love something let it go?

The statement “if you love something let it go” may seem to be a relatively old saying, and there are many variations of the quote. This quote is said to link back to Jess Lair. Jess Lair is the author of the book titled “I Ain’t Much Baby - But I’m All I’ve Got,” which is where this quote likely first appeared.

How do you know when it’s time to let go of someone you love?

It can be tough to let go of a person you love. Maybe, you felt like you’d be together forever, or maybe, your feelings for them are so deep that you feel as though you won’t be able to move on from the person. However, it’s possible. You may know that you need to let go of a person you love when you have differences so major that compromise isn’t possible or desired. For example, one person might have goals that don’t align with the other. It could also be that the person wasn’t a good fit for you; maybe, the relationship was even a toxic one that caused emotional pain. All of these are examples of times when you may love a person but know that you can’t maintain a relationship.

Does true love return after breakup?

It is possible for couples to rekindle post-breakup, and the reason could very well be that the couple feels as though what they have is true love. If you feel that someone is your true love and want to try again after a breakup, talking about what led to the end of the partnership before, and talking about how to mitigate similar concerns in the future, can help. You can talk about this together on your own, or you might find that talking about it with a professional is ideal. It’s actually relatively common for previous relationships to re-emerge or develop again. That said, the truth is that we can’t necessarily predict the future, especially when another person is involved. If signs don’t point to you and your true love getting back together or having a relationship in the future, it can be helpful to focus on moving forward from the relationship. It’s not to say that something absolutely won’t happen in the future with this person, but the truth is that you can only act based on the information you currently have. If you want to move forward from true love and wonder, “How do I stop loving this person?” understand that this is possible and that you can move forward from the person and relationship. Even if you felt like you were destined to be together forever and can’t imagine a life where you feel fully free from this love. There may be another true love for you out there, and perhaps even a better-suited relationship out there. Be patient with yourself, be patient with the process of healing from the relationship, and don’t hesitate to seek out support from friends, a professional, or someone else.

How do you leave someone you love but can’t be with?

While it may seem like an interesting description, it’s very possible to love someone and understand that you can’t be with them. This alone is something to give yourself credit for; even if you have mutual love, ending the relationship could be in your best interest, or you might both want totally different, potentially incompatible things in life. For example, even if true love or mutual love is present, you might want other things in the sense that they want kids but you don’t. Romantic love isn’t always enough for compatibility in relationships. Once you grasp that despite romantic love, you can’t be with someone - regardless of the reason - and break it off, allow yourself to feel the full spectrum of emotions that arise. Spend time thinking about what you want in the future in your relationships, as well as other parts of life, and work toward a place where you can accept the end of this partnership. If you need support during the process, getting informed professional advice and care from a therapist or counselor can be beneficial. While it may be tough to talk about, talking about what you’re going through can be advantageous and may help you gain clarity. It’s okay to feel down even if you know you’re doing the right thing. Many people also find it helpful to spend time with friends and other loved ones during this time. Spending time with friends or another loved one can be a health-promoting activity, as social support via good friends and other means (IE, support groups) may promote both mental health and physical health. It may also help to focus on other things or other parts of life. For example, self development, self love, career development, and hobbies. There can be freedom that comes with the process of healing from a relationship or relationships. This can actually go for a relationship or relationships of any kind - not just romantic relationships or relationships with a romantic partner. After all, the end of the relationship is a major change in life, no matter what the specific details of your bond with this person were. Sometimes, the end of a relationship gives you freedom in the context that you have more time. It might also mean that you have the freedom to make choices that you may not have made when you were with your former partner. For example, you might find that you feel free to move to a different location. Before, the needs of the other person may have influenced your choices, but now, you’re free to make changes to your life that you, as a unique person and individual, want. Even if you don’t feel free right now, and even if you can’t find a silver lining quite yet, that doesn’t necessarily mean that these feelings will last forever. You might decide, too, to take a rest or break from entering other relationships while you heal. This doesn’t have to last forever, but it may be beneficial for some to take some time before they work to develop a new bond.

How do you accept a relationship is over?

The five stages of grief include but aren’t limited to stages of denial and bargaining. During the bargaining stage, you might think about what you could (or could have) done to salvage a relationship, and during the denial stage, you might be in denial that it’s over. Sometimes, it takes longer than others to fully accept or grasp that a relationship is over. Working on acceptance can help, as can time away from the other person. You may enter a “self seeking” or “self-searching” time while you discover who you are outside of the relationship. It’s common to face mental health challenges during this time. Common mental health challenges could include feelings of sadness, confusion, or even anger. You may be easily angered, for example, thinking about the end of the relationship, or you might feel as though you lack proper motivation for life tasks due to feeling down. You may also fear that you won’t find true love or another person who makes you feel this way in a future relationship. This makes sense. It’s important to validate your feelings and, at the same time, remember that feelings aren’t necessarily facts. You may feel fear about whether or not you’ll find true love or a person who you can be in a healthy, long-term relationship with, but it doesn’t mean you won’t. During this time, avoid taking blame that’s undue, and remember that you can’t force relationships to work single-handedly. The reality is that relationships take dedication from everyone involved - even if you felt strongly that it would last forever.

Getting informed professional advice from a qualified mental health professional can help if this is something that you are grappling with. It’s not always easy to accept that a relationship is over, and a qualified mental health professional can support you through the process, help you find clarity, and get to a better place. They can help you cope or develop skills that help you cope and get to a place where you feel free - not just free from the relationship, but also free from some of the distress you currently feel or experience. In time, it is possible to be free from challenges that relate to accepting that a relationship has come to an end. In therapy, you’re free to talk about any concerns that are on your mind, and it’s an excellent way of putting yourself and your well-being first.

Check out a less previous article to learn more, or join BetterHelp to start getting the help you need.

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