How To Date In College: Mental Health Tips For College Students

Dating in college can bring with it unique challenges that you may not have faced while dating in high school. There are often many ways to meet people in college, and while dating apps may seem like one of the most popular, there can be other ways to get to know someone and start a relationship. For instance, you might meet someone in class, through a club, at the gym, or around campus. Regardless of how you meet someone, though, navigating the college dating scene can be challenging at times, and figuring out how to balance dating, academics, and other aspects of your life may not always be easy. If you believe you could benefit from professional guidance regarding how to develop a healthy relationship or navigate your love life, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist.

What makes dating in college unique

Dating as a college student can be different from dating at other points in your life in a number of ways. Some of the dynamics that may make dating in college unique include:

• Being surrounded by a large number of other young adults
• Having more freedom and independence than you likely had throughout your whole life up until this point
• Having opportunities to meet many different people from different backgrounds, communities, and parts of the world 
• Navigating the prevalence of hookup culture, in which casual sex and casual relationships may be more of the norm as opposed to serious romantic relationships 

Determining what you want from dating

Before you start dating, it may be helpful to give some thought to what you are looking for and what you hope to get out of dating. To help determine this, you can consider the following questions:

• Are you looking for a serious, committed relationship, or would you prefer something more casual? 
• How do you want to approach dating? For instance, are you interested in dating multiple people at once, or would you prefer to explore each connection one person at a time?
•  What do you want your college experience to look like in general? For instance, do you want to mainly focus on academics and making good friends, or are you also hoping to find a long-term relationship?
• What are the qualities that matter most to you in a potential partner?

There are no right or wrong answers to these questions, but once you realize what you are looking for, it may be helpful to have a conversation with a potential partner early on, so that you both know what to expect from each other and don’t end up wasting time if you are looking for different things. If you are having trouble determining what you want in terms of dating, spending some time journaling may help you gain clarity around what makes sense for you at this point in your life. 

Using dating apps in college

Dating apps are online dating services that can be used through a smartphone application. Typically, they use the person’s geographical location to match them with potential dates. Dating apps typically speed up the dating process by using algorithms and filters to sort through possible matches and find people with whom you may be compatible. Most apps facilitate safe and controlled communication until you are ready to give out personal information and begin talking outside of the app.

Some people do find successful relationships through apps, however. Research shows that, overall, one in 10 people in partnered relationships (those who are married, living with a partner, or in a committed romantic relationship) met their partner through a dating app. Of those under 30, one in five met their current partner on a dating app or website, as did 24% of those who identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual (LGB). Still, these figures generally indicate that four out of five people under 30 and 76% of those who identify as LGB met their long-term partners in another way.

Other ways to meet potential dating partners

If you’re looking for people to date in college, you don’t have to rely on dating apps to do so. There are plenty of other ways to meet potential dating partners in real life. 

In class

Classes can be a great opportunity to meet people. For instance, you could try starting a conversation with someone sitting next to you or getting to know someone better while working on a group project. If you’re interested in someone in your class, consider asking them to grab lunch or a coffee after class or invite them to study together as a way to break the ice.

Many students choose their seat on the first day of class and keep that seat for the rest of the semester, but in most cases, there is no rule that says you must sit in the same seat each day. Consider sitting in a different seat every time you have class and interacting with the people around you so that you have the opportunity to get to know everyone.

Out and about

You are unlikely to meet someone if you spend most of your time sitting in your dorm room. If you are hoping to meet someone, you might try getting out and socializing when you can, even if it’s just going to one party or group outing every so often. Whether it’s a party thrown by someone in the next dorm, a frat or sorority mixer, or a game night sponsored by an on-campus club, going to social events typically gives you the opportunity to meet different types of people. 

In the dorms

If you feel comfortable doing so, you might also consider leaving your door open sometimes when you’re hanging out in your dorm room as an invitation to stop in and chat, or you could strike up a conversation with someone in the common area while you’re collecting your mail. As you spend time getting to know the people living around you, it may help to keep an open mind; you never know who you’ll meet or what will happen.

At the gym

If you enjoy exercising, the gym can be an excellent place to meet someone who is also interested in fitness. You could try talking to someone you see regularly during your workouts. You might also look for exercise classes or intramural sports leagues to join, where you can meet like-minded people who share your interests.

Around campus

It may also be helpful to be open to sitting with new people when studying at the library or eating at the dining hall. Alternatively, you can sit with friends who may introduce you to people in their dorms or classes. When the weather is nice, you could take advantage of the outdoor spaces around campus by eating outside at a picnic table, sitting on a blanket under a tree as you study, or people-watching on a bench on the quad.  You could strike up conversations with people around you or invite someone nearby to join you.

Tips to consider when dating in college

There are several other things it may be helpful to keep in mind about dating in college, aside from where to meet someone. Here are some considerations to take into account when looking for a relationship in college. 

Remember that school is a priority

You likely went to college to earn a degree, and you may have taken out student loans to pay for it. In general, your classwork should always be a priority. Try to avoid allowing the activities you participate in during your spare time to jeopardize your education.

Put yourself first

If you don’t feel comfortable being yourself when you’re with someone, it can serve as a clear sign that they may not be the right person for you. 

Respect yourself and remember that you deserve to be treated with respect by others. If you sense that you’re always putting the other person first to the point that it is starting to affect your schoolwork or your physical or mental health, you may want to take a step back and reevaluate the relationship. In general, it can be important to stay true to yourself and put your health and well-being first. 

Be clear about what you want and get on the same page early

Not everyone in college is looking for the same type of relationship. Even though it may be awkward, it can be better to talk about what you want upfront. Whether you’re looking for a serious relationship, want to date people casually, or are only interested in hooking up, it can be important to be respectful and communicate your intentions to the people you are dating from the beginning. Getting on the same page early may reduce the chance of hurt feelings down the line. 

Be open to new experiences

While it can be said that nearly everyone has a “type,” you might find a respectful and rewarding relationship with someone who is unlike the people you’ve been interested in dating before. If someone you wouldn’t normally date asks you out, you may find it valuable to explore that connection. 

Navigating long-distance relationships

Oftentimes, college dating advice tends to focus mostly on how to navigate the college dating scene on campus. But that is not the only possible dynamic. Some people may be trying to maintain long-distance relationships, rather than trying to meet someone new. Navigating a long-distance relationship while in college can come with its own set of challenges, but there are a number of steps you can take that may help you maintain a strong and healthy bond. 

Some of the following tips may be helpful: 

• Maintain regular communication, without setting unrealistic expectations or putting too much pressure on each other. 
• Build strong trust, so that you don’t have to constantly worry about the other’s loyalty and can both feel confident in the connection. 
• Put in effort to make each other feel loved, even when you are apart. 
• Be open with each other about your feelings and any challenges you are experiencing. 

Managing emotions and mental health while dating

While dating in college can be fun and exciting at times, it can also come with its fair share of hurdles and challenges. Being prepared for the ups and downs of dating as a college student may help you navigate challenges more confidently.

Handling rejection when dating

As with dating at any other point in life, dating in college brings with it the possibility of rejection. There may be times when the person you like doesn’t like you back. While rejection can sting, it can be important to find ways to manage the difficult emotions it brings up and recognize that it is often simply a matter of incompatibility. If you experience rejection, it may be helpful to lean on close friends and family members, practice self-compassion, and spend time doing things you enjoy. Though rejection may feel like a big deal at the time, over time, you may gain a new perspective. 

Balancing dating, academics, and well-being

Another common challenge that many college students face when it comes to dating is figuring out how to balance the many different demands of college life. Juggling dating, friendships, academics, other commitments, and overall well-being can be challenging at times, so it can be important to remind yourself of your priorities. If you start to notice that your dating life is becoming detrimental to your academics, well-being, or other aspects of your life, it may make sense to reflect on how you are spending your time and energy, so that you can make adjustments and create a healthier balance that works well for you. 

You don’t have to navigate college dating on your own

There are many reasons why dating in college can be challenging. Whether you’re having trouble figuring out what you want, have questions about your sexuality, or need help improving your self-esteem, working with a therapist can be beneficial. 

You don’t have to have a mental health diagnosis to benefit from working with a therapist. A licensed mental health professional can help you work through low self-esteem, improve communication skills, and determine your life goals.

Getting support through BetterHelp

If you’re interested in therapy, online treatment can be a flexible, affordable, and convenient option. When you sign up for an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can attend sessions from anywhere with a reliable internet connection at a time that suits your schedule. Most people are matched with a therapist within 48 hours, and you can change providers at any time until you find the right one for you. 

Research has found that online therapy can be effective at treating a range of mental health challenges. A recent study examined the effectiveness of fully virtual therapy for college students, and it found that a majority of participants achieved “reliable improvement and remission” for depression or anxiety symptoms.