Do You Struggle With Anger? Seven Tips For Gaining Control

Medically reviewed by April Justice
Updated February 18, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

If you find yourself quick to anger, you may feel your emotions are out of control. For many people, being an angry person can feel like a part of your personality. However, anger is an emotion that can be healthy and separate from your behaviors if channeled properly. Chronically angry people or people with unresolved anger on the other hand, can find that this emotion causes trouble in personal relationships or hurts other people. Anger affects health outcomes, as well. If you experience anger, are unable to manage angry urges, or partake in unhealthy behaviors when angry, you might benefit from a few anger management tips to reduce the severity.

Manage your anger with research-backed professional advice

Seven tips for taking control of anger

Below are seven tips to help you take control of your anger as well as manage the behaviors and urges that may accompany it. 

Take responsibility

Reading about anger and finding ways to control it is one way to take responsibility for your concerns. When looking to control your anger, it can be beneficial to acknowledge that you're experiencing it, understand that it is a problem for you, and be willing to take the steps necessary to reduce it. It can be more challenging to overcome your anger-motivated behaviors or urges and their impact on you if you are unwilling to take responsibility for them. 

To take responsibility in your daily life, consider paying attention to how you communicate with others when angry. For instance, when you want to express your anger to someone else, it may be helpful to use "I" statements, like "I am angry and need to take five minutes alone before we talk." Techniques like this can help you acknowledge that you are involved in the situation in question. Despite your emotions, you may recognize that a solution to a problem can come from productive communication.

Learn deep breathing techniques

Deep breathing may help you regain control of your emotions, including those that tend to be overwhelming, like anger. When you're experiencing anger, your body experiences physical changes that can make it difficult to calm down. You might start to breathe faster and shallower, and your heart rate may increase. Shallow breathing can cause your blood pressure to rise, and you might experience headaches, body aches, or shakiness. 

When you practice deep breathing techniques, you can slow your breathing and heart rate, which can help bring down blood pressure. If you can do this at the onset of your anger, you may be able to avoid the surge that can make working through your feelings challenging. 

One of the simplest forms of deep breathing that you can practice is called box breathing. To do this, you breathe in while counting to four, hold your breath for four seconds, breathe out while counting to four, and then wait four seconds to inhale and start the process again. Box breathing can also help take some of the focus off whatever caused your anger. Instead, you can shift your attention to your breath. 

Write it out

When you act out of anger, it may feel easier to say what you don't necessarily mean. However, you might feel that expressing your anger helps you move forward. Instead of expressing your anger outwardly, writing about it may be beneficial. Studies show that ruminating and venting about anger at the moment it occurs can make anger worse rather than help you cool off.

Journaling has been proven to improve mental health and help you get your thoughts out without harming yourself or others. You can try journaling or writing a letter to the person who angered you without giving it to them. Writing allows you to hold on to your thoughts until you can control your emotions. Try writing the letter or thoughts and leaving it for a day or two afterward. You may find that you no longer want to send it or say it to someone after the time has passed.

Take a walk

Exercise may help you clear your head when you're angry. In addition, stepping away from a situation when angry may help you control.

Taking a walk can allow you the time and space to regain control and think about how to respond. If you can go outside and spend time in the fresh air, you may feel clearer about your emotions, thoughts, and urges and the separation between them.

As you allow yourself to think and calm down, try not to ruminate on your anger. Instead, focus on calming yourself. Take deep breaths, walk somewhere you enjoy, and partake in activities that help you take your mind off the situation. After you give your body a chance to return to its baseline, you may find that addressing your concerns is easier. 

Take a mental break

Both external and internal challenges can prompt anger. However, regardless of its cause, taking a mental break may better prepare you to cope with the emotion. In addition, fear and sadness often masquerade as anger, so taking a moment when you are upset may help you to recognize the difference between these feelings. 

You can take a break anytime by closing your eyes and picturing a scene that makes you happy. It could be the last beach vacation you went on or a quiet bench in the park that you like to sit at. It may even be a scene in a movie that always makes you laugh. The image can be anything that helps you step away from your current situation and find a calmer state of mind. If you struggle to picture images, you can also listen to music or guided meditations and mindfully focus on the sounds. 

Try stretching 

Anger and tension can be stored within different areas of the body. For example, after you're angry, you may sense tension in your shoulders, or experience back pain or a stomachache.

Doing yoga or stretching can help you work these emotions out of your body. It may relieve some of the tension that builds up when you're angry. In addition, you don't have to have any equipment to stretch, and you can partake in stretching on the go. 

Have a phrase to focus on

Often little things lead to feeling frustration and then initiating the wrong response. Find a short mantra or phrase you can repeat to yourself when you first start to feel anger rising. It could be phrases like, "I will be okay" or "take some deep breaths." Any phrase that makes you stop and consider your emotions can be beneficial and redirect you to a more positive mindset. 

How to recover from angry outbursts

If you've recently experienced an angry outburst, consider whether your anger hurt someone else. In the moment, anger tells you that your actions are justified. Once you can emotionally control and change your mindset, evaluate the situation to decide if you owe an apology to yourself or anyone you've impacted. 

It can be difficult to admit you've made a mistake and challenging to face those you may still be angry with or hurt by. However, apologizing and trying to make a change may help you repair relationships and find a solution for the root of your anger.

In addition, consider how you'll put your words into action. The sincerest apologies may include empathy and actionable steps to repair the situation. Showing you're committed to change can help those you've hurt trust that you are taking accountability for your actions. For example, if you've signed up for an anger management course, let the individual know you're working toward solutions. Also, realize that they may need time to trust you again after things that may have happened in the past when you were mad. Hear what they have to say, and speak your intention of giving them space to heal.

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Manage your anger with research-backed professional advice

Counseling options 

For many people, anger challenges arise from a core root. For example, your anger could stem from a challenging experience in childhood that you should resolve, a family history of anger, or a mental illness like depression. While anger is an emotion and not always a symptom of a mental health condition, a mental health professional can treat extreme anger or anger that causes challenges in your life. 

Whether you have a mental health diagnosis or are concerned with signs that your anger is not under control, working with a licensed professional can help you understand your emotions, learn emotional management skills, and find support for anger. If you face barriers to treatment, you can also work with a professional from home

Many clients find that online therapy for anger is effective due to its discreet nature. In addition, researchers have found that specific therapeutic methods can significantly reduce anger over time. One study on online therapy found it as effective as in-person therapy for reducing anger and aggression. With online therapy, you can learn to control your anger on your own time, at your own pace, in a way that works for you. Consider signing up with a platform like BetterHelp to get started. 

Takeaway

Anger is an emotion that can sometimes cause difficulty with emotional management, behavior, and action urges. It may even contribute to health issues like high blood pressure. If you're struggling with anger issues, you're not alone. Consider contacting a therapist for further guidance and research-backed anger management strategies to try at home, work, school, and on the go.
Learn to separate anger from behavior
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