Can I Fall In Love Again?
Being in a relationship can be a very exciting time in the life of a man or a woman, at any age. It can have you feeling love, pride, and like you don’t have a care in the world or your life. However, when a break-up happens, it can leave you feeling hurt and confused. It's common to wonder if it's possible to find a new and satisfying relationship, especially if the break-up ended terribly. It may be difficult to think about finding love again.
You Can Fall In Love Again
If you've experienced a bad break-up the last time you were dating, even though you may feel lonely, you are not alone. It doesn’t matter why you broke up, perhaps you weren’t on the same page, or you were at different stages in life, it can be challenging to learn to love again.
Also, as difficult as it may feel right now, it is possible to fall in love again. Taking the time to heal from this experience in life and learning to express your thoughts and feelings before dating again will help as you recover from this loss. While everyone reacts to a break-up differently, there are some "Do's and Don'ts" to help you move forward and fall in love again. Think of these when you are ready to meet a new man or woman to date.
Grief After a Break-Up: Will I Ever Be In Love Again?
Grief is a normal response to loss and can affect you, regardless of your age. Both men and women are likely to associate grief with the death of a friend or loved one. However, any change in circumstances or relationships can trigger a grief response. It's normal to feel sadness and question things, especially after a bad break-up and before you fall in love again. This may be the time that you realized all the things that went wrong with your man, how you were never on the same page, or you decided that you didn’t love the woman you were dating.
There are different stages of grief, and knowing what to expect and why you feel a certain way at a specific time is all part of the healing process before you are able to fall in love again and start a new romance.
The stages of grief may occur in order for some people and can seriously prevent them from feeling like they will ever fall in love again, which is likely not the case. Others may go back and forth between stages until they feel they have recovered from the event, are able to move on with their life and start dating or looking for love again. During this time of transition, you may feel frustrated, or experience other feelings in your head that you can’t stand, but it's okay not to be "okay." The stages of grief are as follows:
- Denial
This is a period where you may feel in shock and tell yourself, "This can't be happening." You may feel like you can never fall in love again. Women may feel like they will get back together with their man, and that there may be some mistake. They might also feel like every love song is still about them.
- Anger
It's not uncommon to feel angry or upset after the end of a relationship. During this time, many people lash out at their ex. Women may look at their ex’s social media page and add heated comments when they are experiencing this feeling after dating. They may express that their ex doesn’t deserve love again, even if they don’t mean it.
- Bargaining
Often, especially if a relationship lasted for a long time, individuals may feel the need to "make a deal" with their ex. For example, "If you give me another chance, I will do whatever I need to in order to make things work." A man may ask for a second chance from the woman he was previously with or offer her something to take him back. This will not let you fall in love again or help you move on with your life.
- Acceptance
There comes the point in the grief process where the realization that things are not going to change sets in and that you won’t fall in love again with this person. This is the time when you learn to accept what has happened (even if it's still painful) and move on with life. This is also the point when you are in the right headspace to fall in love again. You may be able to start searching for a new man or woman to date at this time.
- Depression
While not all people experience extreme depression, there is usually some form of sadness that comes with knowing the situation is not going to change. Women are more likely to experience depression in their life and should seek help if they feel like they need it before they can consider pursing love again. Anytime the feelings of grief become overwhelming, it may be helpful to talk to someone professionally. They may be a great resource when it comes to advice on finding a woman or man to love, whenever you are ready to do so.
Author David Kessler wrote a book on the sixth stage of grief, which is said to involve finding purpose. While this is based on losing a loved one, this can also be a technique you can utilize when you are thinking about dating and trying to find love again. Finding purpose after a loss may come in many forms, including finding a new interest to pursue, a hobby that meets your taste, or you could choose to create something.
Things to Avoid After a Break-Up
After a break-up, it can be easy to feel guilty or to question how things could have been different. It may keep you from wanting to find love again. The truth is that dating doesn’t always turn out like you think it will and it doesn’t always result in love. Girls may have been taught at an early age that a man would come along and sweep them off their feet. This could have affected their dating life and their thoughts on love. This is something that is possible but might not always happen. Try not to focus on these things when you are ready to find love again.
Thinking like this could prevent you from being able to fall in love again. During this time, there are a few things to avoid.
Do NOT seek a new relationship too soon:
As much as the thought of being alone may make you cringe, whether you are a man or woman, looking for a new relationship, dating, or searching for love again before you have recovered from your break-up or your last love can be a negative thing.
Allow yourself time to grieve the loss of your relationship before you try dating or finding love again. Give your mind and emotions a chance to heal. Love is a powerful thing and can take some time to get over. Besides that, you may have cared about the woman that you were dating and miss her being in your life.
Sing every song on the radio, write page after page of inspirational notes to yourself, or hang out with the girls you love the most. Find yourself again. Allow yourself to blossom. When you have recovered from the break-up completely, you can slowly begin to think about a new relationship. You may know you are ready when you start to dream about romance or are beginning to feel more like yourself. Maybe you noticed that you sang a pop song on the radio or were interested in asking a special man or a woman on a date.
This is important because starting a new relationship before you are over a break-up means you are probably bringing the emotional baggage from being hurt with you. It's not fair to you or your new "someone." You can fall in love again, but you need to give yourself time to heal too before you start dating again.
Don't avoid friends/family who love you:
After a break-up, withdrawing from others may feel like the only way to keep from being hurt again in life. For example, women may choose to keep to themselves while they get over a previous love. While personal time to process your thoughts is okay, avoiding people entirely can have adverse effects. You may not want to socialize with large circles of people, but spending time with friends or family who are close to you may help your feelings of loneliness. Consider hanging out with your girls when you want to dance to music, where you listen to every song you love, watch movies, or need a little pick me up. This may also help you meet someone and you may fall in love again!
Avoid keeping reminders of your relationship:
You may not need to get rid of everything that is a reminder of your ex. However, things that may cause a painful reaction should be put away. If you have a specific song saved or see page after page of messages from them, these are things that you may want to delete. On the other hand, photos, texts, social media, and any gifts or trinkets may cause you to think about your former partner and feel overwhelmed. Even if you don't feel like you are ready to get rid of these items entirely, put them in a place that is out of sight until you are prepared to deal with the reminders. You may even ask one of your girls to hold them for you for a while. Furthermore, you may ask other women you know how they handled these things when they experienced a breakup in their life. This will help you be able to fall in love again.
Try not to blame yourself or relive your mistakes:
No matter the reason for the break-up, many people find it easy to blame themselves. Even if you were at fault in the break-up, you cannot go back and change circumstances that have already occurred with a former lover or partner. If you find that guilt is overwhelming, there are options for help to get in the right headspace for yourself and to fall in love again with the right girl or guy. (We will discuss these later in this article.)
Do not stay in touch with your ex:
As tempting as it may be if your relationship has ended, it's best to cease contact with your ex, as least during the initial stage of your breakup. It may become easier to talk to your ex man or woman after some time has passed. Once you hear your song on the radio and you don’t get emotional, this may be the time when you can allow your ex back into your life, as a friend or an acquaintance. Keep in mind that this isn’t possible for everyone, especially when you are trying to find love again. It may be problematic to have your ex in the picture when you are trying to restart your love life.
If you have children with your ex, some communication may be necessary. However, keep it minimal and don't extend your time of communication. This may feel especially challenging if you have unresolved feelings. Still, for your overall mental well-being, for future dating, and to let you fall in love again, limiting contact will be helpful.
Don't neglect your own health:
After a bad break-up, it's not unusual to feel sadness or depression. When those feelings occur, you may feel like your personal health is not a priority. However, during these times, caring for yourself should be one of the main things you do. Be sure to get plenty of rest and eat a well-balanced diet. Too many carbs and sweet foods (comfort foods) could lead to feeling sluggish, cause pain in your body, and increase feelings of depression. Exercise at least a few times a week; it doesn’t have to be much, since you can simply dance to every song that you like. Exercise releases endorphins, which give a sense of euphoria. This can counteract some of the feelings of sadness that are common after a break-up. Try to keep your head up and take it day to day. You will be able to love again.
Learning to Fall In Love Again After Break-Up
There are several resources to help overcome the trauma of a break-up, no matter if the cause was someone not being faithful or another reason. Whether you choose to engage in talking with friends or loved ones, use relationship apps, or initiate counseling to help deal with your feelings, keep in mind that there is hope to dating and falling in love again!
Here are some ideas of ways to begin overcoming the trauma of a break-up and learn to love again.
- Talk with friends: Everyone needs someone to talk to, no matter if you are a woman or a man. The period after a break-up can feel very lonely and could leave you feeling lost. Even when you don't feel like it, make an effort to talk to friends. You can set guidelines for yourself (and your friends) about what's on the "Don't mention it" list. For example, make it clear to your friends that talking about your ex or anything to do with the relationship is off-limits. This will allow you to talk about things that are positive and will help redirect any negative thoughts or feelings. Instead, you can have fun, smile, and do things you and your girls enjoy together, like singing and dancing to every song you like, or playing board games. Your friends will likely be willing to give you hugs when you need them as well and help you remember that you will find love again.
- Make plans: Keeping busy is one of the best ways to direct your thoughts toward something productive. Set short-term and long-term goals of things that you want to accomplish for you. These goals can include anything from planning a night out with friends, a weekend get-away, finishing a book, writing a song, learning a skill, or even starting school. This can help you make a commitment to yourself. Committing to yourself may help you along the path of finding love again.
- Take time for yourself: Spending time with friends/loved ones is important. However, it's equally vital that you take time for yourself. A breakup can be emotionally taxing. While talking with others and staying busy is good, you also need time to think and process your feelings before you can even think about love again. That doesn't mean you need to dwell on the thoughts that make you sad, but dealing with your feelings will help you to heal. Consider watching movies, listening to a favorite song, or reading a special book to help you work through some of the feelings you are experiencing. This is crucial for your emotional well-being because unresolved feelings can carry over into other parts of your life, sometimes before you realize it or recognize what is happening. When you are able to take all the time you need to improve your wellbeing, this could help you find love again when the time is right.
Ways to Help Deal with Your Feelings
As previously stated, it's important to acknowledge your feelings about the break-up and to take time to process what has happened. Addressing your thoughts and the feelings involved will be helpful as you begin to move forward with your life, before searching for love again. A few ideas of ways to handle your feelings include the following:
Journaling
You don't have to be an avid writer to keep a journal. This is a simple way to get all your thoughts and feelings out, without feeling pressured or be able to create something that helps you feel better. Some people choose to write in a journal daily, others write occasionally. Even jotting down a note or two every now and then can help with personal growth. The good thing about journaling is that you can say whatever you want to, and you don't have to worry about another person's thoughts and feelings. You can write about how angry or sad you are or how unsure you may feel. You can write about good things too. Anything that is on your mind, you can put on paper. This is your story. You could even write about finding love again.
Consider Using Emotional Wellness Apps
We live in a world full of technology. One growing trend is the use of apps. Some people will use an app before they visit a website. There are apps that help track weight loss, food consumption, and exercise. Emotional Wellness apps are becoming popular. These apps are designed to give individuals an idea of how to process thoughts, redirect negative thoughts, and become aware of thought patterns.
You can use a number of apps or a website for support after a breakup, when you are considering dating, or when you are searching for love again. Some of the most popular emotional health apps, according to Medical News Today, are the following:
- Headspace: This app is designed to provide users with tools that are necessary to achieve a healthier, happier life. The app reports that meditation reduces daily stress and improves focus and attention. It can be helpful for a man or a woman to utilize. (Free for Android and iPhone users.)
- Moodpath: The goal of this app is to support individuals through difficult times. The app asks daily questions to assess your well-being and to screen for symptoms of depression. The objective of the screening questions is to help improve individual awareness about thoughts, emotions, and feelings. It offers videos and psychological exercises to help individuals understand their mood and strengthen mental health. (Free for Android and iPhone users.)
- SuperBetter: SuperBetter is an emotional wellness game that is focused on increasing one's ability to remain optimistic and motivated when presented with life challenges. The objectives outlined by this app include learning to adopt new habits, strengthen relationships, and achieve dreams. (Free for Android and iPhone users.)
- 7 Cups: This free app provides online therapy and emotional support for anxiety and depression. If you are experiencing sadness or stress, 7 Cups may offer the support you need.
Talk with a Therapist
No matter how strong you are, there may be times when you need to talk to someone who is objective, someone who can help you grasp the reality of the things that have happened, and help you recover after breaking up with a guy or girl. There are several options for counseling. You may choose to seek the services of a local counselor and visit with them in a formal setting, such as their office. Many towns have wellness centers that offer free or reduced-price counseling services.
If you feel like you would benefit from counseling but are not sure about meeting with someone in person, there are other options. For example, online counseling, which is available through a website or app is a growing trend and has been found to be effective. A study has shown that online therapy can feel more personal than traditional therapy. Ninety-six percent of people using online therapy reported feeling a personal connection with their online therapists as opposed to 91 percent who saw face-to-face therapists. They were also more invested in completing homework the therapists assigned them and occasionally reviewed correspondence between them and their therapists, leading them to move forward with their lives.
With online counseling, such as that offered by the website BetterHelp, you can connect with therapists who specialize in a variety of mental health and wellness issues, including coping with the trauma of a bad break-up and learning how you can be in the right headspace to fall in love again. Our goal at BetterHelp is to provide professional counseling that is convenient and affordable. Below you'll find reviews of BetterHelp therapists from people experiencing similar issues.
Therapist Reviews
"Rachael has helped me navigate the grief of a really tough breakup, listening to my concerns, and trying to answer my questions. Quite literally saved my life."
Conclusion
A bad break-up can be a challenging experience and leave you feeling like you may never find love again. It is important to note that the emotions that come into your life from being hurt or feeling alone can have a negative effect on an individual, man, or woman, if they are not addressed in a healthy manner. Before you head to a dating website after a breakup, you may want to reach out to a therapist for more support. A professional can help you on your way to finding love again or with any other goal you want to accomplish in life. You can find love again if this is a goal you would like to meet, so don’t underestimate yourself.