What Are Women Attracted To?

By Joanna Smykowski|Updated July 11, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Kelly L. Burns, MA, LPC, ATR-P

Finding The Right Match Isn't Always Easy

Do you long for an intimate relationship? Do you meet lots of people but have a hard time making a special connection and are left wondering why that may be? You may also be questioning, "What are women attracted to, anyway?" Read on for insight into a woman's mind - the answer to this question may be different than what you might think.

What Are Women Attracted To?

It's said that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but when it comes to attraction, it's more a scientific thing. And whether we like to admit it or not, most of it has to do with physical appearance. Yes, looks do matter. But not in a superficial way.

Physical Appearance - You see, there's no denying that physical appearance plays a role in attraction, but you might be surprised to learn exactly what that role is. While our culture tells us precisely what an attractive man is "supposed" to look like, the truth is that there's a type for everybody. Sure, some women swoon over the beach babe. But others might be more drawn to heavier men, a particular hair color, prefer glasses, or appreciate a mustache or thin profile.

Interestingly, scientific research has even shown that women who had positive childhood experiences with their fathers are more likely to be attracted to individuals who have similar characteristics to their dads. The immune system also plays a role according to research, with women being physically drawn to men with immune systems that are opposite of theirs. This makes sense when you consider the fact that a child born to parents with opposite immune systems will have complementary antibodies, making them healthier and stronger.

Emotional Attraction

What's more is that often physical attraction comes after emotional attraction. That is, a woman begins to fall for your other characteristics and shortly thereafter starts to find you irresistible. This is where women and men tend to differ. Generally, because they are visual, men care a lot more about looks and physical attraction than women. Women are concerned with internal qualities such as compassion and self-confidence.

Compassion - There's something to be said for a man that is compassionate and concerned about the feelings of others. While many women seem to like a "man's man," if he doesn't have a sensitive side it will wear on the relationship. Women appreciate a man who is not so self-absorbed that he doesn't recognize others' feelings and want to respond appropriately. Empathy and compassion go a long way. Tap into your compassionate side by volunteering, attending and giving to charity events, and doing things for the community when needed. These are places where you'll also meet likeminded, compassionate women who have hearts for service.

Self-confidence - Other than physical attraction and a heart of gold, women want a man who carries himself with confidence. It's not about what you look like but how you walk into a room. The balance can be tricky as over-confidence, or a large ego can be big turn-offs. But a man who has confidence in himself - and doesn't need to get his validation from other people - is a very attractive trait. Don't speak negatively about yourself, dress well, groom yourself, focus on self-care, and most of all-believe in yourself. This will attract women from a mile away.

Hobbies - Women appreciate men who have varied interests and have more going on besides just work. A workaholic personality will only attract women who have a one-track, financial mindset. Having hobbies that you are invested in will make you appear more interesting, adds depth to conversations, and just shows that a person is more well-rounded. Some possible hobbies include:

  • Cooking and grilling
  • Making your own beer (homebrewing)
  • Chess and other games
  • Leatherworking
  • Sports (soccer, skiing, snowboarding, basketball, football, etc.)
  • Motorcycling
  • Golfing
  • Carpentry
  • Computer programming
  • Ham radio
  • Reading and writing
  • Gardening
  • Classic car restoration
  • Playing an instrument like the guitar
  • Playing pool
  • Swimming, sailing, and other water activities

Intelligence - Women enjoy being around men who can have good conversations. Intelligence, the ability to problem-solve, and the ability to exercise critical thinking are all attractive qualities. You don't have to be the smartest man in the room but being well-read and knowing how to hold an intelligent conversation goes a long way. The following topics of discussion are an interesting place to start:

  • The most beautiful song you've ever heard
  • The funniest joke anyone has ever told you
  • Any random trivia facts that are stuck in your brain
  • What you would do with a million dollars
  • Your favorite person in history
  • Politics (stay neutral) and world news events
  • Ways to make new friends
  • Hobbies you've taken on or always wanted to try
  • The coolest fact you know about the universe
  • If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you choose
  • The one thing you really want to do that you haven't accomplished yet.

Finding The Right Match Isn't Always Easy

Kindness - No man will get very far with a woman if he is not kind. But not just to her - he needs to be kind to her friends, his family, and complete strangers. A kind nature is incredibly appealing to women. Just make sure that the kindness is genuine. A woman who feels she is being tricked by fake displays of friendliness will be turned off, not on.

Attentiveness - This is a huge one! It is easy for a woman to be attracted to a man who is attentive - one who pays enough attention to notice her needs and cares enough about them to meet them. Even if a woman doesn't think a man to be a 10 on the physical attraction scale, attentiveness will boost his rating significantly. Women don't want to be smothered, but they do want to feel important and valued - and the way you do that is by paying attention and trying to meet her needs without her having to ask. Put gas in her car, send her flowers, fix that leaky faucet. Even small gestures are appreciated.

Patience - Disagreements happen in relationships, and disappointments occur in life. Women want to know that the partner they choose will be able to handle them appropriately rather than with anger or impatience. A man who is patient sends off an attractive vibe; a woman can tell that he's not easily riled up.

Commitment- Although this isn't really a character trait, women love men who aren't afraid to commit. Women want a man who not only goes after what he wants but also protects and stays loyal and committed once he has it. Show her that you're determined by just making promises you're prepared to keep and being consistent in word and deed.

Relationship Help

If you need help improving your relationship, developing healthy intimate relationships, or building self-confidence to pursue relationships with women, counseling can help. BetterHelp.com even offers it online for a unique, effective, and convenient approach to counseling. Get started today!

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