Married couples often encounter unique challenges and opportunities for growth that a marriage counselor can offer support for. Whether considering divorce or looking for techniques to improve daily life, marriage counseling provides growth and learning opportunities. In most cases, marriage counselling, and any type of couples counselling, is not offered for free. However, there are some charity organisations do offer free counselling and support for couples. 

Below, explore the definition of marriage counseling and ways to find a provider in the UK. Plus, dive into different ways to try talking therapy, from traditional in-person therapy to online therapy and support. 

What is marriage counselling?

What free counselling services are available in the UK? 

There are several options for free counselling in the UK, often offered through charity organisations. Some of these may be exclusively for individuals experiencing financial issues, whereas others may be available to anyone interested: 

• One option for free marriage and relationship counselling in the UK is through GroceryAid. A counselor can conduct an initial assessment and determine if a couple would benefit from couples counselling. 
  If so, GroceryAid can fund as many as six couples therapy sessions, which can be helpful for those struggling to afford therapy. Through this same program, couples may also benefit from one-session relationship therapy. This option is designed for couples who are experiencing one specific challenge that they don’t believe requires six sessions of therapy. 
• Charities like Mind can provide local recommendations and support, including resources for free or low-cost mental health support, which may include in-person or online counselling. 
• NHS provides some free talking therapy services. Though patients may experience long waiting times to receive their first single session, it can be worth it for some people. They may cover couples therapy, particularly when couples are experiencing challenges related to one or both partners’ mental health disorders (like depression)

What to expect from free marriage counselling

Your experience with free marriage counselling will depend on your needs, the therapist, the session format, and more. However, here are some things you can likely expect: 

• The initial session will go over the concerns that brought you both to therapy, your history, and what you hope to gain
• The therapist can often help clients decide on measurable goals to set
• The therapist will likely end the first session what a discussion about the support they can offer, how to measure progress toward your goals
• Sessions may include discussions about specific issues, in-session exercises, and “homework” or exercises to work on between sessions
• They may remind you that marriage counselling requires continued effort from both partners for the greatest benefit, and that setbacks and challenges are often a normal part of romantic relationships
• How to rebuild when trust is broken, such as after somebody has cheated

Can marriage counseling include children and young people?

In some cases, a therapist may recommend sessions with children and young people. These sessions may help with conflict or a major life transitions, such as a divorce or a blending of families. In addition, some families might have a family member who is experiencing challenges related to sexual identity or some other personal concern. Each person may have the opportunity to speak with the therapist individually and explain how they feel about the matter at hand. Then, the therapist may be able to help family members explore each other’s perspectives and support the person in question more effectively in a group setting. 

What happens during a relationship counselling session?

During a relationship counselling session, counsellors (spelled counselors in the US) typically begin by getting to know the couple and asking about the reason for their visit. After a counsellor gets to know a couple, they may use techniques to improve communication and resolve conflicts. 

How talking therapy helps couples improve communication

It’s common, and even “normal” for couples, friends, and groups to experience communication breakdown on occasion. Couples' talking therapy can address this breakdown by:

• Providing a safe space to express feelings without judgment 
• Identifying existing communication problems and using exercises to unlearn them
• Developing language skills to achieve progress in health communication, such as using “I” language, allowing partners to finish speaking before replying, and asking them questions from a place of curiosity
• Reflecting and acknowledging each other’s effort each day
• Gaining skills to cope with intense feelings, such as asking for a time-out when discussions are getting heated 
• Reminding yourself that you only have the power to control how you choose to communicate, not control how somebody responds. When each partner focuses on their own communication strategies, both benefit. 

These are just a few of the ways couples therapy may improve communication. 

What are marriage counselling methods?

Couples therapists may employ a variety of evidence-based techniques. For example, some therapists might use emotion-focused therapy (EFT) to foment a secure bond between partners. This therapeutic modality often includes three stages: de-escalation, restructuring, and consolidation. 

Marriage counsellors may also use the Gottman method. Interventions within the Gottman method focus on conflict management, friendship, and shared meaning. This method may help couples change negative patterns of conflict and deepen their intimacy. However, these are only two of hundreds of therapeutic modalities that therapists can use. 

Common challenges addressed in counselling

Counselling can help with many mental health challenges, such as: 

• Bereavement and grief
• Chronic stress
• Relationship conflict
• Financial issues 
• Difficulty creating connection with others 

If you decide to try counselling, it can be helpful to know what to expect. In general, many people begin experiencing mental health benefits after a few sessions, though it may depend on factors like the severity of symptoms, symptom complexity, how long you’ve been experiencing symptoms, the types of issues you're experiencing, and other factors. 

Online and hybrid counselling options 

Here’s an overview of different approaches to talking therapy: 

• Online counselling: Online counselling typically refers to live therapy sessions, just done in an online format. It can improve the accessibility and affordability of therapy. For couples, online counselling may be particularly convenient as it’s often more flexible. 
• In-person counselling: Traditionally, counseling is done in person. Some people may prefer this format if they aren’t comfortable using technology or have a difficult time building camaraderie with their therapist online. In-person therapy typically costs more than online counselling, and clients may experience longer wait times. 
• Hybrid counselling: Some therapists may offer a hybrid approach, allowing clients to choose from in-person, online, or a mix of in-person and online sessions. Some hybrid therapists may recommend that the first single session be in-person, while subsequent sessions are held online. 

Some charity organisations in the UK are available to help you find a qualified provider, whether you prefer in-person, online, or a hybrid approach to therapy. 

Charitable and NHS-linked services

These services may be prone to longer waiting times, but they can be more affordable (sometimes free): 

• The NHS offers free counselling and talking therapy, including individual therapy, couples counselling, and group support. 
• Some charity organisations, such as Mind, Rethink Mental Illness, Anxiety UK, Victim Support, and local support services, offer resources for free or low-cost therapy. 
• Crisis support helplines are also available, including Samaritans and Shout Crisis Text Line.

Note that in some cases you may need to get a referral from your GP. 

How do you know if you have a good marriage counsellor?

When searching for a good marriage counsellor, you might first look into a counselor’s training and license. You might search for someone with a master’s degree in counselling or psychotherapy. Psychotherapists are typically registered with the UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP) and the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists (BACP). 

Aside from credentials, you might ask prospective counselors about their approaches. You can take notes and look up any of the approaches they mention to see if the literature supports these actions. These steps can help verify a counselor’s basic qualifications. 

Tips for getting the most out of counselling

To maximize the benefits you get from counselling, focus on: 

• Know what to expect from therapy, what “normal” progress looks like, and how to set goals
• Work on creating a strong and trusting relationship with your counsellor 
• Make a consistent and manageable effort
• Practice exercises that help you cope with stressors, such as deep breathing, journaling, or going for a run
• Focus on the things that make you happy outside of therapy, such as spending time with friends and family, getting enough sleep, exercising a few times each week, trying new activities, or cooking nutritious meals for yourself 

If you’re finding it difficult to stay motivated or find your progress has slowed down, it can be helpful to have a conversation about it with your therapist. 

Online marriage counselling

If you’re searching for marriage counselling but are concerned about cost, you might consider online marriage counselling, which can be a cost-effective option. 

You might consider an online relationship counselling platform like Regain. With Regain, you can communicate with a therapist who specializes in relationships and in a way that’s comfortable for you and your partner, including by phone, video, or live chat. You can also reach out to your therapist anytime via in-app messaging, and your therapist will respond as soon as they can. This feature of Regain may be beneficial if you have questions or concerns between therapy sessions, as you don’t have to wait until the next session to communicate your concerns. 

Online therapy has been proven effective in numerous studies. In one study on the effectiveness of online couples therapy published in the journal Frontiers in Psychology, researchers compared the results of in-person therapy and online therapy. The researchers stated, “Results showed that therapeutic alliance ratings did not differ between groups but increased significantly over time for both groups. Additionally, the results indicated improvements in relationship satisfaction, mental health, and all other outcome scores over time, which did not differ based on condition.”

Online therapy can also be valuable for individuals who are not in immediate danger or crisis. In some cases, individuals might be unable to convince their partner to attend marriage therapy. However, individual therapy may help people navigate the emotional challenges of relationship issues. In these cases, online therapy is available for individuals via platforms like BetterHelp.