Pet Loss Support: Coping With Grief And Finding Help

The bond between humans and their pets can be strong, and the grief that follows losing an animal companion may feel overwhelming. Pets often become part of your daily routine, offering unwavering companionship and unconditional love. When a beloved pet dies, the sadness and sense of loss can be significant.

If you are grieving the loss of a pet, know that support is available. From pet loss hotlines and support groups to coping strategies and professional counseling, there are resources that may help you navigate this difficult time. Whether you are supporting yourself, a child, a senior loved one, or even other pets in your household, the information below explores ways to find comfort and begin healing.

Where to find pet loss support

When you are grieving, knowing where to turn for help can make a difference. Many organizations offer resources specifically designed for those experiencing pet loss, and connecting with others who understand what you are going through may provide comfort during this challenging time.

Pet loss hotlines and chat support

Pet loss hotlines can offer immediate support from trained counselors or volunteers who understand the grief that comes with losing an animal companion. Many of these services are free and available to anyone who needs someone to talk to.

Pet loss support groups

The support and camaraderie provided by pet loss support groups may also be helpful. You might start your recovery by reaching out to others in your community who have also lost pets. These people may understand the grief process and avoid invalidating your experience as a grieving pet parent. Family may be able to help you through processing this loss too, particularly if they knew your beloved pet and are also pet owners.

Online or local groups in your city might help you find grief resources and a sense of belonging during your healing process. Many veterinary schools, humane societies, and animal shelters host support groups, either in person or online. Online pet loss groups may have message boards on their site to help you connect with others. They might also suggest connecting with a professional licensed in grief counseling who can help you cope with feeling sad if it impacts your daily routine.

Books on pet bereavment

Books about pet loss can provide comfort and help you feel less alone in your grief. There are books available for both adults and children on topics like understanding the grieving process and finding ways to honor your pet's memory. Your local library, bookstore, or veterinarian's office may have recommendations tailored to your situation.

Why losing a pet can feel so difficult

While you can take steps to cope with losing your pet, the experience may feel highly challenging for many people. Pets may change your life in significant ways. They can help people stay active, get out and be more social, and offer joy when they do something sweet or make people laugh when they do something silly. Many pet owners may find that caring for their pets also satisfies a nurturing instinct.

The unique bond between humans and pets

When a pet dies, the daily routines you shared, the greeting at the door, and the quiet companionship during difficult moments can all feel hard to lose. Understanding that your grief reflects the depth of your bond may help you be gentler with yourself during this time.

Coping with guilt or shame after a pet's death

Some owners may experience guilt or shame as part of their grieving process. The owner may have been unable to afford the necessary care to prolong the pet's life, or there may have been a way to prevent death. Even if there was no other option, owners might believe they did something wrong. These feelings, while painful, can be a normal part of grief and do not mean you failed your pet.

Grieving an accidental or unexpected loss

Especially with an accidental or unexpected death, a pet's owner may struggle to heal from the loss or understand why it happened. They may spend time ruminating over how the accident could have been prevented or what they could or should have done differently. Although all of these factors can be challenging to deal with, grief is often a normal part of loss, and learning to accept and validate your emotional responses may be beneficial.

Understanding the grief process after losing a pet

The grieving process for a pet is a personal experience. Everyone grieves in their own way and on their own timeline. Even if you feel you've moved past your grief, it may flare up at certain moments, causing tears, stress, or memories to come back. These can be normal and natural experiences throughout the nonlinear healing process. If you allow yourself to grieve fully, you might find that you heal faster than if you try to ignore your grief and press on when you aren't ready.

Common stages of grief

One framework for understanding grief suggests it may include some or all of the following stages:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

That said, everyone processes grief differently, and you may move through just some or none of these stages on your journey. Understanding the wide variation in grief experiences may help you avoid judging your own process.

How long grief may last

The duration of grief varies significantly among individuals. It may last from a few weeks to several months or more, depending on factors like your personal coping mechanisms and availability of support.

Healthy ways to cope with the loss of a pet

Different people with pets grieve and cope with loss in different ways. Pet loss grief and the grieving process may take longer for some than others. Finding healthy coping strategies that work for you can support your healing journey.

Practice self-care during grief

While you grieve the loss of your pet, practicing healthy self-care may be beneficial. Grief can be exhausting physically and mentally, so ensuring you are replenishing your reserves can be a form of pet loss support. For example, exercise can release endorphins to help stabilize your mood, and even if the last thing you feel like doing is eating, making an effort to have regular meals may help you feel more balanced. You may find that taking care of yourself helps you heal as you grieve the loss of your pet.

If applicable, y our children and other pets may also experience grief upon realizing their furry companion is no longer around. If you have children and/or surviving pets relying on you for care, you may want to offer them extra attention as you go through the healing process together.

Create a memorial for your pet

It may be helpful to try an memorial activity or create an item in your pet's memory. Arranging a home burial, planting a tree for them, or creating a photo album or scrapbook may be a meaningful way to celebrate your beloved pet and keep their memory alive. If they enjoyed a particular food, toy, or place, consider incorporating it into your memorial service to further express your love for them. Some individuals also find it helpful to plan a funeral or memorial in their pet's name and invite those closest to them.

Allow yourself to grieve fully

Giving yourself permission to feel the full range of emotions that come with loss can be an important part of healing. Crying, feeling sad, or missing your pet are all natural responses. Rather than pushing these feelings away, acknowledging them may help you process your grief more fully over time.

Helping children cope with pet loss

The death of a beloved family pet may be difficult for a child, especially if they're experiencing such a loss for the first time. They may blame themselves for not being able to help or save their pet from an illness, or they may express anger and blame you or the vet. These are all perfectly normal responses to grief and pet loss.

Being honest with children about death

It may seem tempting to tell your child that their pet has run away or has a new home. While this may be a temporary fix, your child could experience complications, potentially spending weeks, months, or years hoping for and expecting the pet to return. Furthermore, if the truth is discovered, the child may feel angry and betrayed on top of the grief they could have initially processed if they were told the truth. Being straightforward about what happened in age-appropriate language may help children begin to process their feelings. Honesty often supports healthy grieving and helps build trust during a difficult time.

Supporting children through the grieving process

Support your child by being open and communicative. Grieve together and allow your child to participate in the pet's memorial. They might want to write a letter, leave a treat, or talk about their fun memories with their beloved animal. These can all be healthy ways to handle grief. You could also look for children's support groups in your area or through online websites if you think they may be beneficial for your child.

Helping seniors navigate pet loss

Seniors may adopt pets for companionship in older life. If their pet dies, it may be especially challenging for an older adult to cope with the loss as a pet owner.

Unique challenges for older adults

Older adults may face specific, unique difficulties when grieving a pet. Some of these challenges may include:

• They may otherwise live alone, potentially making the loss of the pet feel even more intense.
• Grief may put their mental and physical well-being at risk, which can be dangerous if they have other preexisting health challenges.
• They may be unable to get a new pet, whether due to restrictions where they live, financial barriers, or another reason.

Ways for seniors to find connection and support

For these reasons, seniors who are grieving the loss of a pet might require extra support. If needed, helping them connect with friends or support groups may be helpful. Also, some seniors may eventually be interested in volunteering at a local animal shelter to be close to animals without taking on the responsibility of another pet.

If an older loved one is having extreme difficulty coping with the loss, they may benefit from seeking professional help.

How to support other pets who may be grieving

When a pet dies, other animals in the household may also experience their own form of grief. Companion animals can form strong bonds with each other, and the absence of a fellow pet may affect their behavior and mood. Signs that a surviving pet may be grieving can include:

• Changes in appetite or eating habits
• Sleeping more or less than usual
• Searching for the deceased pet or waiting by doors or favorite spots
• Decreased interest in play or activities they previously enjoyed
• Vocalizing more than usual or seeming withdrawn

To support a grieving pet, you might try maintaining their regular routines as much as possible, offering extra attention and comfort, and monitoring for any concerning changes in health or behavior. If symptoms persist or worsen, consulting with a veterinarian may be helpful.

When you might be ready for a new pet

The decision to welcome a new pet into your life after a loss is deeply personal, and there is no "right" timeline for when this should happen. Some people find that caring for a new animal helps them heal, while others need more time before they feel ready. A new pet can never replace the one you lost, but it may bring new joy and companionship when you feel prepared. If you are uncertain about whether you are ready, speaking with a counselor or trusted friend may help you explore your feelings.

Benefits of online therapy for pet loss grief

Working with a pet loss counselor can be a way to seek support during grief. However, you may not be up for leaving the house to attend in-office therapy visits when you're feeling upset. In such cases, online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp can be a more convenient way to get support from the comfort of home. BetterHelp can also make it easier to find the right therapist for you, since its comprehensive matching system allows you to get connected with a licensed therapist according to your needs and preferences. If they're not the right fit, you can change providers at any time for no additional cost.

Some BetterHelp providers now accept select insurance plans. If you do not use insurance, BetterHelp's flexible subscription model can be another option for care, with costs ranging from $70 to $100 per week based on location, referral source, preferences, any applicable discounts, and therapist availability.

BetterHelp now also offers psychiatry services through Uplift as an additional care option alongside therapy. Psychiatry services may include medication management when clinically appropriate and based on an evaluation by a licensed psychiatric provider. Medication availability and coverage may vary by member location, clinical appropriateness, and individual pharmacy/insurance benefits. Prescribing decisions are made by the treating clinicians. We do not guarantee that any specific medication will be prescribed or covered by a member's insurance plan. Learn more about insurance coverage or get started with psychiatry services.

How online therapy may support grief

Research suggests that online therapy can often be effective for treating common mental health challenges like depression and anxiety, and it also shows promise for addressing grief. According to a 2021 study published in JMIR Mental Health, online therapy may be "an effective treatment approach against symptoms of grief in bereaved adults." If grief is making daily life harder to manage, online therapy may be one way to connect with a licensed therapist without having to go into an office.