You Don't Have To Do This Alone: How To Help A Suicidal Friend

When someone you care about is having suicidal thoughts, it can feel overwhelming. You may be unsure what to say or worry that you’ll just make things worse. However, you don’t have to have all the answers. Choosing to show up and offer your support can make a difference. Learn how to recognize the signs of suicidal ideation, ways to engage in conversations about suicide and mental health, and where to turn for resources and encouragement. You don’t have to do this alone.

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How to spot the warning signs of suicidal thoughts

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, some of the warning signs that someone is thinking about suicide include:

• talking about wanting to die
• expressing that they feel like a burden to others
• engaging in overly risky behavior like unsafe driving
• increased use of drugs or alcohol
• extreme mood swings
• becoming violent 
• being preoccupied with death
• unexplained crying
• feeling unbearable emotional or physical pain

Being aware of these warning signs can help you know when to check in with your friend or reach out for professional help.

Subtle signs of suicidal thoughts that can be easy to miss

Not all signs of suicidal thoughts are obvious. A friend who is thinking about taking their own life may avoid making future plans with you or give away important belongings. A noticeable shift in behavior, such as eating or sleeping more or less, can be another sign. Even if your friend is not having suicidal feelings, these signs could indicate that they are experiencing depression and could benefit from professional support.

Risk factors for suicide

The Centers for Disease Control highlights a number of risk factors that might increase the possibility of someone considering suicide. These include individual, relationship, and community risk factors:

• having previously attempted suicide
• criminal or legal problems
• being a victim or perpetrator of violence
• having a loved one attempt suicide
• social isolation
• high conflict relationships
• adverse childhood experiences
• community violence
• mental illness
• ways to obtain weapons or a lethal means of suicide

In contrast, a range of protective factors can decrease the likelihood of suicidal ideation. Having healthy relationships and feeling connected to others may protect against suicide risk.

The impact of talking openly about mental health

A common misconception is that talking to someone about suicide will encourage suicidal tendencies. This belief can make you feel hesitant to reach out to a friend you’re concerned about, but research shows that it isn’t true. Acknowledging and speaking openly about suicide can help reduce suicidal ideation, so it could be okay to have those conversations. 

Questions that encourage honest conversations about mental health

Questions like Are you okay? or How are you doing? are often met with vague responses. Try opening the conversation with specific questions about how your friend is feeling, such as: 

• What would help you feel supported right now?
• How are you coping with everything that’s going on right now?
• Have you had any thoughts about hurting yourself?
• I noticed you’ve been isolating lately. What’s been going on?
• Would you like me to sit with you while you contact a crisis line?

Be ready to listen without judgment and allow silence in the conversation instead of trying to fill the space with chatter. A listening ear can go a long way for people who are feeling suicidal. 

What to do if you think your friend is thinking about suicide

The Jed Foundation outlines a step-by-step guide to reaching out to a friend you’re worried about. 

If you feel the person isn’t in immediate danger, try to have the conversation at a time you won’t be interrupted and they can talk freely. Be specific about what behaviors have caused your concern, and ask directly if your friend has thought about suicide. 

If your friend says yes, try to stay calm and ask follow-up questions so you can understand exactly what they’re thinking. Listen and validate their feelings. You may be tempted to try to cheer them up, but this could feel like you’re dismissing their experience. Ask if you can help them connect with professional help like a therapist or crisis hotline. 

Sometimes, someone may not be willing or ready to open up. If this is the case, ask who else they might be able to share with. Your friend may ask you to keep how they’re feeling a secret, but the Jed Foundation recommends that you not make that promise. Instead, make it your priority to ensure they get professional help. 

There may be times where you believe your friend is at serious risk of attempting suicide. In this case, inquire whether they have a plan for ending their life and what the plan is. If you think someone is in immediate danger, remain with them and call emergency services. 

Practical ways to support a suicidal friend

If your friend is thinking about suicide, you may not know the best way to support them. Here are some specific steps you can take to offer your help. 

Be present

By showing up, you’re reminding your friend that they are not alone. Even if you don’t talk, your presence can provide comfort and reassurance. It also acts as a reminder that they matter to other people. 

Check in frequently with someone thinking about suicide

Ask direct questions and speak matter-of-factly about suicide. Ask about their reasons for living and dying and demonstrate active listening when they respond by restating their answer in your own words. 

Remove or reduce reach to weapons

Remove anything that could be used as a weapon such as firearms, medication, or knives from your friend’s home. Research shows that this is one of the most effective ways to prevent suicide, and may often be part of an effective safety plan. 

Share suicide prevention numbers and resources

In the United States, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7/365 by calling or texting 988. The lifeline is free, and all calls are discreet. Volunteers can offer an unbiased listening ear and are trained to assess risk and connect callers with local resources if needed.

Suicide prevention resources

To learn more about how you can support a loved one thinking about suicide, check out these resources. 

• The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention offers a number of resources for people experiencing thoughts of suicide, those who are surviving a suicide loss, or anyone supporting a loved one after a suicidal crisis. 
• The Suicide Prevention Resource Center hosts an online learning center where visitors can learn about suicide prevention in different settings. 
• The National Alliance for Suicide Prevention has a resource library that can be filtered by topic and resource type to help you find exactly what you’re looking for. 
• The Trevor Project is a suicide prevention nonprofit specifically for LGBTQ+ young people. It offers several resources for talking about suicide and knowing what warning signs to watch for. 
• The Jed Foundation is a nonprofit dedicated to preventing suicide in teens and young adults, founded by parents who lost their own son to suicide. Its mental health resource library can be filtered by how you’re feeling as well as your demographic. 

Protect your own mental health

Supporting someone who is thinking about suicide can be an emotionally heavy experience. It could be important to take care of your own mental health during this time as well. If you’re worried about a friend, consider establishing a network of people who can take turns checking in, so the pressure doesn’t solely rest on your shoulders. 

Make sure your own needs are being met. Get adequate sleep, move your body, and get support from loved ones. You can also talk to a mental health professional about what’s been going on. The weight of supporting someone thinking about suicide can be heavy, but you don’t have to carry it alone. In therapy, you can share your experience and learn new coping strategies. 

If your already jam-packed schedule doesn’t have room for weekly therapy sessions, online therapy may be a good fit. Through platforms like BetterHelp, you can schedule therapy whenever it works for you, like during your lunch break or late at night after you finish studying. Years of research have shown that online therapy is effective in treating conditions such as depression and anxiety, as well as improving patients’ overall quality of life. 

Are you carrying a heavy burden?

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Reducing the stigma around suicidal thoughts

The shame associated with mental health struggles can keep people from reaching out for help. By speaking openly and directly about suicide and mental health, you can help reduce the stigma. It may also help to talk about your own mental health challenges and what steps you’ve taken to feel better. The more something is talked about, the less taboo it might feel.