Ask These 20 Questions To Get To Know People or Know Someone Better

By Danni Peck |Updated April 28, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Rachael Lee Hyatt, LCSW

Getting to meet new people can be hard through questions, especially if you are shy or suffer from problems like social anxiety, autism, or depression. Even though it can be difficult to ask questions of new people, most of us still want to have at least a small circle of friends and family to feel connected.

Get To Know The Benefits of Friendship

Friendship can have a very positive impact on our health and well-being. Good friends are good for our health, and friends can teach us a lot about life. Friends can also help keep us mentally strong and can even help  promote brain health. According to the Mayo Clinic, friendship is good for your health. Adults with strong social support have a reduced risk of many significant health problems, including depression, high blood pressure, heart rate, cholesterol and an unhealthy body mass index (BMI). Some studies have even found that have rich social circles are likely to live longer lives than their peers who have fewer connections.

questions to get to know someone

Friends give us a sense of connectedness. The need to belong and feel connected with someone or something is a universal human need. The need for connection is an emotional and psychological drive within us as human beings, and friends can make us feel connected in a way that provides a sense of identity and belonging.

The obvious benefit of friendship is not feeling lonely. Even though some people are much more social than others, we all need some personal interaction with others at certain times. Knowing that you have somebody that you can call up and lean on, or give you a hand when you need it, can provide us with a sense of support and peace of mind.

Friends can teach us how to be patient, forgive, laugh, play and have fun. And we, in turn, get to learn how to do that with others. Friendship is a two-way street where you can feel trust, support, love, kindness and caring, and where you can, in turn, show that to another person.

How to Get to Know People With Questions

One of the most common frustrations these days is - "where and how do I make friends?". With social media ruling the world, it can sometimes feel difficult to meet somebody in person and establish a friendship. One way to move towards finding and establishing a social circle is to draw on the people that you already are familiar with that could end up being a good friend. This might be acquaintances your friends with when you run into each other but don't go out of your way to see on a regular basis, people at work or in classes, people you occasionally hang out with but you could see more often, or friends of people that you know that you have gotten along with in the past.

Getting more out of the people you already know can go a long way, but it doesn't always yield new and lasting friendships. Oftentimes you might find yourself at the point of needing to meet entirely new people. This requires getting out there and meeting people in places - but where? Getting in hobbies or communities where you can naturally meet a lot of people that you already have something in common with. This might be a running group, attending an art event, joining a club etc. Think about the things that you like to do, and then look for ways to do it in a way that involves other people.

Meeting people definitely requires an effort and it requires getting a little bit uncomfortable and getting out of your daily routine, but it is worth it. Once you have found these ways and places to meet people, then we can move on to how to get to know the people you have made an effort to be around.

Using Questions To Get To Know Someone

One way that you can improve your social skills and establish friendships is by using good questions to get to know people. These types of questions can be used as ice breakers for conversations when you aren't sure what you have in common with someone yet.

Chances are, you aren't going to use all 20 of these questions with the same person in one sitting - unless you decide to make a fun game out of it and answer all the questions with a new friend!

The idea is to pick a few favorites. Choose questions that make you curious and that you feel comfortable asking the person.

Some of these questions are very simple, while others are deeper questions that touch on things that are a little more personal like family and fears. Gage your questions based on how long you have known the person. Do you need the basics first or have you known this person for a while and want to get to know them better?

get to know questions

Ask These 20 Questions To Get To Know People Or Someone:

  1. When is your birthday?
  2. What is your favorite animal?
  3. What do you do for a living? Are you in school?
  4. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
  5. What was your favorite school subject?
  6. Do you have a small or big family?
  7. What genres of music do you like best?
  8. How do you spend your free time?
  9. Are you a morning or a night person?
  10. What is your favorite food?
  11. What is your favorite movie or TV show?
  12. What is your favorite childhood memory?
  13. Who is your celebrity crush?
  14. Do you speak more than one language?
  15. What is your biggest pet peeve?
  16. What is your favorite holiday?
  17. Where did you grow up?
  18. What is the skill that you would like to learn?
  19. What do you value most in a friend?
  20. What is your biggest irrational fear?

Good Questions To Use When On A Date With Someone

If you’ve ever been on a first date before, you may be familiar with that awkward feeling that can happen as you both struggle to come up with conversation topics. This is when it can come in handy to have a list of good questions, such as icebreaker questions. They allow you to become familiar with each other without going too in-depth.

You probably have different goals when getting to know a date instead of just the average person on the bus. Here are some date questions to keep in mind:

  • What were your parents like when you were growing up?
  • What’s your favorite thing about the work that you do?
  • If you could have an entire day for yourself, what would you do?
  • What’s one thing you wish you could spend more time doing?
  • What’s one vacation trip that you’ll never forget? What was it about the experience that makes it unforgettable?

Conclusion: Questions And Getting To Know People

These are just a few examples of the best questions to get to know people that can help you start a conversation that goes beyond how someone's day is going and the weather. By asking these types of interesting questions, you can potentially find out that you have more things in common with the people you meet and form deeper relationships with them because of it.

After a while, asking these types of questions should become second nature and you will feel less nervous about engaging in conversations with new people. You can even come up with your own list of your favorite questions to ask people when you are getting to know them better! You can add questions from this list and come up with your own unique questions.

If you feel like you have persistent problems connecting with people or don't feel at ease in social situations, you might want to consider speaking with a therapist. Whether in-person or through an online counseling service like BetterHelp, an experienced counselor can help you to establish the root of your social anxiety, giving you insight and tools to make it easier to connect with people.

For Additional Help & Support With Your Concerns
Speak with a Licensed Therapist
The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.