Introverts In Love: How Personalities Affect Relationships

By: Margaret Wack

Updated February 17, 2020

Medically Reviewed By: Lauren Guilbeault

If you're entering into a romantic relationship with someone, it's important to make sure that you understand one another's needs and desires. On top of that, it's always a good idea to ensure that you're compatible with one another and have clear expectations when it comes to dating and relationships. Even if you've already been dating for some time, getting clarity about personality types can help you grow your relationship going forward. Clear communication, along with an accurate understanding of each other's personalities, wants, and needs, is the foundation of any good relationship!

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Extroverts Vs. Introverts

One of the most important differences when it comes to dating is the difference between introverts and extroverts. These differences in personality can have a profound effect on relationships, and it's important to understand the differing needs of introverts and extroverts in order to ensure a healthy, successful relationship. First developed by Carl Jung, these personality types are the foundation of many different types of personality analysis, including analytic psychology, the Big Five personality test, and Myers-Briggs.

Introverts tend to have a much lower threshold for social interaction. They get their energy from being alone and recharge through spending time on their own rather than with other people. Introverts can still enjoy socializing and form deep, lasting relationships with others, but they have many different needs when it comes to dating and cohabitating.

Extroverts, meanwhile, are often the life of the party and get their energy from interacting with other people. Extroverts don't like to be on their own for too long and feel better when they're around others. Extroverts are often extremely social and love spending time with friends, family, and acquaintances. They tend to form relationships more quickly than introverts, and often have a wide circle of friends.

Dating An Introvert As An Extrovert

The saying might go that opposites attract, but extroverts dating introverts should be extra aware of the special needs of their partners. While dating an introvert may come with its challenges, it is also rich with rewards. Below are a few tips to ensure that a relationship between introverts and extroverts grows and thrives.

Give Them Space

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One of the most important things you can do for the introvert in your life is to give them space. Introverts thrive on alone time and enjoy developing their own rich interior life when by themselves. Giving introverts plenty of alone time ensures that they have time to rest and recharge away from other people so that they're ready to be fully present when they do spend time with you.

Plan Things In Advance

Social events are a bigger deal for introverts, so it's always a good idea to give them advance notice of any social plans, whether you're inviting friends over or going out as a group. With adequate time to prepare, introverts are better able to plan for and enjoy social gatherings. In addition, if they're not feeling like participating, they'll also be able to plan accordingly so that they don't put a crimp in your own plans.

Spend Quality Time

While introverts might get tired of constant social interaction, they often thrive on low-key quality time spent together. Whether you're binging a show, playing a game, or simply reading in the same room, introverts often take comfort in casual activities that don't require a ton of social effort. Simply existing side by side can be a great way to spend time together without exhausting an introvert's reserves.

Encourage Their Passions

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Introverts often have strong creative streaks and are passionate about the hobbies and activities they participate in. Whether they write, create art, play a sport, or some other activities, introverts often use these outlets to express themselves and communicate with the world. In order to best support your partner, you should celebrate their passions, support their interests, and champion them to the outside world.

Find Shared Activities

While introverts enjoy their time alone, that doesn't mean that they don't want to spend time with you or do things together. Whether you pick up a shared hobby, go on an adventure together, or even just make dinner together in the evening, shared activities can be a great way to get to know your introverted partner better! It also provides a helpful structure for your interactions together and can let you develop new, shared skills and hobbies.

Dating An Extrovert As An Introvert

If you're an introvert dating an extrovert, you might be overwhelmed by their need for interaction. One of the most important things you should keep in mind is to clearly communicate your wants and desires with one another to make sure that both of your needs are being met. While there may be challenges when dating someone with a different personality than your own, there are also many rewarding aspects!

Validate Their Needs

When dating introverts, extroverts may feel as if they're putting undue pressure on their partner or taxing their limited reserves. They may also have trouble understanding their partner's desire to be alone and may want to spend more time together. If you're an introvert dating an extrovert, it's important to validate their needs and make sure they know that you're there for them no matter what. While you should definitely set boundaries when it comes to your own needs, it's a good idea to go out of your way to make sure that your partner knows that you love them and respect their desire to spend time together.

Encourage Their Friendships

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When you're dating an extrovert, it can be exhausting to take the social burden up all by yourself. By encouraging your partner to develop relationships with others, you can help them meet their social needs with other peoples. A wide social circle can be a boon to extroverts, as it allows them to spend as much time with other people as they need.

Pay Attention To Them

Extroverts dating introverts can sometimes feel ignored or neglected when their partners need a lot of time to themselves. It's important to pay attention to the needs of your partner and to let them know that they're cared for and loved. Try to show interest in your partner's life, talk to them about their day, and spend time with them even when you're tired. They'll be reassured in your relationship and more confident that you enjoy spending time with them!

Schedule Dates

While extroverts thrive on constant social interaction, introverts sometimes balk at the idea of spending unlimited unstructured time together. In order to meet both of your needs, try scheduling dates together a couple of times a week. Even if you live together, structured dates can be a great way to meet the socialization needs of an extrovert, while also allowing introverts to schedule and plan for social interactions.

Communicate Your Feelings

If you're an introvert dating an extrovert, you may not display as many outward signs of affection as your partner is used to. It's always a good idea to make sure that your partner knows that they are loved and valued, even when you need time to yourself. Try regularly reminding your partner how important they are to you, and going out of your way to show them that you care.

Dating An Introvert As An Introvert

Introverts dating introverts are often already very familiar with the needs and wants of their partners. Even so, there are a few strategies that you can implement to make sure that both of you get what you need while still growing and enriching your relationships. Making sure that each of you gets enough space, while still spending time with one another and reaffirming your relationship, is key to success and happiness.

Structure Your Living Space

When both of you need to spend some time alone, it's important to ensure that you both have a spot that you can retreat to away from each other. If you have space, an ideal solution is to set up separate offices where you can work, read, write, or just spend time by yourself. Even if you live in a small apartment, you can still set up a room divider or otherwise separate your living space so that you each have a dedicated spot.

Clear Communication

No matter what your personality types are, clear communication is the foundation of any good relationship. In order to ensure a healthy and happy relationship between you and your partner, it's important to talk about your likes and dislikes and what you want and need. If your partner doesn't know what you need to be happy, they can't make it happen. Clear communication can also help you provide for your partner while still respecting each other's boundaries.

Are you struggling with navigating romantic relationships? Whether you're looking for professional counseling or just need someone to talk to, BetterHelp offers a diverse selection of online therapy services that can provide you the help you need to manage your mental health. Get in touch with us today to learn more!


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