What To Talk About With A Girl

Medically reviewed by Andrea Brant, LMHC
Updated April 2, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Determining how to get a romantic interest's attention and spark conversation may feel stressful. Saying hello, starting with small talk, and asking open-ended questions can be a few ways to start a conversation with a girl or woman you're interested in. It may also benefit you to practice active listening, avoid personal questions, and learn to accept rejection with grace.

Fear of rejection may prevent some individuals from putting themselves out there. You may feel nervous about asking a girl out on a date or initiating a conversation when the situation presents itself. 

One way of connecting with a romantic interest may be to show interest in their lives and activities they enjoy. Doing so could allow you to understand their personality better and potentially open the door to a deeper conversation.

Do you find it nerve-wracking to speak with a romantic interest?

Why do I struggle to initiate conversation? 

For many, it can feel scary to talk to someone new, especially in a coffee shop or social gathering. You might feel apprehensive or unsure due to the following concerns:

  • Social anxiety or general nervousness
  • Apprehension related to being judged
  • Fear of rejection
  • A lack of conversation topics or trouble keeping the conversation flowing

In some cases, speaking to someone you trust, like family members or close friends, about your favorite childhood memories or future plans may benefit you and help you gain new social skills. Engaging in deeper discussions and discussing interesting things can also boost your confidence.

What to talk to girls about 

There are a few ways you might decide to open a conversation with a girl you like or want to be friends with, including the following.

Say "Hello"

One way to spark a conversation is by introducing yourself in a friendly manner. Saying "hello" and introducing yourself may be easier than thinking of a witty remark that may not resonate with the person you're speaking to. It could also open the stage for the person to discuss further conversation topics if interested.

Make small talk

An icebreaker question or funny observation may be enough to get a back-and-forth conversation going. You might bring up the following topics:

  • Her outfit (maybe you're wearing the same color, or she's using a band tee of a band you like)
  • The weather
  • Her favorite food or any cool or exciting events that are happening in her life soon
  • What she plans to do on the weekend or her dream job
  • Her past experiences or childhood memories
Getty/Luis Alvarez

Small topics may lead to more significant conversations or meaningful conversations. In some cases, a girl may not be interested in small talk. In that case, you might try looking up unique conversation starters or prompting a deeper conversation.

Ask her about her interests

You may be able to open a conversation with a girl by asking her about her interests or hobbies, which can help her feel appreciated and express interest in her as a person. For example, you could ask her about her favorite activities, furry friends she may own, fun things she likes to do, or her future plans and life goals. Steer clear of touchy subjects like past relationships or pet peeves.

Discuss common ground

Another approach to spark great conversations is by finding common ground, such as mutual friends, common experiences, or similar personality traits. This can create a connection and start talking about topics that both of you find engaging.

Ask her advice 

You may be able to open a conversation with a girl by asking her for a recommendation or advice on a specific topic. For example, you could ask her about her favorite restaurant in the city and why she would recommend it.  

Consider refraining from asking for intense advice, such as advice on an interpersonal conflict. You might want to save that for future conversations. 

Techniques to keep a conversation going

Once a conversation starts, you might want to know how to keep it flowing so that you can both stay engaged and interested. Consider the following ideas. 

Ask open-ended questions

Early in the conversation, after you have used a couple of the opening topics above, you may consider asking some open-ended questions about career aspirations or where she would like to travel. To keep the conversation moving and avoid "yes or no" questions. 

Consider these open-ended questions:

  • What do you like to do in your free time?
  • What are your interests?
  • What do you want to accomplish in life?
  • What are you passionate about? 
  • What is your favorite place you've ever traveled to?
  • What is one piece of advice you received that you've always kept in your heart?
  • If you were stranded on an island and could only bring three things, what would they be?
  • Who is the most inspiring person you know? 

Relate to her experiences 

When talking to someone new, you might be a stranger to them, and they may not feel comfortable opening up immediately. Discussing your own interests and experiences can take the pressure off and make the conversation feel less like an interview.

Find a conversation topic that both of you can enjoy discussing. If she loves to cook, mention your own culinary adventures or how you also appreciate cooking. This fun way of connecting can lead to a more engaging conversation, and you may even discover activities you can do together. For example, you could suggest cooking together at your place or attending a cooking class to hone your skills. By focusing on common interests, you're more likely to have a great conversation and show her that you're genuinely interested in getting to know her.

Practice active listening 

If the conversation is moving, practice active listening and try to avoid interrupting the girl you're talking to. Listening can be integral to a healthy conversation and is often vital in forming an authentic connection.

Don't get too personal too quickly

To start talking and engage in a good conversation, it might be beneficial to avoid delving too far into personal matters initially. Most guys would want to ensure the woman they're speaking with is not uncomfortable with the topics they bring up. Women love when someone shows consideration for their feelings.

If you've had a few conversations and she's interested, you might bring up a deeper conversation topic by asking her if she feels comfortable elaborating on something she said previously or if it's okay for you to bring up a touchy subject.

What to talk about with a girl you just met 

Some individuals struggle with knowing what to talk about. However, exciting conversation starters and active listening practices can help the conversation flow naturally into fascinating topics. 

If a conversation with a girl you just met seems to come to a stopping point after you have put in your best effort, consider pivoting to a different topic. This topic could include anything from pop culture to sports to music. You could ask her whether she has watched any new films or TV series or if she likes skiing or snowboarding.

Things you have in common 

It may be valuable to think about the things you enjoy and try to find some common ground. You might ask: 

  • What book are you reading right now? 
  • What activities are you participating in at the moment? 
  • What do you think about (insert band, TV show, movie, etc.)?
  • What do you like to do in your free time? 
  • Would you want to go to (insert event) with me? 

The person you're interested in may have something to say about at least one thing you bring up. The conversation may last longer if you find something you have in common. 

Do you find it nerve-wracking to speak with a romantic interest?

Try the "36 Questions To Fall In Love" 

If you're on a first date or in a romantic setting with a girl you've recently met, consider asking her the 36 questions designed to make strangers fall in love. Although these questions may feel intense, you can come at them from the lens of doing a fun first-date activity together. 

You and your date may try to see if the questions work or make you feel more comfortable with each other afterward. Ask your date before bringing these up, as it may make her uncomfortable if you ask unprompted. 

What you've already learned

When looking for topics to discuss, consider what you've already noticed about the girl you're interested in beyond their looks. You might pay close attention during your conversation to pick interesting topics to explore further. 

For instance, is she reading a particular book? Does she seem interested in art? Is she using a particular laptop model you're interested in? Does she have a unique sense of style? Asking her about these topics may get her talking and spark a fun conversation. Additionally, she may be impressed that you noticed these details.

Sensitive topics 

As mentioned above, when you're just getting to know someone, you may want to avoid discussing potentially sensitive topics. While talking about a trip you just took or your favorite bars in town can be exciting, you may not want to bring up subjects like politics or religion just yet. 

However, if the girl guides the conversation in that direction, and you feel comfortable discussing those matters, it could be a way to get to know her on a deeper level. 

Learn to accept rejection gracefully

In some cases, learning how to tell if someone is not interested and how to move on politely can be essential. When talking to someone new, there may be a possibility of rejection. Often, rejection is not a personal attack on your character, appearance, or personality. You may not be compatible with everyone you talk to, which can be normal. 

If the girl you're interested in does not feel the same, consider trying your new conversation starters with someone else who wants to chat with you. Or, consider starting a non-romantic friend zone relationship with the girl instead if she is interested. 

You might consider seeking therapy if you're experiencing a fear of rejection stemming from social anxiety or another mental health concern. 

Suppose you find speaking with others more challenging than you'd like. In that case, you might consider therapy as a tool to help you work through any underlying anxiety or other difficult emotions keeping you from having the social life you desire. 

Online therapy for relationship support

Many individuals who experience social anxiety don't feel comfortable driving to an in-person appointment with a counselor. You might benefit from online therapy, in this case, which you can utilize from home with a solid internet connection. 

Studies show that most individuals feel most comfortable in their homes. Additionally, research has indicated that online counseling is beneficial for treating symptoms related to loneliness, isolation, social anxiety, and depression. Through an online platform such as BetterHelp, you may be matched with a therapist who has experience in your area of concern.


Starting a conversation with a girl you just met may feel stressful or overwhelming, especially if you're romantically interested in her. Consider starting with a "hello," beginning with small talk, asking open-ended questions, and avoiding getting personal too quickly. 

Active listening and accepting rejection may be two skills that are valuable to you. If you have difficulty approaching new people or regularly experience anxiety in social situations, you may wish to consider speaking to a professional. Reach out to a counselor to gain further research-based insight on starting relationships. 

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