How To Recognize And Handle Cyber Harassment

We live in an age where most of our information is easily available, including our contact information, social media profiles, and even more details such as where we live. Though talking to a stranger online or giving out your phone number and social media handle may seem harmless, the potential consequences of such actions could make you think twice. Cyber harassment can come in many forms and isn’t always easy to recognize. It can be as simple as having the thought “why does he keep texting me” to something as overt as “I’m worried he’ll hurt me if I don’t respond.”

While online attention can feel satisfying for a time, it can also become annoying or even frightening when attempts at connection persist even after you try to distance yourself from a person. There are certain ways of behaving online that may help keep you safer and more comfortable.

Recognizing cyber harassment

Cyber harassment involves the use of electronic devices to “harass, stalk, or threaten someone.” Not every case looks the same, and it can be obvious or more subtle depending on the situation.

The steps you might take when you’re a target of cyber harassment vary from individual to individual. You may block the accounts, confront someone in person, or even get law enforcement involved. Every situation will require a different response, and in some cases, there is no one “right answer.” It may be difficult to do these things, especially if you are a bit shy or not sure what to do. Still, it's important to take action if you believe harassment is occuring. 

Controlling the situation

It is ultimately up to the person who has to see or hear the messages to take action when they’re being harassed online. While not giving the person an answer may seem good enough, the best first step usually involves blocking the person sending the messages or posting harmful content.

Some warning signs that it may be time to suspend communication and/or block the sender are:

• Messages that make you uncomfortable.

• Messages become too personal or honest

• Messages contain nudity.

• Messages become angry.

• Messages become demanding.

• Messages contain threats of violence.

If someone’s messages begin to make you uncomfortable, that may be a big sign that it's time to message the sender to ask them to stop. If there are no changes or they don’t answer, and you worry that the harassment will continue, then every phone and social networking service provides the ability to block another person.

If the messages contain threats of violence, pornography, or anything of an illegal nature, the sender should be reported to the appropriate authorities immediately. Each branch of law enforcement has a task force that deals with cyber bullying/harassment.

Avoiding cyber harassment

Being careful to whom you provide your number may help you avoid being the target of cyber harassment. If you meet someone on a social networking or dating website, these sites provide ample communication platforms. Try to resist the pressure to give out your direct number, or other information before you’re comfortable doing so.

If someone does not respect your preference for communicating within the safety of the forum, you may consider other areas in which they may not respect your boundaries. Someone who intends to respect your boundaries in a potential short-term or long-term relationship is most likely to try to do so from the start.

Red flags

Not all social media profiles are real; in fact, there are a plethora of fake ones out there. Here are some red flags which suggest that someone isn’t the individual they claim to be:

• Anyone with only one photo, or a photo that looks fabricated.

• Someone who has limited information on their profile.

• Someone who tells you they are ending their account and wants your number.

• Someone who isn’t clear about their intentions or the reason they contacted you. 

• Someone who refuses to talk via video or voice options (if they are available)

• Someone with no photo, or photos that are not their own. These pictures can be of other women, men, or people of any gender.

• Someone with a scanned photo.

• Someone with obviously older photos.

• Someone who promises "discreteness." or that they “just want to play.” 

• Someone who is “in town often."

Responding to emotional manipulation in cyber harassment

The bottom line is if someone is bothering you and does not respect your requests to stop, it’s acceptable to block that person. You have a right to assert boundaries and don’t need to feel guilty for defending yourself. Limiting your contact with most men and women (or people of any gender) as soon as they show disrespect can help keep you safe. Technology nowadays has features that will allow you to stop people from being able to contact you.

Some people may become emotionally manipulative to keep you engaged with them. They may tell you to stop being shy, or that you “owe them at least one date.” In some cases, they might claim to be suicidal, hurt, or experiencing other negative emotions that will worsen if you don't keep in contact with them. If you’re in this type of situation, you can give them resources to offer support while still asserting your healthy, and appropriate, boundaries. It’s still okay to cut off communication with them if that is what you need.

If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or urges, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text 988 to talk to someone over SMS. Support is available 24/7.

What to do if cyber harassment escalates

In more extreme cases, a harassing individual may find other means to contact you. This could be from other phone numbers, different social media platforms, or through your friends and family. If this happens, save the messages as evidence. In the event this person shows up at your place of business, or home, or finds another means of contacting you, you will have proof of their harassment. If the harassment leaves you feeling unsafe or you are receiving threatening messages, contact your local law enforcement.

Harassment via text message can occur not only in new relationships but also within longer-term relationships or after a breakup. If this happens to you, you can follow the steps mentioned above.. In any relationship, you deserve to have your boundaries respected. If someone with whom you no longer want to have contact continues to contact you after you’ve requested them to stop, this may not be someone you want in your own life. This applies even in cases where the messages seem friendly, like ones that contain references to your relationship or inside jokes. 

Harassment can be a characteristic of an unhealthy or abusive relationship. An abusive partner may send harassing messages after a fight or breakup. Once you make the effort to communicate your boundaries and how the harassing messages leave you feeling, you should expect the harassment to stop. If it continues, it could be a sign this is not a safe relationship.

Get support through online counseling

Being harassed online or through text messages can leave you with feelings of anger, helplessness, and even fear for your safety. Although dating and getting to know someone new can be disappointing at times, it should never leave you feeling afraid or unsafe. No one deserves to feel unable to control their personal space and boundaries. If you’re in this situation and want to have a conversation with someone about it, a BetterHelp counselor may be able to help.

Online therapy through a service like BetterHelp can be a powerful way to receive the support you need to move past a difficult season in your life. A therapist can provide you with unbiased advice, provide a voice of reason, and give you practical ways to stay safe. Harassment can occur at any time, any day, but you can also message your BetterHelp therapist whenever you need to. This gives you an effective outlet during especially stressful moments.

Efficacy of online therapy

You may be wondering if online therapy is just as safe and effective as traditional therapy. While there is no one-size-fits-all approach when it comes to therapy, in this study and others in recent years, researchers found that most types of talk therapy work just as effectively online as in person when it comes to common issues. So, whether you are working through a harassment situation or some other problem, internet-delivered therapy may be able to help.

Counselor reviews

BetterHelp is also set up to help you find the right, trusted counselor for you. Here are some recent reviews by BetterHelp users about their counselors:

“I really really appreciate Masood. He listens to my concerns and allows me to be comfortable to open up about issues. I look forward to our sessions every week. Since going to him for the past few months I've noticed a tremendously positive difference in my motivation, maintaining and establishing boundaries and healthy environment and relationships for my peace of mind.” Read more on Masood Maghaddam.

“Kristine has been such a blessing to my life. She has such a connection with me as a patient that I consider her a friend. She has helped me evaluate emotions and set boundaries and picture a future of mental and physical improvements. I think the best thing I’ve experienced with her is that she can guide me and give me advice but she ultimately trusts that I will make the best decision for me.” Read more on Kristine Galli Hankins.