Managing ADHD And Anger: Tips For Success

Anger is a complex human emotion that each of us experiences at some point or another. However, those that have ADHD may be more prone to getting angry than those without the disorder.  ADHD comes with a variety of symptoms, many of which cause everyday situations to be more stressful. The overwhelming emotions that often ensue can lead to feelings like anger that are difficult to manage. 

While it is unrealistic to avoid becoming angry at all, you can learn new skills to minimize the impact your anger has on your emotional state and the people around you. While ADHD may make it harder to control your anger, it is possible to develop healthier ways of expressing yourself by implementing the tips contained in this article.

ADHD, emotional dysregulation, and anger

One of the core symptoms of ADHD is difficulty with emotional self-regulation. Individuals with ADHD, especially children, tend to experience both negative and positive emotions strongly; and they often struggle to control those emotions when they arise. Because it can be hard for people with ADHD to manage feelings like frustration or irritability, ADHD and anger issues often go hand in hand. Individuals with the disorder may experience anger outbursts or strong emotional responses that do not match the situation. 

In some cases, anger can be the result of rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD)—a common condition in those with ADHD that can cause them to react differently than others following a real or perceived rejection. Individuals experiencing RSD can struggle to express anger in a healthy way due to the emotional pain they feel during certain interactions. Impulse control challenges, low self-esteem, and overstimulation can also contribute to anger in those with ADHD. 

Difficulty managing intense emotions can also arise due to comorbid disorders characterized by anger, particularly in children and adolescents. Child psychology experts have linked ADHD to disruptive mood dysregulation disorder, intermittent explosive disorder,  and oppositional defiant disorder. These conditions can exacerbate certain ADHD symptoms, potentially reducing an individual’s frustration tolerance and capacity for self-control. If you believe you or your child is living with ADHD or a comorbid disorder, a healthcare professional can provide you with a psychological assessment and determine whether further testing, a diagnosis, and treatment are necessary. 

Excessive or frequent anger can significantly impact the career, well-being, and relationships of an individual with ADHD. For example, in a study titled “Risk of Intimate Partner Violence among Young Adult Males with Childhood ADHD”, researchers found that ADHD was associated with higher rates of verbal aggression and violence in romantic relationships (J Atten Disord, 2012).

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

For those experiencing problematic anger due to ADHD, seeking treatment and developing healthy coping strategies can help with emotional regulation. Below, we’re discussing various ways of managing anger related to ADHD. 

How to manage anger associated with ADHD

ADHD is commonly treated with a combination of psychotherapy and medication. In therapy, you can learn how to recognize the sources of anger, develop emotional regulation skills, and learn strategies for managing anger. 

ADHD medication can help alleviate both the cognitive and emotional challenges of ADHD. In a meta-analysis published in the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, researchers found that stimulant medications decreased aggression in individuals with childhood ADHD (J Am Acad Child Adolesc Psychiatry, 2002). Certain antidepressant medications—like selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors—may also be prescribed to alleviate anger. Always consult with a healthcare professional prior to starting or stopping any medication. 

Here are some other techniques you can use to manage your anger and learn to express it in a healthy way.

#1 Think before you act

When you find yourself in a situation where your anger is bubbling up (or feels as if it's about to explode), try to actively make the decision to take a moment to think. Is this really something that you want to spend your energy on? It can be helpful to adopt the adage: pick your battles. 

Those with ADHD may have a harder time deciding which battles are worth engaging in, especially if they fail to consider the longer-term benefits of choosing to ignore or move on from a situation. They may think that some reward or benefit in the present is more valuable than a larger one they could gain by waiting— something known as temporal discounting. Recognizing the benefits of picking your battles can help someone with ADHD make wiser, healthier decisions. 

#2 Work it off

Research shows that exercising is a proven, free way of managing symptoms of ADHD and the associated anger that can come along with it. When you engage in exercise, your brain releases serotonin - the happy chemical. This works to combat the hormones responsible for your short fuse by stopping anger in its tracks. As a bonus, it also leads to more restful sleep and overall positive feelings.

You can release even more of your negative emotions while exercising by engaging in what is known as channeling. You can do this by visualizing all the negative, angry feelings you’re experiencing and directing those thoughts into your exercise routine. While you’re doing intense cardio or other difficult exercises, try to imagine your anger beneath the bottom of your shoes and push hard to squash it out. As you continue to exercise, your negative emotions can naturally flow out from your body, and you can hope to notice a huge difference in the way you're feeling afterward.

#3 Take a breath

Anger normally has some telltale signs: your heart is racing, your stomach is churning, and you have a tightening feeling in your chest. If you have ADHD, you might feel like your thoughts are running a million miles an hour, and it may be hard for you to control your emotions. You might feel the urge to lash out for instant relief, but there are often more productive ways to express yourself. 

For starters, you can choose to remove yourself from the situation and excuse yourself to a quiet room or area. There, you can close your eyes and breathe in through your nose for 5 seconds, and out through your mouth for 10 seconds. Even if you don't feel relief at first, continue to do this until you do. After some time, your blood pressure will likely decline, and you may feel those negative feelings start to dissipate. It can be helpful to imagine yourself in a calm place such as a beach or at your favorite place in the world while doing this.

If this method is beneficial to you, you might consider taking a yoga or meditation class to master your relaxation skills. These courses focus on getting in touch with your inner emotions by using your mind and body to release negativity in a gentle and healthy way. There are even classes centered around those with anger issues that can teach you what to do to calm down.

#4 Don't blame yourself

Despite the most earnest of efforts, we are still human, and we all fail at times. On some occasions, your anger might get the best of you, and you may forget all the skills you have learned to calm yourself down.

Try not to get stuck in the rut of blaming yourself for having an emotional outburst. Instead, think of it as a learning experience by identifying the cues that made you upset and setting a plan for similar situations in the future. You could brainstorm ways to prevent this from happening or explain to the person that upset you why you reacted the way you did.

Most of us are familiar with the phrase "hindsight is 20/20." Here are some questions you can ask yourself to avoid an outburst in the future:

• What was it that made me so angry?

• Is this really something that was important enough to be allowed to disturb my inner peace?

• Was there a less combative way I could have handled my anger?

• Did I communicate with the people around me effectively enough that they understood my struggles and would work to help me in the future?

#5 Forgive and move forward

Forgiveness can be one of the most powerful tools to combat anger. When you hold a grudge against someone, it can cause negative feelings inside to fester. This could include resentment, bitterness, anger, and other emotions that can harm your mental health. 

Take a moment to write down all the instances in which people have wronged you and consider why you are still angry at them. If you can’t let your angry feelings go, think about why that may be. Is there an injustice that still needs to be corrected, or are you simply stuck in unhealthy patterns? If you’ve done all you can in a situation and have no more control over it, it may be time to make it your mission to forgive them with no strings attached. 

Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation; it’s more of a benefit to you than it is to the other person. If there is a wrong committed against you that is too severe to forgive, don’t pressure yourself into it. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to allow them back into your life. Consider forgiveness for your own well-being, if and when you are ready. 

Change takes time

One of the most important things to note when working on your anger is that healthy changes take time. Remember that the habits you are displaying have been developed over months or even years and often won't be easy to break. This is true no matter how hard you try or how dedicated to the cause you are. 

You may be able to avoid some frustration while in the process of controlling your anger by setting short-term goals. For example, instead of setting a goal to stop getting angry at your peers at work (which can be an unrealistic goal for most people, with or without ADHD), make it a point to disengage from those who cause you stress. This is a much more realistic idea, and you might find more immediate relief when you are successful in achieving it. 

Grant yourself patience through the process and remember that the results can make your efforts worth it. You deserve to lead a peace-filled life free of the negative emotions that drag you down. With hard work and perseverance, you can often break the cycle of angry outbursts and negativity.

Addressing ADHD symptoms with online therapy

If you’ve tried to change your habits and still find yourself struggling, it may be a sign that you need the support of a professional. A trained online counselor can help you identify the root cause of your anger and help you develop healthy coping mechanisms for managing it. You can get matched with an online therapist through BetterHelp who has experience with ADHD, anger, or both. 

Living with ADHD can make everyday tasks and responsibilities more difficult than they are for someone who is neurotypical. The intricacies of traditional, in-person therapy can even make it unappealing. Online therapy removes many of the barriers that often keep people from getting the mental health care they need. You can meet with a therapist from the comfort of your home and choose from a variety of methods to get connected— including phone calls, video chats, or messages back and forth. 

The effectiveness of online therapy

Online therapy can be a helpful option for managing, coping with, and healing from a variety of issues and mental health problems. One study assessed the effectiveness of an online therapeutic intervention for anger management. Researchers found that internet-delivered cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is an effective and feasible way to increase opportunities for evidence-based care. Participants “showed significant and clinically meaningful reductions in anger symptoms” and were satisfied with their treatment.