Why Empathy In A Relationship Is Important And How To Practice It In Yours

If someone has ever recognized when you’re going through a tough time and offered you their support, then you may already be familiar with the power of empathy. Understanding what someone is going through can help you connect with them on a deeper level, even if you’re not the one going through it. This may make it easier to support them, solve problems, and get support in return.

In a relationship, empathy can be a key factor in communication, conflict resolution, and trust. But how can you be more empathetic as a partner? Let’s explore this topic together. 

What is empathy?

The Cambridge Dictionary defines empathy as “the ability to share someone else’s feelings or experiences by imagining what it would be like to be in that person’s situation.” In essence, empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. But there’s more to empathy than just understanding someone else’s feelings. You may be surprised to learn that there are actually multiple types of empathy, including:

• Cognitive empathy: Cognitive empathy is often associated with emotional intelligence: the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions. Cognitive empathy allows you to comprehend what other people are thinking or feeling, even if you might not literally feel those emotions. This can be important for understanding their perspective. 
• Emotional empathy: Unlike cognitive empathy, this form of empathy can actually make you feel what other people are feeling. It’s the reason you might feel sad when you see someone else who’s feeling sad, or why you might sometimes feel like you’re absorbing the stress of people around you. Emotional empathy is sometimes called “affective empathy.”
• Compassionate empathy: Compassionate empathy can include both emotional and cognitive empathy, but it tends to go one step further by inspiring you to take action. It’s what might motivate you to help someone in distress or do what you can to make them feel better. 

Each of these types of empathy can play a role in a lasting, healthy relationship. 

The importance of empathy in a relationship

On the surface, it can be easy to see why understanding how your partner feels might benefit relationships. Being able to put yourself in your loved one’s shoes may make it easier to manage conflicts, make big decisions, and get closer as a couple. But there are various other ways empathy may improve personal relationships, such as:

• Improving communication by helping partners see each other’s point of view
• Increasing emotional support between partners during hard times
• Making it easier to tell when there’s an unspoken issue 
• Deepening trust, which can be important for a successful relationship

However, the opposite can also be true: Relationships that lack empathy may end up being less healthy and harmonious. For example, partners may suffer from:

• Trouble forming an emotional connection
• More self-centered behaviors, which may lead to unhealthy power imbalances
• A lack of support during hard times
• Trouble resolving conflicts due to a lack of understanding
• Difficulty trusting one another

People who don’t feel understood or heard by their partners may also be more vulnerable to mental health effects. A lack of empathy in a relationship may lead to emotional distance and isolation, which can set the stage for conditions like anxiety, depression, and stress. 

How to practice empathy in your relationship

Now that we’ve explored how empathy—or a lack thereof—can affect couples, you may be wondering how you can bring more empathy into your relationship. This can be an ongoing process that involves recognizing your partner’s emotions and reflecting on how you might feel in their situation. Some tips for practicing cognitive, emotional, and compassionate empathy in your relationship include:

Practice mindfulness: Being more present may make it easier to avoid intense reactions and be more receptive to your partner’s emotions. Consider setting aside five minutes a day to focus on the present moment. Practice identifying your thoughts and feelings without getting carried away by them. You can also use this technique during disagreements to react more compassionately. 

Consider their point of view: It can be easy to get swept up in your own perspective, but thinking beyond yourself may help you build empathy. During conflicts, see if you can take a moment to put yourself in your partner’s position. How would you feel if the roles were reversed? Is there something you aren’t seeing? Why might they be acting the way they are? 

Avoid being judgmental: Building empathy can also mean learning not to jump to conclusions about what your partner is thinking or feeling. Try to avoid being overly critical or shutting down their concerns. Instead, consider asking questions and practicing active listening to hear their point of view. 

Show compassion: Showing compassion when something is upsetting your partner can go a long way toward fostering empathy. Try to become aware of their emotional reactions to things, and aim to be proactive. Rather than waiting until they bring up an issue, try to notice when they’re showing intense emotions and express your care and concern. 

Validate their feelings: While you might not agree with everything your partner is feeling, empathy often means acknowledging that those feelings are valid. Make it clear that you respect their point of view, even during arguments. It can help to use statements like, “I understand how upsetting this must be,” or “I can imagine how stressed you feel right now.” 

Seek outside support: Even using the above strategies, navigating empathy differences in a relationship can be tricky. Certain personality disorders—like narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, and borderline personality disorder—can make it harder for people to develop empathy. In these cases, therapy may be a helpful resource for building emotional self-awareness and learning to consider others’ feelings. 

The cost of traditional therapy can make it hard for some people to get the care they need. In fact, as of 2020, cost is the biggest barrier to getting mental health treatment in the U.S., according to the American Psychological Association. Platforms like BetterHelp may be a more affordable alternative to in-person therapy, with prices starting at $65 to $100 per week (based on factors such as your location, referral source, preferences, therapist availability and any applicable discounts or promotions that might apply). 

Studies have found that online therapy may be effective at treating the symptoms of personality disorders that can make it harder to practice empathy. In a 2022 review, researchers analyzed 11 studies of internet-based treatments for personality disorders. They concluded that online therapy is a promising treatment that may be more accessible than in-person therapy. 

Takeaway

Empathy is the ability to understand what someone is going through, even if you aren’t going through it yourself. There are several different types of empathy, including emotional, cognitive, and compassionate. Practicing each of these can help couples communicate better and avoid mental health effects like loneliness and depression. Partners may work to improve empathy by validating each other’s feelings, building emotional awareness, and avoiding passing judgment on each other. For people who have trouble being empathetic, therapy may also be a helpful resource.