Analyzing Your Patterns: Is There Something Wrong With Me?

Medically reviewed by Laura Angers Maddox, NCC, LPC

Updated November 1, 2023by BetterHelp Editorial Team

People who find themselves in a constant state of analyzing their emotions may have high emotional intelligence and not realize it. Emotional intelligence usually refers to someone’s ability to recognize, understand, and manage their own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. When utilized correctly, emotional analysis and intelligence can potentially lead to higher self-awareness, confidence, and satisfaction, as well as increased empathy, improved communication, and greater self-awareness. Working with a therapist in person or online can be an excellent way to increase emotional intelligence and learn how to use it to your advantage.

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Are Your Emotions Controlling Your Life?

Learn Emotional Intelligence In Therapy

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

The term “emotional intelligence” was mainly popularized by Dan Goleman in the 1990s. He defined the term as, “the ability to understand and manage your own emotions and feelings, as well those of others.” According to Goleman, EI can be broken down into five components: self-awareness, self-control, motivation, empathy, and social skills.

Since the popularization of the term, emotional intelligence has largely become part of the cultural vocabulary. Some consider it a critical aspect of an individual’s overall success, intelligence, and happiness.

Because it is a relatively new term and very subjective, there may be no definitive way to know where emotional intelligence comes from, though it is likely a combination of factors. Nature versus nurture may also play a part in EI. For example, an individual who is raised in a family that prioritizes open communication may be more comfortable talking about their own feelings. When children’s emotional needs are met, they tend to be more likely to grow into an adult with strong emotional intelligence and awareness.

Emotional intelligence is a skill that can be developed and enhanced over time. Individuals who practice emotional analysis and mindfulness, attend in-person or online therapy, and focus on emotional vocabulary can improve their emotional intelligence incrementally.

Benefits Of Emotional Intelligence

High emotional intelligence can have many benefits, such as improved decision-making, better relationships, and self-awareness. Individuals with high EI tend to be more likely to be able to understand others’ perspectives. This can be especially helpful during conflict. Emotionally intelligent individuals may find it easier to acknowledge the other party’s feelings and come up with a compromise that works for everyone. When making decisions, those with high emotional intelligence may avoid short-sighted or impulsive choices because they are usually committed to thinking through the situation before acting.

Emotional intelligence can be helpful when forming relationships with others. Those with higher EI levels tend to work well with others due to their strengths in active listening, identifying their feelings and emotions, and showing empathy. People with high emotional intelligence may be able to notice signals that others miss, such as slight changes in facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, etc. The ability to discern these slight changes can help people respond quickly and productively, enabling them to cultivate trust and intimacy.

Self-awareness may allow people to better understand their own emotions, thoughts, and behaviors; this trait often accompanies emotional intelligence. Self-awareness can make a person seem more authentic, form personal connections more easily, and lead to better social performance. A self-aware and emotionally intelligent individual can manage their emotions competently and productively, but this may lead to overanalyzing emotions.

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Analyzing Your Emotions

Constantly analyzing your emotions can be a blessing and a curse. Emotional analysis can be a blessing because it often helps an individual name, understand, and manage their feelings in a healthy way by remaining aware of them. However, spending too much effort analyzing feelings can lead to negative thought patterns if a conclusion is not easily reached.

For some individuals, ruminating on their emotions for too long may lead to stress or anxiety. Additionally, constantly analyzing emotions can prevent some people from actually feeling or coping with the emotions. It can be easy to fall into the trap of trying to “logic the way out” of an emotion, but that should generally be avoided if possible.

If an individual can be aware of the possible pitfalls of emotional analysis, there may be many benefits. One major perk is that analyzing feelings can lead to an increased sense of self-awareness. Those who understand their emotions on a deeper level may understand more about what influences their behavior. This can be especially important when trying to form new friendships or social bonds. Self-awareness can help an individual identify patterns in their life and adjust to produce the outcome they want. Self-aware individuals may also have more success in relationships because of their improved communication skills. High EI and emotional analysis can lead to deeper connections with friends, family, and colleagues.

One way to improve emotional analysis is by learning the language. While we all experience emotions, only 36% of us can correctly identify them in the moment. Why is this potentially problematic? When unlabeled emotions are misunderstood, that can lead people to make irrational choices and act counterproductively. Those with high levels of emotional intelligence try to keep a firm grasp on their emotions and use an extensive vocabulary to describe their feelings.

While some might say they feel "bad," an emotionally intelligent person might be more specific and say they feel "irritable," "frustrated," "downtrodden," or "anxious." The more specific we are in labeling our emotions, the better insight we have and can provide into how we are feeling, what caused those feelings, and what we should do about it.

Enhancing Emotional Intelligence

Here are several simple ways to potentially increase your emotional intelligence.

Practicing mindfulness: Mindfulness generally centers around the idea of staying present in the moment, which can be extremely beneficial for those learning to manage their emotions. By practicing mindfulness, individuals can become more aware of and comfortable with their emotions and increase emotional awareness.
Asking for help: It can be helpful to ask close friends and family for feedback on emotional growth. Because they are often there through conflict, celebrations, and other seasons of life, they may offer unique insight into how an individual handles stress or strong emotions.
Building a support system: If an individual does not already have a support network, building one can be a great way to enhance emotional intelligence. Joining a club, scheduling phone calls with a friend, or going to an event can invite new perspectives and a chance to empathize.
Journaling: The act of writing down emotions can be very helpful in identifying them. Additionally, keeping a written record may help individuals pinpoint patterns in their behavior or emotional state.
Managing stress: Individuals who experience high stress levels may put off emotional control because they feel they don’t have the time for it. Taking time to learn how to properly manage and respond to stress can lead to higher emotional intelligence and overall satisfaction.

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Are Your Emotions Controlling Your Life?

Learn Emotional Intelligence In Therapy

Therapy To Increase Emotional Intelligence

For individuals looking to improve their emotional intelligence, online therapy can be a beneficial tool. Flexible scheduling can be another benefit of online therapy. Individuals with busy schedules or free time outside standard office hours may find more success when meeting with a professional online. Online therapy can be a beneficial resource for individuals who over-analyze their emotions.

Online therapy can be effective for treating various conditions, including ones where people with high levels of emotional intelligence are more prone to develop symptoms. In one study, for example, researchers found that anxiety, obsessive-compulsive behaviors, and emotional intelligence were among the highest predictors for Internet addiction. Other studies have found that using online interventions can effectively help people overcome addiction to the Internet.

Takeaway

Emotional intelligence and analysis can be important when it comes to understanding and managing emotions. Individuals who develop their emotional intelligence may be more self-aware and find greater success in personal relationships. Analyzing their own behaviors and feelings can help individuals recognize patterns and adjust to improve their quality of life. However, emotional analysis should generally be balanced with feeling emotions to avoid potential stress and anxiety. Using emotional intelligence and a healthy approach to analysis can lead to deeper connections, fulfilling relationships, and greater self-awareness. Online therapy may be one way to improve your emotional intelligence and address any mental health challenges.

Frequently asked questions

Read more below for answers to questions commonly asked about this topic.

How can I tell if something is wrong with me?

Nearly everyone feels “wrong” at some point in life, but if the feeling is frequent or severe, you may want to reach out to others for help. Here are a few common signs that indicate you may want to reach out to your support network or a professional for help:

Sudden changes in physical health, like weight changes, increased fatigue, persistent sleeplessness, frequent nausea, or any other change from what you consider typical.
Unexplained and severe mood swings.
Persistent sadness, irritability, or anger that does not have a known cause.
Difficulty concentrating or focusing at a typical level.
Avoiding or withdrawing from others.
A lack of pleasure when doing things that used to make you happy.

Reaching out to support networks, medical professionals, and mental health professionals can help you address physical and mental health issues before they worsen. It is never too early to seek help. If you’re concerned that something might be wrong with you, consider reaching out for help as soon as possible.

Why do I always think there's something wrong with me?

While it is normal to have occasional concerns about whether something is wrong with you, you may be experiencing worry that goes beyond what is typical if you're constantly feeling as though something is wrong. One thing to consider is illness anxiety disorder (IAD), formerly called hypochondriasis.

IAD is characterized by excessive worry about developing a debilitating or life-threatening medical condition. Someone with IAD is genuinely concerned they will develop a health-related issue despite the absence of symptoms. Sometimes, people misinterpret normal bodily sensations as something caused by a serious medical condition. Individuals might also engage in disproportionate health-related behaviors, such as repeatedly checking their bodies for new signs of illness, scheduling frequent appointments with medical professionals, or attempting to prevent illness onset using techniques unsupported by evidence.

Do I have a mental illness, or am I overreacting?

Almost every person overreacts at some point. Infrequent overreactions are not likely indicative of a mental health disorder, but frequent or severe overreactions may be due to a mental health concern. If your overreactions often include rumination, excessive worry, or exaggerated displays of emotion, emotional dysregulation may be contributing to your overreactions.

Some mental health conditions, like histrionic personality disorder, are defined by trouble controlling emotions. Other conditions may not have emotional dysregulation or excessive overreactions as a central theme, but they may make them more likely. For example, anxiety disorders can increase restlessness and irritability, increasing the likelihood that a person will overreact.

One of the best ways to understand your potential overreactions is to work with a qualified mental health professional. A therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist can work with you to get to the root of your emotions and help you understand whether your reactions are excessive or within an acceptable range.

Why do I feel like I’m going crazy?

There are lots of ways to feel like you’re going crazy. Maybe you feel detached from your life, or you’re constantly worrying. You might also struggle to feel happy or control your thoughts, or maybe you are seeing or hearing things others aren’t. No matter your exact circumstances, you likely feel that something just isn’t right.

Here are a few questions you can ask to analyze your own thoughts and understand your current state of mental health:

What is causing your concern? Note any thoughts, feelings, or experiences you have.
When did your concerns begin? Was anything significant happening in your life during that time?
Do you always feel like you’re going crazy? What changes when you do or don’t?
Does your support network know about how you feel?
How has your behavior changed since you started feeling like you were going crazy? Are you using substances more? Snapping at people or overreacting? Staying in bed all day?

You may want to consider taking your answers to those questions to a mental health professional to understand your current situation better. A qualified professional can help you get to the root of your feelings and decide what steps to take to give you more control over your thoughts and feelings.

Why do I feel like I'm losing my mind?

Feeling like you are losing your mind is distressing, but it does not necessarily mean there is a problem. Extreme stressful situations, such as the death of a loved one, can cause a sensation of losing your mind or feeling like control is slipping away. Feeling like you’re losing your mind does not mean you are. However, some common signs and symptoms shouldn’t be ignored. Consider reaching out to a mental health professional if you’ve experienced any of the following:

Changes in sleep, appetite, or energy level.
Rapid or extreme mood swings.
Problem thinking or concentrating.
A major loss of productivity at work or school.
A sense of disconnectedness or dissociation.
Illogical thinking or behavior that is not typical.
A loss of desire for things you previously enjoyed.

Why do I keep feeling weird?

You might regularly feel weird for several reasons, but it depends on how you define “weird.” If you feel weird compared to your peers, it’s possible that your socialization is being affected by a condition like social anxiety disorder. If you feel weird physically, it could be that a medical problem is to blame, or you could be feeling bodily sensations associated with things like stress or reliving a traumatic past.

Feeling weird isn’t inherently wrong, but it might be causing undue stress or impairing your ability to function normally. Maybe you feel weird due to brain fog caused by burnout or are overwhelmed by your to-do list. Whatever the case, if you are unsure what is causing your feelings, speaking to a mental health professional may be worthwhile. A qualified professional can help get to the root of your feelings and help you determine the cause. They can also likely recommend strategies and next steps you can take to start feeling better.

How do I stop wrong thinking?

Harmful thought processes can significantly impact a person’s mental and physical well-being. Harmful thoughts might include putting yourself down, ignoring the positive, worrying frequently, or seeing the worst in yourself and others. One of the first steps to addressing harmful thinking is to ensure that you care for yourself in your daily life.

Self-care time is essential for mental and physical well-being. Self-care, at its simplest, usually means ensuring that you are eating a healthy diet, getting enough physical activity, and getting an appropriate amount of sleep. However, there are several other coping skills you can adopt to boost your care routines:

Use relaxation strategies. Relaxation techniques, like progressive muscle relaxation, can help relieve chronic stress, lower anxiety, and introduce calm.
Shift your mindset. Spend time developing a growth mindset, which is a mindset that sees failure as a necessary part of success. Make sure you consciously recognize your accomplishments and focus on the positive aspects of your life.
Create a calming atmosphere. Having a calm space is an important part of taking care of yourself. Consider creating a calm area with a soothing ambiance. You can even use essential oils for aromatherapy to help jump-start the calming effects of your environment. You might also consider spending time in nature; getting fresh air in a natural environment is associated with lowered anxiety and depression.
Practice gratitude. Frequently feeling grateful is an excellent way to live life positively. You might consider starting a gratitude journal or free-writing about a positive experience. It can be easy to ignore the good things in life; make sure you take some time to focus on the positive.

What is Nosophobia?

Nosophobia is an extreme and irrational fear of developing or having a specific disease. It is commonly confused with illness anxiety disorder (IAD) (formerly called hypochondriasis). While nosophobia is a specific phobia - a fear of a certain thing, in this case, a medical condition - IAD is not typically specific to one condition. IAD also often involves a person misinterpreting normal bodily sensations as ones caused by an illness (such as a mildly upset stomach indicating that they may have stomach cancer).

What does anxiety feel like?

Anxiety is linked to fear and represents a future-oriented mood that consists of excessive worry surrounding a potential threat. Cognitively, anxiety causes feelings of fear, lowers concentration, and may induce frightening thoughts and mental imagery. The body sensations associated with anxiety are typically an increased heart rate, pressure in the chest, light-headedness, upset stomach, and shakes or tremors. The feelings produced by anxiety may lead a person to avoid certain places or situations to mitigate the unpleasant sensations.

Why am I so negative and unhappy?

Persistent negativity and unhappiness may be due to excessive stress, a lack of personal care, or a mental health concern. Some conditions, like major depressive disorder, can make happiness difficult or impossible. Many other mental health concerns can affect mood, and if you’re struggling to address negativity and unhappiness, it may be helpful to work with a qualified mental health professional.

A therapist, psychiatrist, or psychologist can help you understand where your negativity comes from, why you struggle to be positive, and how to make changes to become happier. Finding the root cause of unhappiness can sometimes be challenging, and a therapist can likely help clarify your feelings. They can also utilize evidence-based techniques like cognitive behavioral therapy to help you feel happier and improve your overall well-being.

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