What Is The Opposite Of Worry? Seeking Peace For The Anxious Child

As a parent or caregiver, it is natural to want to help your anxious child. However, when interacting with anxious children, one may not always know the right thing to do. How can a parent bring that kind of security to their children while managing the stress of their own lives? 

This article will examine some of the stressors that may lead to excessive anxiety or worry in children and how to best help through thoughts and actions. It will also include a review of a popular resource for childhood anxiety called The Opposite Of Worry: The Playful Parenting Approach to Childhood Anxiety and Fears by author Lawrence J. Cohen. 

What can cause worry in children?

Parents of anxious children may forget the demands of being a child. To many busy adults, childhood can seem like a carefree time with little to worry about and few “real” problems. However, even children who do not experience trauma in their lives have to navigate learning about themselves and how to meet the demands of school, peers, and society. 

Going through different developmental stages can entail much, and for some children, it can be overwhelming; common stressors for children include:

• Grades, tests, and other school projects.
• School shootings and active shooter drills.
• Bullying and relationships within their peer group.
• Social media.
• Changes in routine, namely during the COVID-19 pandemic.

These may include:

• Changes in appetite.
• Anger or irritability.
• Getting sick more often than usual (physical symptoms may manifest as stomachaches, headaches, or body aches). 
• Trouble sleeping.
• Procrastination or neglect of responsibilities.
• Behavior changes.

Recognizing signs like these is vital for timely support. If you or a loved one is experiencing a crisis, reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741 for 24/7 support.

How to help a child who worries excessively

There are some guidelines for what to do and what to avoid when helping a child manage complex and sometimes consuming emotions like fear. First, let’s look at some lifestyle habits that can help your child manage stress. 

• Exercise. Physical activity can be an effective stress reducer for people of any age. The recommended amount of exercise for children ages 6 to 17 is at least 60 minutes per day. This can be done through play, sports, swimming, or even family walks and hikes. Encourage your child to get moving in a fun and supportive way. Note that exercising in a green space can be even more effective for stress reduction and overall well-being. 
• Appropriate sleep. Sleep can be a critical factor for mental health. Children and teens need more sleep than adults, with a recommended nine to 12 hours for children between the ages of 6 to 12 and eight to 10 hours per night for teens. To help your children get quality sleep, keep bedtimes consistent, and have them avoid using screens at least an hour before bed. 
• Communication. Let your children know you are available to talk about anything that may be bothering them. It can be comforting for them to know that there is someone to listen to their worries or fears. 
• Finding balance. Between school, sports, hobbies, and life, many young people are incredibly busy. Ensure that your children have some unscheduled and unstructured time to do things they want to do — or to do nothing at all. 

In attempts to “fix” anxiety for children, parents can sometimes inadvertently make things more difficult. Here are some things to avoid when helping your child manage their anxiety:

• Evasion. It can be tempting to try to help by removing stressors from a child’s life altogether. However, a child needs to learn coping mechanisms to manage their worries. Taking them out of a situation every time they start feeling anxious will not allow them to build resilience and may create a worrying cycle. 
• Giving power to their fears. When a child is frightened in a situation, it can be fine to acknowledge their fears but be careful not to amplify them. Encourage them to face their fears and demonstrate confidence that they can do so. 
• Asking leading questions. Let your child use their own voice to speak their fears. Do not rush to put your own words onto their anxieties. Instead of asking, “Are you worried about your big history project?” consider asking, “How do you feel about your history project?”

Finally, one of the most important things you can do when helping a child manage their anxiety is to model healthy stress management yourself. Often, those who have a family history of anxiety can end up with anxiety themselves. By managing your stress openly and healthfully, you can be a role model for their mental health journey. 

The opposite of worry: A resource for the anxious child 

A good resource for parents of a child experiencing anxious feelings is the book The Opposite Of Worry by author Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D. This guide, which is recommended by many mental health professionals, offers a variety of tools for parents who are unsure of how to help when their child worries excessively. 

Not only can you find advice on how to guide your child through fear and anxiety, but this book also shares strategies for parents who are having trouble managing their own stress. Additionally, there are resources geared directly toward children and adolescents, including the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, which offers its own guides.

Therapy for anxiety

Therapy can be a good choice for a child who is having trouble managing their anxiety or even for the parent of an anxious child. If you sense that your child is being overwhelmed by their worries or that it is affecting their social life or schoolwork, consult their pediatrician about healthy steps to take. A licensed therapist can help a worried child by investigating the sources of their fear and by teaching them coping skills that can help change how they think about scary situations. 

For parents, therapy can be a way to manage their own stress and to learn to model a healthy relationship with fear and other negative feelings. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is the most common and effective form of psychotherapy to treat anxiety symptoms and offers several strategies to decrease stress levels. 

For parents or caregivers who have trouble fitting in one more appointment for themselves, online therapy platforms like BetterHelp offer a way to get the same quality services you find in traditional therapy but from the convenience of your own home or office. Research shows that online therapy is just as effective as in-person therapy and can be more cost-effective.