Getting Their Attention: What To Talk About With A Girl

By Danni Peck |Updated July 11, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Tanya Harell, LPC

The Challenge to Spark Interest

It can be difficult to form a meaningful connection with a girl you’re interested in — and that’s particularly true if the two of you have never spoken. If you’re interested in getting to know a girl, you likely want to know how you can spark her interest and start to develop a rapport. This, however, can be a tall task, particularly if you’re not used to creating a conversation out of thin air. Some individuals may feel afraid to talk to girls due to the possibility of rejection, while others may experience social anxiety or general shyness.

Sometimes talking to a girl just takes courage, but it also often involves emotional insight and self-awareness. Below, we’re going over some issues that can arise when talking to girls, along with some ideas for conversation starters and tips for making your social interactions more pleasant and rewarding.

Getting Over The Fear Of Rejection In Dating

The fear of rejection can prevent some people from putting themselves out there enough to date. Some individuals may lose the nerve to ask a girl out on a date or even initiate a conversation when the situation presents itself. However, there are many ways you can get a girl's attention. One way of connecting with a girl is to show interest in her life and the activities she participates in. This allows you to better understand her personality and potentially opens the door for a deeper conversation.

Creating A Rapport With A Girl You Don't Know Can Be Hard

Why is it so Hard to Start a Conversation With A Girl?

For many individuals, it is often difficult to talk to someone new. Some of the reasons that it is hard to start a new conversation are:

  • Social anxiety or another anxiety disorder
  • Apprehension related to being judged
  • Fear of rejection
  • Lack of conversation topics

An important thing to remember — and much of the reason why fear of rejection exists — is that you may have to make yourself vulnerable when you try to strike up a conversation. This is difficult for many people to do, primarily due to the factors we mentioned above, but it can be a huge step toward better interactions with peers.

Techniques to Start the Conversation

  • Just say “hello” – Often the best way to spark a conversation is to simply introduce yourself in a friendly manner. It’s usually easier than trying to think up a witty remark that may or may not resonate with her.

  • Make small talk – Sometimes a simple question or a funny observation is enough to get a nice back-and-forth going. Did something interesting or noteworthy happen earlier? Do the two of you happen to be wearing the same color? Small things can lead to bigger conversations.

  • Ask their advice – You can open up a conversation by asking her for a recommendation or her advice on a specific topic; for example, you could ask her where the best burger in town is. This can be a great way to start a conversation and learn more about her.       

Techniques To Keep The Conversation Going

Once the conversation starts, it’s important to know how to keep it flowing so that you can both stay engaged and interested. To keep a conversation going with a girl, consider the     following ideas.

Keep The Questions Open-Ended

Early in the conversation, after you have used a couple of the opening topics we discussed, you may want to consider asking some open-ended questions about things like career aspirations or where she’d like to travel. Try to limit the yes-or-no questions in order to keep the dialogue moving forward.

Try these open-ended questions:

  • What do you like to do in your free time?
  • What are your interests?
  • What are your passions?
  • What makes you happy?
  • What do you want to accomplish in this life?
  • What is your favorite place you've every traveled?
  • What is your favorite restaurant in the city?

These are just a few questions that can help you begin to form a deeper connection with a girl.

Be Relatable

It’s important to realize that when you are talking to a girl you’ve just met, you are technically a stranger to her, and she may not be comfortable opening up right away. Providing some information about yourself in a related way can take some of the pressure off of her and make the conversation feel less like an interview. Share answers to the questions that are relevant to your life; but avoid talking so much that she loses interest.

If the conversation is moving, it’s important to practice active listening and not interrupt her. Listening is an integral part of good conversation and is vital to forming an authentic connection with anyone.

Don’t Get Too Personal Too Quickly

It may also help to try not to delve too far into private matters at first. You’ll want to ensure she’s not uncomfortable with the topics you bring up. Luckily, there are likely plenty of questions and topics that are both less personal and relevant to the both of you.

What To Talk About With A Girl

Some people struggle with what to talk about; however, through the use of interesting conversation starters and active listening practices, the conversation can naturally flow into topics that are interesting to both individuals involved.

However, if the conversation seems to come to a stopping point even after you have put in your best effort, consider pivoting to a different topic. This can include anything from pop culture to sports to music. Ask her whether she’s watched any new films or TV series. Find out if she likes to ski or snowboard.

Think about the things that you enjoy and try to find some common ground. What book are you reading right now? What activities are you participating in at the moment? Chances are the girl you’re interested in will have something to say about at least one thing you bring up.

When looking for good topics to discuss with a girl, consider what you’ve already noticed about her. This should go beyond just her looks. Pay close attention during your conversation so that you can pick out interesting topics to further explore. For instance, is she reading a particular book? Does she seem interested in art? Is she using a particular laptop model you’re interested in? Does she have a unique style? Asking her about these topics may get her talking and can spark a fun conversation. Additionally, she may be impressed that you noticed these details.

This man knows what to talk about with a girl.

As mentioned above, when you’re just getting to know someone, you may want to avoid discussing more private matters or potentially sensitive topics. While it can be great to talk about that trip you just took or your favorite bars in town, you may not want to bring up things like politics or religion just yet. Of course, if she guides the conversation in that direction, and you’re okay with discussing those matters, it’s perfectly okay to participate.

The most important thing to remember, though, is that people respond when you show genuine interest in who they are and what they find important. As you do this, you can try to think of anecdotes or points of your interest that may relate to theirs. This can allow you to talk about yourself a bit and help build a connection — and it may help avoid any awkward silences or lulls in the conversation. 

Be Okay With Rejection

It’s also important to acknowledge when someone may not be interested in speaking to you and to know how to politely move on. When talking to someone new, there is always the possibility of rejection. While having the courage to approach a girl despite this possibility is important, if a girl is simply not interested in talking to you, that’s perfectly okay. If this is the case, you can try your new conversation starters with someone else who may be more interested in chatting with you. Try to make sure you are always creating opportunities for learning about others and yourself.

If you’re dealing with a fear of rejection stemming from social anxiety or another mental health concern, consider seeking therapy. A qualified therapist can work with you to address these concerns and help you feel more comfortable approaching new people.  

Better Conversations With BetterHelp

Learning to converse with girls in an authentic way can be difficult at times. There is no surefire way to create a connection with someone, even if you have practiced your conversation starters and skills. However, if you find that speaking with girls or other individuals is more challenging than you’d like, consider talking with a certified therapist at BetterHelp. This online therapy platform consists of knowledgeable and accommodating licensed therapists who may be able to help you determine why you are experiencing these difficulties in your relationships and personal life. They can provide you with tools and guidance to help you overcome any challenges you may be facing — in your social life and beyond. 


Putting yourself out there and trying to spark a conversation with a girl can be a daunting prospect. Luckily, with the above tips and some useful guidance, you can start feeling more confident in all sorts of social interactions. Reach out today to talk to someone and begin your journey to a better you.

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