Therapy For Infidelity

Infidelity in romantic relationships, whether it’s sexual or emotional infidelity, can have significant adverse impacts. When a person in a committed relationship cheats, the betrayed partner may feel hurt, lost, sad, confused, or other intense emotions. Questions may arise about the reason for the infidelity and what the affair means for the future of the married couple. In these cases, therapy or counseling may be a useful way to engage in open and honest communication, develop greater self-awareness, and restore healthy relationship dynamics for those who want to start the healing process.

Infidelity, sexual intimacy, and mental health

If you've recently experienced infidelity in your primary relationship, you may struggle to come to terms with what happened or feel unsure about moving forward. Being cheated on can feel like an immense loss, as you may feel you have lost the version of your relationship history you thought you had and the trust you had built together before the affair happened. 

What are some forms of infidelity?

Infidelity can take various forms, ranging from emotional infidelity(in which there is a romantic component to the infidelity, but not necessarily a physical one) to a physical or sexual affair (in which there is physical or sexual intercourse or intimacy). No matter how one constitutes infidelity, the effects on a relationship can be profound and overwhelming regardless of the individual factors that make up the affair. 

In addition to negatively impacting the relationship and potentially leading to breakup or divorce, affairs can negatively impact the mental health of both partners involved – the injured party and the one who cheated. They can also sometimes impact the affair partner as well. 

Common reactions to cheating

A recent study found that infidelity can enhance depressive symptoms, lower self-esteem, and create remorse in the unfaithful partner. In addition, the study found that infidelity may leave some people at risk of turning toward coping mechanisms like substance use or unprotected sex.

For individuals who have compulsive sexual habits, or a sexual addiction, the act of infidelity may also lead to intense feelings of disgust or shame in the aftermath of an affair. (Note: The terms "sex addiction" or "sex addicts" aren't officially recognized terms. However, the World Health Organization has "compulsive sexual behavior disorder" as an official diagnosis, which has the same traits and behaviors associated with being a "sex addict".)

What does infidelity therapy after an affair look like?

A partner's infidelity can be a traumatic event that can leave the couple at a loss for how to move forward. Individuals may struggle to process the affair, while couples may struggle to envision how they can rebuild trust and find healing. In these cases, counseling could be a useful resource. Therapists and counselors can help you navigate and heal from your trauma.

Couples counseling 

Therapy and marriage counseling can take multiple forms. For instance, couples who want to attempt to work together to move forward from an affair may consider couples therapy or marriage counseling. During couples therapy, the injured partner and the other partner can work with a therapist to address various factors, including the root causes of disconnect in the relationship, the emotions it brought up, and how to improve their communication and rebuild the relationship. 

A couple's counselor or therapist might ask about the affair's circumstances and help the couple develop strategies for rebuilding trust and avoiding future affairs. Therapy and marriage counseling might also aim to uncover existing relationship problems or unresolved issues. Techniques used during the therapeutic process may include role-playing, communication analysis, or exercises designed to strengthen trust and encourage open and honest communication between parties. However, couples' counseling can often require a commitment from both parties and an active attempt to make a change and develop greater self-awareness. It's important to be honest about your emotions when speaking with therapists. This will help therapists to accurately assess the situation and give effective advice.

Individual counseling with a therapist

In some relationship dynamics, individual counseling may be the preferred option. For instance, individual counseling may be more appropriate when the one partner who cheated does not feel remorse, if there are multiple affairs, or if the relationship has ended. In one-on-one sessions, a therapist or counselor can provide a place to discuss your emotions surrounding the initial phase of the affair and help you move forward. 

Your therapist may also offer techniques for managing the stress of rebuilding your life after infidelity, self-care suggestions for greater emotional well-being, recommendations for addressing trust issues, tips for strengthening other relationships, or how to seek out other forms of support. If infidelity has caused low self-esteem, they can guide you through unpacking your beliefs about yourself in the aftermath of the affair and restructure unhelpful or untrue thought patterns. So, don’t be afraid to open up in the therapy room.

Exploring the therapeutic process and techniques

During the therapeutic process, therapists can use a variety of techniques to help couples move forward. Some of these include: 

• Mindfulness. With mindfulness practices, individuals develop greater self-awareness that helps them more effectively navigate conflict. 
• Reflective listening. In this technique, couples learn how to use “I statements” to voice how they’re feeling.
• Solution-focused therapy: This therapy works well for couples who want to use their time in the therapy room to address the infidelity and move forward instead of dwelling on other issues. 
• Alignment: With this technique, couples focus on individual factors and memories that reinforce the positive aspects of their relationship. 

Some people may be hesitant to attend couples therapy out of fear of being judged. However, part of the therapist’s responsibilities is to remain neutral and put aside any of their own biases. Their focus is on helping clients move forward.

Can therapy for infidelity help with recovery? The role of therapy in rebuilding trust

Infidelity in a relationship can be associated with various mental health challenges, including depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Finding a path forward after infidelity happens might not seem simple. For couples who want to try to rebuild their relationship, reestablishing trust and creating a healthy relationship can take time and hard work, even with the help of a therapist. For individuals whose relationships ended after infidelity, time might be needed to grieve and process emotions in the aftermath of the affair before moving into a new relationship. In either case, moving on after an affair can be a challenging journey, and having the support of a mental health professional or therapist may help you feel less alone. There are several ways to get in touch with a therapist. BetterHelp, for instance, is a platform that connects therapists with individuals seeking support and guidance.

Relationship growth and renewal after infidelity

Research suggests that 4 in 10 relationships will experience infidelity at some point, and of those couples, half will choose to stay together. Couples who stay together can still experience a happy and fulfilling relationship, but doing so requires personal growth from both parties, a renewed commitment to one another, honest communication about the impact of the cheating, and mutual understanding of what boundaries need to be set to avoid future issues. This may be difficult to accomplish on your own. In cheating therapy, couples can work with a therapist to improve their individual emotional well-being and strengthen their shared partnership.

Inside the therapy room: What to expect during sessions

What’s happening in the therapy room will look different based on where you are in the therapeutic process. During the initial stages, the therapist may ask questions to get to know the couple better and understand where they are in their relationship. Once a therapist has gotten to know the couple and what individual factors brought them to counseling, they can begin to help the pair move forward. At this point in the process, the therapist may help facilitate discussions that are designed to rebuild the relationship and improve the way couples interact with one another.

Some partners may feel hesitant to attend therapy for infidelity because they don’t want to be judged. In such cases, it’s helpful to remember that the therapist’s only focus is on helping clients. During sessions, therapists practice therapeutic neutrality, which means they remain warm and professional toward both partners. During their training, therapists learn how to acknowledge and manage their own biases, so that these beliefs don’t impact the way they work with patients.  

How therapists support couples through infidelity

When a dating or married couple begins therapy after betrayal, the therapist’s focus is on helping the couple feel safe, understood, and grounded. The therapist offers a listening ear that can remain neutral, allowing both partners to share their experiences. 

Mental health professionals offer therapy that explores the individual factors leading up to the affair so couples can address the root causes, instead of getting stuck placing blame. They also help strengthen communication and establish boundaries to prevent future issues. For couples interested in moving forward with a renewed commitment, therapy can help them create a healthier, more intentional relationship. 

Maintaining progress and preventing future issues

Once the immediate crisis of infidelity has been addressed, the focus turns to growing together and remaining vigilant to guard against future issues. Lasting recovery requires self-awareness, honest communication, mutual understanding, and a commitment to personal growth. Couples can benefit from continuing to practice what they learned about managing conflict, even when they no longer attend couples therapy. If both partners are willing to put in the work, they can build a strong, healthy relationship with trust at its foundation.  

Online couples therapy or individual counseling options

Some couples and individuals feel hesitant to try face-to-face therapy and see a therapist together, as they may not want to see their partner in person again during a separation or might feel too busy or preoccupied to commute to an appointment. In these cases, you might connect with a therapist in person or online through platforms like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples. Online therapy may be convenient for couples navigating infidelity who want to take time apart while working on their relationship, as you and your partner can join the same therapy session from different locations. 

Effectiveness of online couples therapy for infidelity

Research has shown that online relationship counseling is an effective alternative to in-person relationship counseling. A 2022 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that couples therapy delivered via videoconferencing yielded similar results to face-to-face couples therapy. While therapy may not eradicate infidelity from your mind, a licensed family therapist or relationship counselor can provide support, validation, and advice for moving forward—whether you are on the road to recovery on your own or as a couple.