How To Identify The Reaction Formation Defense Mechanism

Examples of a reaction formation include someone insulting or teasing someone with whom they are romantically interested or being kind to someone they dislike. Commonly known as a defense mechanism in psychology, a reaction formation may occur when a person feels pressured by external influences, such as parents or peers, or by internalized expectations on how they want to be perceived by others.   

Most people who experience a reaction formation are unaware this is happening. Nevertheless, reaction formation has the potential to negatively affect mental health and relationships. If you’re wondering whether you might be experiencing reaction formation, working with a therapist may be helpful for building your self-awareness, sharpening your communication skills, and getting to the truth of your feelings.

Reaction formation: The official definition in psychology 

Reaction formations are the processes by which people repress feelings, desires, or negative behaviors that are then expressed outwardly in a contrasting or opposite form. This behavior may occur because of a prejudice against one's true feelings or fear of ridicule or legal repercussions if a behavior is against the law. Past experiences—such as emotional neglect in a romantic relationship—may also impact a person’s relationship with their true feelings, needs, and desires.

Some reaction formations occur subconsciously, without the person forming them knowing it is happening. The mind may perceive the impulse as threatening or unacceptable, replacing the unconscious desire with the opposite. In psychoanalytic theory, the reason for this type of reaction is based on a defense mechanism that guards against conflict and uncomfortable emotions like fear or anger. 

A person who develops a reaction formation may compulsively act to convince others that they do not have the traits or identity they want to hide with their behavior. This may result in the person feeling disconnected from their authentic self. This emotional disconnection can have negative effects on mental health. 

Examples of reaction formation 

Below are several hypothetical situations that may be considered reaction formations. 

Example one: Mark

Mark values romantic love and wants to be loved. However, Mark believes he will never find love with another person. Instead of coping with these challenging thoughts, Mark makes fun of the loving behaviors he sees in others, talks about how he never wants to "settle down," and calls loving gestures "mushy" or "gross."

Example two: Jessa 

Jessa is diagnosed with an eating disorder. She often talks about the weight of others and puts them down. If Jessa doesn't eat one day, she may point out thin people and accuse them of having an eating disorder while hiding her own. Jessa also shames others for eating large amounts, projecting her fears about her eating disorder onto others.

If you are experiencing a crisis related to an eating disorder or would like further resources, reach out to the ANAD Eating Disorders Helpline at 1-888-375-7767 from Monday through Friday, 9 am to 9 pm CT. 

Example three: Laila  

Laila struggles to keep their anger under control, so they go out of their way to appear courteous and helpful to others when they want to harm them. Although not necessarily an unhealthy response, it can be an example of a reaction formation. 

Example four: Jack 

Jack has realized he is gay. However, his country and family are not accepting of his identity. In response, Jack has internalized homophobia. Instead of coping with these thoughts and feelings, Jack participates in bullying other gay teens at his school. 

Reaction formation as a defense mechanism

A defense mechanism is a conscious or unconscious process you develop in response to stressors. It may develop to avoid conflict, consequences, or emotional distress. In psychology, defense mechanisms are also called ego defenses. 

What does psychology say?

Sigmund Freud developed the theory of defense mechanisms in the 19th century concerning ego defenses. His daughter Anna Freud expanded on these theories and outlined several different defense mechanisms, separating them into immature and higher-level defense mechanisms. She defined these defense mechanisms as "unconscious resources used by the ego" to decrease internal stress. 

Social groups have been a crucial part of human survival, and many people depend on others for relationships and community. This drive for interpersonal connection may explain why people develop reaction formations. By striving to conform to societal norms, a person may avoid being ostracized or rejected by their community. Being deemed an outsider could mean fewer resources and less social support. 

Emotional disconnection and defense mechanisms 

Reaction formation may occur alongside other psychological defense mechanisms, such as denial, in which a person refuses to acknowledge the truth about their reality. As we discussed earlier, this can sometimes lead to a person becoming emotionally distant from their authentic self and living in a way that runs counter to their true feelings. 

For instance, someone who is feeling hurt and longing for connection might become emotionally distant, give cold shoulders to their partners, or reject their emotional needs. Those who have experienced past hurts, such as emotional neglect in past relationships, might normalize these behaviors to themselves, even if they don’t realize it. The ultimate result is often a sense of emotional disconnection, which can leave individuals feeling lost and emotionally drained. 

The link between reaction formation and past experiences

As you can see from the above examples, reaction formation often occurs as the result of past hurts, emotional neglect, and other sources of pain. For instance, if a person was belittled by their extended family for being shy during childhood, they might adopt an intentionally loud, outgoing personality as the result of feeling hurt by those comments. Similarly, if a past romantic relationship ended in heartbreak or betrayal, a person might approach future relationships with emotional disconnection and coldness. 

How to recognize your defense mechanisms

Defense mechanisms often operate on an unconscious level. You may not be aware of which defense mechanisms you use if you use any. However, with self-awareness, it may be possible to uncover your unconscious coping strategies. Studying the types of defense mechanisms and examples of each may help you make healthier judgments about whether you are currently using them. 

Is a defense mechanism in which people express the opposite of their true feelings safe?

A reaction formation may feel safe but can lead to a high expenditure of mental energy, which may affect your general well-being. If you tend to change your behavior to fit in with the world, consider the positive meaning behind your internal contradictions. In some cases, reaction formations are adaptive and help people stop self-destructive behaviors, such as yelling at others. In other cases, they are a response to an unhealthy defense mechanism. 

Reaction formation and its impact on close relationships

While reaction formation may not necessarily always be a bad thing, it can be important to understand its potential negative side effects. Close relationships—whether a familial, platonic, or romantic relationship—are one example.

Without strong communication skills, reaction formation may lead to relationship challenges and marital problems. Some examples include mutual feelings of resentment, a damaged emotional connection, and confusion about the true health of the relationship. Married couples may also be susceptible to increased conflicts or struggle to feel connected to one another. 

Some signs of reaction formation

If you do not realize you are engaging in a defense mechanism like a reaction formation, you may be able to look for signs ahead of time. Below are a few signs of defending yourself: 

• Difficulty relating to others or maintaining friendships.
• Frequent conflict with the people you care about 
• A desire to control conversations 
• A lack of self-awareness of your own feelings
• Criticism of others when feeling attacked or criticized 
• Hypersensitivity to gestures or glances with the perception they are judgmental 
• Criticalness of other people 
• Negative behaviors, such as putting others down to feel better about yourself 
• Frequently having a hard time figuring out who you are and what you want
• Refusal to practice active listening or other helpful communication skills
• Fear of making positive changes in your behaviors or relationships, even when you realize they might be needed
• Rejecting one's feedback to feel better about yourself 
• Feeling disconnected from your true self

How reaction formation manifests in relationships

In a romantic relationship, reaction formation can manifest in several ways for both you and your partner. When one partner acts in a way that contradicts their true feelings, this can result in: 

• A decreased sense of emotional connection between partners
• One partner receiving conflicting messages about how the other is feeling
• Mutual feelings of frustration, pain, and distance
• Trouble practicing healthy communication skills
• Excessive affection or excessive coldness
• Compensation for one’s own feelings with big romantic gestures
• Denial when feeling hurt

How to build awareness and overcome emotional defenses

If you sense you might be struggling with reaction formation and other defense mechanisms, it may be possible to improve your ability to feel connected to your emotions. Below are some tips that may help you build awareness of your defenses and start making positive changes:

• Realize that while your emotional defenses are likely trying to shield you from uncomfortable feelings, they may be getting in the way of deeper emotional connection. 
• Get in the habit of noticing your reactions and examining the root cause. 
• Consider practicing mindfulness or meditation to build self-awareness and learn to hear what your emotions are trying to tell you. 
• Work to replace unhealthy reactions with more positive ones that are truer to your inner feelings and needs.  
• Practice healthy communication skills by giving yourself permission to express what you feel. 
• Be patient with yourself, and recognize that it may take time to find the right middle ground between concealing your feelings and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. 

How to find support 

Exploring (and, when needed, overcoming) your emotional defenses can often feel daunting without support. A mental health professional may be a beneficial resource if you are unsure if you often develop reaction formations, or if you’re having a hard time connecting with and acting on your true feelings. They can talk with you and help you discover unconscious impulses you are repressing or hiding. Once you become consciously aware of these patterns, you may start to work toward having fewer defensive reactions to challenging situations. 

Married couples and romantic partners may also benefit from counseling, if reaction formation is affecting their ability to feel connected to each other or to their own needs. Relationship therapy can provide a space for couples to improve their communication skills, explore how emotional defense mechanisms may be affecting them, and make positive changes in their relationship. 

Online therapy can help when a person unconsciously replaces an unacceptable impulse with its opposite  

If obstacles keep you from in-person therapy, such as financial constraints, online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp may be an effective alternative. Whether your reaction formation is from an unacceptable attitude or a desire that causes anxiety, an online therapist can help you better understand and address your reaction formation in a way that will not affect your mental health. You can meet with your online therapist from the comfort of your home or any location with an internet connection. In addition, you may be able to set your preferences upon signing up to find a provider that meets your needs.

Is online therapy effective for defense mechanisms and desires and impulses that are anxiety-provoking?

Online therapy can help you become aware of your defense mechanisms and provide you with helpful strategies to change the defense mechanism’s negative thought patterns. Some individuals may worry that an online therapist could seem more distant and disconnected than an in-person provider. However, research has shown otherwise. For example, in a study published in the Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association, psychotherapists reported that, despite remote sessions' technical and relational challenges, clients felt their therapists were as emotionally connected and authentic as they were in person.