Why Do Adults Become Bullies? A Clinical Perspective On A Growing Issue

As we mature, society generally expects us to outgrow the pettiness and cruelty often associated with playground tactics. Yet, the unpleasant reality may remain: Adult bullying can be a stark and growing issue. The underpinnings of bullying may be multifaceted and are frequently grounded in an individual's psychology, social experiences, and personal history. Both those who have been affected by bullying and those who have bullied others can benefit from working with a licensed therapist through online or in-person therapy.

Bullying defined: recognizing the adult bully

A deep dive into bullying behaviors

Regardless of their methods, all types of adult bullies tend to to have some common traits. No matter the kind of bully, their actions generally seek to control, belittle, or marginalize their targets. Yet, the question may remain: What motivates an adult to engage in toxic behavior like bullying?

Mental health and bullying

The roots of bullying can often be traced back to unresolved mental health concerns. Untreated disorders, like narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, and even certain mood disorders, might impact an individual’s choice to bully others. Bullying may sometimes be seen as a bid for power and control or a method to cope with inner chaos.

The cycle of abuse

An individual’s personal history could also play a role in shaping an adult bully. Although more recent evidence may be necessary, research indicates that individuals exposed to physical or sexual abuse during their formative years tend to be more likely to replicate these destructive patterns later in life. The torment they once endured might become the template for their interactions, driving them to inflict harm on others.

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

Cruel teasing and its impact on self-esteem

Perhaps another significant factor to consider is the role of cruel teasing in shaping an individual's tendency to bully. Persistent mockery and belittlement during childhood can erode a person’s self-esteem, often fostering feelings of worthlessness and anger. In a quest for validation, these individuals might resort to bullying as adults, hoping to reclaim the power they once lost.

The social facets of bullying

Society can play a subtle yet influential role in the emergence of an adult bully. Cultural norms, societal expectations, and peer dynamics can all encourage bullying behavior. Still, it can be crucial to remember that bullying isn't just an individual issue, but also a collective one.

Why do adults bully?

People who bully might do so for a multitude of reasons. For some, it could be a way to exert control and establish dominance. For others, bullying might be a self-defense mechanism to deflect attention away from their own insecurities.

The impact of cyberbullying in the digital age

The dawn of the digital age seems to have added a new dimension to the problem of adult bullying. Cyberbullying, for example, has turned the online world into a virtual playground for bullies. The ability to hide behind a screen and the user’s perceived distance from their targets can encourage some individuals to bully, enabling them to inflict emotional harm with little or no consequences.

Breaking the cycle: responding to adult bullying

Recognizing why adults bully may be the first step in addressing this complex issue. By understanding the bully's behavior, we can start dismantling the power structures that enable bullying and create more supportive, inclusive communities. This may involve concerted efforts from healthcare professionals, educators, parents, and policymakers.

The long-term consequences of bullying behavior

The repercussions of bullying can extend beyond immediate physical or emotional trauma. Chronic bullying can lead to long-term mental health concerns like depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Bullying and mental health: an intertwined web

Bullying can significantly impact mental health. When individuals endure relentless physical, verbal, or digital bullying, it can inflict lasting psychological damage. This damage may appear in the form of various mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), for example.

Depression, typically characterized by feelings of hopelessness and loss of interest in daily activities, can develop in response to the chronic stress experienced by targets of bullying. 

In addition, relentless bullying can gradually chip away at an individual's self-esteem, frequently leading to a heightened sense of worthlessness and a distorted self-perception, which can both be hallmarks of depressive disorders.

Anxiety disorders, particularly social anxiety, can also develop because of bullying. Targets of bullying might constantly fear future attacks or live in a state of heightened alertness, anxiously anticipating the next humiliating encounter. This chronic fear and tension can interfere with their daily lives, making social interactions, work, and even basic tasks challenging.

Moreover, bullying targets might develop symptoms reminiscent of PTSD, especially if the bullying is severe or persistent. For example, these individuals may experience intrusive memories of bullying incidents, emotional distress, nightmares, and even physical reactions like sweating or trembling when recalling these traumatic events.

The impact on personal and social life

The prolonged psychological stress endured by targets of bullying can seep into their personal and social lives as well. The aftermath of such experiences might lead to social withdrawal, damaged relationships, and a reluctance to trust others. These challenges can persist into adulthood, making it difficult for these individuals to form close, intimate relationships.

Moreover, targets of adult bullying might experience decreased job satisfaction, possibly leading to reduced productivity and increased job turnover. This can negatively impact one’s professional growth, financial stability, and overall quality of life.

Bullying's effects on physical health

The impact of bullying can extend beyond mental health effects. Chronic stress from prolonged bullying may lead to various physical health concerns as well. These can range from sleep disturbances and changes in appetite to more severe issues, like an increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

Benefits of therapy for bullying targets

Therapy can be an invaluable resource for individuals who have been targets of bullying. Specifically, this type of treatment can provide a safe space for them to process their experiences, regain their self-esteem, and work toward recovery.

Psychological healing and empowerment

One of the key benefits of therapy for targets of bullying can be psychological healing. Therapists can help these individuals confront and work through the trauma caused by bullying, utilizing techniques such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to challenge negative thought patterns and develop healthier coping strategies. This process can empower individuals who have experienced bullying, helping them regain their self-worth and sense of control over their own lives.

Development of social skills and confidence

Therapy can also assist individuals in rebuilding their social skills. For example, the social anxiety stemming from bullying experiences can make interpersonal interactions challenging. In therapy, targets can learn to regain their confidence, navigate social situations more effectively, and build stronger, healthier relationships.

Preventing future victimization

Therapy can also equip those who have experienced bullying with tools to prevent future victimization. By learning to identify and respond effectively to bullying, individuals can better protect themselves in the future. This proactive approach can foster resilience, helping individuals recover from past bullying and prepare for any future encounters.

Therapy's role in reforming adult bullies

Just as therapy can be transformative for those who were the targets of bullying, it can also be an essential resource for bullies. Successful therapy can help adult bullies change their behaviors by identifying any underlying concerns that might drive them to bully in the first place.

Identifying the roots of bullying behavior

Therapy can help bullies understand why they resort to harmful behavior. Adult bullies often have complex histories, including unresolved mental health challenges and past trauma. Therapy can provide a safe and supportive environment to explore these issues, facilitating self-awareness and insight into destructive behavior patterns.

Developing empathy and emotional intelligence

Therapy can also assist adult bullies in developing empathy. Empathy generally involves understanding the feelings of others, a critical skill that bullies often lack. Therapists might use a range of techniques to foster emotional intelligence, thereby helping bullies recognize the impacts of their actions on others and develop healthier, more respectful ways of interacting.

Building coping mechanisms and conflict-resolution skills

Therapy can also help bullies develop better coping mechanisms and conflict-resolution skills. Rather than resorting to intimidation or aggression when faced with stress or conflict, they can learn to respond in a more constructive, non-violent manner. This can benefit not only their relationships, but also their mental well-being.

Evidence-based effectiveness of therapy for bullying

Scientific research generally supports the benefits of therapeutic interventions for both targets of bullying and bullies themselves. These interventions, often rooted in well-established psychological theories and techniques, have frequently shown promising results in mitigating the harmful effects of bullying and promoting healthier interpersonal behaviors.

Still, there may be some barriers to in-person treatment for targets of bullying. For example, these individuals may be embarrassed about the situation, or they may be nervous or anxious about talking to a stranger regarding their experiences. 

Benefits of online therapy

Online therapy can make some bullies and targets of bullying feel more comfortable discussing their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. This type of therapy might also be more convenient since it can be done from home through videoconference, phone call, or online chat.

Effectiveness of online therapy 

Depression and anxiety can be common in those who have experienced bullying, and a growing body of research indicates that online therapy can effectively treat these mental illnesses, as well as many others. Both those who bully and those who have been bullied may benefit from working with a licensed therapist in an online setting.