Getting Their Attention: What To Talk To Girls About
By: Danni Peck
Updated February 07, 2020
Medically Reviewed By: Tanya Harell
The Challenge to Spark Interest
During middle to late childhood and adolescence, boys develop interest in building relationships with girls. Part of the process involved in building relationships is the ability to create conversations with girls Oftentimes boys find it challenging to initiate conversations with girls. Boys who have experienced puberty begin to struggle for independence and control in their lives. Boys crave independence from parents and acceptance from peers. Romantic/sexual relationships become important and long term relationships may ensue. Sometimes it just takes courage, but it also involves emotional awareness and self-insight. Boys need to be able to express themselves appropriately when trying to talk to girls and they may be able to do so. However, boys often feel afraid to talk to girls due to the possibility of rejection. Good conversation starters can lead to more conversation.
In the article entitled "6 Best Topics to Talk About with a Girl" the fear of rejection is reported as the most important aspect associated with the fear of talking to girls. Often boys will lose their nerve to ask girls out or initiate conversation. However, there are a myriad ways to get a girl's attention. The trick is to become personally invested in the interests of girls and to allow them the opportunity to talk with you as well.
Why is it so Hard to Start a Conversation with a Girl?
It is always difficult to talk to someone new. It can lead to feelings of anxiety for a number of reasons. Boys are expected to initiate conversations with girls but girls also experience anxiety when talking to boys. Some of the reasons that it is hard to start a new conversation are:
- Social anxiety or being anxious about dating
- Worrying too much about what the other person thinks
- Fear of rejection
- No clear understanding of what is wanted or what to ask for
- Inability to "break the ice" with conversation starters.
Perhaps the most important thing to understand with regard to why approaching a girl is so difficult is that the boy is open to evaluation. They are vulnerable and that vulnerability is hard to endure.
Techniques to Start the Conversation
- Ask for a favor - Ask them to do something for you or get something for you.
- Ask them a question about their interests or the latest youtube video.
- Make a statement - "I love this book" or "I love pizza".
Once the conversation starts, it is now important to keep it going…to keep a conversation going with a girl, consider the following ideas:
- Early in the conversation, after you have used a couple of the opening statements indicated; ask a straightforward question about her interests. Connect with questions like "So, what do you like to do? What are our interests? What are your passions? What seems to make you happy? What brings you joy? What do you want to accomplish in this life? These are just a few questions that dive deeper into conversations with young women.
- Realize that when you are talking to a young woman that you have just met that you are a stranger to her. Make sure she feels comfortable by talking about yourself a little. Be sure to engage with her and ask her questions but share the answers to the questions that are relevant to yourself.
- If the conversation is moving, do not interrupt her. Listen…that is a big part of a good conversation and forming authentic connections with another human being. Simply listen to what she has to say.
- Ask questions but try to stay away from yes/no questions. They can be conversation enders and feel like an interrogation more than a conversation. Try not to get too personal but ask questions that are relevant to her life and to your own. Ask open-ended questions and always assume that she is intelligent and capable. Try not to explain everything to her, rather ask open-ended questions about her life and her experiences.
What to Talk to Girls About
Some people struggle with what to talk about…however, through the use of questions and listening, the conversation will naturally flow into topics that are interesting to both the boy and the girl. However, if the conversation seems to come to a stopping point even after you have put in your best effort by asking questions and listening, consider continuing the conversation by grabbing a girl's attention is with pop culture or whatever is popular right now. What is the biggest film out right now? What is the most played song or the number one show on television? Chances are, girls will have something to say about that, but be sure that you also have some interest in the subject. Otherwise, you may bring an end to the conversation.
Another good topic to discuss with a girl is what you have noticed about her. This goes beyond just her looks. Learning to connect to a girl in a really authentic way requires that her looks are not your focus of conversation. Although it may be difficult at first, notice things about her….for instance; Does she write on her hand? Is she reading a particular book? Does she seem interested in art? Does she have a unique style? Asking her about these habits or topics can get her talking because - who doesn't like talking about themselves? Additionally, they would be impressed that you noticed these tiny details and you will learn more about her, which will keep the conversation going.
Speaking of talking about themselves, do not be afraid to ask them what they like or what they are interested in if you cannot determine what it is based on observation. Girls will appreciate that you have the courtesy and the interest to ask. Try to think of anecdotes or points of your interest that relates to theirs to avoid any awkward silences or inconclusive endings.
Finally, be sure to know when to take no for an answer. There is always the possibility of rejection but your courage to try is important. However, if a girl is simply not interested, take your new conversation starters to the next person. Try to make sure you are always creating opportunities for learning about others and yourself.
Learning to connect with young women in a really authentic way can be difficult for many young men. There is no sure fire way to assure connection, even if you have practiced your conversation starters and skills. However, if you find that speaking with girls is more challenging than you realize, consider talking with a certified therapist at Better Help. This online therapy platform consists of knowledgeable and accommodating professionals who can help you determine why you are having such difficulties and how to move past them.
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