Can I Love Again After A Bad Breakup? How To Move On
Breaking up with someone you had strong feelings for can be difficult. It may leave you feeling hurt, lonely, and unsure of how to move on. It can be normal to have a hard time addressing lingering feelings or wonder about the next steps in life. You may experience grief after a relationship ends, potentially moving through the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It can be helpful to avoid jumping into a new relationship and utilize your support system during this time. You might also limit reminders of the relationship, set boundaries with your ex, and practice self-care. If you feel like you’d benefit from additional support, consider working with a therapist through an online therapy platform.
Processing grief after a breakup
Grief can be a normal response to a major loss in your life, and that includes the loss of a relationship. There are generally five stages of grief. Knowing what to expect in each one can help you work through them in a healthy way.
The stages of grief may occur in order for some people, while others may go back and forth between stages until they feel they have recovered from the loss and are able to move on with their lives. The stages of grief are normally laid out as follows:
Denial
This is usually a period where you may feel in shock or as though the situation isn’t real. You may tell yourself or others that you’ll get back together or that you didn’t actually break up with your partner. You may be confused about the situation, or you might simply avoid discussing it.
Anger
It's often normal to feel upset after the end of a relationship. During this time, many people feel angry—with themselves, their ex, or others who they believe may have been responsible for the split. While anger can be a normal emotion, it can also be harmful if it isn’t expressed in a healthy way.
Bargaining
Often, especially if a relationship lasted for a long time, one partner will attempt to make a deal with their ex. For example, they may say, "If you give me another chance, I will do whatever I need to in order to make things work". This partner might offer gifts or behavioral changes to try to win their ex back.
Depression
Sadness, fatigue, loneliness, and similar feelings associated with depression often arise when one is grieving. You might have trouble getting out of bed at times, or you could start to withdraw from your friends and family. While you may not experience a full depressive disorder, this can be a difficult stage to get through.
Acceptance
Eventually, you may realize that the relationship is over, and you and your partner are unlikely to get back together. You may start to accept that you and your ex are different people with different goals, or that your communication styles conflicted too much. Acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ve moved on, but it often means that you understand that the relationship is over and have made peace with that fact.
How to move forward after a breakup
After a breakup, you may feel guilty or question how things could have been different. It can be normal to have trouble processing your emotions regarding the end of a relationship. During this time, it can help to tend to your own needs, limit interaction with your ex, and do other things that will make the process of moving on easier. You might keep the following tips in mind as you navigate life after a breakup.
Avoid jumping into another relationship
Looking for a new relationship before you have recovered from your breakup can make it hard for you to form a solid connection, and it may negatively impact your mental health. It can be best to allow yourself time to grieve the loss of your relationship before you try dating or finding love again. Much of the time, we may feel stuck and ask ourselves, "Will I ever find love again?" However, it’s generally best to focus on yourself at this point.
Utilize your support system
After a breakup, you might feel like withdrawing from others. While personal time to process your thoughts can be okay, avoiding people entirely can have adverse effects. You may not want to socialize with large circles of people, but spending time with friends or family who are close to you may reduce your feelings of loneliness. This can also help you see how rewarding your post-breakup life can be.
Limit reminders of the relationship
While you may not need to get rid of everything that reminds you of your ex, putting away things that may lead to uncomfortable emotions can help you heal. If you don’t feel like you are ready to get rid of items like photos or gifts, you can put them in a place that is out of sight until you feel like you’ve moved on. If you have a specific song saved or have a way to see messages from your ex on your phone, these are things that you may want to remove. You might also want to temporarily unfollow your ex on social media so that you aren’t reminded of them as frequently.
Set boundaries with your ex
As tempting as it may be, contacting your ex, at least during the initial stage of your breakup, can make it harder to move on. Consider setting boundaries as far as how often you see one another, how you’ll act when you do see each other, and what kind of communication is appropriate, if any.
If you have children with your ex, some interaction will likely be necessary. However, try to keep it minimal and avoid expanding your boundaries. This may feel especially challenging if you have unresolved feelings, but it can help you take the steps toward getting over the breakup.
Practice self-care
After a breakup, giving yourself the attention and support you need can help you move on. Getting plenty of rest and eating a balanced diet can provide you with energy and improve your mental health.
Consider exercising regularly as well. Physical activity typically releases endorphins that can boost your mood. Self-care can include journaling, meditating, creating a morning or night routine, and doing other activities that nurture your body and mind.
Talk with a therapist
No matter where you are emotionally after a breakup, there may be times when you need to talk to someone who is objective and can help you move forward in life. There may be several options for therapy. You may choose to seek the services of a local therapist whom you’ll visit in person, or you can participate in therapy remotely through an online therapy platform.
Research shows that online therapy can help individuals manage common emotions that often arise because of a breakup. For example, in one study, researchers found that online cognitive behavioral therapy could reduce feelings of loneliness in participants. The study also noted that there were usually improvements in overall quality of life and in symptoms of social anxiety.
If you’re working through a breakup, online therapy can help you process your emotions and navigate your newly single life. With online therapy, you can work with a therapist remotely, through video calls, voice calls, or in-app messaging. Online therapy is often an affordable option as well. Read below for reviews of licensed therapists who have helped others with similar concerns.
Therapist reviews
"Rachael has helped me navigate the grief of a really tough breakup, listening to my concerns, and trying to answer my questions. Quite literally saved my life."
"Sabrina is helping me so much through my breakup, and I am so excited for her to help me along my journey of self-love and discovery. Thank you for helping me detangle my inner problems and guiding me to the end of each and every string!"
Takeaway
Will I ever be able to fall in love again?
You’ll likely be able to fall in love again, no matter whether you just left a relationship or just started looking. A survey of over 50,000 people actively seeking relationships found that around 25% stayed single for less than a year, and 75% entered a new relationship within three years and six months. Moreover, the survey only considered committed relationships, discounting casual dating and the “seeing each other” stage of dating. “Will I fall in love again” is a common thought among people who have recently left a relationship or are struggling to find a dating partner. It’s important to give yourself time to grow, improve, and heal.
How can a person fall in love again?
One of the best ways to find love again is to get involved in the community. Consider enrolling in classes to support new hobbies, like a painting class, group music lessons, or a book club. You can explore new interests while engaging in positive social interaction, which is known to boost self-esteem. If you’re still getting over a past relationship, new friends and interests can help you be your own person in the wake of a breakup.
You may also want to consider what your standards of a healthy relationship are. You might not be the same person after your last romantic relationship, and it’s worthwhile to focus on self-improvement and growth while you get ready to fall in love. Love often comes when it is least expected; focusing on your own well-being and personal development will likely give you what you need to find true love.
How do you believe you will find love again?
Believing you will find love is typically easier when you are sure you’re worthy of it. Everyone deserves love, but not everybody can recognize their own strength and self-worth. If you’re struggling to believe that you will find love again, you may want to work on building your self-esteem. A strong self-image generally leads to more confidence, as can spending time with close friends and those who support your emotional needs. You’ll better understand what you offer a potential partner, and it will likely be easier to gain insight into your past relationships. Often, focusing on self-improvement and personal growth is a necessary step toward finding the right person.
Why can't I fall in love again?
You might not be ready to fall in love again. Maybe you still have feelings for an ex or may have left a toxic relationship and aren’t ready to try again. If your last relationship convinced you to take a break from dating, it’s possible you are still processing your feelings about your last partner. Give yourself time to work through the process, and remember you will most likely end up falling in love with someone with similar core values and develop a relationship based on mutual respect. However, if you rush to find love, you might miss out on important growth that will help you know what your perfect person is like.
How long does it take to fall in love?
The personal experience of love differs for everybody. Some people fall in love quickly, others take much longer. Evidence suggests that there isn’t an exact timeline that a person should follow. Individual differences between relationships and partners in those relationships can make a substantial difference in how long it takes both partners to recognize they have fallen for each other. For example, two people who can only see each other once or twice weekly will likely take much longer to fall in love than a couple who can see each other every evening. Time commitments may also be a reason why some relationships proceed quickly, and other relationships move slowly.
Can you help who you fall in love with?
Catching feelings for someone is often unpredictable; it may not be possible to create a “spark” where one does not exist. However, evidence suggests that once two potential partners develop feelings or enter a relationship, they are subject to a pro-relationship bias. When people talk about “choosing love” in a relationship, they often refer to engaging with that bias and focusing on the positive aspects of their relationship and partner to foster feelings of love and affection.
What causes people to fall in love?
At its core, love is a complex psychological and neurological process. Several hormones, like testosterone, estrogen, dopamine, and oxytocin, are involved in the process of love. The sex hormones testosterone and estrogen are associated with feelings of lust and physical attraction, which often drive the early stages of love. Dopamine, and to a lesser extent, norepinephrine and serotonin, drive attraction and create a feeling of wanting to be near a love interest and spend time with them. Hormones like oxytocin - commonly called the “love hormone” - and vasopressin are associated with long-term attachment and commitment.
Because love involves the primal brain, it is not entirely within a person’s control. People may develop feelings or attraction for those who aren’t necessarily good candidates for a long-term relationship. It’s important to think consciously about the love that develops early in new relationships; it is possible to ignore red flags or other concerns because the neurochemical features of love are so strong.
- Previous Article
- Next Article