Can I Fall In Love Again?
By: Darby Faubion
Updated October 01, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Lynne Healey, LMHC, QS, CAP, MPS
You Can Fall In Love Again
If you've experienced a bad break-up, even though you may feel lonely, you are not alone. Also, as difficult as it may feel right now, it is possible to fall in love again. Taking the time to heal from this experience and learning to express your thoughts and feelings will help as you recover from this loss. While everyone reacts to a break-up differently, there are some "Do's and Don'ts" to help you move forward and fall in love again.
Grief After a Break-Up: Will I Ever Be In Love Again?
The stages of grief may occur in order for some people. Others may go back and forth between stages until they feel they have recovered from the event. During this time of transition, you may feel frustrated, but it's okay not to be "okay." The stages of grief are as follows:
This is a period where you may feel in shock and tell yourself, "This can't be happening." You may feel like you can never fall in love again.
It's not uncommon to feel angry or upset after the end of a relationship. During this time, many people lash out at their ex.
Often, especially if a relationship lasted for a long time, individuals may feel the need to "make a deal" with their ex. For example, "If you give me another chance, I will do whatever I need to in order to make things work." This will not let you fall in love again.
There comes the point in the grief process where the realization that things are not going to change sets in. This is the time when you learn to accept what has happened (even if it's still painful) and move on. This is also the point when you are in the right headspace to fall in love again.
While not all people experience extreme depression, there is usually some form of sadness that comes with knowing the situation is not going to change. During this time, if the feelings of grief become overwhelming, it may be helpful to talk to someone professionally.
Things to Avoid After a Break-Up
Do NOT seek a new relationship too soon:
As much as the thought of being alone may make you cringe, looking for a new relationship before you have recovered from your break-up can be a negative thing. Allow yourself time to grieve the loss of your relationship. Give your mind and emotions a chance to heal. Find yourself again. When you have recovered from the break-up completely, you can slowly begin to think about a new relationship. This is important because starting a new relationship before you are over a break-up means you are probably bringing the emotional baggage from being hurt with you. It's not fair to you or your new "someone." You can fall in love again, but you need to give yourself time to heal too.
Don't avoid friends/family who love you:
Avoid keeping reminders of your relationship:
You may not need to get rid of everything that is a reminder of your ex. However, things that may cause a painful reaction should be put away. For example, photos, texts, social media, and any gifts or trinkets may cause you to feel overwhelmed. Even if you don't feel like you are ready to get rid of these items entirely, put them in a place that is out of sight until you are prepared to deal with the reminders. This will help you be able to fall in love again.
Try not to blame yourself or relive your mistakes:
Do not stay in touch with your ex:
As tempting as it may be if your relationship has ended, it's best to cease contact with your ex. If you have children with your ex, some communication may be necessary. However, keep it minimal and don't extend your time of communication. This may feel especially challenging if you have unresolved feelings. Still, for your overall mental well-being, and to let you fall in love again, limiting contact will be helpful.
Don't neglect your own health:
Learning to Fall In Love Again After Break-Up
There are several resources to help overcome the trauma of a break-up. Whether you choose to engage in talking with friends or loved ones, use relationship apps, or initiate counseling to help deal with your feelings, keep in mind that there is hope to fall in love again!
Here are some ideas of ways to begin overcoming the trauma of a break-up.
- Talk with friends: Everyone needs someone to talk to. The period after a break-up can feel very lonely. Even when you don't feel like it, make an effort to talk to friends. You can set guidelines for yourself (and your friends) about what's on the "Don't mention it" list. For example, make it clear to your friends that talking about your ex or anything to do with the relationship is off-limits. This will allow you to talk about things that are positive and will help redirect any negative thoughts or feelings.
- Make plans: Keeping busy is one of the best ways to direct your thoughts toward something productive. Set short-term and long-term goals of things that you want to accomplish for you. These goals can include anything from planning a night out with friends, a weekend get-away, finishing a book, or even starting school.
- Take time for yourself: Spending time with friends/loved ones is important. However, it's equally vital that you take time for yourself. A breakup can be emotionally taxing. While talking with others and staying busy is good, you also need time to think and process your feelings. That doesn't mean you need to dwell on the thoughts that make you sad, but dealing with your feelings will help you to heal. This is crucial for your emotional well-being because unresolved feelings can carry over into other parts of your life, sometimes before you realize it.
Ways to Help Deal with Your Feelings
Consider Using Emotional Wellness Apps
We live in a world full of technology. One growing trend is the use of apps. There are apps that help track weight loss, food consumption, and exercise. Emotional Wellness apps are becoming popular. These apps are designed to give individuals an idea of how to process thoughts, redirect negative thoughts, and become aware of thought patterns. Some of the most popular emotional health apps, according to Medical News Today, are the following:
- Headspace: This app is designed to provide users with tools that are necessary to achieve a healthier, happier life. The app reports that meditation reduces daily stress and improves focus and attention. (Free for Android and iPhone users.)
- Moodpath: The goal of this app is to support individuals through difficult times. The app asks daily questions to assess your well-being and to screen for symptoms of depression. The objective of the screening questions is to help improve individual awareness about thoughts, emotions, and feelings. It offers videos and psychological exercises to help individuals understand their mood and strengthen mental health. (Free for Android and iPhone users.)
- SuperBetter: SuperBetter is an emotional wellness game that is focused on increasing one's ability to remain optimistic and motivated when presented with life challenges. The objectives outlined by this app include learning to adopt new habits, strengthen relationships, and achieve dreams. (Free for Android and iPhone users.)
- 7 Cups: This free app provides online therapy and emotional support for anxiety and depression. If you are experiencing sadness or stress, 7 Cups may offer the support you need.
Talk with a Therapist
No matter how strong you are, there may be times when you need to talk to someone who is objective, someone who can help you grasp the reality of the things that have happened and help you recover. There are several options for counseling. You may choose to seek the services of a local counselor and visit with them in a formal setting, such as their office. Many towns have wellness centers that offer free or reduced-price counseling services.
If you feel like you would benefit from counseling but are not sure about meeting with someone in person, there are other options. For example, online counseling is a growing trend and has been found to be effective. A study has shown that online therapy can feel more personal than traditional therapy. Ninety-six percent of people using online therapy reported feeling a personal connection with their online therapists as opposed to 91 percent who saw face-to-face therapists. They were also more invested in completing homework the therapists assigned them and occasionally reviewed correspondence between them and their therapists, leading them to move forward with their lives.
With online counseling, such as that offered by BetterHelp, you can connect with therapists who specialize in a variety of mental health and wellness issues, including coping with the trauma of a bad break-up and learning how you can be in the right headspace to fall in love again. Our goal at BetterHelp is to provide professional counseling that is convenient and affordable. Below you'll find reviews of BetterHelp therapists from people experiencing similar issues.
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