Signs Of A Bad Therapist: Knowing When To Move On
If you've been in therapy for a while and don't see much progress in your goals for treatment, you might feel like therapy doesn't work for you. If that's the case, you might have a mental health professional who is not a good fit. Understanding potential indicators of a bad therapist, such as unethical behaviors or lack of insight, may allow you to make informed decisions about when to move on.
A therapeutic alliance with your therapist can be essential. If you don't find that your mental health issues are improving, or believe that your sessions worsen your mood, it could signify a need to find the right match in a new provider.
While it is relevant to note that some things can definitely seem worse in the beginning of effective counseling, as you are challenging cognitive skills, behaviors, attitudes, etc.; such intensification should be relatively short-lived, so you should quickly move on to experiencing positive progress.
Signs of a bad counselor
Many individuals might seek to give mental health professionals the benefit of the doubt and assume they are experienced and professional. However, identifying conflicts with your therapist might be challenging if you've never been in therapy or feel unsure about your treatment plan. Below are several bad therapist signs you might notice from an unprofessional or inappropriate provider.
The therapist isn't listening
In therapy, active listening from a counselor can be beneficial in helping a client feel heard. Clients may struggle to progress if their therapist ignores them or changes the subject when they're speaking. Good therapists should work to hear you, respond to what you say, and repeat your concerns back to ensure they heard you correctly.
Overall, a healthy therapist should address your concerns with interest and offer relevant advice.
- Talking about their own life for the majority of the session or when you bring something up about yourself
- Appearing disengaged by looking out a window, focusing on items in their office, or sighing
- Ignoring what you said and bringing up a new topic
- Telling you that your feelings are "weird" or "don't make sense"
- Engaging in phone calls, attending to other patients, or leaving the room during your session
Judgmental behavior
If you feel judged by your therapist, it may be a red flag and signify a need to find a new provider. Therapists are held to a code of ethics by the American Psychological Association, and judgmental and shameful behavior can be an ethical violation.
A healthy therapist may accept your identities and reward your accomplishments during therapy sessions. It could be a red flag if they "punish" or judge you for behaviors about which you feel ashamed. A trained therapist may focus on helping you make the positive behavioral changes you deserve.
Below are a few examples of harmful statements from a professional:
- "You're not a good parent if you do that."
- "You need more self-sufficiency; you're too lazy."
- "Your self-destructive behaviors are for attention."
- "I can't help you if you don't open up to me immediately."
- "Your mental illness is just an excuse for your behavior."
If a therapist pressures you, expresses a bias toward your gender or minority identity, makes you feel judged, or doesn't accept your boundaries, it may be a sign that they are unhealthy for you.
Inappropriate advances
When you work with a therapist, you can be putting yourself in a vulnerable position. If there is any indication that your therapist is starting to take advantage of that position, cut ties immediately.
Any physical contact, like your therapist initiating hugs or inappropriate touching should be addressed and not tolerated. If you sense this is happening, there are steps you can take to remove yourself from the situation and report the therapist to the state board:
- Let them know you are going to leave early. Do not tell them why.
- When in a safe location, report your concerns to the state board of psychology for your state.
- After reporting them, look for a new counselor in a new location away from the previous counselor.
According to the APA, romantic or sexual dual relationships with clients are not allowed unless two years have passed since treatment, and the client is no longer a client. Even if you consent to a relationship, dual relationships are unethical, and they can lose their license for engaging in one.
Lack of progress
It can be typical, and understandable, to leave the first therapy session with the impression that no progress has been made; because intake sessions tend to require gathering information about you as a patient, your goals, and other relevant background details, to help your therapist get to know you better.
However, if you've been in therapy for a while and still don't perceive that you've made any progress from that first day, it could indicate that your therapist is not a proper fit.
That said, therapy is often not a linear journey, and there may be times when you feel you're making progress and times when you feel stagnant. Even if a therapist gives advice and follows a treatment plan, some patients may struggle to engage in treatment or practice the skills offered.
In some cases, a lack of progress may be due to the wrong type of treatment for a particular concern, such as bipolar disorder or other disorders. For example, some patients experiencing symptoms related to trauma may not benefit from therapist based behavioral advice when they seek validation of their experiences. They may interpret that a suggestion to change a behavior does not consider their entire experience, which feels like blaming or disregarding their feelings.
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
Inappropriate discussions
When you attend a therapy session, you are paying money for professional support. If a therapist spends most of the session talking about themselves, it can take time away from the focus on the client and reduce the investment made. However, boundaries can be essential. If you feel that your therapist is hindering your progress because they talk about themselves frequently without any benefit to you, consider a new provider.
Countertransference
In supportive therapy, countertransference occurs when a therapist treats a patient positively or negatively due to a personal association that reminds them of that person. For example, you may remind them of their child, and they take on a "parenting" role with you.
The warning signs of countertransference in therapy depend on what your therapist is experiencing. Pay attention to whether the therapist gives information outside the scope of what's relevant to your session. If this occurs, remind your therapist that you are unique outside of those they know and are attending sessions to improve your mental health.
A therapeutic alliance is not supposed to be a friendship but a professional, supportive connection.
Unresponsiveness
It can be frustrating if your therapist doesn't promptly respond after you've reached out to them. Supportive therapy sessions can involve healthy communication, and your therapist may do their best to respond as long as your communication is healthy and respects their time and boundaries. However, if you find it impossible to reach out to your provider, consider letting them know you'd appreciate more responsiveness.
Nonexistent challenges
Some clients may benefit from positive challenges in psychotherapy. If you don't believe that you're being challenged or gently nudged forward, you may not experience the progress that is possible for you. A healthy therapist may offer constructive feedback to help you benefit from the work you've done together.
Error-filled messages
If you are using an online therapy chat or texting your therapist and find that your therapist is sending you messages that are full of typos or grammatically incorrect, it may indicate a lack of professionalism. Additionally, if the background noise on your therapist's end is too loud or distracting, it could affect the quality of your therapy session.
Broken trust
All healthy relationships require trust. This certainly applies to your relationship with a professional clinician. A lack of trust may hinder your therapeutic progress. If your therapist reaches out to your past providers, families, or friends, without your permission, this can indicate a break in trust and may be illegal, depending on state laws.
Ending a therapist relationship
If you recognize any of the above signs in your therapist, it might be time to break off your relationship. An appropriate therapeutic relationship is professional and appropriately compensated by you. If your therapist isn't upholding their end of the professional arrangement, consider finding someone who will.
If you aren't comfortable confronting them about this in person, you might do it over the phone or through email. Consider explaining the reason you are interested in looking for a new therapist. The therapist might use this information to make better choices in the future; but regardless, that is not your responsibility.
If you're worried about how to break the news, try roleplaying what you'll say with a friend. This exercise may help you avoid reacting defensively in the case of unplanned circumstances. Those who practice supportive psychotherapy can rely on honesty and communication to understand your perspective, so try to be candid and transparent.
The proper fit
There are many strategies you can use to find a new therapist. The first technique you might try is asking for a referral. You can also ask your doctor if they have a mental health professional to whom they refer patients.
If you are involved with a church or religious group, consider asking if anyone can make a counseling recommendation. There might be a person within the group, such as a priest or minister, who offers advice sessions. If you have health insurance, you can check with your provider to see if they cover mental health services and if there are counselors to whom they refer their clients.
If you are a college student, your college or university may include a department for mental health support or a counselor on staff that students can talk to. An online search can also be an effective way to find a therapist.
If you've had a poor experience with a counselor, don't hesitate to end your therapeutic relationship. Even if therapy with one person doesn't work, it may not signify a problem with you. At times, counselors and clients are not a proper fit, which may not indicate any flaws with either person.
Counseling options
You may have several options if you're ready to sign up for counseling with a new therapist. Some people may feel hesitant to end a professional relationship with their therapist if they don't have many options in their area or can't find any other therapists in their price range. In these cases, online therapy may offer greater affordability and variety.
Research shows that electronically delivered therapy from online therapists can be as effective as traditional face-to-face counseling, which makes it a convenient option. One study by Brigham Young University researchers found that technology-based therapy provides other added benefits, including lower cost, no travel time, no waitlists, and clear progress.
If you are searching for the right therapist, consider choosing an online support therapy solution such as BetterHelp. The professional, licensed counselors at BetterHelp can provide ongoing daily support, and various specialists are available to offer therapy.
Counselor reviews
“Liany is the best therapist I have ever had. She makes me feel heard and gives me tangible ways to manage my anxiety, even though we only have 30 minutes together each week. She is so accommodating of my schedule and understanding, not to mention incredibly knowledgeable. Whether it's a book recommendation, a coping mechanism to try, or just affirmation that I am enough and am doing enough, Liany always meets me where I am at. She is a wonderful human who cares about her clients.”
“Cindy is hands down the best therapist I have had out of my 8 years of trying different therapists. I was very fortunate to find someone during the pandemic who was well versed in the issues I was facing. She inspires me and pushes me to do better for myself.”
Takeaway
How can you tell if you have a bad therapist?
When you feel like you’re not making progress in therapy, it may sometimes indicate that your treatment provider simply isn’t a good match for you. However, certain kinds of negative behavior from a therapist may cause harm to clients. Some warning signs that you have a bad therapist can include:
- A rigid, inflexible attitude
- Unwillingness to listen to feedback
- Failure to provide actionable advice
- Shaming and judging
- Controlling behavior, such as pushing you toward a goal you’re not interested in
- Emotional coldness or lack of empathy
- Blurring of personal and professional relationships, such as trying to initiate a friendship or romantic relationship
- Financial conflicts of interest
- Minimizing or invalidating your viewpoint
- Lack of active listening skills like eye contact and engaged posture
- Bigoted attitudes
- Attempts to get you to adopt their political or religious viewpoint
Can therapists be wrong sometimes?
Yes, therapists can make a wide variety of mistakes, from poorly worded comments in sessions to incorrect diagnoses of mental health conditions. This may be due to unconscious cognitive biases, outdated ideas retained from their training, or even simple stress and fatigue. While therapists typically have more expertise in the field of mental health than their patients, this doesn’t mean you have to accept everything your therapist says uncritically.
Getting something wrong doesn’t necessarily mean that someone is a bad therapist (though it might). Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, even in important matters such as mental health treatment.
It may be helpful to pay attention to how your therapist responds when they’ve made an error. Do they acknowledge their mistake and make an effort to improve? Or do they attempt to deny, minimize, or otherwise avoid owning up to what they’ve done wrong? A failure to address and accommodate client preferences can lead to worse outcomes in psychotherapy.
Some unhelpful actions in therapy cross the line from simple mistakes into serious lapses in professional judgment or ethics. If your therapist has discriminated against you, made sexual advances toward you, or otherwise harmed you, it’s best to seek help elsewhere.
What to do when a therapist is not helping?
If your therapist is not actually causing you harm, but they’re also not helping you gain insight or find relief from your symptoms, you have several options for how to respond. Assuming that you feel comfortable and safe with your care provider, it may be a good idea to address the problem directly. You can explain that you feel you haven’t been making progress in therapy and you want to discuss what you could be doing differently.
Being as specific as possible may help with this. Your therapist is more likely to have an idea of how to adjust their treatment approach if you can articulate the areas in which you’re feeling stalled. If you can point to specific things they’re doing that you’ve found unhelpful, that may be even better.
Critiquing your therapist’s approach to their face may feel uncomfortable. Still, this kind of directness about your feelings can be an important skill to cultivate if you’re trying to improve your mental health.
If you genuinely don’t feel safe bringing up your reservations with your therapist, this could be an indication that you don’t have a healthy therapeutic relationship. And if you’ve already discussed these problems with them but you’re continuing to make no progress in therapy, it might be time to look for a new treatment provider. In some cases, you might also want to consult a psychiatrist to see if medication can enhance your efforts at recovery.
What to do when your therapist makes you feel bad?
It’s not unusual for negative emotions to arise during therapy — sometimes, your healing journey may involve confronting painful realities. That said, a competent and professional therapist will usually focus any critical remarks on your behavior rather than making negative judgments about you as a person.
If you feel a sense of shame in response to something discussed in therapy, it may be useful to evaluate where it’s coming from. Are you feeling bad because you’re reflecting on negative actions or behavior patterns that you’d like to improve? Or did your therapist say something judgmental, dismissive, or hurtful about who you are? The former may be a difficult but necessary part of the recovery process, while the latter could be a sign of a problem.
When your therapist has made you feel bad about yourself rather than offering constructive criticism and guidance, it could be important to bring it up with them. You may find that they misspoke or didn’t realize the effect their words were having, in which case your feedback could help them improve their therapeutic approach. Alternatively, you might discover that they are unwilling to listen to your perspective, in which case it’s likely best to find another mental health professional.
When should you stop seeing your therapist?
The decision to move on from a particular therapist is often a highly personal one and may depend a great deal on your personal experience and needs. Still, the following situations can often indicate that you might be better served by a different therapist:
- They dismiss or minimize your perspectives, feelings, or experiences
- They become defensive or angry when you push back against something you’ve said
- They repeatedly offer advice that doesn’t align with your goals or values
- They violate your boundaries or make you feel uncomfortable
- Your mental health is consistently getting worse rather than better
Should a therapist tell you about their life?
Therapists discussing details about their own lives — a practice known as “self-revelation” — can be a controversial practice within the mental health field. Studies suggest that certain kinds of self-revelation can have a positive impact on the therapist-client relationship and the outcomes of treatment. Yet excessive or inappropriate discussion of the therapist’s life may distract from a proper focus on the patient’s needs and experiences.
In general, it may be best for therapists to keep their discussions of their own lives to a minimum, limiting themselves to occasional, brief self-revelations that are directly relevant to therapy and help build a sense of trust or empathy. For example, if you’re expressing frustration about the difficulty of changing your negative self-talk, your therapist might discuss that they experienced a similar frustration when they were working on their own self-esteem.
On the other hand, if your therapist is talking so much about themself that you feel less able to discuss your needs, that can be a problem. It can be even worse if they seem to be using the sessions as a chance to work through their personal emotional challenges. If this is a consistent pattern, you might be better off with a different counselor.
How often is too often to see a therapist?
While most therapy methods involve weekly sessions, seeing a therapist more frequently is not necessarily a bad thing. Many studies have found that increasing session frequency may enhance outcomes and lead to faster recovery. Some types of intensive psychotherapy are designed to lead to more rapid improvement and may help address urgent mental health crises.
Even so, if you’ve been engaging in therapy sessions multiple times a week for more than a few months, it may be worth assessing whether it’s providing the results you need. In theory, more frequent therapy should often lead to a faster decline in symptoms. If you haven’t made significant progress after long-term, intensive treatment, it could be a sign that you need a new approach.
How successful is therapy?
In general, psychotherapy has a high success rate. Studies have repeatedly found that it leads to significant improvement for a substantial majority of patients with conditions including:
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Post-traumatic stress disorder
- Suicidal tendencies
- Obsessive-compulsive disorder
The American Psychological Association reports that roughly 75% of people who undergo therapy benefit from it. Of course, this means that not everyone will benefit equally, and there may be some people whose symptoms will be better treated with medication or a combination of therapy and pharmacology.
The effectiveness of talk therapy may depend in part on the quality of the relationship between the client and the treatment provider. This is one reason it can be important to look for a new therapist if the one you’re seeing currently isn’t serving your needs.
How long should a person be in therapy?
The length of time spent in therapy can vary from just a few weekly sessions to several years or more. According to the APA, the average self-reported recovery time for typical patients is 15-20 weekly sessions. If you continue to feel you’re getting important benefits from treatment past that point, continuing may still be the right choice.
Researchers are still working to determine the ideal “dose” of therapy, but current evidence suggests that it may depend on the severity of mental illness. For example, people with personality disorders or multiple co-occurring disorders may be more likely to require extended treatment that takes over a year to complete.
Do therapists improve over time?
In many cases, therapists do improve their skills as they gain experience. This may be somewhat dependent on their active pursuit of improvement, though. A study published by the Society for Clinical Psychology reported that the length that a therapist was in practice didn’t necessarily correlate with better patient outcomes. However, in environments where therapists were regularly receiving ongoing feedback and training aimed at improving their practice, greater experience improved their results in therapy.
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