How To Get Over Your Ex-Boyfriend And Rediscover Yourself
Medically Reviewed By April Brewer , DBH, LPCIf you're wondering how to get over your ex-boyfriend and rediscover yourself, you're in the right place. Getting over an ex can be hard. The key is to work through it, so you can get him off your mind and reconnect with yourself during this new phase in your life.
Give yourself time to heal after the initial breakup.Realistically, you are grieving the loss of a relationship.They key is not allowing yourself to get too consumed by it. When your heart is broken, it's easy to want to stay in bed all day. You may be reminiscing about all of the good times, the amount of time you spent as a couple, or where things went wrong. You might even be feeling like you'll never find someone new to love you.
Don't start believing these kinds of destructive thoughts. If you need support, counseling services are available to help you cope with your breakup. You don't have to go through this alone. Getting over an ex-boyfriend usually takes time, but there are some things you can do to jump-start the process.
How to Get Over Your Ex-Boyfriend
- Work Through It
The first step to getting over your ex-boyfriend is to work through it however you need to. If you need to return all his things and get rid of things that remind you of him, do it. Talk it through with a trustworthy friend or counselor if you're struggling with your emotions during this time.
Online counseling services like BetterHelp can be a great way to get ongoing support during difficult transitions like a loss or a breakup. You are matched with a counselor who is suited to your needs and who you can message as many times as you need.
- Get Him Off Your Mind
Once you've taken some time to allow the pain of your breakup to subside, it's time to get your ex-boyfriend off your mind so you can start to get over him. Enlist social support from friends and family to keep you busy during this time.
Try to avoid staying at home, dwelling on how your relationship ended. Keep busy by planning to do things you love, trying a new hobby, etc. A big milestone after a breakup is when you realize that your ex-boyfriend's not on your mind as much, and you can finally see yourself starting to be happy without him.
When you're going through a difficult time, reaching out for social support is important. Getting over a relationship is a lot harder if you sit around by yourself ruminating. Social support can be received from families, friends, groups or communities. Two types of support that could be particularly helpful when going through a break up are emotional and tangible support. Emotional support could include someone listening to your problems and providing empathy. Tangible support could include providing assistance and support with daily life areas such as money ifexperiencing financial hardship, a ride ifexperiencing transportation issues, or even unexpected childcare assistance, if needed.
The benefits of having a social support system could include the increased ability to manage andcombat stress, improve mental wellbeing,physical health, feelings of security, self-esteem, self-confidence, and overall greater satisfaction in life.
It would be great to reconnect with friends and family after a breakup, especially if you didn't spend as much time with them when you were with your boyfriend. Catch up with people you've been out of touch with and make plans to get out and have some fun.
- Rediscover Yourself
After a relationship breakup, it is natural to feel an emotional void in your life. Your normal daily routine may even feel as if it has been turned upside down at times. This void becomes very noticeable when you want to share that you got a promotion at work today, you just caught a flat tire, there is a new movie that you want to watch, or even that you are hungry. Then, reality sets in when you suddenly remember that your "go-to" person for sharing new developments in your life was your ex. Experience this feeling is inevitable because, up until the breakup, your ex was integrated into and had become a centerpiece in your life.
You can feel loneliness, even in the presence of others, because being lonely is a state of mind. Oftentimes couples who experience a recent breakup will attempt to prematurely get back together because they mistake the feelings of love with their feelings of loneliness.
While being in a relationship is great and all, it also involves a lot of compromising. It's possible that your ex-boyfriend didn't like some of your friends, so you haven't been hanging out with them as much. Maybe he never liked to watch the same movies and shows as you.
This is your opportunity to rediscover your interests and do things your way! Embrace this time of being single to take care of yourself before jumping right into another relationship. It can be really empowering to realize that you can make yourself happy; you don't need a boyfriend to do that. If you think you have mistaken your feelings of loneliness for feelings of doubt about the breakup, here are a few pointers to assist you with working through these feelings:
- It is okay to miss your ex. Sometimes the idea of missing someone can be easily confused with the idea of wanting to be with them again, especially when replaying the good feelings and memories that you shared together. However, it is important to remember why you broke up in the first place, because there was, most likely, a reason − if not more than one.
- Feeling lonely is natural. Initially, it is normal to feel lonely after a breakup because you are processing both a loss and alife change. It is better to acknowledge the feeling of loneliness as a negative emoion rather than fight it,or mask it by getting prematurely involved in a new relationship or returning to your ex.
- Process and accept your emotions. It is sometimes frowned upon to express your emotions.Others mayencourage you to "stay strong." Is this healthy? You are human, it is normal for you to feel various emotions. Somehow, it seems to have become the normal expectation that we should be happy or strong all the time. This perspective is unrealistic.It is normal to feel different emotions and understand why you feel the way you feel to foster acceptance and aid in the healing process of the breakup.
- Love yourself first. After coming out of a long-term relationship, the idea of being alone may sound a bit scary. However, being okay with being alone is an important element of one's happiness. Learning to be alone allows you to develop independent happiness, that isn't dependent upon being in a relationship with another person.
- Explore new interestsandengage in hobbies. Identify past hobbies and leisure activities that you used to enjoy prior to being in a relationship. Engage in a new interest, this will help create healthy distractions from focusing on negative thoughts and may offer the opportunity to meet new people.
- Try journaling. Using a journal offers the opportunity to express your thoughts, feelings, and plans in writing, and oftentimes people share that they feel a sense of relief and fulfillment after completing this activity. Also, expressing your thoughts and feelings about your ex in a journal could allow you the opportunity to review your journal entries at a later date and provide you with deeper insight to help you gain the clarity that you need to move forward.
Conclusion
You can choose to let your breakup tear you apart or you can choose to embrace it as an opportunity to grow and rediscover yourself. Getting over your ex-boyfriend might not be a quick process, but it will happen in time. Prioritize getting closure, asking for support if you need it to heal, and trying to keep your ex off your mind.
However, if some time has passed and you're still struggling to come to terms with your breakup, it's important to seek out help now so you can heal faster. Talking to a licensed professionalcounselor at BetterHelp allows you an alternative option, the opportunity for a nonjudgmental listening ear to help provide you a sense of clarity and guidance. A counselor can provide you with the coping mechanisms and tools you need to begin improving your daily life post-breakup. If you're dealing with depression, anxiety, or other emotional problems after your breakup, counseling can be an effective way to treat it. Online counseling can help you gain clarity and better understand your feelings.
Followingthesteps in this article and connecting with a BetterHelp counselor will help you get over your ex-boyfriend in no time. An examination of the efficacy of online counselingshowed that it is just as effective astraditional counseling.You can access online therapy from the comfort of your own home, and get the help that you need in processing the grief related to your breakup and moving forward in a healthy manner. Read below for some examples of BetterHelp counselor reviews.
Counselor Reviews
“I’ve tried other counselors that I liked but didn’t seem right for me but Margaret has been amazing! I love her honesty, compassion, and realness! It was really easy to open up to her and she’s helped me get through a very tough breakup that nobody else could seem to get me through. I would recommend her to anyone! She makes it so comfortable to talk to her as if you’ve known her for forever!”
“When I signed up for BetterHelp I was in the midst of a major life crisis. I was seeking a compassionate, experienced counselor like Jillian to help me cope with the initial pain, anger, and anxiety. Also, I chose Jillian because in her self description she states, "I'm a big believer in seeing life challenges, especially the most painful ones, as a catalyst for self-discovery, personal growth, and positive change." This really resonated with me. I knew that I wanted my experience to be an opportunity for personal growth. I am incredibly grateful that Jillian indeed helped me grieve and work through the challenges of divorce and early motherhood. She helped me learn about myself and transform my life in a positive way. She offered practical, specific tools to incorporate into my daily routine. She helped me to reconnect with myself and clarify and move towards my life goals. She offered constructive advice for interacting with my ex-husband and maintaining boundaries. Through working with her I was able to care for myself so that I could be a mindful, present mama and really soak in the precious moments with my newborn daughter. My sessions with Jillian made a huge difference as I navigated this time in my life. I could not recommend her more highly.”
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How do you get over an ex that you still love?
If you've recently broken up with a boyfriend, the first thing most people wonder is if they'll ever stop loving their ex. The good news is that boyfriend recovery is possible, and it may be even easier than you think. Taking time to learn ways to move on from your broken relationship and heal your life is possible with support and guidance from a relationship expert.
How do you stop thinking about your ex?
When you've decided you're ready to move on, reach out to a licensed relationship expert for strategies and techniques that can help. A relationship professional can help you understand what led to the breakup and how to avoid similar circumstances in the future.
How can I get over my ex fast?
While boyfriend recovery is possible, it's important to remember that it's not always a quick process. It takes time to focus on learning from the issues that lead to the breakup and discovering how to feelwhole again. Talking to a professional about how you're feeling is one of the best ways to move on and stop hoping that you'll get back together with your ex.
Why can't I get over my ex?
In order to move on, you have to be willing to stop thinking about how things used to be and learn how to adjust to your new single life. Unless you're talking about positive strategies for moving forward, you also have to stop talking about the relationship with family, friends, and even your ex to let the healing begin.
How do you know if your ex is over you?
When you're ready to move on, it won't matter to you what your ex is doing. Completing boyfriend recovery means that you've acknowledged what happened in the relationship, learned from it, and vowed to take these lessons and utilize them in making the next relationship even better. Taking these steps isoften the beginning of a success story as youbegin to move toward a new, healthier outlook on life.
How do you know if your ex is still in love with you?
People get married and start long-term relationships with the intention of them lasting for a lifetime. With that being said, learning how to get over your boyfriend (who you shared an intimate connection with) doesn't usually happen overnight. This works both ways. However, a key part of boyfriend recovery is learning how to stop dwelling on what might have been and learning how to live your new life as it is.
Is my ex thinking about me during a period of no contact?
When people get married or get into intimate relationships, it's usually for the long-haul. It stands to reason that people who've shared an intimate connectionand a bond will miss each other when they separate. Wondering or thinking about your ex from time to time is normal. However, if you find yourself ruminating or feeling stuck in a place where you can't move on − this is a sign of a bigger issue.
Do most exes come back?
People who have brokenup, separated, or even divorced sometimes getback together. When people get married, they make a lifetime commitment to each other. Getting professional relationship advice like counseling or therapy can help people to see their issues from a different point of view and learn how to have better communication with each other.
Do exes miss you?
It's natural for people who breakup to miss each other from time to time. Taking the time to unravel shared lives and memories can be painful. Learning how to be separate from your partner is a delicate process. Many people need outside help from a licensed counselor or therapist to understand what happened and begin to heal.
What are the fivestages of a breakup?
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are the five stages of grief. These stages also apply to other types of loss including breakups and divorce. Experts believe that when someone experiences a loss, they go through each of these five stages as they progress towards healing.
How can you make your ex want you back?
If you and your ex have broken up, instead of focusing on whether you want them back, the best thing to do is to learn what went wrong in the relationship. Learning from and improving past behaviors will go a long way towards establishing healthier and lasting relationships in the future.
How can I get my ex out of my head?
Spend time doing things you love. Learn to reconnect with yourself by adding things back into your life that may have taken a back seat to your relationship. You may find that the absence of these things is part of the reason you weren't feeling like yourself in the relationship. Talk to a therapist to help you process your thoughts and feelings during this time.
How do I make my ex regret?
If you feel like you want to get revenge on your ex, this is never a good sign. Regardless of the reason for the breakup, getting revenge is doing more harm to you (and possibly your ex). This is the sign of a toxic relationship.
Should I contact my ex for closure?
When you're ready to move on and seek closure from the relationship, it's important to understand why you're seeking closure. Talk to a licensed counselor or therapist to learn what motivates you instead of reaching out to your ex.
Should I text my ex?
If you and your ex have agreed to part ways, it's not a good idea to text them. Getting over someone and moving on with your life requires that you learn how to live without the other person. People having trouble letting go of a relationship should talk to an expert,such asa counselor or therapist who can provide coping strategies.
How do you tell if your ex hates you?
We all understand it's difficult to process our own emotions. Adding worrying about other people's emotions is a recipe for disaster. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings and draws their own conclusions based on their interpretation of circumstances and the world around them. Even if someone tells you they "hate you," this typically has less to do with you and more to do with their own personal issues.
How do you tell if your ex doesn't want you back?
When people agree to break up, this is a clear sign that one or both parties are no longer interested in continuing the relationship. It's normal for people to have distance after a break up while each person learns to live their lives separately.
How long does it take for an ex to miss you with no contact?
The amount of time spent together, the level of commitment to each other, and other factors determine the strength of a bond between two people. The stronger the bond, the more likely the effects of a breakup or separation are going to have an immediate effect.
How does the person that initiated the breakup feel during a period of no contact?
Regardless of who made the decision to end the relationship, time shared, strong bonds, and a painful separation can take their toll on both people in the relationship. In some cases, the choice to break up was the best thing to do based on the circumstances in the relationship. This is especially true if the relationship was toxic.
Does the no contact rule work if you were dumped?
The "no contact rule" applies in cases where you were dumped. If someone has made it clear that they want to take a break from the relationship, take their words at face value and don't try to convince them that they've made the wrong decision, or that they should take you back. If you're having trouble healing from a painful breakup, talk to a licensed therapist who can help you develop coping skills.
Can exes fall back in love?
Anything is possible. This includes exes falling back in love. Some exes do get back together after taking some time apart to rediscover themselves and to learn who they are outside of a relationship. When people honor the breakup process and use the space to learn and improve, this opens the door for beginning a new healthier relationship− even if it's with your ex. Although it does happen, it is unhealthy to hang all your hopes on this possibility, or begin living your life in a state of wait. A counselor can help you discover the best ways to move yourself forward.
