How To Make Someone Feel Bad Like They Did To Me

Updated October 26, 2022by BetterHelp Editorial Team

When someone wrongs you or makes you feel bad, you might want karma to send them a little payback. They’ve wronged you; you feel bad and frustrated; you think about returning their wrong with a wrong. Depending on how angry and resentful you are, you might even be plotting your own revenge, trying to figure out how to make them feel as awful as you did. It often feels unfair and unjustified to not be able to retaliate, or to be forced to let things go - you might feel powerless. We may want to make the other person feel as bad as we felt; but this type of behavior can lead us to hold onto toxic grudges that cause us more harm in the end. It can be easier to overcome the bitter and hopeless feelings than taking revenge.

We may ask ourselves, "Why do some people treat others so cruelly?" If a certain someone always makes you feel ashamed, miserable, sad, or angry, should you do anything about it? Is it better to shrug it off and move on, or should you address your negative feelings head on? In this article, we'll talk about the best way to deal with justified anger. We'll also explore how online therapy can be a healthy space for you to process your anger and emotions. Feeling humiliated can make one feel isolated. 

Expressing Your Feelings Can Feel Hard, But it Takes Practice And Effort.

Help Them Realize Their Actions Were Wrong

If you believe someone caused you harm, one of the best ways to get even is to help them realize how their actions have affected you. If you speak to them one-on-one, you may be able to offer insight into what transpired between you two and offer another perspective. In the best-case scenario, this person will see how their actions hurt you, apologize, and avoid this behavior in the future. Using the right language news and knowing more synonyms for the words and emotions you feel will you help you successfully communicate.

In order to have the best possible chance of success, be sure search and organize thoughts before you speak to them and come prepared with what you want to address. Do your best to be in a calm, even mood, and speak clearly and concisely without going off on tangents that are unrelated to what happened. You goal isn’t to make them feel ashamed, but to let them know that you’re feeling upset by their behavior.

It can even be helpful to practice what you plan to say or to role play the conversation with someone you trust first.

However, there is a chance that the person you confront will not understand or agree that their actions were wrong. In this case, you might have to agree to disagree, but at least you had the chance to air your feelings. Hopefully, speaking your mind in a respectful way will help dissipate the negative feelings you've been experiencing. If not, there are other ways that you can clear this negative energy.

Retaliation Is Not the Way

It's possible that this person did something unforgivable. You might feel the need to retaliate to save your pride. While understandable, this is not a healthy option for anyone involved. It also doesn't accomplish anything.

Though you might feel vindicated in the moment, the feeling is unlikely to last. Then you will have to deal with the feelings from the original injustice, in addition to the guilt that will accompany the retaliation. If you believe that what they did is unforgivable, is it something you wouldn't be able to forgive yourself for? Are you sure? We never recommend hurting anyone emotionally or physically. If you've already tried speaking with them, it's time to consider other options.

Processing Emotions

They will likely agree that you were wronged, and sometimes validation can be just what you need to put something behind you. Alternatively, they may offer a different perspective on the matter that enables you to move on and if you spend time with someone you trust and love, you might start to realize you no longer feel ashamed.

It is also a good idea to sit with the feelings you're experiencing. Feelings eventually pass; like a wave, they eventually break on the shore. The better you get at sitting with feelings and letting them pass, the better you'll be at recognizing that these feelings will not harm you. Often, the worst they can do is make you feel uncomfortable for a while. It's not fun, but it's better than dealing with the aftermath if you do retaliate. And think about how retaliating will make you feel. Won't it put you on the same level as the person you dislike? Process these feelings and move on.

Expressing Your Feelings Can Feel Hard, But it Takes Practice And Effort.

Compassion

One of the best ways to change your mindset is to try to have compassion for the person who wronged you. Could it be that they lashed out at you because they were responding to something that happened in their own life? It might not be about you at all. They may not even know that you were collateral damage in something that was completely unrelated to you. Some people act without realizing that they may be making someone else feel bad, even someone they might love.

Having compassion for others can give us the opportunity to understand others better and see that they are not all that different from us. Of course, it doesn't make certain actions okay, but it can help us to understand what caused them. Compassion doesn’t mean that we forget what happened, but it can mean treating the other person with empathy. You might also try to search for synonyms for compassion might help guide you, such as showing humanity, charity, love, or mercy, even when you don’t feel you were treated in these ways.

Boundaries

Finally, set boundaries. Healthy boundaries in relationships ensure that each individual is treated in a way that they deserve. Communicate your beliefs and feelings honestly in order to set healthy limits, so you both feel respected and understood. We teach others how to treat us, and with healthy boundaries, relationships can flourish.

What Do Verbs Have To Do With It? Doing And FeelingAnd Thinking

Let’s search a little deeper and talk about the verb “doing” and the verb “feeling.” A verb is an action word, right? And a verb can also be a state of being or feeling. A feeling verb is connected to our emotions. Another person might act in a certain way (an action verb) and then you may feel bad (a feeling verb). Then in response to your verb (feeling bad), you might decide you want to take action (yet another verb). But what’s the right action verb to take? And can their action verb towards you really “make” you feel a certain way? One helpful thing to remember is that you can learn to manage your feelings with some helpful techniques. That way you can have a little more control over managing your “feeling” verb (control over how you feel and what you do with your feelings). And you can also learn effective ways to respond to their behaviors by using a healthy action verb (or more than one verb). This is more than a grammar lesson! You can keep your action verb positively even if their action verb is or was negative by using the following strategies.

Feeling and acting: 20 examples of productive responses

  1. Act kindly (an action verb)—which can set a good example and keep you on a positive track. In otherwise, fight negative behavior with positive behavior.
  2. Recognize that you have control (a state of being verb; feeling in control) of yourself—which can help you manage your emotions.
  3. Steer clear (an action verb)—which can give you a needed break from their behavior. It’s okay to stay away from them if you can (another action verb).
  4. Stand up for yourself (an action verb) by saying “no” or telling the person (respectfully) that you won’t tolerate their negativity towards you.
  5. Feel your feelings (a feeling verb, of course)—if you feel sad or hurt or angry, try acknowledging the way you feel, giving yourself a bit of time, and then moving forward.
  6. Observe the other person (an action verb)—which may give you insight into their behavior and into your feelings. For instance, you may discover that the way they act has little to do with you and a lot to do with what’s going on with them. They may be feeling bad (a feeling verb) about something in their lives and be taking it out on you.
  7. Feel compassion (a feeling verb or state of being verb) for the other person—which can feel a lot better than anger. You don’t have to return the pain, unkindness, or shame (or any other synonyms for feeling bad).
  8. Feel self-compassion (another feeling or state of being verb) for yourself—which can help you recognize that the way you feel is pretty bad and you deserve kindness and love.
  9. Try to feel empathy for the other person (a feeling verb)—which can help you understand that they may going through something or feeling bad themselves.
  10. Breathe deeply (an action verb)—which can calm your body and mind and help you feel better.
  11. Use confident body language (an action verb)—which can send a message that you’re serious about what you’re saying and that you’re strong.
  12. Use the words, “I feel” (an action verb) if you speak to the other person—which may help them listen more carefully rather than getting defensive if you say, “You did this or you did that.”
  13. Give specific, concrete examples of their behavior (an action verb)—which may help them see what particular behaviors hurt you.
  14. Offer an alternative to their behavior (an action verb)—which can help them see other, less hurtful options to their behavior.But don’t try to “fix” them because you can’t make someone change.
  15. Feel your own power (a feeling verb)—which can remind you that are strong and resilient, even if the face of meanness.
  16. Ask for help (an action verb)—which can get you the support of positive people.
  17. Practice self-reflection (a state of being verb)—which can help you see if there’s something you could do more positively.
  18. But don’t blame yourself (a feeling verb) for the hurtful behavior of others—which can help you help you eliminate self-doubt.
  19. Say something positive to them (an action verb) when and if you discuss your feelings with them—which can help them recognize that you’re not attacking them and can help you stay calm and productive.
  20. Say something positive to yourself (both an action verb and a feeling verb)—which can help you be conscious of your strengths and your value, even when you’re feeling bad.

So, we’ve seen the connection between feelings and actions (ours and other people’s). Now let’s add another category of verb—the thinking verb. Each type of verb—thinking, feeling, and acting—are often connected to each other. In therapy, you can learn how they relate to each other. You can also learn helpful ways to manage your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors so that you live a better life and have better relationships. So, the bottom line is that talking with a therapist (an action verb) can be a very effective way to feel better (a feeling verb). And the verb “feeling” is more than just a lesson in grammar; it’s crucial for your wellbeing, so please see help if you feel you need it and know there are great, effective options available.

Seek Closure Through Counseling

If you decide that you want to let go of the anger you feel toward this person, you might notice that it isn't easy to do alone. A counselor can help you process what they did and help you come to terms with it.

An increasingly large body of research points to online therapy as an effective method of helping people with powerful emotions, such as anger or sadness, manage those feelings. For example, in one study, researchers examined the effects of online therapy on individuals experiencing harmful or destructive anger, noting specifically its negative effects on interpersonal relationships. The study found that online counseling can work to significantly reduce anger in participants. 

As mentioned above, if you’re having trouble letting go of emotions arising out of a conflict with a friend or loved one or you’re on a search to learn new ways to manage your feelings and relationships, online therapy is there to help you work through your feelings. With BetterHelp, you have the option of participating in therapy completely anonymously. And because there are no pricey offices or similar expenses, online therapy through BetterHelp is often more affordable than traditional, in-person therapy. A licensed online counselor can guide you on the path toward letting go of unhealthy emotions directed toward certain people in your life. Read below for reviews of BetterHelp therapists, from those who have sought help in the past.

Counselor Reviews

"In my short time working with Teneka, I feel more understood and supported than I thought was possible. After our very first session, she brought so much to my attention in a new way I had never thought of things before. I actually truly look forward to my sessions and feel like she has help me uncover deep challenges and hurts I experienced as a child that have truly changed and shaped the way I view myself and my life. I love that she is honest but positive. Coming from a low place in life, it's often that small day of light that can bring someone out of the overwhelming darkness. So thankful that I am blessed to be working with Teneka."

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"Mary Smith is very thoughtful and a great listener. I can tell she has a lot of experience dealing with many situations and people, which gives me comfort. She always stays on track with my concerns and goals, and always offers relavent suggestions and tools to help me to conquer issues. I definitely recommend Mary Smith to anyone who feels stuck in their toxic ways formed by difficult past experiences, but you want to overcome. I believe Mary has the skills to help someone who really wants to change for the better."

Conclusion

Feeling like we need to get back at someone can be poisonous, affecting our thoughts and actions in a negative and unhealthy way. We've all been wronged at one point or another, but there is light ahead. Your feelings about that other person may never change completely, but you can learn to let go of your grudge for the sake of your own happiness. Truly fulfilling relationships are possible—all you need are the right tools. Take the first step today.

Below are some commonly asked questions on this topic:

  1. What is it called when you make someone feel bad?
  2. What is called when you make someone feel?
  3. Is guilt tripping a form of gaslighting?
  4. What word means meant to hurt or upset someone?
  5. What is the word for making someone feel inferior?
  6. What is the synonym of provoke?
  7. What is the synonyms of humiliate?
  8. What are gaslighting examples?
  9. How a narcissist makes you feel guilty?
  10. What is the difference between gaslighting and manipulation?

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