If you’ve ever felt motivated and inspired or dejected and inadequate after seeing someone else’s social media post, you may have experienced the impacts of social comparison. While social media may make this human tendency easier to engage in, researchers began studying it long before the internet existed. Below is an overview of what social comparison is, how different forms of it may impact your well-being, and how an online therapist may help you manage this tendency in a healthy way.

What is social comparison theory?

This theory suggests that we each have an innate drive to evaluate our abilities, emotions, opinions, status, and more, often in comparison with others, to reduce uncertainty in areas where there may not be an objective standard for measurement.

Through such comparisons, we may gain a sense of our social status, which can affect self-esteem and self-image. SCT has become a fundamental concept in psychology, providing insights into the dynamics of human behavior in various social contexts. 

Why do we compare ourselves to others?

The inclination to compare ourselves with others is thought to be rooted in a basic human desire for self-evaluation. By gauging where we stand in relation to others, we may be able to navigate social environments more effectively and make adjustments to our behavior and beliefs as needed. 

In some cases, comparison could also help with self-improvement and goal calibration, such as when someone else’s achievements help you feel motivated to work toward your own goals. In other cases, comparison could be a form of self-enhancement, helping you reassure yourself and boost your own confidence when you feel threatened, insecure, or stressed. Why we compare and how it makes us feel can depend on the particulars of a given situation.

In other words, social comparison has the potential to affect our mental well-being in positive and negative ways. An in-person or online therapist may be able to help you examine how comparison is impacting your life and develop healthy ways to assess your own achievements.

Core concepts of social comparison theory

To fully understand social comparison theory, there are a few fundamental concepts to explore. Primarily, the theory is built on the idea of upward and downward social comparisons.   

Upward social comparison

Upward social comparison occurs when we compare ourselves to others who we perceive to be better off or more skilled. This type of comparison can be motivational, inspiring us to improve or try something new. However, if the gap between oneself and the comparison target is perceived as too large to bridge, it can also lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. For example, a person may be engaging in upward comparison when a friend’s recent career success inspires them to apply for a promotion in their own workplace.

Downward social comparison 

Conversely, downward social comparison involves comparing oneself to those who are perceived to be worse off or less skilled. While this act may boost self-esteem and provide comfort by putting one's own problems into perspective, it could also foster a sense of complacency or superiority that hinders personal growth. An example of downward comparison could be a student feeling better about doing poorly on an assignment compared to a peer who scored worse on the same assignment.

Lateral social comparison

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), lateral social comparison is “comparing oneself with another who is considered to be more or less equal.” For example, a person might compare their own job performance with that of a fellow employee who has their same title, same responsibilities, and roughly the same years of experience. 

Similarity

The principle of similarity plays a crucial role in SCT, as people tend to compare themselves with others who are similar to them in relevant ways. Comparisons tend to be more meaningful and informative when made with peers who share similar backgrounds, experiences, or circumstances. For instance, your self-evaluation may not be affected when a stranger on social media achieves a certain milestone, but you may feel differently when a close friend achieves the same milestone. In other words, the principle of similarity means that relevance and proximity may change the impact of comparison.

Competition

Competition, both direct and indirect, is thought to be an inherent aspect of social comparisons. It may intensify the effects of both upward and downward comparisons, influencing how we perceive our standing relative to others. In competitive contexts, comparisons can become more emotionally charged, possibly affecting motivation, performance, and self-esteem. 

The competitive drive can motivate us to strive for improvement and achievement; however, unfavorable comparisons can also lead to stress, anxiety, and a distorted sense of self-worth.

The self-evaluation maintenance model

The self-evaluation maintenance model is a concept often closely linked to SCT. It’s a method of managing your own self-evaluation and self-esteem by controlling who you associate yourself with. For instance, the American Psychological Association suggests that a person might avoid associating with “high-achieving individuals who excel in areas that are personally important to them.” 

As an example, imagine a young author who has just published their first book. According to the self-evaluation maintenance model, they might try to preserve their self-worth by avoiding social association with other authors who have published more books or sold more copies than they have. Instead, they may find it emotionally safer to spend time with non-authors in order to feel better about their own skills or successes in comparison.

The potential effects of social comparison

Social comparison may have a range of psychological impacts. Comparisons can affect our emotions, motivation, behaviors, well-being, and self-perception, depending on the direction of the comparison (upward or downward) and the context in which it occurs.

Emotional impacts

Social comparison can elicit a wide spectrum of emotions. Upward comparisons may inspire admiration and motivation, but they may can also lead to envy and feelings of inadequacy. Downward comparisons might provide a temporary boost in self-esteem, but they may also evoke pity, guilt, or a false sense of superiority.

Motivation and behavior impacts

While upward comparisons may motivate us, they can also lead to discouragement if the person we compare ourselves to seems superior. Conversely, downward comparisons might, in some circumstances, motivate us to help others or feel gratitude for our own circumstances. In others cases, however, the result may be complacency.

Effects on psychological well-being

Frequent social comparison—especially upward comparisons on social media—has been linked to lower levels of happiness and higher levels of depression and anxiety. The constant evaluation against other people’s “highlight reels” may distort our perception of reality, potentially evoking feelings of dissatisfaction and low self-esteem. 

Changes in self-perception

Social comparisons may affect the way we see ourselves, possibly reinforcing or challenging our self-conceptions. The result may either be a more positive or negative self-view, depending on the outcomes of the comparisons. If you're struggling with a negative self-perception, it may be helpful to work with an online therapist to uncover the root cause and find healthier ways to cope.

How culture can affect comparison

What a person values and what they count as success may be influenced by many environmental factors, such as:

• Their cultural background
• The culture of the place they live in
• What they're exposed to via media
• What their family or community values

For example, a person whose parents were both strongly career-oriented may value professional success more highly than others and engage in frequent social comparison related to this area of life. Identifying your core values and becoming aware of which cultural influences may have affected your measures of success may be helpful in managing social comparison.

Comparison and social media

Social media platforms may make it easier to compare yourself to others in ways that have the potential to be harmful. About half of US adults report visiting one or more social media sites each day, giving the average person the frequent opportunity to view their own abilities or achievements through the potentially distorted lens of online posts. 

What a user sees on social media platforms is often idealized or unrealistic, which may lead to unfair self-comparisons. For example, comparing your own body to that of an airbrushed model or even an AI-generated image on social media may lower your self-esteem. Or, comparing your daily life to the curated highlights of someone else’s might make you feel inadequate. 

Some tips that may help you reduce the negative impacts of social media comparison include:

• Practice mindfulness so you can pause before making a negative self-evaluation based on something you see online
• Edit your social media feed, unfollowing or muting accounts that post content that’s overly idealized or otherwise unhelpful to you and your mental health
• Limit your screen time, which may help reduce comparison and improve attention span and sleep quality

Strategies for reducing harmful comparison

It may not be possible to avoid social comparison altogether, since most psychologists believe it’s an innate human quality. However, implementing a few strategies may help you use comparison in a more constructive way.

Look for patterns

Noticing how different types of comparison make you feel might help you focus more on the positive ones. Keeping a short-term log of when you noticed yourself engaging in comparison and the emotions it caused may help you identify patterns.

For example, you might notice that watching a friend do something they’re good at makes you feel motivated to devote more time to your own skills or hobbies. Or, you might realize that seeing social media posts from a certain friend or influencer consistently makes you feel inadequate. Once you recognize a pattern, you may be able to adjust your habits in a constructive way.

Replace vague comparisons with self-defined metrics

Vague, non-specific measures of success can be hard to live up to, potentially leading to harmful self-comparison. Coming up with specific, self-defined metrics for your own success may be more constructive. For instance, aiming to go for a run twice a week may be more helpful than comparing your running stats to those of professional marathoners on social media.

Use downward comparisons carefully

While a downward social comparison may give your self-esteem a boost, this form of comparison might be a slippery slope. Downward comparisons have the potential to result in judgment or a sense of superiority over others. They may also tie your self-worth to external factors, potentially making it unstable. Mindfulness may help you keep downward comparisons in check.

Practice self-compassion and gratitude habits

Self-compassion may help you be more realistic in your comparisons. It may also help you be gentle with yourself when you make a mistake or fall short of your goals. In addition, a gratitude practice might support a feeling of contentment, potentially reducing harmful self-comparison.

When to reach out for support with unhelpful social comparison

Some level of social comparison may be natural, but comparing yourself to others too frequently or too harshly could be harmful to your mental health. You may benefit from reaching out to a therapist for support in managing this tendency if you find that social comparison is:

• Difficult to control
• Disrupting your sleep, work, relationships, or daily functioning
• Making you feel stuck in a repetitive self-judgment loop
• Significantly affecting your self-worth
• Causing or contributing to signs of anxiety or depression

How a therapist may help

When self-comparison seems constant or painful, a therapist may be able to provide a safe space where you can learn to develop a more realistic perspective. They might help you learn to challenge distorted thoughts, cultivate self-compassion, and find healthy ways to build your sense of self-worth. 

To do this kind of work, it might help to find a therapist who seems like the right fit for you. In general, a good match may make you feel heard, understood, and supported while offering useful guidance in shifting unhelpful patterns. The right therapist for your needs may also be someone you can collaborate with on setting and working toward your personal goals.  

Exploring the option of online therapy

There’s more than one way to receive the support of a therapist, depending on your needs and preferences. Those who would prefer to meet with a counselor in person might look for a therapist in their area, while those who would prefer to meet with a counselor from the comfort of home might look into online therapy.

With a platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed therapist and then work with them virtually, attending sessions via phone, video, or live chat. If the therapist you're matched with isn’t the right fit, you can switch providers at any time for no additional cost. In these ways, online therapy may make finding and meeting with a therapist more convenient.

Does online therapy really work?

Research suggests that online therapy can often be an effective way to receive mental health care. For example, consider a 2023 study which indicates that online therapy may often yield similar effects to in-person therapy for treating various mental health challenges.