Dating Someone With Anxiety
While some anxiety is common for most people, anxiety disorders can make it difficult to function and live a normal life. Anxiety can create more stress in intimate relationships, too. When dating someone with anxiety, you may have experienced those difficulties firsthand, but there are many things you can do to help your partner. First, it can be important to note that this might involve working with a mental health professional. Many people successfully manage their anxiety with professional help, so a therapist may be able to help you navigate this process, too. Additionally, showing that you're supportive of your partner will likely help them immensely on their journey to improved mental health.
Living with an anxiety disorder
According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, various types of anxiety disorders may affect 40 million adults in the United States alone, likely making it the country's most common mental illness.
If you've never experienced severe anxiety, it can be difficult to imagine what it's like living with it. There are common symptoms (like shortness of breath and a sense of dread) and several types (e.g., social anxiety), yet how they manifest is typically different from person to person. Anxiety is also a common comorbid disorder with other mental health conditions such as bipolar disorder or depression, each of which present their own unique challenges. Some of these symptoms may not be pleasant to be around, but please know that the behaviors that accompany anxiety typically say little about the person on the receiving end and are more a reflection of the anxious person's fears and worries.
In short, having an anxiety disorder can be mentally, physically, and emotionally draining. With this in mind, how can we begin to effectively show love to someone who is experiencing something as challenging as living with anxiety?
Offering support for anxiety disorders
Below, find several tips to help you support someone with anxiety disorder.
In general, anxiety is a real mental illness that deserves attention and acknowledgment. You might read up on anxiety and ask your partner what anxiety means for them and what they wish people knew about it. It may show them that you care, simply because you asked. Other helpful questions might include, "What triggers your anxiety?" and "How do you manage panic attacks?" This can help you understand what their anxiety is like when it gets particularly bad for them and what you can do to help.
Do not judge, criticize, or minimize your partner’s anxiety
If you have a self-care ritual that you like to do, or if you're thinking of starting one, you might ask them to join you. Options could include yoga, breathing exercises, or taking long walks in the mornings and evenings. Not only may this solidify your relationship and create deeper intimacy, but it can also help to ease and reduce their anxiety.
If you know someone with anxiety, it’s often helpful to ask them, "What can I do to make you feel loved right now?" When they're having an anxiety attack, instead of repeatedly asking, "Are you okay?" when they're clearly not, you can say helpful things like, "Focus on your breathing," or "You've been through this before, and you can do it again". Try to remember to ask yourself if what you are saying or doing is ultimately helpful, kind, and necessary.
Loving someone with anxiety: Seeking help
When you love, know, or are dating someone with anxiety, being that person by their side who is willing to help can be comforting, life-affirming, and encouraging for the person.
The symptoms of anxiety may make it difficult to seek help, however. Factors like scheduling, convenience, and financial concerns can be deterrents. Some people experiencing anxiety may feel anxious or uncomfortable waiting in an office around other people or seeing a therapist in person.
Studies show that online therapy platforms can be useful in helping those who experience anxiety manage their symptoms. A study published in the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry concluded that therapist-guided online therapy can be an effective method of treating anxiety. Researchers specifically utilized cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), finding that it could significantly decrease participants’ feelings of worry related to generalized anxiety disorder.
The licensed professionals at BetterHelp or Regain (for couples therapy) likely know how to help you and your partner navigate difficult challenges related to anxiety so that you can both live with less stress. An online therapist may offer valuable coping skills for managing the emotional and physical symptoms of anxiety. Read below for some reviews of BetterHelp therapists from people experiencing similar concerns.
Counselor reviews
"Jennifer has helped me learn how to manage my anxiety so that I can enjoy life the way I used to. She always makes time when my schedule doesn't line up with hers. And she never makes me feel like I'm a burden to her."
Takeaway
If a person you care about lives with an anxiety disorder, there are many ways that you can act as a supportive partner:
- Educate yourself
- Don’t judge, criticize, or minimize their anxiety
- Listen to them, communicate openly, and validate what they’re experiencing when they’re feeling anxious
- Remember their anxiety symptoms are generally not about you
- Celebrate the small victories, such as changes in negative thoughts
- Practice self-care activities and coping strategies with them
- Ask them helpful questions and reinforce positive affirmations
- Remind them that you’re in this together
- Take care of yourself
- Consider seeking professional help
You may find that your love and support can enable your loved one to take steps toward improved mental health and decreased anxiety symptoms. It may also help them to seek help through individual therapy, whether in person or online.
Also, as a loved one of someone with anxiety, you may benefit from caring for your own mental health through therapy. With BetterHelp, you can be matched with a therapist who has experience helping people who have loved ones living with anxiety. Take the first step toward understanding anxiety and getting support, and contact BetterHelp today.
How do I calm my partner's anxiety?
Do hugs help anxiety attacks?
Some people with anxiety may not mind being, while others may desire space. The best you can do may be to ask the person having the anxiety attack how you can help. This might be escorting them to a quiet place free of other people or talking to them soothingly. It may help to breathe with them, slowly taking in breaths from the belly and then exhaling.
What should you not say to someone with anxiety?
Examples of things to avoid saying to someone with anxiety can include:
- Everyone feels stressed.
- Get over it!
- Quit being such a wimp!
- What do you have to be anxious about?
These things may create a vicious cycle and make their anxiety worse. Some things you could say instead are as follows:
- I don’t understand what you’re going through, but I believe you when you say…
- What can I do to help?
- Is there someplace we can go now that would make you feel more comfortable?
Showing your support and trust in your partner or loved one who is experiencing anxiety may strengthen your current relationship and show your emotional maturity. It could also be an opportunity for personal growth.
For more information on anxiety, you can visit the websites of the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, and the National Institute of Mental Health.
- Previous Article
- Next Article