Signs That You Might Need a Different Therapist For Your Mental Health

Some individuals may go into therapy with high hopes, only to feel let down by unrealistic expectations if the situation doesn’t go as they had planned. They might feel that others are finding benefits from therapy that they aren’t. In some cases, people may also feel that therapy is not effective due to an adverse experience with one provider. 

Starting psychotherapy can be intimidating for people; however, finding a good fit from your prospective pool of therapists can be crucial to the quality of your experience. It can be important to remember that therapy is a journey, and progress may not always be linear. Many factors, including the therapeutic process and the patient’s mental health concerns, can impact the effectiveness of psychotherapy across client types.

Why therapy sometimes does not work

If you've struggled with therapeutic experiences, you may have met with an incompatible counselor or tried the wrong type of therapy for your symptoms. Effective treatment may help you grow through challenges and better understand yourself and how your life experiences have impacted you. It can provide you with the tools and resources to meet your goals. However, if you’re not finding these benefits, it may be valuable to seek a new therapist. 

Therapy is deeply personal and not one-size-fits-all

Talk therapy is an evidence-based practice that can yield excellent results. However, these results can depend on several factors: 

• The therapeutic relationship between the client and therapist
• Matching the right type of therapy to the mental health challenge
• The work put into the process by the client
• Time and consistency

Mental well-being isn’t a one-and-done goal or a state of mind that can be achieved without some time and effort. But with the right match and attitude, progress and growth can be within reach. 

The role of fit, trust, and communication

Research findings suggest that a “good” (read: strong and working) therapeutic alliance between the patient and therapist can be essential. If you don't feel like you've found the right fit, or feel like your experience “isn’t working,” don't give up. It can be helpful to remember that the result you want takes time, and that it can help you to keep looking for a therapist who can support you in your mental health journey. 

Read on to learn about possible reasons why therapy isn’t working, as well as the importance of a strong therapeutic alliance with your therapist of choice in treating a range of mental health concerns—such as depression, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, and others.

Talk to your therapist and form a respect-based relationship

10 signs you may need a different therapist

If you’re struggling to connect with a counselor, it may be a sign that their therapeutic process (whether evidence-based or not) is a suitable fit for your current needs. If they fit any of the below diagnostic criteria, you may consider reaching out to a new provider or switching therapists.

1. They push their beliefs on you or cross professional boundaries

Your therapist can maintain individual beliefs outside of sessions. However, as a therapist, they are required to uphold the ethical code of conduct outlined by the American Psychological Association throughout their therapeutic approach. If they are creating a conflict of interest, judgment, or explicit bias, they may be harming the therapeutic relationship. If they try to push spiritual, religious, political, or cultural beliefs on you, it could signify they are overstepping their limits as a therapist within the therapeutic relationship. 

Keep in mind that emotional safety is key to sharing and making progress in therapy. If you feel unsafe or have difficulty sharing because a therapist is overstepping boundaries in this way, it may be time to find someone who keeps their personal life separate from their practice.

2. You feel unheard or misunderstood

Your therapist’s job is generally to focus on your symptoms, treatment plan, and therapy goals using active listening skills. You are paying them to support you as a professional. If they spend all of the session giving anecdotal evidence to their claims or discussing their personal life, it may take away from the time you paid for to talk about your concerns and make you feel unheard.

If you don't feel heard because they continue to tell stories about themselves or turn the session back to themselves to talk about their life, you might not benefit from therapy with this provider. Experienced therapists might instead pay attention to what you say, ask leading questions, and provide valuable insight to you. If they bring up information about themselves, it may be tied to your situation and a brief relation to what you stated. 

3. You feel awkward, judged, or dismissed

If your therapist judges your thoughts or actions, it may make you feel shame—and it can also be one of the signs of a bad therapist. If you feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about certain topics because of judgment or unkindness, you may want to follow your gut feeling and determine why you feel this way. Consider the following:

• Are you feeling judged by your therapist?
• Have they made a comment or comments that have hurt you?
• Do you feel that they are really listening to what you’re saying?
• Do you feel dismissed by their words or actions? 

If your therapist is making judgmental commentary, you might choose to confront them and request that they stop. If it continues, consider looking for a new therapist. 

Additionally, if you ask your therapist to change their approach for you to feel more comfortable and they refuse because they are the therapist, they may not be respecting your goals or wishes as the client. Although they are professionals, you are hiring them for a service, and unhelpful commentary may do more harm than healing. 

4. You dread sessions or feel worse afterward

There are times when you might feel worse after a therapy session if you are experiencing challenging symptoms or talking about complex topics during therapy. Therapy can be difficult and may push you to dig into profound emotions and discuss painful experiences. Feeling worse after a session or two may not indicate red flags, but if it continues or you start to dread attending sessions, it can be indicative of a problem. 

Over time, if you can look back on your first session and see that you’ve made changes for the better, it may mean therapy is working. If you’ve attended several sessions and feel worse than before, you can choose to let your therapist know. If you aren't satisfied with their solutions, it may signify an opportunity to change providers. 

6. Appointments are never available 

If you must wait weeks or months to get an appointment each time you meet your therapist, you might consider working with a different provider. Inconsistent sessions may affect your treatment plan. Although the therapist may be qualified, waiting long periods to talk to them can be challenging, especially if you’re experiencing an immediate conflict or distressing experience. Many healthy therapists will not take on more clients than they can handle, and may leave a few time slots open for cancellations or past clients to take advantage of. 

7. They are constantly checking their watch

If you notice your therapist checking the clock instead of focusing on your conversation, it may indicate a desire for the session to end. Although therapists may have a short window of time between appointments, the time you book with them can be essential. If you feel that your therapist is preoccupied with their schedule or is often distracted, you might ask them about it. You can let them know you feel distracted by it or that you should wrap up what you’re saying before the time is up. 

8. No treatment plan has been discussed 

For many people, therapy can be a process. You might revisit it from time to time throughout your life, but you may not continue it every week forever. To know when you are ready to stop seeing your therapist, you may formulate a treatment plan with set goals. When you start therapy, you and your therapist may work together to establish the end goals for treatment and revisit them periodically to check your progress or set a new goal. If your therapist doesn’t create a treatment plan, it may be a warning sign. 

9. Sessions feel unstructured or unhelpful 

Most therapists are dedicated to helping people with their mental health concerns. However, it's not uncommon for some individuals to have a negative personal experience with a therapist. Unethical or unkind occurrences may happen in therapy that leave clients uncomfortable. In these situations, report your therapist to the board if they are breaking an ethical code or law. 

Others may find that their session doesn’t feel helpful. It can be worth exploring if you don’t feel like you’re getting what you need, or if you don’t feel that your sessions are run in a way that makes sense.

10. You are not seeing positive changes over time

Therapy can be challenging. However, if you hate every session and don’t feel it has ever been enjoyable or helpful, it could mean you’re not connecting with your therapist. Although therapy might not be fun or exciting, it could still offer positive insights on occasion, as well as healthy changes over time. Many clients feel a professional and therapeutic connection with their therapists and may feel grateful for the service they provide. If you do not feel that you have a successful therapeutic relationship with your therapist, consider why.  

It may be helpful to consider finding a different professional therapist who specializes in your specific mental illness. For example, a doctor who has experience with your condition may be able to provide more personalized and effective therapy. They can use their knowledge of psychology to help you understand and overcome fears or concerns you may have.

When staying with a therapist may still make sense

There are times when you may not feel comfortable in therapy, but staying with your current therapist may still be the best course of action. Growth can feel challenging at times, but be productive and worthwhile. 

Normal discomfort vs true red flags

Experiencing occasional discomfort in therapy with a provider that offers a healthy therapeutic relationship is different than encountering true red flags. Sometimes personalities simply don’t mesh well together, or you may feel personally uncomfortable navigating strong emotions. 

How to talk to your therapist about concerns

If you are not sure whether you are ready to change therapists, but feel you need a change, having a talk with your therapist may help. 

How to self-advocate in therapy

If you are concerned about your progress in therapy, an honest discussion with your current therapist may allow you to change things without having to find a new therapist. To lay the foundations for this talk, first make a plan. Write down your concerns so that you can decide what is important and create a streamlined statement. Be ready to share your goals and to listen to potential solutions for the challenges that you’re experiencing. Ask questions about anything that may be puzzling you. Use “I” language to avoid sounding accusatory. 

Questions to ask before deciding to change therapists

The following are some questions you may want to ask yourself before deciding to change therapists: 

• Do I have achievable goals in place?
• Am I making progress toward my goals? 
• Do I trust my therapist’s guidance? 
• Am I comfortable discussing uncomfortable topics with my therapist?
• Do I feel that my therapist respects me? 

Find out what you’re looking for in a therapist for your mental health

If you haven't had success in the past, it may not mean that therapy doesn’t work for you. Studies show that 75% of clients utilizing therapy find it effective and beneficial. If you are part of the 25% that doesn’t, consider writing a pros and cons chart about your therapist. If you find that the cons outweigh the pros, look for a new provider. You can find a new therapist through the following methods. 

Create a “green flags” list

It can be helpful to create a list of all the “green flags” or positive qualities you’re looking for in a provider. As you do this, you can ask yourself the following questions: 

• What format am I most comfortable communicating with my therapist?
• What gender do I want my therapist to be? 
• How old do I want them to be? 
• Do I prefer an LGBTQ+ therapist?
• Do I prefer a BIPOC therapist? 
• Do I prefer a culturally or spiritually-informed therapist? 
• What are my goals for therapy?
• What type of therapy do I want to practice? 
• Do I believe in medication?
• How often do I want to attend sessions? 
• Do I want to see a therapist in person or online? 
• What are three adjectives I want my therapist to have? (Ex: kind, empathetic, gentle) 

Having these questions answered may give you a place to start your search.

Deciding on your therapist

Whether you’re seeking a therapist, counselor, or physician who suits your needs, it can be important to do your research beforehand. There are various things that you can look out for to determine the quality of a therapist before an initial consultation. Here are a few things to consider.

Ask for recommendations from others

Ask family and friends if they have any recommendations. However, note that what works for someone else may not work for you. You can also ask your primary care physician for a referral while letting them know your expectations for treatment. They may know of a provider that offers the form of therapy you’re looking for. 

Read online reviews

Many therapists have reviews online. You can read through them to find out what experiences others have had and the effectiveness of their treatment experiences. Reading reviews can help you know what to expect before you meet with a therapist for the first time.

Look at therapist credentials

You may feel that anyone who advertises themselves as a counselor is experienced and licensed. However, some people may illegally misrepresent themselves. It can be important to take the time to ensure your provider is licensed and that you feel comfortable with their education and experience level. 

Specialized treatment for mental health and anxiety 

There are different types of therapy and different reasons that people seek therapy. It can be helpful to look for a therapist specializing in the kind of treatment you seek, whether you’re looking for behavioral therapy, internal family systems (IFS), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), or another form of counseling. You can also look for therapists specializing in specific mental health conditions or symptoms like depression, panic attacks, or phobias. 

Finding the right form of therapy is important. Different types of therapy may be worthwhile, depending on the mental health symptoms you are experiencing. For example, cognitive behavioral therapy can be effective in reducing symptoms of anxiety. Meanwhile, someone experiencing relationship problems may want to try family therapy.

How the right treatment can support you

One or a few negative experiences may not mean that therapy doesn't work. Many clients may go through several therapists before they find the proper fit. You can use your initial session or consultation to learn more about a therapist and decide together whether you would be a suitable fit. If not, it can be normal to move on and choose someone else. 

If you’re struggling to find a proper fit in person, online therapy may offer the ease of finding a provider. With online therapy, you don’t have to worry about finding a nearby therapist with an open appointment or contacting multiple offices in the area to find someone qualified. Through a platform like BetterHelp, you can be matched with a therapist who directly meets your needs related to treatment types, symptoms treated, reasons for therapy, goals, gender, sexuality, and race or ethnicity. You can also indicate if you have spiritual or religious beliefs you’d like to discuss in counseling. 

Therapy as a treatment for mental health and anxiety

Multiple studies suggest that online therapy is effective. One review concluded that online cognitive-behavioral therapy can be beneficial in treating and managing symptoms of numerous conditions, including depression, anxiety, panic disorder, OCD, and bipolar disorder. If you’ve had trouble finding a therapist, online therapy might be the solution.