Understanding Body Language: How To Better Communicate With People Around You
Understanding body language can be one of the most crucial aspects of socialization for some people. If you don't understand visual cues clearly, you might struggle to respond appropriately or connect with others.
However, struggling to understand or use body language doesn't necessarily mean navigating healthy relationships is impossible. Instead, being aware of how body language works can be helpful. There are a few reasons people may miss visual cues and ways to pick them up and start using them.
Why might a person miss out on body language cues?
There are several reasons why an individual might not be the best at picking up the body language cues that those around them are sending, including but not limited to the following.
Autism spectrum disorder and neurodivergence
An autistic individual may struggle to understand social norms, which can lead to direct communication and confuse those who don't communicate in the same way. Other forms of neurodivergence, such as attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), may also impact a person's ability to pick up on cues or socialize.
Neurodivergence doesn't mean a person cannot communicate effectively with others, but it may mean that they do so differently, making body language more difficult to navigate. However, new studies show that autistic people communicate as effectively with other autistic people as non-autistic people communicate with each other, showcasing that the stereotype that autism completely hinders social ability is false. It may be, however, that neurotypical and neurodivergent people do not speak the same "language" in terms of social cues and communication styles.
Brain injuries
Another potential cause of not responding to body language or social cues is strokes or a traumatic brain injury (TBI). In these situations, the individual in question may struggle with managing behavior as well as they used to and may experience changes in cognitive or social functioning that can lead them to miss subtle social cues. They might talk too loudly in a restaurant, for instance, missing that other people are uncomfortable with the volume.
The potential perks of picking up visual signals
If you aim to improve at picking up the signals that people are giving you, it may help to know how it can benefit you. Having a tangible goal can motivate you to learn more about and practice body language.
Benefits of visual cues at work
How you communicate with others in the workplace can directly impact your experience and how your peers perceive you. There can be many ways to use your body to show your intentions. For example, you might clearly indicate how seriously you take your job by dressing professionally each day, speaking politely, and smiling often.
Eye contact, posture, and a positive demeanor may let coworkers know you're engaged, willing to listen, and eager to collaborate. It can also show that you're fit for promotions, unique opportunities, and new job duties. Even if these cues seem arbitrary to you, they can help you create an outside image of yourself that reflects your thoughts on the inside.
Benefits of visual cues in your romantic life
Being able to read body language can be essential when dating and pursuing relationships. For instance, if you're sitting at a bar and a person smiles at you from a few seats over, being able to return the gesture may help you communicate your interest. If they frown or turn away, you may be able to recognize that your time may be better spent elsewhere.
Look for signs like dilated pupils, hands and feet pointed in your direction, and smiles or laughs. Cues like these can indicate interest. Noticing signs of positive and negative body language can help you navigate social situations without overstepping boundaries, even if it takes practice.
Benefits of visual cues with your family
In some cases, it can be challenging to read your family. Conflict and confrontation can be difficult to approach, so it's not uncommon for others to use their bodies to show they're upset, sad, or angry.
For instance, if your spouse is mad at you, they might not tell you but may cross their arms when speaking to you or look out the window rather than meeting your gaze. Minor behaviors might be easy to miss or brush off as unrelated. However, if you notice changes in how someone stands, speaks, or carries themselves, consider what emotion they might be feeling.
Is body language the only way to be social?
Many people use body language to express themselves. However, body language is not the only way to learn a person's true feelings and may differ depending on culture or upbringing. Regardless of where you stand with using and interpreting body language, it doesn't need to be the only guide to conversation, as it doesn't allow you to read minds. Assumptions about someone's intentions may be off if you base them entirely on their behavior, especially if they are neurodivergent or communicate differently.
Not using body language in the same way as others doesn't have to mean you're unable to socialize or that you're flawed. You may not thoroughly pick up on cues like others, which can be normal. Instead, try to be aware that how you present yourself can matter, and finding ways to connect and communicate with others in a way that works for you can help you form healthy connections.
How to find professional support
Whether you want to learn more about body language, practice your skills, or understand why it is difficult for you, speaking to a professional like a therapist may be helpful. Despite being a part of being human, socializing can be confusing and stressful, especially for those with underlying concerns or different identities.
If you struggle to find support in your area due to treatment barriers, you can also find support online through platforms like BetterHelp. Because you can join sessions from home, work, or anywhere with an internet connection, online therapy may be more effective and convenient. In addition, you may save time and money by avoiding commuting to an in-person office.
One literature review of studies on online cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) found it could lead to significant improvements in symptoms related to anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and other mental health conditions. You can also reach out for online therapy if you do not have a mental illness, as therapy is for everyone.
Takeaway
How can I improve my communication skills?
The best way to communicate effectively is dependent upon the circumstances. For example, how we best communicate with our friends at a party may not be appropriate for a business environment.
Regardless of context, there are things you can do to improve your communication skills during conversation:
- The first step to effective communication in any situation is to practice active listening. Avoid "jumping ahead" in your mind to what you will say next, and give the speaker your full attention. Allow them to finish a thought completely before responding with your own.
- Consider the speaker's thoughts, feelings, and perspective. This will help you communicate more effectively by tailoring your message to their perspective.
- Express yourself as clearly as possible with concise communication. Try to avoid ambiguity in your language.
- Be mindful of your body language, as nonverbal communication often conveys more than words. Maintain eye contact and an open posture, and use gestures appropriately to enhance your message.
How can I get better at communicating?
Like any skill, learning better communication skills requires practice. Building communication skills often begins well before you engage in discussion. Here are a few ways to prepare to become a better communicator:
- Learn to be mindful of your nonverbal signals like body language and facial expressions in everyday life. Practicing mindfulness exercises or meditation can help you cultivate this skill.
- Observe skilled communicators in public speaking, presentations, or everyday conversations, and think about what makes their communication effective.
- Expand your vocabulary and communication style by reading.
- Engage in conversations frequently. The more you practice, the more confident you'll become in your communication skills.
- Ask for feedback from friends, colleagues, or mentors. Constructive criticism can help identify areas for improvement.
What are five ways to communicate effectively?
While finding the right words is integral to mastering effective communication skills, so is using emotional intelligence. Here are five emotionally intelligent communication strategies to create stronger connections during your interactions:
- Be an engaged listener. Active listening means checking in with your thoughts and emotions throughout the conversation and staying present. You may consider adding "punctuation" throughout the conversation, like a nod or small responses like "I understand" or "yes" to let the other person know they're heard.
- The purpose of communication is often to persuade or resolve conflict, so treat the other person(s) the way you would like to be treated. Powerful and persuasive communication means expressing yourself honestly while respecting the other person's perspective.
- Watch your tone of voice as you speak. It's not just the words you say— it's how you say them. The right words can sometimes send the wrong message if the inflection sounds harsh or abrasive.
- Give yourself space to handle intense emotions as they arise. Strong feelings can sometimes cloud our thoughts and judgment, creating conversational obstacles.
- Pay close attention to their nonverbal cues and facial expressions, as well as your own nonverbal communication throughout the conversation. Sometimes, positive body language can cultivate trust better than words, and an open stance signals that you care, are listening, and want to understand.
What is a better way to communicate?
The best way to communicate is relative to the individuals and circumstances involved. In some cases, a written letter is the most appropriate way, while face-to-face interaction is preferable in others. Regardless of the medium, communication is only as effective as the connection you forge with the other person. This often means showing mutual respect, empathy, and a desire to understand the other person's point of view.
What are the seven Cs of effective communication?
The seven Cs of effective communication are typically used as a workplace communication strategy to cultivate a more positive organizational culture. However, they can be helpful in many other contexts to help individuals practice practical communication skills.
The Seven Cs are:
- Clear— Ensure that your message is clear and easy to understand. Avoid jargon or complex language that may confuse the audience.
- Concise— Be concise and to the point. Avoid unnecessary details and focus on the key information you want to convey.
- Coherent— Ensure that your message flows logically and is organized in a way that is easy for the audience to follow. Use transitions and structure to connect ideas.
- Correct— Ensure that your message is grammatically accurate and free of errors. Mistakes can undermine the credibility of your communication.
- Courteous— Be polite and respectful in your communication. Consider your audience's feelings and perspectives and choose appropriate words for the situation.
- Considered— Take into account the needs and interests of your audience. Tailor your message to resonate with them and address their concerns.
- Complete— Provide all the necessary information in your message. Ensure that your audience clearly understands the topic without leaving them with unanswered questions.
What makes a good communicator?
Regardless of the purpose or the message, good communicators seek to connect with their audience, cultivate understanding, and deliver the message clearly and succinctly.
What are the four major skills to communicate effectively?
When measuring an individual's ability to communicate fluently in any language, it's helpful to assess them in four categories:
- Listening— Using listening skills means listening with the intention of clear understanding.
- Speaking— Speaking skills include effectively using vocabulary, tone and pitch, and nonverbal cues to make a point succinctly.
- Reading— Like listening, reading skills are often active and intentional. It isn't just about the ability to read words; it's also about learning to interpret the author's intent.
- Writing— Like speaking skills, strong writing skills include using words to communicate a point clearly and concisely.
What are the four basic steps to good communication?
There are many four-step models for effective communication. For example, according to Harvard University's Division of Continuing Education, effective communication involves 1) Learning to listen. 2) Knowing your audience. 3) Organizing and structuring your message. 4) Paying attention to your nonverbal skills.
The International Institute for Management Development (IMD) uses the PACK communication model: Purpose, Audience, Channels, Key Messages.
South Dakota State University has a four-step strategy with a focus on emotional intelligence communication: 1) Clarity, 2) Maintain Composure, 3) Develop Trust, 4) Speak the Same Language
What are the five Cs of effective communication?
According to Forbes Magazine, the five cs of effective communication for obtaining a desired outcome include:
- Be Clear— Before communicating, identify what you want from the interaction and structure your approach accordingly. Relay the point succinctly and objectively without letting emotions affect your message.
- Be Concise— Keep your communication direct and straightforward.
- Provide a Compelling Request— State your request, then provide a possible solution to begin negotiations.
- Be Curious—"Feel out" the other person's point of view on your request. Find out what they need and where they're coming from.
- Be Compassionate— Try to understand where the other person is coming from by actively listening to their side of the story without judgment.
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