How To Get Over Your Ex-Boyfriend And Rediscover Yourself

By Toni Hoy|Updated April 4, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By April Brewer , DBH, LPC

If you're wondering how to get over your ex-boyfriend and rediscover yourself, you're in the right place. Getting over an ex can be hard. The key is to work through it, so you can get him off your mind and reconnect with yourself during this new phase in your life.

Getting Over Your Ex Can Be A Brutal Experience, But It Doesn't Have to Be

Give yourself time to heal after the initial breakup.Realistically, you are grieving the loss of a relationship.They key is not allowing yourself to get too consumed by it. When your heart is broken, it's easy to want to stay in bed all day. You may be reminiscing about all of the good times, the amount of time you spent as a couple, or where things went wrong. You might even be feeling like you'll never find someone new to love you.

Don't start believing these kinds of destructive thoughts. If you need support, counseling services are available to help you cope with your breakup. You don't have to go through this alone. Getting over an ex-boyfriend usually takes time, but there are some things you can do to jump-start the process.

How to Get Over Your Ex-Boyfriend

  1. Work Through It

The first step to getting over your ex-boyfriend is to work through it however you need to. If you need to return all his things and get rid of things that remind you of him, do it. Talk it through with a trustworthy friend or counselor if you're struggling with your emotions during this time.

Online counseling services like BetterHelp can be a great way to get ongoing support during difficult transitions like a loss or a breakup. You are matched with a counselor who is suited to your needs and who you can message as many times as you need.

  1. Get Him Off Your Mind

Once you've taken some time to allow the pain of your breakup to subside, it's time to get your ex-boyfriend off your mind so you can start to get over him. Enlist social support from friends and family to keep you busy during this time.

Try to avoid staying at home, dwelling on how your relationship ended. Keep busy by planning to do things you love, trying a new hobby, etc. A big milestone after a breakup is when you realize that your ex-boyfriend's not on your mind as much, and you can finally see yourself starting to be happy without him.

When you're going through a difficult time, reaching out for social support is important. Getting over a relationship is a lot harder if you sit around by yourself ruminating. Social support can be received from families, friends, groups or communities. Two types of support that could be particularly helpful when going through a break up are emotional and tangible support. Emotional support could include someone listening to your problems and providing empathy. Tangible support could include providing assistance and support with daily life areas such as money ifexperiencing financial hardship, a ride ifexperiencing transportation issues, or even unexpected childcare assistance, if needed.

The benefits of having a social support system could include the increased ability to manage andcombat stress, improve mental wellbeing,physical health, feelings of security, self-esteem, self-confidence, and overall greater satisfaction in life.

It would be great to reconnect with friends and family after a breakup, especially if you didn't spend as much time with them when you were with your boyfriend. Catch up with people you've been out of touch with and make plans to get out and have some fun.

Getting Over Your Ex Can Be A Brutal Experience, But It Doesn't Have to Be

  1. Rediscover Yourself

After a relationship breakup, it is natural to feel an emotional void in your life. Your normal daily routine may even feel as if it has been turned upside down at times. This void becomes very noticeable when you want to share that you got a promotion at work today, you just caught a flat tire, there is a new movie that you want to watch, or even that you are hungry. Then, reality sets in when you suddenly remember that your "go-to" person for sharing new developments in your life was your ex. Experience this feeling is inevitable because, up until the breakup, your ex was integrated into and had become a centerpiece in your life.

You can feel loneliness, even in the presence of others, because being lonely is a state of mind. Oftentimes couples who experience a recent breakup will attempt to prematurely get back together because they mistake the feelings of love with their feelings of loneliness.

While being in a relationship is great and all, it also involves a lot of compromising. It's possible that your ex-boyfriend didn't like some of your friends, so you haven't been hanging out with them as much. Maybe he never liked to watch the same movies and shows as you.

This is your opportunity to rediscover your interests and do things your way! Embrace this time of being single to take care of yourself before jumping right into another relationship. It can be really empowering to realize that you can make yourself happy; you don't need a boyfriend to do that. If you think you have mistaken your feelings of loneliness for feelings of doubt about the breakup, here are a few pointers to assist you with working through these feelings:

  1. It is okay to miss your ex. Sometimes the idea of missing someone can be easily confused with the idea of wanting to be with them again, especially when replaying the good feelings and memories that you shared together. However, it is important to remember why you broke up in the first place, because there was, most likely, a reason − if not more than one.
  2. Feeling lonely is natural. Initially, it is normal to feel lonely after a breakup because you are processing both a loss and alife change. It is better to acknowledge the feeling of loneliness as a negative emoion rather than fight it,or mask it by getting prematurely involved in a new relationship or returning to your ex.
  3. Process and accept your emotions. It is sometimes frowned upon to express your emotions.Others mayencourage you to "stay strong." Is this healthy? You are human, it is normal for you to feel various emotions. Somehow, it seems to have become the normal expectation that we should be happy or strong all the time. This perspective is unrealistic.It is normal to feel different emotions and understand why you feel the way you feel to foster acceptance and aid in the healing process of the breakup.
  4. Love yourself first. After coming out of a long-term relationship, the idea of being alone may sound a bit scary. However, being okay with being alone is an important element of one's happiness. Learning to be alone allows you to develop independent happiness, that isn't dependent upon being in a relationship with another person.
  5. Explore new interestsandengage in hobbies. Identify past hobbies and leisure activities that you used to enjoy prior to being in a relationship. Engage in a new interest, this will help create healthy distractions from focusing on negative thoughts and may offer the opportunity to meet new people.
  6. Try journaling. Using a journal offers the opportunity to express your thoughts, feelings, and plans in writing, and oftentimes people share that they feel a sense of relief and fulfillment after completing this activity. Also, expressing your thoughts and feelings about your ex in a journal could allow you the opportunity to review your journal entries at a later date and provide you with deeper insight to help you gain the clarity that you need to move forward.


You can choose to let your breakup tear you apart or you can choose to embrace it as an opportunity to grow and rediscover yourself. Getting over your ex-boyfriend might not be a quick process, but it will happen in time. Prioritize getting closure, asking for support if you need it to heal, and trying to keep your ex off your mind.

However, if some time has passed and you're still struggling to come to terms with your breakup, it's important to seek out help now so you can heal faster. Talking to a licensed professionalcounselor at BetterHelp allows you an alternative option, the opportunity for a nonjudgmental listening ear to help provide you a sense of clarity and guidance. A counselor can provide you with the coping mechanisms and tools you need to begin improving your daily life post-breakup. If you're dealing with depression, anxiety, or other emotional problems after your breakup, counseling can be an effective way to treat it. Online counseling can help you gain clarity and better understand your feelings.

Followingthesteps in this article and connecting with a BetterHelp counselor will help you get over your ex-boyfriend in no time. An examination of the efficacy of online counselingshowed that it is just as effective astraditional counseling.You can access online therapy from the comfort of your own home, and get the help that you need in processing the grief related to your breakup and moving forward in a healthy manner. Read below for some examples of BetterHelp counselor reviews.

Counselor Reviews

“I’ve tried other counselors that I liked but didn’t seem right for me but Margaret has been amazing! I love her honesty, compassion, and realness! It was really easy to open up to her and she’s helped me get through a very tough breakup that nobody else could seem to get me through. I would recommend her to anyone! She makes it so comfortable to talk to her as if you’ve known her for forever!”

“When I signed up for BetterHelp I was in the midst of a major life crisis. I was seeking a compassionate, experienced counselor like Jillian to help me cope with the initial pain, anger, and anxiety. Also, I chose Jillian because in her self description she states, "I'm a big believer in seeing life challenges, especially the most painful ones, as a catalyst for self-discovery, personal growth, and positive change." This really resonated with me. I knew that I wanted my experience to be an opportunity for personal growth. I am incredibly grateful that Jillian indeed helped me grieve and work through the challenges of divorce and early motherhood. She helped me learn about myself and transform my life in a positive way. She offered practical, specific tools to incorporate into my daily routine. She helped me to reconnect with myself and clarify and move towards my life goals. She offered constructive advice for interacting with my ex-husband and maintaining boundaries. Through working with her I was able to care for myself so that I could be a mindful, present mama and really soak in the precious moments with my newborn daughter. My sessions with Jillian made a huge difference as I navigated this time in my life. I could not recommend her more highly.”

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