Everything’s stressing me out! What to do when worry is too much

“I’m so stressed out!” This may be a common phrase for parents to hear from their kids, and for kids, it can be a common state of mind. Adults can sometimes forget about the stress that young people experience in their day-to-day lives. While some stress may be normal from time to time, too much stress can become overwhelming. Still, there may be tools you can use to help your anxious child if you find that they worry too much over everyday circumstances. This guide to stress in kids will take an in-depth look at how stress can affect children. It will also serve as a review of the interactive self-help book What To Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid’s Guide To Overcoming Anxiety. Working with a licensed therapist in person or online can be helpful for parents who are concerned about their child’s stress levels.

Stress in children: Is it worry or anxiety?

Children often navigate a world of uncertainty. In general, they are continually learning about themselves and what is expected of them from parents, school, and society. Stress can be healthy in the right amounts, though. For instance, if a kid has stress related to a test, it can motivate them to study and achieve a high score as a result.  

Still, there are some modern stressors that can lead to unhealthy amounts of worry in kids. The COVID-19 pandemic could serve as a recent example. Feelings of loss and fear related to this unprecedented period seem to have negatively impacted mental health for kids; there has been a 29% increase in anxiety disorders diagnosed in children ages three to 17 years old, according to a study published in JAMA Pediatrics. 

Stress can also originate in the home. For example, children may worry over tensions between parents and siblings, divorce, or loss. School may be another source of stress that can include worries about bullying, friendship, and grades, for instance. 

Resources for worried kids

If you become concerned that your child is worrying too much, it may be time to talk to your pediatrician about therapy. In the meantime, there are tools you can use in addition to or in conjunction with therapy. 

One of these resources is the book What To Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid’s Guide To Overcoming Anxiety, written by Dawn Huebner, Ph.D. A winner of the National Parenting Publications Award, this easy-to-understand book can empower children to learn cognitive behavioral techniques at their own level. 

The book offers skills-related activities that may be ideal for teaching complex psychological concepts in a way that is fun and relatable for children. Humorous illustrations by Bonnie Matthews can keep kids engaged while they complete exercises like:

• Setting up specific 15-minute “worry times”
• Drawing their worry as it gives up and goes away
• Writing or drawing things they can do to take good care of themselves

Interactive self-help books like this one can be effective supplements to cognitive behavioral therapy sessions for children who worry excessively. They can also be helpful stress management tools on their own. This particular book is often recommended by a variety of mental health professionals, as well as the Mental Health Foundation of New Zealand. The latter gives the book a glowing review: 

“Heubner gently explains that worries are normal, and all kids have them. She uses humorous illustrations and metaphors to explain that if your worries grow so big that they get out of hand and bother you almost every day, you might need some extra help.” 

Not only can this book offer skill-building strategies, but it can also pave the way for children ages six to 12 to accept the concept of therapeutic help without fear or apprehension.

Therapy for anxiety 

Cognitive behavioral therapy tends to be the most common and effective therapy for anxiety in both children and adults. If you find that your child feels worried most of the time or that stress is getting in the way of their day-to-day routine, finding a therapist to help them learn to manage stress and anxious feelings can be helpful. The same anxiety-based questions that your child may ask over and over can be redirected into more helpful ways of thinking with the help of a mental health professional. 

It can also be important to recognize that anxiety in children can sometimes be connected to anxiety in their adult caregivers. If your own life feels overwhelming, or the stress of having an anxious child causes excessive worry in your own life, it may be worth considering individual therapy for yourself or family therapy with your child and other family members. Your child’s pediatrician can refer you to a licensed therapist who practices cognitive behavioral therapy for children and families. 

Benefits of online therapy

For parents who are juggling child-rearing, work, and other responsibilities, scheduling in-person appointments for therapy could be challenging. Busy parents who are interested in learning more about CBT principles and modeling stress-reducing behaviors themselves may find online therapy platforms like BetterHelp beneficial. Online therapy can offer the same high-quality CBT therapy sessions without the hassle and time commitment of traveling to in-person appointments. You may also find the online therapeutic environment to be more conducive to conversations about sensitive topics, including any family dynamics that may be contributing to your child’s anxiety. 

Effectiveness of online therapy

Research shows that online therapy can be just as effective as traditional therapy for managing anxiety, and it can be more convenient and cost-effective than its in-office counterpart. A large-scale meta-analysis of studies emphasized the efficacy of internet-based CBT in treating a variety of mental health conditions, including depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, bipolar disorder, and phobias.