By: Jessica Saxena
Updated February 11, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Alicia Fiske, LMSW
It's often hard not to care about things you can't control-whether your partner will do well on a work presentation, what the weather will be like for our flight, and so on. The problem is that caring about things you can't control takes your time, zaps your energy, and keeps you from working on the things you can control. To reduce your stress and start leading a happier life, you need to let go and stop caring about those things you can't control. It might be easier said than done, but all you need are the right tools. We'll discuss these later in the article.
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Where to Start?
The first step is to recognize what you can and cannot control. From there you can start to take steps to stop caring about them.
Recognizing Things You Can't Control
There are certain situations you simply cannot change. This doesn't mean you should just give up on everything and drift along, allowing anything to happen to you and your life. Believing you control nothing is just as unhelpful as believing you control everything. It takes an understanding of that balance to find a place of true happiness in your life. Here are some of the things you cannot control:
- What other people think. The only thoughts you can ever really know are your own. As for other people, you can only know what they communicate to you. And if they are communicating thoughts you don't care for, guess what? There is nothing you can do about that. You can try to convince them with your points, but you cannot simply change their mind because you want to.
- The past. You have some measure of control over your own future, even though you don't control everything. But the past, that is something you have no control over. It is done. If you've made mistakes or have regrets, as is the case for all of us, the only thing you can do is make decisions about how they affect your present and your future.
- What-if scenarios. Your future is in part determined by your actions. But it is also determined in part by the actions of others, which you can't know ahead of time, let alone control. Instead of focusing on what everyone else will think or do, focus on what you think and what you are going to do. Taking the focus off the uncontrollable variables (other people) and putting it on a more controllable variable (yourself and your decisions) will greatly reduce your anxiety.
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How to Stop Caring in Healthy Ways
There are many strategies for learning to stop caring about so many things you can't control, and as a result, reduce your stress.
Look Inward
Of course, we can influence others. And one of our best opportunities to do so is to ensure that we are being who we want to be. Often, the characteristics that are the most frustrating and offensive to us, are those which we are guilty of ourselves. So it is always a good practice to turn our attention to ourselves as soon as we realize we are annoyed with someone else. Awareness is critical to making changes in ourselves. That about which we are unaware, we cannot control. Stated another way, that about which we are unaware of in ourselves, will control us. Sometimes, just gaining awareness of a tendency in ourselves is all we need to choose to think or act differently.
Change Your Perspective
Another helpful concept is that while it is impossible to simply change our feelings, we do have a much greater capacity to change our thoughts, perspectives, the meaning we attach to specific events, our conclusions, expectations, etc. It may be safe to conclude that much of the disappointment, hurt, offense, sadness, anger, etc. we experience is a result of unmet expectations. So if we can change our expectations, we will be able to dramatically decrease the negative feelings that result from experiencing unmet expectations, right?
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Track Your Feelings
You may have heard it said that thoughts are rational and feelings are irrational. I understand why people say this, but I submit that it is the opposite. While there are some biochemical exceptions to this rule, the majority of the time, you must have 'cognition' (thought, interpretation, evaluation, perception, expectation, belief, etc.) before you experience any feeling. So while you, and certainly others, may not initially understand why you feel the way you do, if you track the feeling back to the cognition, the feeling will make total sense! However, the same cannot be said about the cognition that informed the feeling. Our thoughts, impressions, conclusions, etc. can be astoundingly inaccurate, illogical, or based upon incomplete or flat out wrong information. Thoughts inform feelings, which lead to actions. Therefore, there is a logical progression from what we are thinking, or telling ourselves, to how we feel, to the behavior we choose.
This is actually great news because while it is impossible to simply tell ourselves to not feel the way we feel, we can absolutely change the way we think and how we talk to ourselves. We have a far greater ability to dramatically impact our own internal reality than we usually realize. As we raise awareness of what we are telling ourselves, we should work to ensure that it is accurate, reasonable, rational, and optimistic. That process will automatically change how we feel, which then changes how we behave.
Accept That Life Is Uncertain
Another option, which is related to our ability to control how we interpret a given situation, is accepting that life is uncertain and recognizing that some surprises are actually positive. In truth, you're just as likely to be surprised by a positive outcome as a negative one. You just have to learn to recognize the positive when it happens instead of focusing on the negative. Accepting a situation does not mean that you have to like it, rather it means that you stop fighting it. And that releases you from the suffering.
Sometimes you'll run into a problem that's simply out of your control. It can be easy to think, "This isn't fair," or, "I shouldn't have this problem," even though those ways of thinking only make the pain worse. Radical acceptance refers to a healthier way of thinking during these situations. Instead of focusing on how you would like something to be different, you will recognize and accept the problem or situation as it is. Remember, accepting is not the same as liking or condoning something. Learning to accept the problems that are out of your control will lead to less anxiety, anger, and sadness when dealing with them.
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Try Keeping a Worry Box
The 'Worry Box' strategy can be quite helpful in effectively addressing ruminating thoughts about something over which you have no control.
First, clarify whether you have control over the issue you are worrying about. For instance, you have an important assignment due for work tomorrow you have not completed, so are feeling anxious. It would not be appropriate or helpful to try to stop feeling anxious. Rather, you need to complete the assignment, right? So these sources of anxiety might be entered on a to-do list and completed.
But when you identify that you are worrying about something you have no control over, or should not take action on, then you have confirmed that your anxiety or worry is unproductive and unhealthy. For these types of worry, you might try an activity called the "worry box." These are the steps for this activity:
- When you realize you are worrying about something you shouldn't act on, jot it down on a small piece of paper, about the size of a Post-it note, or a 3x5 card, cut in half.
- Place all of the little slips of paper into a special box you have affectionately dubbed your "worry box." This should be a small enough box to be kept out of sight, like under your bed, in the back of your closet, or in a drawer.
- Assign yourself specific times to have permission to pull out your worry box, and obsess over all the slips of paper you have collected since your last worry session. It is important to schedule these at least slightly less often than you typically find yourself engaged in unproductive worrying. So, for instance, if you tend to have a few times each day when you notice yourself worrying for no good reason, then you might allow 15 minutes every other day to pull out your worry box contents. Be sure to set an alarm so you do not spend more time than you have allotted for this activity.
- Then be careful to extend the scheduled times out further and further as you notice you are worrying less each day.
- Once you come across a slip of paper with something written on it that no longer concerns you, dispose of it.
Exercise
Regularly moving your body is not only good for your body, it also helps you improve your mood (thank you, endorphins) and your self-control. Taking a walk when feeling overwhelmed can help reset your mood, help give you a sense of control, and get you back on the right track.
Meditate
Taking a break to focus and control your breathing can help you relax and instill a sense of peace in you. It can also help you remember there are things you can control and minimize your focus on the things you cannot.
Journal
Writing out your thoughts can help you process them and understand them better. As you are writing down your thoughts you may realize that the things you can't control are less important and that other things are worrying you that you can control and address.
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Get Quality Sleep
Sleep is needed to keep us in a healthy mental state and to improve the way we experience life. Make sure you get at least 7-7.5 hours per night, and you'll feel more resilient and able to tackle the issues that come your way.
Practice Gratitude
Being thankful for the things that are going well in your life can help you find more to be grateful for every day. Practicing gratitude regularly can help you feel more in control of your life and the things that you can't control will begin feeling less overwhelming.
How BetterHelp Can Support You
No matter how much effort you put into not caring, sometimes we just need that extra bit of help from someone trained and experienced. This is where talking to a professional can be helpful. BetterHelp has licensed, certified counselors that have helped others with this same issue in the past. They will help you understand what it is you are feeling and help you discover why you are feeling this way. There’s been a lot of discussion about the veracity of online counseling, particularly with the advent of the COVID-19 outbreak. A recent publication considered the effectiveness of online counseling over the last two decades, reiterating that studies have found that for most psychological issues, virtual counseling is just as effective as face-to-face counseling. They also noted that many people feel safer and more comfortable in their own space and, when writing, may get to their issues in a more concise way.
The study pointed out some practical issues that may seem obvious as well: attending a session online takes out what might be a lengthy commute to an office and removes the potential stigma of someone finding out you’re going to said office. Plenty of people have already given BetterHelp a try for similar issues:
“Christine is a great listener and helps me keep things in per[s]pective. If I get overwhelmed, stressed, or feel out of control, she opens my eyes to the source and offers couping stratigies to deal with it. I enjoy our conversations and she helps me reme[m]ber to be grateful for the good in my life and in the world instead of me always focusing on the negatives and what ifs. She has been a God sent and I appreciate her guid[a]nce and support.”
“Irene has always been attentive, intuitive, and creative in her efforts to help me better understand my-self, and deal with both the trauma of the past and the future! I have enjoyed every moment we speak and she helps elucidate on the things I do not notice, and helped me to have better control of sinking feelings! Absolutely a life changing experience.”
Read more on Irene Struif.
Concluding Thoughts
As frustrating as it can be dealing with things that are out of your control, know that there is at least one thing within your control-the way you respond.
FAQs
How do you stop caring about things you can't control?
When it comes to worries, one of the problems you should stop worrying about is something you can't control. The idea is to put your energy into something you can control, but for many, this is hard. Here are some ways you can stop worrying or caring.
- Make a list of what you can and can't control. Focus and put your energy toward what you're able to control, and hopefully, you'll start to worry less.
- By focusing on what you can control, you will operate more efficiently. We can’t change people and the situations they face, but you can change yourself.
- Practicing meditative mindfulness is a good way for you to stop caring. Mindfulness teaches you to let go of any self-defeating thoughts or circumstances you can't control, and instead worry about the here and now.
- Notice how you cope with your worries. Do you spend time thinking about them endlessly, or do you come up with solutions? When you start to focus on what you can change, come up with a plan. Mentally strong people solve problems and they don’t ruminate as much.
- Seek help from a therapist. One technique a therapist can teach you is cognitive behavioral therapy, where you can learn to control how you react by changing your thoughts and habits.
They can help identify your fears concerning what you can’t control. For example, if you’re always predicting a catastrophic outcome, why do you do that? The people and circumstances you’ve faced can be one reason why you feel this way. Learning to spend less time with catastrophic predictions and endless rumination may require some therapy.
What are things you can't control?
Here are some things you're unable to control.
- The weather. Stop worrying about the weather ruining your day when you can't control it.
- The past. It's there, it's over, and there's no way to change it until someone invents a time machine.
- The future to an extent. While you can take action to have a better future, the future is, in the end, unpredictable.
- Traffic. If you're worried about being stuck in traffic, remember that you can't have control over other people and how they drive.
- Certain physical aspects of yourself. You can't control how tall you are, for example.
- People's minds. While you can offer your two cents and that can influence their decisions, a lot of people are set in their own ways, and your concerns about someone else's life shouldn't dominate your thoughts in most circumstances.
How do you accept things you Cannot control?
It's hard to acknowledge that there are some aspects of your life that you have no control over. Here are some ways that you can accept it.
- Realize that it does not have to be fair in order to be accepted. This is one reason why people cannot accept what they can't control. They believe that if it's bad, there is some control over it.
- Write down what you can control, and focus on that.
- Practice mindfulness and meditation in order to clear your mind.
What can we control?
It's important that you focus on what you can control. Without getting too deep about freewill and whatnot, here are a few things that you're able to control.
- Your mindset. While there are some aspects of your personality you cannot change, you can train your brain to be more mindful, empathetic, and open to new ideas.
- To an extent, your health. You can choose to eat right and exercise. Certain life circumstances can make this easier or harder, but for the most part, it can be done in the end.
- Your skills. You can learn new skills for a job and go on a journey to the career of your dreams.
- Your thoughts. Using mindfulness or cognitive behavioral therapy, you can learn how to acknowledge that your thoughts are there and not let them control your life.
- Who you choose to associate with. While you can't control your family, you can control your friends and who you decide to talk to.
Why do I worry about things I can't control?
Worrying about things, even what we can't control, is natural. It may come from an evolutionary leftover, where people were always worried about an enemy attacking or the weather making it hard to get water. Another reason is that we don’t like to feel powerless. We would like to believe you can change the world, change people’s minds, or even change the weather, but we can’t.
For example, you may believe that you can change someone's ways when they are set in what they believe. Even your family may not listen. For example, a parent can give their child advice, but it may be the child's choice in the end, especially if they're an adult.
In the end, when it comes to people's choices, share your opinion, but realize that the opinion might not matter much.
How do I stop worrying about everything?
While there are some things you should worry about, worrying about everything, especially what you can't control, isn't good for you. Your brains likes to micromanage, refuse to delegate, and stay on thoughts for far too long. A little bit of worrying is good, but you usually let worrying take a minute of your life, and then soon it’s taking over. People’s worries keep them occupied in a self-destructive cycle that is hard to break. Here are some ways you can stop worrying.
- Identify your fears and your worries. Why do you worry about some things? Why do you fear certain parts of your life? Rationalizing and explaining your worries can help.
- First, think about the things you can change in life versus what you cannot change. What you cannot change in life should be ignored. Make strides toward what you can control. For example, if you're worrying about schoolwork, schedule some time to get it done in a reasonable timeframe.
- Pay attention to your stress. If you find yourself too stressed, do something to calm you down. Take a walk outside, practice meditative breathing, and get plenty of rest.
- Speaking of which, try some new hobbies or do something entertaining to keep you from worrying too much.
- Learn to differentiate between ruminating and problem solving. Mentally strong people do not ruminate about their problems over and over but look for solutions.
- Avoid using drugs and alcohol as a way of masking your emotions.
- Develop healthy affirmations that replace your worries. In other words, look at what you do right and keep thinking about it. Say to yourself, “Today, I remind myself that I’m eating right,” or something to the effect. This thought especially works if you have eating disorders.
- As usual, a therapist is a good way for you to learn how to gain enough control over your worries. Talk to them if you haven't already.
How do you let go of something you can't change?
The best way for you to let go of something you're unable to change is instead focus on what you can change. Look to you and the parts of your life you have control over. This can help you.
What’s a well-known quote about control?”
This quote, which is by an unknown source, goes as follow:
"When you can't control what's happening, challenge yourself to control how you respond to what's happening. That's where your power is."
How can I stop stressing?
Stress is natural and can be good for you in small doses. However, too much stress can have negative health effects. Here are some ways to stop stressing when it feels like a channel in your brain that won't turn off.
- Set some goals to stop your stressors if you're able to control them. If you can't, realize that there are some parts of your life that you cannot change.
- Get enough sleep, eat right, and exercise. This can help lower your stress levels.
- Take some time to unwind and focus on something that keeps you entertained or distracts you.
- Drugs and alcohol aren't a way for you to escape from your stressors. A drink in moderation isn't bad, but don't drink every day excessively to get away.
- Don't be afraid to talk about your stress, be it to a therapist or a friend. By expressing your feelings, there's a good chance you'll grow stronger as a result.
How do I accept reality and move on?
It can be hard to accept reality. Reality can be unpredictable and beyond your control. People who don't accept this truth become control freaks, which can make life worse. Here are some ways to accept reality.
- Take an objective look at the world around you. Put all your emotions to the side.
- Have a realistic view of the situation.
- Can you control this reality? If so, great. If not, realize that there are sometimes no ways to stop bad things from happening.
- Learn to manage your stress about reality. When you manage your stress, you can accept it.
- Focus on your influence on reality. If you can influence it, try to find ways for you to do so.
- Notice how you cope with reality. If you cope in a healthy manner, good. If not, find ways for you to cope healthily. For example, you can share your opinion about reality, but realize it's just that, an opinion.
How do you take things less personally?
Some people take everything personally, even if it isn't about them. Here are some ways that you can stop taking things so personally.
- Find ways to make yourself feel more confident. If you lack confidence, you may be offended at every remark, or think that everyone is talking about you. By changing your behavior to think more highly of yourself, you can stop taking things so personally.
- Realize that people are probably not talking about you, and if you make a scene, it shines a spotlight on your insecurities. Not every vague Facebook post is about you.
- If someone doesn't stop making personal remarks toward you, cut them out of your life. While you shouldn't let every remark get to your personally, it goes both ways.
- Learn to ignore the haters and not feed the trolls.
- Meditation and mindfulness can help increase your chances of not letting everything get personally.
- Find other hobbies or habits to spend on your energy on rather than worrying about how people will perceive you. Practice ways to increase your confidence or find healthy stress relievers.
- Seek help from support groups and therapists. Changing your mental effort and attitude toward taking things personally may be the answer.
What is the only thing we can control?
The only thing you can control is yourself, and even that's up for debate. However, if you say "I need to take control of my actions," and make a mindful effort toward taking that goal, then you're able to make some incredible changes in your life.
What you can control? Can we control our happiness? How do you clear your mind? How Do I Stop
How can I worry less and enjoy life more?
Learning to stop wasting your time ruminating over thoughts you can't control is the first step. Using mindfulness to stop the worrying conversations in your head is a good first step. If you doubt your ability to solve a problem, find ways to improve it. With that said, how can you enjoy your life more? Here are a few ways.
- Find something that makes you happy. A new hobby could be needed.
- Exercise and eat right. Improving your health can make you enjoy your life.
- Learn to enjoy every day and realize that you're lucky to be here right now.
- Enjoy what you have, but gladly want to improve yourself even more.
What is overthinking disorder?
Overthinking is not a disorder, but instead tends to be a part of anxiety disorder. People who overthink may pick through their worrying thoughts with a fine-toothed comb, using all they can to worry and over-analyze their thoughts. While critically thinking about your life is important, overthinking tends to involve making a mountain out of a molehill, and it's important to learn ways to stop worrying and overthinking if you want to have peace of mind.
What the Bible says about worrying?
The Bible has various quotes about worrying. For example, in Matthew 6:25-27, Jesus has an entire speech about avoiding worry. The message the Bible sends tends to be to stop worrying and instead let God be there for you. If you're a Christian, these words can be a source of comfort for you when you find yourself worrying.
What are things I can control?
In life, we like to have control over everything. We are the protagonists of our life, after all. Obviously, most people believe there are things you can’t control, such as the weather. You can’t stop a storm from coming, or change the time of the day. However, there are many things we think we can control when we can’t. For instance, you don’t have control over other people. Here are some things in life you can control.
- Who you associate with. There may be some people you can’t, like your coworkers, but your friend circle is something you can control. Surround yourself with strong people who will build you up. Don’t associate with control freaks, friends who make you say “I’m wasting my time,” and other people who are toxic.
- You can control how you react to certain situations. Obviously, you have certain reactions that come naturally. You may be more or less emotions, or prefer one emotion over the other. However, there are ways to take control over your thoughts in some capacity. For instance, you can practice meditation to eliminate angry reactions, or have more positive thinking.
- You can control your health to some degree. Obviously, every life ends, but you can create a plan to eat healthier and exercise. When you develop a few healthy practices, it can improve your health for life. While not everyone can afford the healthiest foods, portion control can happen with a little bit of practice.
- If you ask yourself, “Do I have control of my actions?” the answer is yes. Free will is always a hotly debated issue, but with mindfulness and a little bit of self-help, you can control what actions you take.
- Control is your effort towards the world. Even if you can’t change the outcome of everything, learning to make improvements can be valuable. When you spend time to eliminate unhealthy coping skills, improve your stress level, and notice improvement, you will feel in control.
How do you control a situation?
There are some situations you can control, and some you can’t. Sometimes, you can’t stop bad things from happening. Other times, there are healthy boundaries and healthy mantras you can take to have some control over it. Let’s take a look.
- Analyzing the situation in the most neutral way possible is not only one of those healthy stress relievers, but it can help you decide if you have control over it. If this situation is something you can’t control, realize that you can’t stop all bad things from happening. Learning to move on from a situation you can’t control is one of those healthy affirmations that can get you far in life.
- However, if you have some control over the situation, think about what you can do. People may have varying levels of control. For example, if you want to prevent your friend from doing some bad, be a healthy role model and set a case for them. Even if they don’t listen, you’ve done something.
- Realize that you have control over who you associate with. If a toxic friend is the person who is ruining your life, realize you can take a minute to examine if they are worth keeping and if it’s worth spending a lot of time changing them. A lesson in life, that some people won’t change, is important to learn.
- Control your own character. For instance, you can learn to manage your stress with situations that are difficult. To manage your stress, being healthy and getting plenty of sleep is one way. Another is meditation. Improve your depression, anxiety, and response to the situation.
- Realize you may have control, but nothing is certain. You can influence people and circumstances, but something could happen to reverse it. Imagining catastrophic outcomes isn’t something to do often, but it is something to keep in mind.
What are things you can't control?
There are so many things you can’t control in your life, from disasters to deadly diseases. While we want to believe we are strong people who can control everything, we need to remind you that there are some things in life you cannot control. Let’s look at them.
- Many people are spending time thinking they can control situations they find bad, even though they can be a product of random circumstances. While many will resist this truth and refuse to accept that some situations are beyond their control, the fact still remains.
- You can’t prevent a storm. Rain on Saturday, the day where you may have planned some outdoor activities, can ruin your day, but there’s nothing you can do about it. However, if you plan some indoor activities, this scenario isn’t as tragic as you may think.
- In the end, you can’t control other people. Sure, there are ways to have some levels of control. You may set healthy boundaries with people who are a little much. If you’re a parent or manager, you may have rules in place to influence how they behave, but you can never prevent bad behavior. With a friend, you may put your energy towards offering advice, and it may influence their behavior. However, sometimes you just waste their time they’d rather spend making bad decisions. If you want to state your opinion about what a friend is doing, state your opinion, but only share it once.
- You can’t control the unknown. There are some things that you don’t know what the outcome will be. For example, you may spend time ruminating and problem-solving over what will happen at the doctor tomorrow. However, you can’t prevent bad news from the doctor. Despite this, you may put your energy towards worrying about these things instead of taking time to manage what you can control.
- You can’t control the past or the future. Many of us will spend time replaying conversations we regret. We waste a lot of time thinking about the future of the United States or whatever country you live in. The truth in life is that you can’t go back in time to change the past. If you hurt someone’s feelings in the past due to unhealthy coping skills or something else you’ve done, you may apologize and try to make things right, but it’s up to that person. As for the future, you may make changes to try to have the best outcome possible, but anything can happen. When it comes to people, ultimately they waste time on the past or future instead of the present.
- Even some things we can control sometimes cannot be controlled other times. For example, someone can get plenty of sleep by going to bed at a reasonable hour and winding down, but there are some days where you can’t sleep.
- We cannot control death. While we can plan to manage health conditions, or make improvements to one's health to live longer, in the end, we all go. As cheesy as it sounds, living the best life possible is what you need to do. Plan a good party every now and then. Don’t rely on people to change and instead change yourself. Work on your own personal growth and not the personal growth of others who won’t help you. The list goes on and on.
Why do I worry about things I can't control?
We know that mentally strong people don’t let things that are beyond their control bring them down, but it’s hard. It’s the busying thinking about what you can’t control that can ruin your life, yet so many people spend their time on it.
One reason is that we don’t like to feel powerless. We would like to believe you can change the world, change people’s minds, or even change the weather, but we can’t. If you say you hope it doesn’t rain, it still will despite your hopes. From natural disasters to deadly diseases, we can’t control life.
Another reason why is because we’re programmed to focus on the past. Even mentally strong people may spend their time thinking about their regrets and what they could have done differently.
Changing this mindset is complex, and you have to pay attention to your thoughts. Therapy can help.
How do you stop caring about things you can't control?
Future predictions and endless rumination about the past are two examples of us caring about things we can’t control. Ideally, you’ll want to think about what you can control, but it’s difficult. Let’s help by listing a few ways you can change your way of thinking.
- The thoughts you have about what you can’t control are strongly occupied by ultimately useless. Instead, list what you can control and what you can’t. By focusing on what you can control, you will operate more efficiently. We can’t change people and the situations they face, but you can change yourself.
- Notice how you cope with your worries. Do you spend time thinking about them endlessly, or do you come up with solutions? When you start to focus on what you can change, come up with a plan. Mentally strong people solve problems and they don’t ruminate as much.
- A therapist can help you adopt a more carefree attitude. They can help identify your fears concerning what you can’t control. For example, if you’re always predicting a catastrophic outcome, why do you do that? The people and circumstances you’ve faced can be one reason why you feel this way. Learning to spend less time with catastrophic predictions and endless rumination may require some therapy.
How do you not worry about things?
When someone tells you to stop worrying about things, it’s easier said than done. There are a lot of things in life to worry about, after all. Your brains likes to micromanage, refuse to delegate, and stay on thoughts for far too long. A little bit of worrying is good, but you usually let worrying take a minute of your life, and then soon it’s taking over. People’s worries keep them occupied in a self-destructive cycle that is hard to break.
Here’s how you can stop worrying so much.
- First, think about the things you can change in life versus what you cannot change. What you cannot change in life should be ignored.
- For the things in life you can change, start making a plan to improve. For example, if you have a business and you’re worried about sending the business to fail, spend time thinking of improvements. Delegate tasks related to your business in a more efficient manner.
- Learn to differentiate between ruminating and problem solving. Mentally strong people do not ruminate about their problems over and over, but look for solutions.
- Calm yourself. Take a walk outside, practice meditative breathing, and get plenty of rest.
- Avoid using drugs and alcohol as a way of masking your emotions.
- Develop healthy affirmations that replace your worries. In other words, look at what you do right and keep thinking about it. Say to yourself, “Today, I remind myself that I’m eating right,” or something to the effect. This thought especially works if you have eating disorders.
Why do I always think about the past?
The past is quite easy to think about for people, and you are not the only one who may be thinking about the past a little too much.
Many people spend their mental strength in the past because of nostalgia. They think about the good old days, when everything seemed better. This especially happens when someone is not in a good position like they used to be.
Another reason someone may think about the past is they regret something. When someone looks back at a regret or embarrassment, they may not be able to get it out of their head, despite the brutal truth in life being that the past cannot be changed. You may have conversations in your head about what you should have done differently. You may cope with disappointment you’ve faced in the past, or may cope with distress by thinking about what may have been, but you can’t change it. You
can only learn from it.
Trauma may be a reason why you’re always thinking about the past. In that case, you may need to seek help from a therapist or someone else who can help you.
How do I stop worrying about the past?
The past can be our worst enemy. We grow as people and learn, and we regret what we’ve did in the past or what others have done to you. There’s a chance you’re stronger by miles compared to your past, yet you’re still focused on the past. Learning to change the channel of your thoughts and think about the present more is difficult, but it is possible. Here are some ways.
- Accept the past. Often, people refuse to accept the past, and people who resist that what’s done is done have a hard time living the best life.
- Write down what you’ve learned and how you can apply it to the present day. Putting your thoughts on paper is one of the best ways to stop worrying.
- Practice mindfulness. This is another of the many ways to stop worrying about the past and future. Using meditation, body scans, and awareness of the present, it can help you discard any unhelpful thoughts and concerns about someone else’s life you may have.
- One of the best ways to stop worrying about the past is to act out the past in your mind and think of a better outcome that replaces the catastrophic outcomes that may have happened.
- Past trauma is hard to move on from. The ability to cope with a past faux pas is one thing, but trauma is hard to move away from. In some cases, you need to be actively solving a problem like this through therapy. Therapy can identify the problem, pay attention to your stress levels when speaking about it, and look for some ways for you to move past your trauma. It can be a challenge, but with enough care, you can take action or calm down your past worries.
Overall, it’s important to acknowledge that your thoughts are in the past, but you need to find ways to return to the present.
How do you let go of something you can't change?
There are many things in life we can’t change. For example, if a potentially good party got ruined due to the weather, you can’t change that. However, you may find yourself worrying about the next party.
Everyone thinks about what they can’t change, but there are times where it gets toxic. You may try to force other people to change and scare them away. You may handle the worst case scenario of something you can’t change by always thinking about it, while ignoring the better cases.
Here’s how you can gain enough control of your mind to stop worrying about what you can’t change.
- Think about what you can change and what you can’t. Find ways to increase your thoughts about what you can change. For instance, let’s go back to the party. Maybe you can’t change the weather, but you may be able to build a roof to prevent a storm from ruining a party.
- Think about what you can change and then model and set healthy goals to bring about change. Even if you don’t succeed, there’s a good chance you’re stronger for trying to make the change.
- If you're still unable to let go of what you can’t change, think of quick little phrases to get that out of your head. For example, when you’re ruminating, “Change the channel” is a good phrase to help you move away from what you can’t control.
How do you clear your mind?
Clearing your mind is sometimes needed when you’re having unhelpful thoughts in your head or imagining catastrophic outcomes. Not only that, clearing your mind is a great way to calm down and get some rest. Here are some ways that you can clear your mind with style.
- Play some white noise and focus on that. Some people may go to a waterfall, but not everyone has access to that. Play some sounds through your computer, phone, or other devices, and focus on it. A blowing fan can even work for this.
- Take some deep breaths. Focus on the breathing and how it enters your body. Air moving in, air moving out. Any thoughts that pass by, let them pass.
- Try getting into a new hobby. Sometimes, old hobbies are not enough.
Psychology Today has a good article for this. In the Psychology Today post, they list some proven ways to clear your mind. These include:
- Distraction. Find something, be it a good TV show, a book, or something pretty to look at, to clear your mind.
- Mindfulness. You don’t need Psychology Today to tell you that mindfulness can put you on a present level and notice the details around you, all while forgetting about the past.
- Suppression. Psychology Today discusses how scientists are learning how to suppress memories. Some people suppress them due to trauma, but others may be trained to put any thoughts in the back of their heads.
- Substitution. The Psychology Today piece talks about how you can take your unwanted thoughts and replace them with something else. This is a common way of cognitive behavioral therapy.
- Finally, the Psychology Today article discusses meditation. As we all know, meditation has been a technique used to clear the mind for thousands of years. You can teach anyone meditation; you can even give your child the tools to meditate.
We say to check out that Psychology Today article and see it for yourself.
How do I let my thoughts come and go?
No matter how hard you try, you are going to have thoughts that enter your mind and seemingly refuse to leave. How can you let them come and go? It can take some time to combat self-doubt, catastrophic predictions, and other problematic thoughts when your brain seems to refuse to delegate tasks that are helpful and instead focuses on the bad. However, there are some ways.
- When they come, distract yourself. Whether it’s looking at your phone, taking a few deep breaths, exercising, immediately find a way to distract yourself and make it a habit.
- Usually, these thoughts are worries. Are they valid worries? If so, think of ways to control them. Some people become control freaks of their own mind, separating the helpful from the unhelpful, and that’s a good thing.
- Substitute that thought for something better. Even if it comes back, keep substituting.
- Seek help from a therapist. When people have positive things happening, but they worry constantly, they may have other mental health problems they are unaware of. Seeking help from a therapist may be your best bet to stop those thoughts.
How do you take things less personally?
It can be hard to take things so personally. When something does or says something, you may have a worst case scenario in your mind. This worst case scenario tends to involve you believing that everything they have said is the worst crime against you, and thinking about this worst-case scenario can hurt your mental health. Alternatively, the worst-case scenario can cause you to lash out on someone who may be innocent.
For example, someone you know makes a vague Facebook status about someone. They may say they hate people who are selfish, or they will describe another toxic trait that is a little vague, and you think this applies to you. When that happens, not only should you think about why you feel this way and if working on solutions can help, but you should not go off on the person.
In order to think about things less personally, find other hobbies or habits to spend your energy, because worrying about how people will perceive you can end up damaging your mind. Perhaps find ways to increase your confidence or use mindfulness to improve your thinking. Alternatively, you can find healthy stress relievers.
Worrying too much about what others think and taking it personally can be due to many things. You may doubt your ability and want validation from others, which ends up wasting time. It may have been due to something that happened in your past, such as friends who backstabbed you. In some cases, seeking help from support groups and therapists can help. Plenty of strong people need help, and changing your mental effort and your attitude towards taking things personally may be the answer.
In addition, eating healthy and exercising are always ways to help you stop wasting time worrying what others think.
How do I stop thinking about someone?
Whether it’s your ex or someone you don’t want to think about anymore, they can invade your mind. It can feel like a finger trap, where the more you try to stop thinking about them, the more your mind will think about them. You may say, “I find myself thinking about this person, even when I can spend my time and energy doing so much more.”
It’s not easy to stop thinking about someone. Even strong people can end up trapped in these thoughts. Here are some ways you can stop putting so much mental time and energy into someone.
- One of the best ways to overcome these thoughts is to stop contacting them. Block them and prevent yourself from lurking on their profile. A no contact rule is a good way to start.
- If you end up finding yourself thinking about them, wasting your time ruminating is not good. Instead, you should spend some time doing something else that is productive. For instance, you may fall into a hobby or do something else to distract you.
- Relievers like meditation and mindfulness can help. Meditation can remove any thoughts you don’t want. Mindfulness is one of those ways to increase awareness of the present, making it more difficult to fall back into the past. With mindfulness, your thinking is productive, as you're in the here and now.
- Spend time with friends and family, or other people you enjoy.
- Exercise. Productive exercises can clear your mind and keep you focused on the goal.
- If you can’t stop thinking about them, it could be an anxiety disorder or something similar. An anxiety disorder can take a lot more time to treat, and there is no shame in speaking to a therapist for your anxiety disorder or anything else.
How do I shut my brain off after work?
When you get off work, you should relax, unwind, and get some sleep. However, it can sometimes feel hard. You may have endless rumination about the workday, with you spending time worrying about tomorrow. And the thoughts aren’t helpful, either, with you ending up thinking about the same things over and over.
Here are some ways to train your brain to shut off.
- Spend your time unwinding with a hobby you find relaxing. Whether it’s reading a book or watching a show, it can help you unwind.
- A healthy body can lead to a relaxed mind. Exercising, eating healthy, and having adequate nutrition can make you feel the unwind.
- Practice stress relievers like meditation to calm you down.
- Write down all your worries you spend time ruminating on. Change your thoughts into words on a paper, and it can help you let them go.
- Have an herbal tea or take a bath.
- If you can’t sleep, get up and do something to make you feel calm. Then, try to go to bed. You could spend that extra energy into more productive actions, like writing, but make sure you do something that makes you tired.
