How Are Porn And Performance Anxiety Related?

Note: While everyone may experience the issues mentioned in this article, please note that as part of BetterHelp's initiative to respond to the APA Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Boys and Men (2018), this article focuses on how these topics affect men and boys. The article uses "men" to refer to anyone who identifies as a man. 

Pornography can be a sensitive subject, often brought up as the cause of insecurity, relationship conflict, or body image challenges. Some people have also suggested that porn might cause performance anxiety, potentially resulting in difficulty becoming aroused and climaxing during sexual activity. However, the statistics surrounding this topic may offer insight into whether this phenomenon occurs and how to cope with it.

What is performance anxiety in a sexual context? 

Performance anxiety may affect anyone of any gender or background. For example, some women might face a considerable drop in interest in sex, struggle to become aroused or orgasm or feel pain during sex. They might also have questions if their partner watches porn and struggles to perform in bed. 

Men may also have trouble maintaining an erection, ejaculating, or becoming aroused. Such experiences could worsen existing feelings of inadequacy, potentially leading to further performance anxiety down the road. In this way, performance anxiety can feel like a cycle that's difficult to escape. 

Since many people experience mental and physical difficulties regarding sex, demystifying performance anxiety can be challenging. It may depend significantly on the individuals and their given situation and history. Anxiety affects over 40 million adults in the United States, making it a common condition. As anxiety can compel people to project insecurities, individuals navigating anxiety may be at a higher risk for sexual dysfunction.

However, there are many possible factors for performance anxiety, including fluctuating hormones, chronic pain, and non-existent sexual education. Porn is often associated with the latter, as it can portray an unrealistic standard for sexual attraction and performance. 

How is porn related to performance anxiety? 

Porn can be a healthy part of an active sex life. It has previously been linked to positive effects, like realizing one's sexual identity or boosting one's sexual satisfaction. However, the nature of popular and available internet pornography may condition people to a type of arousal that is more difficult to achieve in real-life sexual encounters. 

With differing statistics, knowing how porn impacts mental health can be complex. Below are a few ways that performance anxiety, mental health challenges, and sexual dysfunction might be related to frequent pornography viewing. 

Guilt and abstinence-only sexual education

According to Prause, men with more conservative backgrounds may be more likely to experience erectile dysfunction because of viewing porn due to convictions about non-marital sex taught to them in their upbringing. These men may have experienced an "abstinence-only" style of sex education. This form of sex-ed, found throughout the United States, focuses on abstaining completely from sex until marriage. 

By not being exposed to lessons about sex for the sake of pleasure as a healthy part of adulthood, people who received abstinence-only sex-ed are more likely to look elsewhere to learn about sex, including the internet and libraries of pornography that might not reflect average relationships, interests, and body types. Watching this porn against the lessons one learned as a child might cause feelings of guilt and shame that could re-appear during sex with a partner. 

Unattainable desires

Pornography can lead to dysfunction between couples because one partner may have difficulty becoming aroused or climaxing without a sexual fetish or fantasy they seek out in pornography. Their partner may feel embarrassed or as though they are undesirable, which can lead to shame for both parties. The person experiencing sexual dysfunction may also have trouble recognizing or admitting to the source of their feelings.

Insecurity 

Porn might also fuel insecurities in men. Many men face insecurities about their penis size, genitals, or body shape. They may not know that the average penis size, when flaccid, ranges from one to four inches, while an average erect penis can stretch from five to seven inches, which is often shorter than the penises that may be shown in porn. As a result, some men who watch porn could feel inferior and insecure about their size, despite fitting within average ranges. 

Men might also feel inadequate in their ability to pleasure their partner compared to the porn actors they see online. However, it might be helpful to remember that porn is a profession, and the individuals in the videos are actors who have been edited and have worked with a team to produce a video that is interesting and engaging to viewers. Some actors have also received plastic surgeries to change their bodies.

Anxiety risk  

Porn may establish unhealthy and unrealistic expectations in some viewers. While many people can view porn occasionally without experiencing any performance anxiety, it could be more likely to affect those who view it frequently or compulsively. People who watch porn compulsively and feel they can't control their habits might experience performance challenges more often. 

How to cope with performance anxiety

For many, a potential step in managing the effects of performance anxiety is understanding it is a symptom and not a condition. For example, sex anxiety may result from generalized anxiety, sexual trauma, insecurities, or an unhealthy relationship with porn. Symptoms are often treatable, so try the following steps to address them. 

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

Start with your doctor 

Before investigating mental health concerns, consider consulting your doctor to look for physical challenges. In some cases, performance anxiety might not be the culprit of sexual dysfunction. Erectile dysfunction or difficulty getting wet might be due to poor heart health, fluctuating hormone levels, age, or various other factors that may be medically treated. 

Try focusing on a new area of sex 

Men's performance anxiety may involve difficulty with penetration and orgasm. As such, it may be valuable to focus more on foreplay and your partner's pleasure. Focusing less on the "end goal" or "how sex should be" may reduce pressure, which could reduce anxiety. 

Stay intentional 

Retaining control of your thoughts and emotions during sex may prevent your anxiety from taking over. For example, focusing on enjoying the moment instead of stressing about your performance might make you more comfortable reaching your climax. If you're experiencing racing thoughts or fear during sex, consider asking your partner for a break before you continue. You don't have to go through sex from "start to finish." You can take breaks to care for your mental well-being if necessary, which is a part of healthy consent.

Speak up 

If you have sexual fantasies or fetishes you've seen in porn that you want to try with your partner, tell them. It might feel awkward to broach this topic. However, it could enhance your sex life, whether you try it or not. You might also ask your partner about their fantasies to see if you have any in common. 

Take a break from porn 

If you feel your porn usage is negatively impacting arousal or has become compulsive and difficult to control, it may be helpful to take a break. Give yourself one to three months without porn and see if you experience any improvement in your performance anxiety. You might find that taking a break from porn increases your attraction to your partner or your ability to perform. 

Remember that sex isn't a performance

Although performance anxiety contains the word "performance," sex isn't necessarily a performance. Sex is an activity shared between consenting adults. As long as the activity is consented to enthusiastically by all parties, there may not be a "goal" or "requirement" to how sex occurs. 

Many people have sex in ways that do not lead to orgasm but still lead to intimacy and love. Others might focus on fetishes that don't involve the removal of clothing. You can have sex in many ways and don't have to "perform" for your partner unless you want to. Try to think of sex as a mutual activity you can enjoy together. You can also try to reduce expectations for orgasm as an "end" to sex. Sex can continue after one partner has orgasmed, or sex may end before an orgasm. 

Reach out for professional support 

If your performance anxiety is causing you stress or sexual dysfunction, or you've unsuccessfully tried to overcome it, consider consulting a mental health professional. 

Many people can find it embarrassing to seek support for sexual performance. For this reason, online therapy may be a more appealing option than talking to a provider face-to-face. Additionally, online therapy platforms like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples enable users to schedule appointments from a preferred space at a time that works for them, potentially eliminating commute times, parking costs, and other barriers. 

Online therapy shows promise in supporting men with performance anxiety or dependency on pornography. One popular treatment approach called cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has been found to be as effective when administered online as in person. According to the study, the more sessions a person can attend, the more significant their improvements may be. CBT and motivational interviewing, when delivered online, prove effective in helping therapy participants achieve desired behavior modifications, including reductions in internet-based compulsive behaviors and dependency. 

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