Tips For Managing Holiday Stress: How to Prepare For a Less Stressful Season

By: Danielle Warren

The holiday season can be a time to connect with loved ones, celebrate traditions, and make meaningful memories. At the same time, it can also bring financial pressure, family tension, grief, and an overwhelming number of commitments. 

According to a 2023 survey from the American Psychological Association, 41% of U.S. adults experience an increase in stress during the holiday season. With a little preparation, such as setting realistic expectations, establishing healthy boundaries, having a spending budget, allowing time for rest, and talking with a therapist, you can work toward a more manageable season.

Why are the holidays so stressful?

Although the holidays are often portrayed as a joyful time, they can bring a unique combination of emotional, social, and financial pressures. You may feel expected to spend money on gifts, attend gatherings, travel, and maintain traditions, even when you have limited time, energy, or resources.

Family dynamics can also contribute to holiday stress. Spending time with relatives may bring up unresolved conflicts or difficult memories. Meanwhile, social media and cultural expectations can create pressure to make every celebration look and feel perfect.

For some people, the holidays can intensify grief and loneliness surrounding the absence of loved ones. Others may experience holiday burnout from trying to meet everyone's expectations while neglecting their own needs.

These stressors can affect your mental and physical well-being. You might notice irritability, difficulty concentrating, changes in sleep, muscle tension, or persistent worry. Recognizing what contributes to your holiday stress can help you identify practical ways to cope.

7 tips for managing holiday stress

You don't have to eliminate every source of stress to enjoy the holiday season. Instead, focus on making choices that support your needs and help you feel more grounded.

1. Set realistic expectations

It's easy to feel pressure to create the perfect holiday, especially when you're comparing your celebrations with what you see online or in movies. However, meaningful holidays don't require elaborate decorations, expensive gifts, or flawless family gatherings. 

Consider what you genuinely want from the season. Maybe it’s spending more quality time with loved ones, maintaining a favorite tradition, or simply enjoying a few quiet, relaxing days at home.

Choose a few priorities and let other things take a back seat. If a tradition no longer fits your circumstances, you can adapt it or skip it altogether. Remember, you can have a meaningful holiday without making everything perfect.

2. Establish healthy boundaries with family

Family gatherings can be emotionally complicated, particularly when relatives have conflicting expectations or bring up sensitive subjects. Setting boundaries can help you protect your emotional well-being without necessarily cutting off contact.

Before a gathering, think about what you're comfortable discussing and how much time you want to spend there. You might decide to avoid conversations about your finances, relationships, or personal choices. You can communicate boundaries calmly and directly. For example, try saying, "I'd rather not discuss that today," or "I can stay for dinner, but I won't be able to spend the entire day."

You don't need to convince everyone to agree with your boundaries for them to be worthwhile. Focus on what you can control, including how you respond and when you choose to step away.

“Feeling guilty doesn’t always mean you’ve done something wrong. Often it just means you’re doing something different from what others expect of you. You can feel guilty and still make the choice that protects your energy.”- Fatima Niakate, LCSW at BetterHelp

3. Create a holiday budget

Financial anxiety can contribute to stress during any time of year, but inflated spending expectations can make the holiday season particularly susceptible to money-related stress. 

Gift shopping, travel, meals, and social activities can add up quickly. Creating a realistic budget can help you feel more prepared. Start by determining how much you can comfortably spend without compromising essential expenses or taking on debt you cannot manage.

Then, divide your budget among gifts, travel, food, and other planned activities. Consider lower-cost alternatives, such as organizing a gift exchange, making homemade presents, or celebrating with a potluck.

If you can't afford an activity or gift, remember that you don't have to spend beyond your means to show someone you care. Honest conversations about budgets can also help reduce pressure and align expectations.

4. Make time for rest and self-care

The holidays can disrupt your usual routines, making it harder to get enough sleep, eat regularly, or engage in activities that help you feel your best. Try to maintain a few consistent habits throughout the season to support your overall well-being:

• Getting adequate sleep
• Moving your body in ways you enjoy
• Eating regular meals
• Taking short breaks throughout the day

Self-care doesn't have to involve elaborate routines or additional expenses. You might read before bed, take a walk, listen to music, or spend a few minutes breathing slowly when you feel overwhelmed.

Pay attention to signs that you need a break, such as feeling unusually irritable, exhausted, or unable to concentrate. Rest is a valid need, not something you have to earn after completing every holiday task.

5. Give yourself permission to say no

A full calendar can leave little room for the activities and people that matter most to you. You might agree to plans because you feel guilty declining an invitation or worry about disappointing someone. However, attending every gathering isn't necessary to maintain meaningful relationships. Before accepting an invitation, consider your energy, schedule, finances, and interest in attending.

If you decide to decline, keep your response simple: "Thank you for inviting me, but I won't be able to make it this time." You don't have to offer a lengthy explanation. You can also suggest an alternative, such as meeting for coffee in January or celebrating with a smaller group. Making intentional choices about your commitments can help you avoid holiday burnout and better enjoy the events you do attend.

6. Make room for grief and difficult emotions

The holidays can be particularly painful if you've lost someone you love, experienced a major life change, or feel disconnected from others. Traditions that once brought comfort may now highlight someone's absence. If you're experiencing grief, give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up. You don't have to force yourself to feel cheerful or participate in every tradition.

Consider adapting celebrations to reflect your needs. You might honor a loved one by preparing their favorite meal, sharing memories, or creating a new tradition. Alternatively, you may prefer to keep the day quiet or spend time with supportive friends.

If you're feeling lonely, consider reaching out to someone you trust or looking for a community activity that feels comfortable. Your experience of the holidays doesn't have to match anyone else's, and it's okay if your needs change from year to year.

7. Focus on what you can control

Not every holiday stressor can be resolved. You may not be able to change a relative's behavior, avoid every difficult conversation, or prevent every unexpected expense. When you feel overwhelmed, separate the things you can influence from those outside your control. You might not control how a family member responds to a boundary, but you can decide how long you stay at a gathering.

You can also try grounding techniques, such as taking a few slow breaths, noticing your surroundings, or focusing on one manageable task at a time. When stress starts to build, pause and ask yourself, "What would help me most in this moment?" A small, realistic next step can feel more manageable than trying to solve everything at once.

How therapy may help with holiday stress

Family conflict, financial worries, grief, and longstanding expectations can bring up emotions that are difficult to navigate on your own. Working with a therapist can help you identify stress triggers, recognize unhelpful thought patterns, and develop coping strategies that align with your needs. Therapy may also provide a supportive space to explore grief, practice setting boundaries, and work through anxiety about upcoming gatherings.

If possible, consider starting therapy before the holiday season reaches its busiest point. Planning ahead with a therapist may help you anticipate challenging situations and decide how you'd like to respond. However, you can seek support at any point during the season.

Online therapy can offer a flexible way to connect with a licensed therapist from wherever you are. BetterHelp can help you explore therapy options and connect with a therapist who can support you as you navigate seasonal stress—77% of participants notice a meaningful improvement in anxiety symptoms by week 12.

You don't have to wait until stress becomes unmanageable to ask for help. Support is available whenever you're ready to take that step.