How To Live Independently In Multigenerational Family Living Arrangements

While multigenerational family living can be an extremely common dynamic in many parts of the world, until recently, it wasn’t usually considered the norm in the United States. “The American dream” can be seen as an idyll that has been portrayed in songs, fiction, and political statements for many years, and cultural references have historically promoted the idea of the nuclear family: two parents, children, and maybe a pet or two. In many ways, this situation was not the reality even decades ago and tends to be even less true to life now. 

The Pew Research Center tells us that nearly one-third of young people aged 25 to 29 now live in a multigenerational household—typically a parent’s home. The top reason for cohabitating is usually that many families can’t afford to live as a single generational unit. Thus, multigenerational living seems to be on the rise. Living in a multigenerational household can have obvious benefits when it comes to financial health, support, and community, but it may also require some care to balance your own wants and needs against the group. Practicing self-care, implementing conflict resolution skills, and working with a therapist online or in person can be helpful.

Setting yourself up for success in a multigenerational household

Utilize effective communication skills

In general, the first line of defense is prevention. Effective communication can help you set clear boundaries and expectations between all family members. Even if none of these topics have been addressed in the past, it may never be too late to bring them up. 

• Maintain open communication about household management. This can include things like cleaning, grocery shopping, meal preparation, and errands. There should be discussions around who is responsible for which tasks, as well as when and how they’re done. A posted schedule can be a good idea to ensure that everyone is clear on their duties. 
• Make and keep a schedule of appointments and other events. This can help you avoid arguments or disagreements about where anyone is supposed to be at a given time. This can be especially helpful if you are a caretaker.
• Establish house rules. As adults, this doesn’t necessarily mean that you must abide by arbitrary rules, but that for the sake of compromise, everyone is working together to be courteous. This can mean that lights go out at 11 PM, but tablets and headphones are okay. 
• Respect each other’s boundaries. No matter how much you care about each other, everyone should generally be entitled to their own personal space and alone time. 
• Have periodic family meetings to update guidelines or schedules. These don’t have to be formal meetings with minutes (though they can be, if your family enjoys that sort of thing), but a time to come together and review family life. 

Come together as a family

One of the benefits of living in a multigenerational household can be the sense of community. You might take advantage of this by scheduling family game nights, a special meal out (or in!), or even some family exercise time like dancing or taking a walk around the neighborhood. 

Practice self-care

When you’re living with other family members, it can sometimes be difficult to remember to do things for yourself. This may be especially true if you are the caretaker of a small child or an elderly person. Some adult children living in a multigenerational home may be sandwiched between both, caring for their own children or grandchildren as well as an aging parent or grandparent. Here are some self-care practices you can try:

• Deep breathing exercises
• Yoga 
• Walk or sit outside in nature for a few minutes
• Take a long bath
• Read a book or magazine
• Get up early to have a cup of coffee by yourself

It can be difficult to take time for yourself, but try to keep in mind that some of these activities don’t require a substantial time commitment. With self-care, consistency may be more valuable than duration. Try to fit in self-care practices as consistently as you can, and when you have more time, you can explore the more time-intensive options. 

Learn conflict management skills

No matter how much you love your family, it may be inevitable that many people living in the same space are going to come up against conflict. Adult children living with their parents can create a power dynamic that isn’t always easy to manage. 

Parents may feel that they should have more control over their adult child, and young adults caring for an aging parent may find that they have trouble accepting the role reversal. If you throw extended family into the living arrangement, these dynamics can become even more complicated. 

Conflict management skills don’t always come naturally, but they can be learned. Several resources offer workshops and educational tools to learn how to actively listen and clearly communicate needs. In certain cases, you may even find that therapy can be helpful for learning and practicing these skills. 

Therapy for stress management 

Therapy may not only be helpful for navigating challenges that come with having a multigenerational living arrangement, but it can also help with stress management. Sometimes, stress can be overwhelming, especially if you have a role within your home to provide child-care or elder care. If you find yourself struggling to meet your own needs, feeling burned out, or constantly worrying about others, therapy can help. 

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a form of therapy that can be useful for learning and implementing effective stress management strategies. Working with a licensed therapist may help you gain perspective and feel less anxious in your day-to-day life. 

Benefits of online therapy

If you find that your life is too busy to search for a therapist and attend weekly appointments, online therapy can be an effective and convenient solution. Online therapy platforms like BetterHelp typically offer a simple way to find a licensed therapist who is right for your needs through a brief questionnaire. You may also switch therapists without any financial penalty if you feel like someone else would be a better match.

Effectiveness of online therapy 

Research shows that online therapy is normally just as effective as traditional in-person therapy when it comes to addressing a wide range of mental health conditions and interpersonal challenges, such as those that may arise when living with multiple generations of family members.