Why Do Women Not Like Me?

Updated December 30, 2022by BetterHelp Editorial Team

For some, it may seem like it’s easy for other people to meet those of the opposite sex. Don't feel defeated if you have struggled with meeting people or have had negative experiences with dating. There are things you can do to improve your chances of meeting someone and starting a relationship.

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What Do You Have To Offer?

When it comes to relationships, what are the qualities you possess that would make you a good partner? It can be helpful to start by deciding what exactly it is you have to offer. 

Everyone has positive traits; some may just be more noticeable or obvious than others. Perhaps your greatest strengths require a closer relationship than what might be noticeable at a glance. So take note of what good things you have to offer. Be honest with yourself, and be exhaustive. 

Are you:

  • Funny, having a great sense of humor

  • Kind

  • Intelligent

  • Considerate of others

  • Wise

  • A great money manager

  • Wonderful listener

  • Artistic

  • A great dancer

  • Love children/children love you

  • Patient

  • Understanding

  • A hard worker

Your Physical Appearance

Your “physical appearance” doesn't necessarily mean your natural features or body type. It can simply mean how you present yourself. Take pride in your appearance, and dress in clothes appropriate for your age and the event. For example, if you are in your 30s, the same style of clothes you wore in your early 20s may no longer be appropriate. Don't try to be someone you are not. When doing so, you may be perceived as phony, untrustworthy, or insecure, none of which tend to be attractive.

This may seem simple, but good hygiene can go a long way. It can be crucial to appear clean and take care of your appearance. Not only is it far more attractive, but it can also provide evidence of your healthy self-respect.

If you have a dental problem, seek help from a dentist, not just for your dating potential but also for your health.

If you think you need to lose weight, get started working on increasing your fitness. Don't let this hold you back in the meantime- don't feel like you can't start dating until you have reached a fitness goal. There is also a close tie between exercise and mental health, so exercise can also help you feel happier and more confident, along with aiding your physical appearance.

You are much more likely to have an attractive level of self-confidence when attending to your physical appearance in healthy ways.

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Your Level Of Confidence

Confidence can perhaps be the most important thing when it comes to attraction. Confidence is contagious. Women and men alike are drawn to confident people. Not arrogant, but confident. If you don't feel good about yourself, people will likely notice that and may be less likely to want to get to know you.

It can be helpful to practice a comfortable and natural smile and be aware of any habits you may have that suggest you don't feel confident, like biting your nails. Good eye contact can also display confidence. Look at a person in their eyes (without staring them down, of course) to show that you are interested in them and confident in yourself.

An appropriate amount of confidence can be vital. Being overly confident, without commensurate competence, can be as much of a turn-off to others as insecurity. Your confidence should arise from genuine awareness of your strengths and abilities.

Your Level Of Competence

To go right along with confidence, the more competent you are, in certain areas, the greater your natural confidence is likely to be. You do not need to be an expert, but hone your competence in at least one or two areas. This can serve the double duty of giving you reasons for appropriate pride and can increase the confidence mentioned above. Pursuing your interests and passions can also help you meet people with common interests to your own.

Your Responsibility And Dependability

No one likely wants to be saddled with an irresponsible or immature partner. If you want people to be attracted to you, get a job, keep it, and do your job well. Do what you say you will do. If you are interested in a meaningful relationship, trust is a necessity. To be trusted, you must be trustworthy. Trust may not be something you can demand. It is earned as a result of consistent, persuasive actions that are trustworthy. This is entirely within your control.

Are You A Gentleman?

Practice going out of your way to hold doors for others, say “excuse me,” and “Yes, sir/ma'am.” Offer to help anyone who appears to require assistance - someone struggling with a heavy load, who seems uncertain or concerned about crossing a busy street, etc. Think of others above yourself. It may sound antiquated, but you might be surprised at how impactful such kind and considerate actions are to many people, and it costs very little of your time, attention, effort, or money.

Are You Overly Negative?

Negativity can be a turn-off. When you start talking with someone, if most of what they say is negative, you might not want to get to know them further.

If you find yourself complaining a lot, one helpful thing to do can be to say something pleasant about where you are or the food you’re eating. A compliment can go a long way, too. It should be specific to the person; otherwise, you risk it sounding like an overused pick-up line. If you notice the other person is wearing a shirt from a band or sports team, that can be a great way to start a positive conversation.

Another aspect of negativity might be in your overall attitude about your ability to attract other people. This can become somewhat of a self-perpetuating cycle. Choose to believe you are capable; there is someone out there for you, and you do have the capacity to attract that person. We often get what we expect.

What If I Need Further Help?

A therapist is an accommodating person to talk to because they can give you unbiased feedback and suggestions. BetterHelp has a team of therapists, so you can speak to a professional and start working on this immediately anywhere you have an internet connection.

Online therapy is effective, according to many published clinical studies. It reduces the symptoms of mental illness, and it does so safely and quickly. Online therapy can be an excellent place to start if you want help improving your confidence and reaching out to other people.


If you feel that one of the opposite sex are not attracted to you, there may be a reason. Try being more considerate and attentive. Even if that does not lead to a relationship, it could lead to you noticing what you need to improve on.

And if that doesn’t help, BetterHelp has online counselors who are ready to listen and help.

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