Nicknames: Understanding When It’s Appropriate To Use Them
Nicknames can be shorter versions of a person’s full or given name, or something else that’s unrelated to their actual name. They may also be funny names or cute names that people call best friends. While some people exclusively go by their nickname in all situations, others are known by their nickname only to close family and friends. This is why it can be challenging to decide on appropriate names to call people. If someone in your life goes by a nickname in some scenarios, you may be wondering if it’s appropriate for you to use it. Or, you might be considering whether it’s okay to give a new nickname to someone or use a term of endearment or friendship with them. Sometimes there are many names to call people and it can be confusing to know if a nickname is only used by closest friends, by a partner, or if it is a fun nickname that anyone may use.
Before presuming that someone would want you to use their nickname or give them one, there are a few things you may want to take into consideration first.
Why people use nicknames
First: Why are nicknames so common? Some people prefer another name to the one they were given at birth. In cases like these, the person may go by their nickname all the time, which generally means that it’s fine for you to use it. But what about nicknames that are reserved only for use by loved ones, or terms of endearment among friends or romantic partners? These types are typically used to show affection and belonging to a specific in-group. Funny nicknames may only be funny names if a certain person uses them.
This human tendency is commonly seen among romantic couples, who may refer to each other by names or terms that no one else uses for them. Demonstrating affection and care in this way may actually benefit the relationship, too. One study found that “idiosyncratic communication,” or “insider language” used only within a specific group, was associated with marital satisfaction among couples. Family may also use nicknames and find them adorable; depending on personality, it is not uncommon for young girls to be called princess or young guys to be called champ or the like.
What to consider before giving or using nicknames
So you’ve heard someone you know called by another name, or perhaps you assume that they’d be fine with a shortened version of their full name. Or maybe you thought of a few nickname ideas that you think would suit them or would bring you closer together. How do you decide if it’s the right move to start using it? Here are a few factors to take into account.
The nickname itself
This consideration applies mainly to nicknames that you come up with for another person. If it could be construed as inappropriate or offensive in any way, it’s best to err on the side of caution and not use it. Nicknames are usually used to make someone feel comfortable or cared for, so if there’s a risk of it having the opposite effect, it’s usually wise to avoid using it.
The setting
Not all nicknames are appropriate for all scenarios. Some people reserve their nicknames for use in social settings or with family and friends, but go by their full or given name in professional settings, for instance. Similarly, the pet names some couples have for each other, but may not be appropriate to use around other family and friends, or may be confusing or even seem exclusionary to them. If you’re thinking of using a nickname for someone, consider where and when you might use it—and where and when you probably shouldn’t.
Your relationship
This is perhaps one of the most important elements to think about, since nicknames are often reserved for people who have a close relationship. Using nicknames between two true friends may be appropriate, however, if you start using a nickname you’ve heard for someone you don’t know well, they might find it uncomfortable or strange. If you start trying out a pet name with someone you’ve just started dating, they might feel that you’re moving too fast whereas cute names for a long-term boyfriend or girlfriend may be acceptable. If you make up a nickname for a coworker or employee at work, it might sound lovely, however, it could make them feel uncomfortable and might even qualify as harassment.
Age and culture
People of different generations or cultures may feel differently than you do about nicknames. Older people may prefer the formality of their full name or even an honorific (Mr., Mrs., Professor, Doctor, etc.). Those from cultures that are different from your own may also have views on or feelings about nicknames and their usage that you’re not aware of.
What the person thinks about it
Not sure whether using a nickname with someone would be inappropriate or would make them uncomfortable? You could ask what they prefer to be called, and then you’ll know for sure. If you don’t want to ask, it’s never a bad idea to err on the side of caution and stick to the name they originally introduced themselves with. If someone wants you to call them something else over time as your relationship evolves, they can ask you. Or, once you form a closer relationship over time, you might feel more comfortable asking if you can use a nickname to refer to them.
What to do about inappropriate nicknames
If you choose to use a nickname for someone and it makes them uncomfortable, be receptive to their feedback and their request that you call them something else. It doesn’t matter if the nickname isn’t offensive to you, what matters is if it is offensive to the other person. After all, we’re each entitled to have preferences on how others refer to us—which includes both names and pronouns. Respecting someone’s wishes in regard to topics like these is a basic kindness.
If someone starts calling you by a nickname that you don’t care for or are offended by, what should you do? In a case like this, you can simply let them know: “I prefer to be called [name], so I would appreciate it if you only referred to me in that way.” In the best-case scenario, the person will change their behavior accordingly. If it’s become a habit for them to refer to you by the nickname you don’t like, don’t be afraid to kindly but firmly correct them a few times until they get it right. If someone is not receptive to your request in a setting like the workplace, you may need to speak to a manager or to HR personnel for help addressing the issue.
Getting help navigating social situations and relationships
Knowing how to handle interpersonal scenarios can be difficult. Humans are complex and diverse, and sometimes the best course of action isn’t clear. Those with conditions like anxiety, for example, may find the nuances of a topic like nicknames to be extra stressful or even overwhelming. Whatever your situation, a trained therapist may be able to provide useful guidance. They can help you sort through your emotions about people or events, improve communication skills, or develop strategies for managing symptoms of anxiety, depression, or other conditions.
Virtual therapy is an option for those who prefer to speak with a therapist from the comfort of their own home. With a platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed therapist who you can connect with via phone call, video call, and/or chat. Since research suggests that online therapy offers similar benefits to in-person sessions, some people prefer this format. Remember: The best style of therapy for you is usually the one that you feel most comfortable with.
Takeaway
Is it okay to call someone by a nickname?
It can be, but it depends on a few things. First, consider the nickname itself, especially if you came up with it yourself. Nicknames should never make anyone feel uncomfortable, so make sure it’s something that shows your affection. Nicknames are also not appropriate for all scenarios. Many people may prefer to use their proper name in a professional setting, and people of an older generation may prefer something more formal.
Nicknames also depend on the type of relationship you have with the person. They are commonly used between people who are close, so you might not want to use a nickname for someone you don’t know well unless you ask their permission or they tell you to use it.
Why do people call you nicknames?
Nicknames are typically used as signs of affection or terms of endearment between dear friends, families, and couples. Families may have chosen nicknames for a little boy or girl when they were little that stick with them throughout their lives, or a friend group may come up with nicknames for another based on the experiences they have together.
Is using a nickname considered flirting?
Not necessarily, but it can. It really depends on the nickname and the circumstances. Some research suggests that nicknames used exclusively by people in relationships for their partner were associated with higher marital satisfaction, so having a unique nickname for someone you’re romantically interested in may affect your relationship in the long term.
How do nicknames make people feel?
A good nickname should make people feel cared for and like they belong. Nicknames should feel affectionate and warm, but this is not always the case. Sometimes, people are given nicknames for mean-spirited reasons, which can make people feel sad or alone in the world.
What nicknames should I avoid calling people?
You should avoid using any nickname that may make someone feel bad about themselves. It’s generally a good idea to ask permission to use a nickname, even if you hear others using it all the time. People may only want close friends to use their nickname, or they may prefer something more formal in the situation. People who are not native speakers of the English language may be a special case, too. They may have a nickname in their native language that doesn’t translate well or receive an English nickname that they don’t completely understand. English learners, in particular, can have a difficult time with nicknames as it can be hard to know when and where to use them.
When is it appropriate to start using nicknames?
Sometimes, it can be challenging to know what to call people. Generally, friendly informal situations are appropriate for using nicknames, as long as it is okay with the person. Asking permission to use a nickname can be the safest way to go in any situation. That said, it may be helpful to consider using caution with nicknames in certain situations. For example, proper names may be preferred at formal or professional events. People in older generations or positions of authority are more likely to prefer you to use their formal name and possibly even their title.
What is the psychology of nicknames?
Nicknames can be a way to show affection for someone or to let them know that they belong. Some people get a nickname as children from a family member that sticks, and they may use it instead of their given name. Other nicknames are only used by close family and friends, and using them indicates belonging to a specific in-group.
Is it rude to call someone by their first name?
Most people may consider calling them by their first name rude, but there are exceptions. For example, students should avoid calling their teachers by their first names in the classroom. People in positions of authority may prefer you use their title and last name, like Dr. Smith, Officer Jones, or Professor Carter. One way to figure out what to call someone can be to pay attention to how they introduce themselves to you. If you meet a friend of a friend and they introduce themselves using their formal name, you should address them as that, even if your other friend uses a nickname for them.
How do you politely address someone by name?
There are many ways to address people by name politely, though it may depend on your relationship with them. For example, if you’re addressing a friend, it may be acceptable just to say their name. But suppose you’re addressing someone in a professional or formal setting for men and women in a position of authority. In that case, it might be best to say something like the phrase, “Excuse me, Dr. Smith,” or, “Good morning, Professor Carter.”
What are some cute nicknames for friends?
Cute nicknames for friends are anything that shows affection and that they are okay with being called. Some people just go by a short form of their first name, like Jen instead of Jennifer or Jim instead of James, even though they might use their full name when they write a professional email or introduce themselves to new people at work. Others may use a shortened or fun version of their last name, like Smitty instead of Smith. Generic nicknames occasionally stick, too, like Buddy. Sometimes, nicknames for friends come from random words they said or something they did that made everyone laugh. Ultimately, any nickname should make a close friend feel loved and like they belong.
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