Being Alone: The Loneliness Synonym
By Nadia Khan
Updated September 27, 2019
Reviewer Juan Angel
If you're one of those people who can go to a movie by yourself or sit contentedly at a restaurant without a companion while you eat, then you probably understand that being alone is different from feeling lonely. But for many people, this distinction is hard to make. Maybe you're one of those instead. Do you always feel lonely when you're alone?
Here's the good news. You don't have to. You can learn some tips from those solo movie-goers and diners. Learning how to be alone without feeling lonely means you can be happier when it's just you.
Let's start with a definition of loneliness itself.
The Loneliness Definition
When we define loneliness literally, it is a state where one is affected by or characterized by the depressing feeling of being alone. It is feeling lonesome. It feels like you lack sympathetic or friendly companionship. It is feeling isolated. You can see the definition that loneliness is a mental state, not a physical one.
What does that mean for lonely people? It means that you can work in that mental state and change it, and it has nothing to do with how many people are around you. In fact, many people feel loneliness creeping in even when they are with other people.
When you are with people but not able to interact with them or feel included, that can also feel quite lonely.
The Well Of Loneliness
You may have noticed that part of the definition of loneliness is that it is a depressing feeling. In fact, loneliness can lead to depression, and conversely, depression can lead to the feeling of loneliness and isolation. They work both ways with each other and can create a vicious cycle in which you fall into a well of loneliness. The thing is, you don't have to drown in the well of loneliness.
The first step is learning to recognize that you do, in fact, feel lonely. You can then begin to pinpoint what is bringing on that state. Ignoring your feeling of loneliness can make you more depressed and isolated. So one of the best things you can do to avoid the well of loneliness is just to force yourself to go out and do something. Meet up with friends. Or go to a public place where you'll at least be around other people.
Most people find that if they give in to their loneliness and stay home avoiding people, it only gets harder to c,onnect with others. If your loneliness seems to be a sign of depression, you should talk to a professional therapist right away.
In addition to getting yourself out of the house, another great way to ease the feeling of loneliness is learning to enjoy your own company, which we'll discuss further on in this article.
What Is Loneliness?
You've got a definition, but loneliness is more than that. It's our emotional response to the need to belong. All of us have this basic need to fit in with other humans somehow, to be accepted for who we are. Everyone feels lonely at some point in their life. Everyone. It's normal. It's human.
Loneliness is a socially induced pain that reminds us we need other humans to survive. And it has a real effect on both mental and physical health. Loneliness reduces our skin temperature and makes us feel colder. It also induces a stress response in our bodies that can lead to health problems like high blood pressure and high cholesterol. And of course, those symptoms increase the risk of heart disease. Lonely people also tend to get sick more often because of reduced immune function.
It's important to remember, however, that loneliness is a state of mind. You can experience the stress of loneliness regardless of whether you are physically alone or surrounded by people. It's not the number of people in your life that reduce loneliness; it's the quality of the connection. Having close friends that you see in person can greatly reduce feelings of loneliness. Social media use, however, often amplifies feelings of loneliness, even if you are "connected" with many people.
The Long Loneliness
There is a book by Dorothy Day called The Long Loneliness. In it, she suggests that the only solution to this loneliness is the love that comes from the community. It's an important point to note, especially when our culture can tell us that things like romantic relationships cure loneliness. So many people think they are alone because they do not have a romantic partner, and the truth is that you can feel valuable, validated, and happy without a romantic partner.
Community, as Dorothy Day points out, is a sense of belonging. It doesn't necessarily mean the people in your neighborhood, though it can. It means finding your tribe and being able to feel like there are people who "get" you.
Let's talk a little more about this myth that a romantic partner only cures loneliness. It is true that many people find a sense of belonging when they match up with a partner. Couples often form their little world of shared experiences and inside jokes. But the truth is you can do that with all kinds of people. You can form bonds with friends, family, and co-workers. All of these are places to find community, to find your tribe. You may even belong to multiple tribes.
A romantic relationship often seems like an easy way to feel like we belong. But you have so many different ways to provide value to others and the world. Another thing to watch out for is romantic relationships that lead to isolation. It's easy to lose yourself when you join a couplehood. But being in a relationship should not cause you to lose connections with other friends or family.
Being human is innately isolating. We are somewhat trapped in our minds and can never truly know what another is thinking. That is the long loneliness, and we may not be able to get rid of it, but we can learn to cope better with it by building communities where we belong. You can also recognize that loneliness is a feeling you construct for yourself, and that's good because it means you can also construct a way out of it for yourself.
A Synonym For Loneliness
There's also something to be said for building community within oneself. That is learning to accept oneself for who we are, saying we are happy with ourselves. After all, if we expect others to validate and accept our being, shouldn't we be able to do so as well?
That's where synonyms for loneliness come in. The most important synonym is being alone. Being alone sounds an awful lot like loneliness, but in fact, they are completely different states. Loneliness is a mental state, and being alone is a physical state. They do not have to coincide with one another.
Learning how to be alone and happy is one of the biggest steps you can take towards combating the feeling of loneliness. One way to embrace being alone is to think of all its benefits. And yes, there are benefits to being alone sometimes. For instance, you have more opportunity to explore your imagination when you're alone. The only distractions are those you create for yourself, not the distractions other people put in front of you. How can you use this to your advantage? Use your alone time to pursue your creative hobbies like painting, dancing, or writing.
Another benefit is that you have fewer responsibilities when you are alone. Being with other people means, in part, paying attention to them and helping them when they need it. And those things are super important to forming social ties, but they can also be draining at times. Being alone can be a break from social responsibilities.
You also learn to be self-reliant. When no one else is around to help you fix something, you have to find a way to get it done yourself. This can be a great confidence booster as you discover you can do many things you didn't think you could. Confidence not only makes you happier; it also makes you more appealing to hang out with when you're ready to get out and meet people.
Being alone gives you the opportunity to learn what you like. When you're surrounded by others all the time, it can be easy to go along with their decisions. But making decisions is the only way to discover where your own heart lies. You may have to make compromises sometimes, but at least you will know what your preferences are and will be able to share them honestly with others. Do you want just to order the same drink everyone else ordered out of habit, or do you want to find out what tase you prefer?
You'll find that as you get to know yourself better, your need for external validation will decrease. That means you won't need to look to others to feel good about yourself. You will have the internal strength to validate your existence and feel happy about yourself and your life.
Another useful synonym for loneliness is solitude. You should embrace solitude. Whereas loneliness implies a negative feeling, solitude is a place of strength. It's the place where you find yourself. Go seek it out.