How To Love Who You Are
Self-love and self-esteem are often related and can connect to your mental well-being. However, many individuals find themselves with lower levels of self-love than they'd prefer. Research suggests that self-esteem can change over time, and there are several strategies that people who want to increase their self-esteem can try.
What’s the difference between self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-love?
Self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-love are often confused with one another. According to the ADDA, each term has its own unique definition:
- Self-confidence may relate to how a person feels about their skills and abilities and how much they embrace the "love who you love" mantra. If this measure is positive, the person might feel more in control of their life and equipped to face challenges that could arise.
- Self-esteem often relates to how a person perceives their value and worth. High self-esteem can manifest as relative ease in social situations and safety in oneself.
- Self-love is often a broader, more general measure that relates to how you treat yourself. It may feel like the love you'd have for someone important but directed inward. Self-love can be about accepting who you are and acting with kindness, gentleness, and patience toward yourself.
These three qualities may show up in people in different measures. For example, someone can feel self-confident in their abilities and have no fear of putting themselves out there for a promotion but feel unworthy of love and have difficulties trying to date.
Self-love may be considered the key to unlocking the trifecta. By working to increase their level of self-love, the person in the example could learn to accept and appreciate themselves, which could help them increase their conception of what they deserve out of life and relationships.
What causes a lack of self-love?
When it comes to struggling to feel self-love, every individual may be different. However, a few relatively common causes of low self-love have been identified.
Unhealthy interpersonal relationships, especially in childhood, may cause difficulty with self-love. For example, a person who grew up in a context where perfection was expected from parents, teachers, or their culture may have lower self-esteem and self-love as an adult.
Some other situations where someone may experience low self-love could include:
- A past of abusive or unhealthy relationships
- Financial concerns
- Difficulties at school or work
- Depression or anxiety
- A mental health diagnosis
- Physical disabilities
If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.
A lack of self-love could also be caused by hearing untrue or unkind messages from others, such as through bullying or strict standards opposed by caregivers.
What does self-love look like?
Think about how you show love to friends, family, or romantic partners, and then imagine acting the same way toward yourself.
Self-love can take many forms, but there are a few options you might decide to try:
- Setting and defending boundaries that make you feel safe and comfortable
- Offering yourself forgiveness when you make a mistake
- Getting enough sleep
- Starting an exercise routine
- Practicing mindfulness or meditation
- Eating a healthy diet
- Spending time in nature
- Accepting yourself as you are, including your imperfections
- Recognizing and appreciating your good qualities and achievements
- Holding yourself to realistic rather than perfectionistic standards
Studies show that mindfulness and meditation, in particular, can be highly effective in increasing self-compassion and self-love.
Having self-love doesn't necessarily mean you feel happy with yourself 100% of the time or never feel frustrated or disappointed with your actions or behavior. There are times when you may feel let down or unhappy with how someone you love behaves, and the same may happen with yourself.
For example, if you react with anger and reject anyone in your life who ever makes a mistake, it could be challenging to maintain any relationship with them over the long term. The same may apply to you. Self-love can mean working on self-growth while still validating your feelings and eventually forgiving yourself for any mistakes.
Why self-love can be beneficial
Plentiful academic research has been done on the topics of self-esteem and self-love. Studies suggest that the two concepts relate to happiness—even in times of stress—and that low levels of these qualities can sometimes be associated with conditions like depression.
One review of studies on this topic concludes that higher self-esteem "helps individuals adapt to and succeed in various life domains, including having more satisfying relationships, performing better at school and work, enjoying improved mental and physical health, and refraining from anti-social behavior."
For people with lower levels of self-esteem and self-love, working to increase these measures can have a range of positive effects on their lives.
How to practice self-love
If you're learning to love yourself more, what can you do? There are several strategies you can try to potentially enjoy better life outcomes. It may be worth noting that, like many skills and abilities, it can often take commitment to regular practice to start seeing results.
1. Practice mindfulness
One potential benefit of mindfulness, which can be practiced through activities like meditation, is that you may learn to become more aware of your thoughts as they occur. This ability could be helpful in increasing self-love because you may not notice the unloving way you're speaking to yourself internally.
Self-talk can be powerful. If you're constantly speaking harshly to yourself in your internal monologue, you may start to believe the negative messages you're sending. Becoming aware may be the first step toward change.
One study found a positive correlation between mindfulness, self-esteem, and unconditional self-acceptance, and others reported similar findings. Practicing mindfulness can be an effective way to start increasing love for yourself.
2. Focus on positivity
Individuals with lower levels of self-love may experience a cognitive distortion called filtering. Filtering is a tendency to put disproportionate emphasis on the harmful elements of a situation and ignore the positive elements altogether.
For example, a person may have given a presentation at work that was well-received by their boss and colleagues. Suppose they're prone to the cognitive distortion of filtering. In that case, they might lay in bed that night thinking only of the technical difficulties they had at the presentation's start rather than the praise they received for it afterward.
Trying to have a more balanced, fair perspective—especially regarding yourself and your actions—might help you be less harsh on yourself and increase your self-love. Practicing mindfulness in conjunction with this may help you notice when you're being affected by a distortion so you can learn to correct it.
3. Try exercise
You might be surprised to hear it, but research has uncovered a strong link between physical and mental health. A 2016 study found a correlation between physical exercise and self-esteem.
Regular physical activity, such as walking, running, weightlifting, or sports, may decrease the odds of experiencing mental health symptoms or conditions.
The relationship between the brain and body is often close and complex. If you want to improve your self-esteem and self-love levels, incorporating regular physical exercise into your routine may benefit you.
4. Speak with a therapist
Understanding why you may feel lower levels of self-love may be critical in increasing those levels. A therapist may assist you in uncovering the possible roots of these feelings and can equip you with tools to change how you relate to yourself. Research suggests that working with a mental health professional in this capacity may help improve self-esteem.
Some individuals may feel most comfortable meeting a therapist online, which allows for a more affordable option than many traditional therapy practices. If you're experiencing difficulty with self-image, you may also feel more comfortable talking to a professional from home.
According to recent research, virtual therapy offers similar benefits to in-person sessions, which makes it a convenient option for those seeking treatment. If you feel you might benefit from the guidance of a therapist, you can connect with a specialist through an online therapy service like BetterHelp.
Takeaway
How do you truly love who you are?
Truly loving yourself is a journey that involves building self-esteem, finding a sense of balance in who you are, nurturing confidence, and practicing self-compassion. Each of these elements plays a key role in developing a healthy self-relationship.
At the heart of self-love is self-esteem. Self-esteem is about appreciating and valuing yourself as a person, independent of your achievements or the validation of others. It's recognizing your intrinsic worth and acknowledging that you deserve happiness and respect just as you are.
Feeling secure in your identity is also key to self-love. It means being comfortable and at peace with your personality embracing your strengths and weaknesses. It's about accepting your complete self without the compulsion to meet others' expectations or societal standards.
Confidence is another crucial aspect of self-love. Being confident is about trusting in your abilities, making decisions confidently, and feeling equipped to face life's challenges. Confidence empowers you to navigate the world with self-assurance and grace.
Studies have shown that higher levels of self-compassion are often linked to greater well-being. This research highlights the importance of being caring and understanding towards yourself, especially in challenging times. Self-compassion means offering yourself the kindness and empathy you would extend to a dear friend. It involves understanding that experiencing setbacks is a natural part of life and being gentle with yourself when things don't go as expected.
What does it mean to love yourself?
Loving yourself is a fundamental aspect of achieving a healthy and balanced life. Self-love involves more than just feeling good about yourself. It encompasses a range of practices and attitudes that foster your overall well-being and growth. At its core, self-love means accepting yourself fully, treating yourself with kindness and respect, and recognizing your intrinsic value.
When you love yourself, you acknowledge your strengths and embrace your weaknesses without self-judgment. This acceptance doesn't mean you ignore areas for improvement. Rather, it means you understand that imperfection is part of being human and you're compassionate towards yourself in your personal development journey.
Loving yourself also involves taking care of your physical health. This type of self-love means nurturing your body through proper nutrition, exercise, and rest, recognizing that physical well-being is crucial for mental and emotional health.
On a mental and emotional level, self-love means giving yourself space and permission to feel your emotions, whether positive or negative and managing them healthily. It includes practicing self-compassion, especially during times of failure or difficulty, rather than being overly critical of yourself.
Additionally, loving yourself means setting healthy boundaries in your relationships. It's understanding that you have the right to say no and make choices that prioritize your well-being. It's about not constantly sacrificing your own needs for others and understanding that self-care is not selfish.
Loving yourself is a continuous process of understanding, accepting, and nurturing yourself in various aspects of life. It leads to higher self-esteem, better self-care, and a more fulfilling life. It is a journey of recognizing that you are worthy of happiness and taking steps to ensure you live a life that reflects this belief.
What is the power of self-love?
The power of self-love is a concept that has been explored by both Chinese and Western philosophers, though their perspectives on its function and orientation differ significantly.
In Western philosophy, self-love is often viewed in relation to the individual's rights, dignity, and intrinsic sense of value. It emphasizes the importance of the relationship one has with oneself, advocating for personal happiness and fulfillment as paramount.
In this context, self-love is seen as a means to ensure that individuals respect their needs and desires, enabling them to interact more authentically and healthily with society. The idea is that by loving and valuing oneself, a person is better equipped to contribute positively to their community and the world. This perspective highlights self-love as a foundation for personal well-being and self-actualization.
On the other hand, Chinese philosophy often frames self-love in the context of individual conduct and ethics. It emphasizes that a society's peace, harmony, and order depend on individuals' self-cultivation. In this view, self-love is more than personal satisfaction; it's about developing virtues and qualities that contribute to the greater good of society. It involves a deep commitment to personal growth and moral development, which is seen as essential for the health and harmony of the community as a whole.
Both perspectives underscore the transformative power of self-love, though they focus on different aspects of its influence. In the Western view, it's about personal empowerment and fulfillment, while in Chinese philosophy, it extends to societal well-being and harmony. In each context, self-love is recognized as a vital component of a healthy, balanced life.
What's the Bible say about loving yourself?
As a book, the Bible contains many teachings about self-love and its importance in living a fulfilling life. Per biblical accounts, Jesus said, "Love your neighbor as yourself" (Mark 12:31), indicating that loving oneself can be a necessary foundation for loving others.
A healthy and balanced love for oneself can help us love others better. When we recognize our worth and value, we can extend that love and compassion to those around us. While it is not necessary to approach self-love as a spiritual practice, the Bible can offer some valuable insights into how to love yourself in a way that aligns with Christian beliefs and values.
One key teaching in the Bible is to treat our bodies as temples (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) and to honor and care for them. Caring for our bodies includes physical self-care, such as proper nutrition and rest, and mental and emotional self-care, such as managing stress and seeking help when needed.
The Bible also emphasizes the importance of being kind and compassionate to ourselves, just as we are commanded to love our neighbors (Ephesians 4:32). This means forgiving ourselves for our mistakes, showing grace in difficult times, and nurturing a positive self-image.
How do I accept myself completely?
Accepting yourself completely requires deeply understanding and appreciating your individual qualities, strengths, and vulnerabilities. One effective way to foster this acceptance is to remind yourself of your worth through words of encouragement. This practice can reinforce a positive self-image and cultivate self-compassion.
You can start by identifying the aspects of yourself you find hard to accept. These aspects could relate to your personality, past decisions, or physical attributes. You'll remind yourself that perfection is an unrealistic standard and all individuals have flaws and make mistakes. It's these imperfections that make you uniquely you.
Positive self-talk means replacing critical or negative thoughts with affirmations and encouraging words. For instance, if you're feeling inadequate, remind yourself of your achievements, no matter how small they may seem. You can focus on your strengths and the effort you put into your daily life or work.
You should also practice self-compassion and forgive yourself when you make mistakes. Remember, self-acceptance is an ongoing process. Through this journey of self-discovery and continuous growth, you can embrace your authentic self and love yourself completely. It's a helpful tool for building strong, healthy relationships with others and living a fulfilling life.
How do you truly be yourself?
The gift you offer to the world is your truest self. Being yourself means being authentic, genuine, and real. It means embracing who you are without fear of judgment or rejection from others. However, in a sea of societal pressures and expectations, it can be challenging to stay true to yourself. Heading down this path requires courage, self-reflection, and a clear understanding of your values and beliefs.
To be yourself, you must first relinquish any desire to conform to social norms or expectations. Instead, you should focus on aligning your actions with your personal values and staying true to what brings you joy and fulfillment. This may involve setting boundaries and saying no to things that don't align with your authentic self.
It's also essential to surround yourself with people who support and appreciate you for who you are. These individuals will encourage and uplift you, helping you stay true to yourself even in the face of challenges. When you join with others who have the same values and beliefs, you create a sense of belonging that can boost self-acceptance and self-love.
Other examples of actions that can support being yourself include practicing self-care, setting and pursuing personal goals, and continually learning and growing. By prioritizing your well-being and personal growth, you can live authentically and love yourself for who you are.
What makes you fall in love with someone?
People fall in love for different reasons. What you find attractive or lovable may differ from what others do. However, some common factors can influence the feeling of love and connection with someone.
Chemistry, physical attraction, and compatibility are often important elements in romantic love. When you click with someone on a deeper level, it can create an intense emotional bond that leads to feelings of love. This connection can be enhanced through common interests, values, and beliefs.
Additionally, people may fall in love with someone's personality traits, such as kindness, empathy, and a good sense of humor. These qualities can make us feel understood, accepted, and cared for in relationships. When we see these positive traits reflected in someone else, it can make us feel drawn to them and deepen our feelings of love.
However, what one woman or man loves may be a turn-off for another. It's vital to remember that love is subjective, and everyone has different preferences and needs in a relationship. The most important thing is that the love you have with someone feels genuine and fulfilling for both parties involved.
Why do I struggle to love myself?
It's important to know you aren't the first person to struggle with self-love. Throughout the ages of humankind, people have questioned their worth and battled self-criticism. Many factors can contribute to a lack of self-love, including societal pressures, past experiences, and personal insecurities.
A common barrier to self-love is comparing ourselves to others, leading us to feel inadequate or not good enough. We may also internalize negative messages from society or past relationships. These messages can make us believe we aren't worthy of love or acceptance, leading to self-doubt and low self-esteem.
Past experiences, such as traumatic events or toxic relationships, can also impact our ability to love ourselves. They may lead to feelings of shame, guilt, or fear that can hinder our self-acceptance and self-love. Likewise, personal insecurities and self-doubt can make it challenging to see our worth and value in the world.
However, with time and effort, you can overcome these struggles and learn to love yourself completely. Therapeutic interventions like cognitive-behavioral therapy can help you challenge negative thoughts and build a more positive self-image.
What happens when you love yourself?
Loving yourself can have a profound impact on your life and well-being. Self-love can improve your mental health, relationships, and overall quality of life. When you genuinely love yourself, you create a strong foundation for happiness and fulfillment.
A significant benefit of self-love is increased self-confidence and self-worth. By accepting and loving yourself, you eliminate the need for external validation. You can trust in your abilities and decisions, leading to a greater sense of self-trust and belief in yourself.
Self-love also plays a crucial role in setting boundaries and prioritizing your needs. When you love yourself, you recognize the importance of self-care and make it a priority. Self-care can result in improved physical health, better stress management, and even increased productivity.
Moreover, self-love can impact your relationships with others positively. When you love yourself, you can offer genuine love and acceptance to those around you. This authentic connection allows for deeper, more fulfilling relationships without the need for validation or seeking approval from others.
Loving yourself opens up a world of possibilities and allows you to live life to its fullest potential. Illustrations of self-love can look different for each person, but the common thread is embracing who you are and living authentically.
What are the 7 steps to loving yourself?
Loving yourself is a continuous journey, and it takes work to cultivate self-love. Here are seven steps you can take to start loving yourself:
- Practicing self-care: Making time for activities that bring you joy and prioritizing your well-being is crucial to loving yourself.
- Setting boundaries: Learning to say no and setting limits with others can help you preserve your mental and emotional well-being.
- Surrounding yourself with supportive people: Building strong, positive relationships with people who accept and appreciate you for who you are can boost self-love.
- Challenging negative thoughts: Identifying and challenging negative thoughts about yourself can help you build a more positive self-image.
- Celebrating your strengths: Acknowledging and celebrating your strengths, talents, and accomplishments can boost self-esteem and self-worth.
- Forgiving yourself: Learning to forgive yourself for past mistakes and embracing imperfection can help you move forward with self-love.
- Continually learning and growing: Taking on new challenges and learning from experiences can help you develop a deeper understanding and acceptance of yourself.
Remember that self-love is not a destination; it's a journey. Patience and self-compassion are crucial as you work towards loving yourself fully. Along the way, remind yourself that you are worthy of love and acceptance just as you are. So, be gentle with yourself, and you may find that self-love leads you to a happier, more fulfilling life.
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