20 Questions To Get To Know People or Someone Better

By Danni Peck |Updated July 21, 2022

Getting to meet new people can be hard through questions, especially if you are shy or suffer from problems like social anxiety, autism, or depression. Even though it can be difficult to ask questions of new people, most of us still want to have at least a small circle of friends and family to feel connected. Speaking with an online therapist can help you practice getting to know people better and help you build connections with the people in your life. 

Get To Know The Benefits of Friendship

Friendship can have a very positive impact on our health and well-being. Good friends are good for our health, and friends can teach us a lot of information about life. Friends can also help keep us mentally strong, give us confidence in ourselves, and can even help  promote brain health. According to the Mayo Clinic, friendship is good for your health. Adults with strong social support have a reduced risk of many significant health problems, including depression, high blood pressure, heart rate, cholesterol and an unhealthy body mass index (BMI). Some studies have even found that rich social circles are likely to live longer lives than their peers who have fewer connections.

someone speaking with others, three individuals conversing with one another inside

Learn Communication Skills And Get To Know Others Better

Friends give us feelings of connectedness. The need to belong and feel connected with another person or something is a universal human need. The need for connection is an emotional and psychological drive within us as human beings, and friends can make us feel connected in a way that provides a sense of identity and belonging.

The most obvious benefit of friendship is not feeling lonely. Even though some people are much more social than others, aka an extrovert, we all need some personal interaction with others at certain times, even an introvert. Knowing that you have somebody that you can call up and lean on, or give you a hand with anything when you need it, can provide us with a sense of support and peace of mind. Talking to a friend or asking them 10 questions to get to know someone can bring a little joy and connection to your day. 

Friends can teach us how to be patient, forgive, laugh, play, and have fun. And we, in turn, get to learn how to do that with others. Friendship is a two-way street where you can feel trust, support, love, kindness, and caring, and where you can, in turn, show that to another person.

How to Get to Learn More About People

One of the most common frustrations these days is - "where and how do I make friends?". With social media ruling the world's thoughts, it can sometimes feel difficult to meet somebody in person and establish a friendship. One way to move towards finding and establishing a social circle is to draw on the people that you already are familiar with that could end up being a good friend. Perhaps you meet or are familiar with another person who you’d like to get to know more. These might be acquaintances your friends with when you run into each other but don't go out of your way to see on a regular basis, people at work or in classes, people you occasionally hang out with but you could see more often, or friends of people that you are familiar with that you have gotten along with in the past.

Getting more out of the people you already are familiar with can go a long way, but it doesn't always yield new and lasting friendships, of course. Just because you get to know someone doesn’t mean you’ll click or they’ll be in your life forever. Oftentimes you might find yourself at the point of needing to meet entirely new people. This requires getting out there and meeting people in places - but where? Getting into hobbies or communities where you can naturally meet a lot of people that you already have something in common with can be a great way to get to know people in a natural setting. This hobby might be a running group, attending an art event, or joining a book club. Maybe you like to play sports, watch movies, or hit the dance floor on occasion. What are some things you like to do that get you out of the house? Think about how you prefer to spend time, and then look for ways to do those things that would involve other people.

Meeting people definitely requires an effort and it requires getting a little bit uncomfortable and getting out of your daily routine, but it is worth it. Once you have found these ways and places to meet people, then we can move on to how to get to know the people you have made an effort to be around.

Using Inquiries To Get To Learn More About Someone

One way that you can improve your social skills and establish friendships is by using good inquiries to get to know people. If you are interested in a guy, there are questions to ask a guy to get to know him. These can be used as ice breakers for conversations when you aren't sure about everything you have in common with someone yet. Start with some conversation starters or casual asks as small talk. Once you get to know someone better, you can transition to more personal inquiries and deep conversation. If you are shy to ask these things, practice on family members or an already established friend.

Chances are, you aren't going to use all 20 of these inquiries with the same person in one sitting - unless you decide to make a fun game out of it and answer all of them with a new friend!

The idea is to pick a few favorites. Choose a fun question that makes you curious and that you feel comfortable asking the person.

Some of these are very simple, while others are deeper that touch on things that are a little more personal like family and fears. Some may be straightforward like how many family members do you have? Others are open-ended and require more creative answers like what are some of your pet peeves?

Gage your inquiries, within reason, based on how long you have known the person. Do you need the basics first or have you known this person for a while and want to get to know them better? Tread carefully when asking very personal things as people usually need to learn more about someone and build a rapport before opening up in this way.

get to know questions

Ask These 20 Questions To Get To Know Someone:

  1. When is your birthday?
  2. What is your favorite animal?
  3. What do you do for a living? Are you in school?
  4. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
  5. What was your favorite school subject?
  6. Do you have a small or big family?
  7. What genres of music do you like best? Do you have a favorite song?
  8. How do you spend your free time?
  9. Are you a morning or a night person?
  10. What is your favorite food or meal?
  11. What's your favorite color?
  12. What's a fun fact you know?
  13. What is your favorite movie or TV show?
  14. What is your favorite memory as a kid? Favorite childhood teacher?
  15. Who is your celebrity crush? Or your favorite actor or actress?
  16. Do you speak more than one language?
  17. What is your biggest pet peeve?
  18. What is your favorite holiday?
  19. Where did you grow up? What country?
  20. What is a skill that you would like to learn?
  21. What do you value most in a friend or partner?
  22. What is your biggest irrational fear?

Remember, these are just a jumping-off point to get to learn more about someone. Follow-up inquiries or commentary can help keep the conversation going, potentially leading to a more interesting question or deep inquiries.

Some follow-up inquiries to the ones above could include:

When is your birthday?

What is the best gift you ever received for your birthday?

What was the worst gift?

Has anyone ever thrown you a surprise party?

What do you do for a living?

What was your first job?

What is your home town?

What are your favorite qualities in someone?

What were your birthday wishes as a kid?

What would you do if you won the lottery?

Do you like surprises?

Are you a coffee or tea person?

Do you have any unusual product ideas?

Do you have preferences between beach or mountains?

What role does your best friend play in your life?

What are your thoughts on marriage?

Do you believe in astrology?

What is your favorite joke?

What is your dream job?

What is the best career advice you’ve ever received?

What steps did you take to get to where you are today?

What is a career highlight you’ve experienced so far?

What was your favorite subject in school?

Would it still be your favorite subject today?

What course was your favorite in college?

Do you have a favorite quote or list of words?

What do you do for pleasure, and what do you do for business or success?

What's the first thing you do when you have to make a big decision?

Whose opinion do you value most on earth?

What is your favorite content to consume or activity to do?

Do you have a small or big family?

Who is the family member you feel closest to? How often do you talk with this family member?

Who has the most power in your family?

What level of closeness do you have with your parents?

What was the greatest opportunity you've had in your life?

What is your favorite childhood memory?

What was your favorite family tradition as a child?

Will you carry out this favorite family tradition in the future?

Did you have fights with pillows growing up?

What is your favorite movie or TV show?

Why is that your favorite movie?

What piece of the show stood out to you?

What is your favorite holiday?

What do you do on that day?

Have you done any crazy stuff while on holiday?

What is the most interesting place you’ve been to?

Work off the other’s person responses. If they react as if it’s an annoying question, move on to something else. If it feels like a fun question, maybe they will feel inspired to tell a related story about their first job or a happy memory of their favorite family tradition—or even a surprise party gone wrong and the worst gift they ever received. From there, the conversation will hopefully start flowing. Ultimately, the goal is to help each other feel comfortable and to get to learn more about the person.

Good Questions To Use When On A Date With Someone

If you’ve ever been on a first date before, you may be familiar with that awkward feeling that can happen as you both struggle to come up with conversation topics. This is when it can come in handy to have a list of good things to ask, such as icebreakers as conversation starters. They allow you to get to learn more about someone without going too in-depth.

You probably have different goals when learning more about a date instead of just the average person on the bus. Be sure to start by asking their name! Everyone likes to be referred to correctly. Here are some date things to ask to keep in mind:

  • What were your parents like when you were growing up?
  • What’s your favorite thing about the work that you do?
  • Who is your most interesting friend? How did you get to know them?
  • If you could have an entire day for yourself, what would you do?
  • What’s one thing you wish you could spend more time doing?
  • What’s one vacation trip that you’ll never forget? What was it about the experience that makes it unforgettable?
  • Do you have any recurring dreams? What do you think they mean?
  • What is something you are absolutely determined to achieve in life?
  • What is the best career advice you would give someone in your field?
  • What personality trait in other people do you find most attractive?
  • What are some of your pet peeves in relationships?
  • What fictional character do you most identify with?
  • What is the best compliment you ever received?
  • What is on your pre death bucket list?

"Would you rathers" can be a fun, light-hearted way to learn more about someone. Here are some examples of things you could ask:

  • Would you rather be stuck in your favorite season or be in the body of your younger self for the rest of your life?
  • Would you rather have a million dollars or would you rather be in a healthy relationship?
  • Would you rather have your dream car or earn more money for a year?
  • Would you rather receive the best gift or would you rather give the best gift?
  • Would you rather watch your favorite Youtube channel or play your favorite board game?
  • When you first get to know someone, would you rather know the worst thing or the most impressive thing about them?

The would you rather game can be a playful, interesting thing to do on a date. Elaborate or debate the answers to get a window into someone’s values or personality traits without much pressure. You can see what life would look like from both perspectives and learn more about someone in the process.

Conclusion: Questions And Getting To Learn More About People

These are just a few examples of the best things to ask to get to know people that can help you start a conversation that goes beyond how someone's day is going and the weather. By asking these types of interesting questions, you can potentially find out that you have more things in common with the people you meet and form deeper relationships with them because of it.

Learn Communication Skills And Get To Know Others Better

After a while, asking these types of questions should become second nature and you will feel less nervous about engaging in conversations with new people. You can even come up with your own list of your favorite questions to ask people when you are learning more about them! You can add questions from this list and come up with your own unique questions.

Normally, it takes several encounters and some time to learn more about someone- and hopefully make an interesting friend. The interesting thing is you don’t always learn who will be a friend for short while or for the rest of your life. You simply have to learn more about them and see how things develop. It may take patience and putting yourself out there. But if you didn’t try to make friends in life what would it be like? Would you rather be lonely or try approaching someone new with a few friendly questions?

If you feel like you have persistent problems connecting with people or don't feel at ease in social situations, you might want to consider speaking with a therapist. Whether in-person or through an online counseling service like BetterHelp, an experienced counselor can help you to establish the root of your social anxiety, giving you insight and tools to make it easier to connect with people.

Below are some commonly asked questions related to this topic:

What are 20 questions to ask to get to know someone?
What's a good question to get to know someone?
What are some juicy 21 questions?
What are some juicy questions?
What are 50 questions to ask?
What is 21 questions to ask a guy?
What is the best icebreaker question?
What are 21 questions to ask a girl?
What's the 21 questions game?
What are 10 questions to ask a girl?

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