Coping With Grief On Father’s Day

There are many reasons a person might experience difficult feelings on Father’s Day, from being estranged from their parent or having a challenging relationship with them to being reminded of difficult childhood memories or even coping with the loss of their father. It can be especially tough when surrounded by people enjoying time with their fathers or seeing constant reminders of the holiday. Healthy coping strategies may help you manage the discomfort, pain, or grief you might experience when this observance comes around.

Understanding the grieving process

A person can feel grief as a result of loss, but it’s not the only potential cause. Someone could also grieve the relationship they wished they had with their father, for example, or they could grieve time they weren’t able to spend with him during their childhood. Understanding the grieving process and the many different ways it can look may be helpful in managing these feelings and meeting them with compassion.

One of the most important things to note about grief is that it looks different for everyone, and that culture, religion, and societal norms can affect how a person expresses it. For decades, the Kubler-Ross model of grief has been one of the most popular ways to conceptualize this process. However, even the developer of this model herself was adamant that the stages do not necessarily represent a linear process.

Another way the stages of grief may be categorized—especially in a therapeutic setting—is by identifying the experience as acute, complicated, or integrated grief. Acute grief refers to the period immediately after a loss during which a person may experience shock, numbness, sadness, stress, poor appetite, and difficulty concentrating or sleeping. 

Complicated grief describes when the loss continues to seem unreal and the symptoms of grief unmanageable, even after years. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) categorizes this kind of “prolonged grief disorder” as a diagnosable mental illness that requires treatment to resolve. Finally, integrated grief can refer to the point at which your life has grown around your grief and you’ve found ways to cope. That said, during times like Father’s Day, acute grief could return.

Tips for managing grief related to Father’s Day

Observances like Father’s Day, your dad’s birthday, or other meaningful dates could be especially difficult if you feel grief or other challenging feelings related to your parent. Being patient and gentle with yourself is usually the best route, and these healthy coping techniques could also help:

• Express yourself. It’s okay to be sad or to cry on Father’s Day. Suppressing your feelings has the potential to lead to negative outcomes and typically won’t move you forward on your healing journey, and research even suggests that avoiding grief can actually prolong it. That’s why finding healthy ways to express your emotions—such as through journaling or talking to a trusted friend or sibling—is generally recommended.
• Do something to honor your father. If you have negative or complicated memories about your dad, this may not feel right to you. But if you think it might feel cathartic or connective, you might consider engaging in an activity your father used to love, enjoying a gift he once gave you, or donating to a cause he cared about to connect with his memory.
• Try relaxation techniques. If Father’s Day feels stressful, you might try meditation, deep-breathing exercises, or yoga to bring some peace to challenging moments. Calming your mind and body may allow you to sit in nonjudgmental awareness and compassion for what you’re feeling as it passes over you.
• Reach out for help. It’s okay to reach out for social support when experiencing difficult feelings, including grief. Asking a trusted friend or family member if they can talk, listen, or even just sit with you could help you move through challenging emotions. 

If you’re finding it difficult to participate in daily activities or are avoiding things that you typically enjoy because of sadness, grief, or worry, it’s generally recommended that you meet with a mental health care professional for support. Licensed therapists are typically trained to help you navigate grief and to teach emotional management mechanisms for stress and sadness.

Seeking therapy for grief and other difficult emotions

Grief and related emotions can be hard to carry on one’s own. Whether you’re experiencing symptoms of a mental health condition like depression as a result or would simply like support as you move through a difficult time, therapy may help. A compassionate therapist can offer you a listening ear, strategies for coping with your feelings, and support as you move through the process and toward healing. 

That said, attending regular in-person therapy sessions is not a realistic option for everyone. Those who live in rural areas, who don’t have transportation, who can’t travel easily due to a disability, or who have a busy schedule, for example, may prefer a more convenient alternative—such as online therapy. With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed therapist who you can meet with via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging from the comfort of home. Research suggests that online therapy can be as effective in treating symptoms of grief as in-person sessions.