How To Cope When Something Bad Happens: Coping Skills & Mental Health
Many of us have had “one of those days” where we seem to experience one bad thing after another. Even if it’s just a series of small inconveniences, these annoyances can add up and make you feel frustrated or overwhelmed. Often, the best way to handle days like these is simply to accept them, feel the emotions that come with them, and then move on, but in many cases, this can be easier said than done. If you’re having difficulty moving past tough times or don’t feel like you can cope on your own, you may wish to consider online therapy.
Getting started with BetterHelp is simple:
- Take a short questionnaire. Answer a few quick questions about your goals, preferences, and the type of therapist you’d like to work with.
- Get matched quickly. In most cases, you can be matched with a licensed provider in as little as 48 hours.
- Start therapy on your terms. Schedule sessions by video, phone, or live chat, and join from anywhere you have an internet connection.
Finding the right therapist isn’t just important – it’s everything.
Find your matchWhy does it feel so hard to move on when something bad happens
When something bad happens, many people may tend to feel stuck. Loss, rejection, and trauma can change reality as we know it, disrupting our sense of safety and making it difficult to adjust quickly. Even if you want to move on quickly, your body may not let you.
Shock, grief, and emotional overload
Immediately after something bad happens, the nervous system may be in a state of shock. Strong emotions, like grief, sadness, anger, and fear, can take over, making it difficult for us to process exactly what was lost. In times of high emotions, the brain prioritizes safety over logic. We automatically enter a type of survival mode as the body processes what happened. In time, as this response fades, our thoughts and feelings can become more integrated, allowing us to start moving forward.
Common reactions after something bad happens
People may respond to life's challenges in all sorts of ways. As Dr. Seuss wrote, “When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”
Feeling lost or disconnected
After something bad happens, you may feel lost or disconnected, not only from your own emotions but also from the people around you. You may feel confused, numb, or disoriented as you try to figure out exactly what has happened and how it impacts your life now and in the future.
Why comparing your life to others can make it harder
Regardless of what you are coping with, comparing yourself to others can make it hard to move on. Social comparison can create unrealistic expectations of success and how you’re supposed to feel. You never really know what someone’s private struggles are, which can make your own setbacks seem like failures rather than something everyone goes through.
The myth of “just moving on”
Some people may feel pressure to move on quickly after something bad happens, implying that healing should be quick and straightforward. But that may not be the case.
Why healing is not a one-size-fits-all process
The idea that you are supposed to reach a clear point after experiencing a loss and start to feel better generally does not reflect reality. Healing may not be a straight line, and everyone experiences it differently. Some people may bounce back quickly; for others, it can come and go in waves. Some people may feel better fast, only to experience a rebound of emotions in the weeks or months after the event. Trying to fit healing into a timeline can create unnecessary pressure and actually make healing more difficult.
Letting go of pressure to find a silver lining
While looking for a silver lining may be one way to cope when something bad happens, forcing yourself to find something good in the chaos may not be beneficial. Sometimes bad things happen, and there may be no hidden blessing to be found. While you may come to understand the deeper meaning of these events over time, seeking immediate growth or positivity can feel like rushing through the pain. Sometimes, allowing yourself the space to feel discomfort can lead to more profound, more complete healing.
Healthy ways to cope when bad things happen
At some point in life, most of us will experience some adversity, whether it be a loss, a breakup, or a significant life change. These experiences can leave us vulnerable to rumination, worry, and even self-neglect. With effective coping strategies, however, you can maintain mental and emotional health even when things are tough. Together, these coping skills form a trait called resilience.
Allowing yourself to feel and hear your emotions
Resilience is the capacity to withstand, adapt to, and recover from adversity, stress, or challenges. It’s not about avoiding hardships or emotions but facing them head-on, learning from them, and emerging stronger and more adaptable.
Allowing yourself to feel and hear your emotions can help you get through difficult times with greater strength and adaptability. This often involves mental, emotional, and even physical aspects that contribute to our ability to bounce back from difficult situations.
Spending time with supportive people
Spending time with supportive people can help you feel safe and understood after going through a difficult time. When you spend time with others, it can help you remember that your pain doesn’t define you, that you have a place in people’s lives, and they have a place in yours.
Small daily actions that support recovery
People tend to gain momentum in recovery when focusing on self-care and routine. Small, consistent habits can support your recovery journey. Putting structure into your day with regular meals, movement, and sleep can help you stabilize your emotions to begin healing.
How to know if you’re experiencing depression
If you’ve recently experienced something traumatic, it can be normal to feel sad about it. But if you experience excessive and overwhelming feelings of sadness that continue for more than two weeks, you may have depression.
The Anxiety & Depression Association of America defines depression as a mental illness that affects 264 million people worldwide. The ADAA explains that depression is characterized by having at least five out of nine common symptoms. These symptoms include:
- An overwhelming and pervasive sense of sadness that doesn’t go away
- Feelings of worthlessness
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Fatigue
- Difficulty sleeping
- Increase or decrease in appetite
- Loss of motivation
- Loss of interest in the things you usually enjoy
- Recurrent thoughts of suicidal ideation
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Text or call 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. Support is available 24/7. If you are experiencing trauma, support is available.
When these symptoms persist for more than two weeks, they may meet the criteria for someone to be diagnosed with depression. However, please do not attempt to diagnose yourself or anyone else. Only a qualified mental health professional can make an official diagnosis.
Growth after hardship: when and how it can happen
Going through hardship can be challenging, but in time, it can lead to personal growth. This may not mean that the pain goes away completely, but many people find meaning and resilience that they can integrate into their lives as they heal.
Post-traumatic growth and meaning-making
Post-traumatic growth can occur after significant challenges and hardships. The recovery journey can lead them to new strengths, perspectives, and priorities, and may help them find meaning in the challenges they face.
When growth does not mean forgetting
Although growth can occur, this does not mean the past, or the pain of what happened or what was lost, is gone. Acknowledging reality, that feelings like pain, anger, or sadness are still present, can be essential to healing. In other words, to heal, it can be helpful to integrate what happened into your life story rather than pretending it never happened.
What to say and do when something bad happens to someone else
Everyone can experience challenges in life, but knowing what to say and do to help can be difficult. Here are some things to consider when offering support.
Words of comfort that do not minimize pain
If you’re struggling to find something to say, consider the following phrases:
- It’s okay to be sad or upset, and I’m here for you, whatever you need.
- I know that I can’t fix this for you, but I am here to help.
- I know that this is hard, but you don’t have to handle it alone.
- It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. Your emotions are real and valid.
- I can hear how much this is hurting you, and I am here to listen and support you.
How to show support without fixing
When something goes wrong for someone you love, your first instinct may be to try to fix it, but in most cases, you can’t. Here are some ways you can show support without trying to fix things.
- Spend time with them, just being present without offering advice
- Offer practical support, like helping with childcare, cooking, or chores
- Put yourself in their shoes to try to understand what they might need
- Ask what they need from you rather than assuming you know
When it feels like bad things keep happening
Sometimes, it can feel like bad things tend to accumulate, which can be challenging to manage. Understanding how stress accumulates and knowing when to get support can help.
Why setbacks can stack emotionally
Robin Gurwitch, professor in Duke Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, recommends thinking of cumulative stress as a growing stack of building blocks. According to Gurwith, “The higher the stack, the more at risk it is for tipping.” This type of stress affects us differently than shorter periods do, making it more difficult to focus and recover.
Signs you may need extra support
There comes a point when the reality of the situation may be too much to handle on your own. Here are some signs that you may need some additional support:
- Feeling overwhelmed
- Being unable to manage daily tasks
- Having symptoms of anxiety or depression that do not improve
- Having trouble sleeping or eating
- Relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms
- Experiencing ongoing physical symptoms of stress, like headaches, stomachaches, or fatigue
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Text or call 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. Support is available 24/7. If you are experiencing trauma, support is available.
How therapy can help when life feels overwhelming
If you’re finding it challenging to live with unhealed trauma, undiagnosed mental health conditions, or both, it can be very difficult to manage these issues on your own. A licensed therapist can help you unpack your feelings and equip you with positive coping mechanisms that may assist you in reaching a turning point towards moving on during difficult times.
Processing loss, stress, and meaning with a therapist
When something bad happens, it can be hard to cope on your own. A therapist can help you on your journey, offering support and guidance, whether you’re still processing what happened or ready to focus on growth.
Those experiencing mental health conditions like anxiety or depression may have a hard time functioning throughout the day. Specifically, those with depression might be prone to staying in bed due to a lack of energy. It can be hard to make it to in-person therapy sessions when you can hardly get out of bed, but online therapy may allow you to get care from the comfort of your home.
Getting support through BetterHelp
BetterHelp offers accessible, flexible therapy options in a convenient online format. You can communicate with your therapist via message, chat, or live video. Most people are matched with a therapist within 48 hours, and you can switch therapists at any time for no fee until you find the right fit.
Finding support at your own pace
There is no “one size fits all” approach to treatment; the reality may be that everyone has a different journey toward healing. Your therapist can help you figure out a path to healing at your own pace.
Your therapist’s goal will typically be to get to know you as an individual and, after they’ve talked to you, to find the therapeutic solution that will help you live your happiest, healthiest life. Whether you choose traditional or online therapy is up to you, but please know that each has been shown to be effective.
One study found that internet-delivered CBT could be efficacious in reducing symptoms associated with anxiety, depression, and other kinds of mental health conditions. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is often considered the gold standard in treatment for depression and anxiety disorders. This form of therapy generally works by teaching people to reframe their thoughts and providing a positive alternative to the stories they tell themselves.
Takeaway
Dark times and difficult moments can be a natural part of life. Although they may take a toll on your physical and mental health, you may find that you can learn to cope with and move past them by taking care of your well-being. Sometimes, this can mean accepting the situation and moving on. In other cases, this may involve getting extra support from a therapist or seeking advice from a loved one. No matter how you choose to cope, please know that your efforts matter and can help you become more resilient in the future.
How do you deal with bad things happening in your life?
Bad things can happen in every life across the board. When we acknowledge that life won’t always be smooth, it can help us build resilience toward times of trouble or challenge. It can also be helpful to practice self-compassion and self-care, and to try to reframe the situation as a learning experience. In addition, research shows that having strong social connections like family and close friends can help us work through tough times.
How to accept the bad things in life?
There can be a notable difference between accepting that bad things will happen in life and accepting the bad things in your life. For example, there may be times of loss during which you can learn to practice adaptive coping skills to move forward. On the other hand, if you are stuck in a job that is bad for your mental and physical health, you often don’t have to accept this as final, but can find ways to change your situation.
How do you deal with negative life events?
Many coping skills can help with managing negative life events. The first step can be to accept that bad times can simply be a part of life, and be willing to learn how to manage the emotions that come with them. Practicing positive coping skills (even during good times) can help you become more resilient. Some of these techniques can include:
- Cultivating a gratitude practice
- Meditation
- Building healthy social connections
- Practicing healthy lifestyle habits like regular exercise, a sleep schedule, and time outdoors
How to survive the worst time of your life?
If you are having a challenging time, one way you can work through it is to ask for help. Studies show that having close groups of friends or family can be a protective factor against stress and difficulty. Reach out to someone you trust to talk about what you are going through. If you don’t yet have the words to explain how you feel, that’s okay. When you’re in the midst of a difficult time, just being around someone positive and supportive can help.
How to be positive when bad things keep happening?
Positive psychology has moved away from the idea of pursuing rewarding experiences to feel more joyful to the idea of cultivating well-being, but remaining open to the full range of both good and bad emotional experiences. This can lead to a more enduring sense of contentment and fulfillment in our lives.
This means that you don’t necessarily have to “be positive” (this can become toxic if pursued too strongly), but to understand and embrace the idea that both good and bad things happen, and that by practicing mindfulness and other healthy coping skills, we can better manage the bad times that will not last forever.
What should you do when something terrible happens?
When something terrible happens, it may help to allow yourself to feel your emotions, without pushing away uncomfortable ones like fear, anger, or stress. Focus on what you can control, and practice self-care by prioritizing eating regular meals, getting enough sleep, and making time for physical activity.
Seek support from friends and loved ones, or join a support group. If you are having a difficult time recovering, consider talking to a mental health professional.
What can you say when something bad happens?
If someone you know is going through a difficult time, some things you can say that may be helpful include:
- I’m so sorry this is happening, but I am here to support you however you need.
- If you want to talk, I’m here to listen.
- Take all the time you need to process, and I’ll be here to help.
- You’re going through a lot right now, but you don’t have to do it alone.
How do you stay strong when things go wrong?
When things go wrong, it can help to acknowledge your feelings rather than push them aside. Focus on what you can control, even if it’s just small, simple things, like maintaining a routine by eating three meals a day or going for a walk after dinner. Lean on your friends and family for support, and be kind to yourself. Remember that everyone heals at their own pace, but if you need additional help, consider talking to a professional.
How can you not let things affect you emotionally?
You generally can’t completely suppress your emotions, and trying to do so is likely to backfire, but you can learn to manage your emotions so that they don’t have as great an impact on your ability to live your life. Noticing and naming your feelings, taking a few deep breaths before reacting, using grounding techniques, and reaching out to your support system can help.
What is the best mindset for tough times?
To get through tough times, it can help to have a mindset that embraces resilience, acceptance, and action. Accepting the reality of the situation without denial, focusing on what you can control, being kind to yourself, and leaning on friends and family for support can also help.
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