What Is An INFJ In Love Like?

Medically reviewed by April Justice, LICSW
Updated July 12, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Personality typing can be a useful tool. With a handful of answers to a questionnaire, you may be able to determine your personality attributes, identify many of the things that motivate you, and understand what kinds of pitfalls you might be prone to.

There are countless personality quizzes available, with many of them designed to entertain (“What Character from ‘Friends’ Are You?”). However, some personality tests are created by psychologists to offer a serious peek into yourself and the world around you. One such test is the Myers-Briggs test. Also known as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, the test identifies 16 personality types based upon four personality traits. One common “type” is INFJ, which stands for introverted, intuitive, feeling, judging. Below, you’ll find an overview of how INFJs typically respond to love, emotional intimacy, and romantic relationships. 

What is Myers-Briggs?

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INFJs crave relational intimacy and connection

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is a personality typing system created by mother-daughter team Katharine Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers. Based on Carl Jung’s concept of personality types, the pair developed the test in an effort to more fully flesh out Jung’s ideas and apply his work to a broader audience. 

Jung theorized that there were four separate dichotomies that could broadly describe how a person interacts with the world around them. Together, they form the basis of an individual’s personality type. 

  • Extroversion vs. Introversion describes how a person draws energy from the world around them.
  • Sensing vs Intuition describes how a person perceives information.
  • Thinking vs Feeling describes how a person makes decisions.
  • Judging vs Perceiving describes how a person structures their life.

Jung believed people’s motivations and behaviors could be outlined based on how each of these four traits interacted with one another. Each personality type is given a letter for each category to form a more complete picture of their personality, such as INFJ.

What is an INFJ?

An INFJ is a Myers-Briggs personality type whose letters make up Introversion, Intuition, Feeling, and Judging. This means that INFJ personality types garner energy from solitude, rely upon their intuition to learn and discover information, rely upon their feelings, and see things as having concrete answers and motivations. INFJs are known for having fairly reliable “gut feelings,” and may be able to provide insight into the lives and motivations of others without having the evidence to back it up, but are often correct, anyway.

Why are INFJs unique?

INFJs are unique because they are the rarest personality type within the Myers-Briggs typing system, making up less than 2% of the population.

INFJs may be able to act as chameleons in uncomfortable situations and may mistype as other combinations for a time, if they are not closely listening to their preferences, instead of their behaviors. INFJs are unique not only because they are the rarest type, but because many people liken them to having a sixth sense, of sorts, because they often seem to leap intuitively to the correct answer, without having to know all of the facts beforehand. Some analysts of the typing system believe that these leaps are not leaps at all, but that the INFJ personality processes certain types of information far more quickly than is typical.

INFJs are also unique because their personalities are rife with paradoxes. Although they are feelers, INFJs are usually extremely keen on learning and may study their interests almost obsessively in order to gain more information. INFJs are often considered one of the more compassionate types within the Myers-Briggs system but are also the most likely to completely close the door on a person or a relationship if they deem the person untrustworthy. Most INFJs struggle to make sense of themselves, even, as so many of their traits and characteristics seem to be at odds with one another and many can benefit from the help of a mental health professional to tease out some of their struggles.

INFJs in love

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Love is different for every person and can often be complex. It can be easy to forget that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. One INFJ’s love life will look slightly different from another’s, but there are a few constants that tend to characterize INFJs in love. 

In love, INFJs are unlikely to seek out a casual fling, or a quick romantic connection. INFJs are often interested in finding true love and typically take a deep and soulful approach to life. For that reason, love and relationships are not taken lightly by INFJs. INFJs may be cautious at first, but once they find a connection, they will dedicate themselves with all their hearts and seek to elevate the relationship to the soul level.

INFJs are the type most likely to experience marital dissatisfaction. This is often due to a lack of connection and intimacy within a relationship, as INFJs tend to have deep emotional needs; both connection and intimacy are vital to an INFJ’s sense of wellbeing. In relationships without intimacy and true connection, INFJs will withdraw and may leave the relationship altogether, unless their partner begins opening up lines of communication and works to grow closer.

INFJs are often highly principled and have high standards for their partners and themselves. They tend to value honesty, communication, and loyalty more than other personality types. Sometimes, these standards may feel unrealistic and difficult for partners to navigate. For example, an INFJ might be hurt easily or take things personally. 

Some INFJs might idealize their partners, while other INFJs may have a hard time focusing on their partner’s positive attributes. INFJs may put undue pressure on their partners to behave a certain way or to subscribe to a certain set of beliefs. It can sometimes take a lot of emotional stamina to keep up with an INFJ's expectations. INFJs often search for the type of love expressed in art and poetry, and may not feel safe or stable in some relationships. At times, an INFJ may wonder if there’s a better person out there with whom they may be more compatible.

Love and the INFJ personality type

INFJs are intense, emotional, and intuitive. They can often come across as intimidating or aloof, and it may sometimes feel difficult to relate to an INFJ. Many people will never see the loving side of INFJs because many INFJs reserve true displays of intimacy and affection for close friends and long-term, loving relationships. 

INFJs typically do not have a slew of close relationships. Instead, they tend to prefer a small number of deep, intimate friendships and relationships, and may only have a few long-term romantic commitments in their entire lives; for an INFJ, love is held in high esteem and is not given away to just anybody or anything.

INFJ personality types often rely heavily upon their emotions and can mistype their personalities for other types based on how they are feeling at any given moment. Two of the common mistypes include INTJ and INFP, both of which are extremely close but don’t quite have the same characteristics, especially in love. While INTJ love is focused more on support and planning, INFP love is focused more on connection and devotion. INFJ love is more likely to crave companionship and an equal footing, rather than the standard relationship model of one partner loving the other more, or being more invested in the relationship.

How to love an INFJ?

Because INFJs are so focused on learning, connecting, and improving, the best way to move your relationship forward with an INFJ is to practice authenticity at all times. Authenticity is a hallmark characteristic of the INFJ personality type and plays an important role in an INFJ’s commitments and relationships.

Keeping authenticity alive and well in a relationship with an INFJ may help maintain the level of intimacy and connection that INFJs desperately crave and hope for. INFJs may value words of affirmation more than other personality types. Additionally, the INFJ loves listening and feeling heard, so it can be helpful to develop healthy communication strategies with an INFJ.

Although INFJs are the type most likely to experience marital dissatisfaction, INFJs in love can stay in love. However, it often takes a lot of compassion, work, and dedication. 

Mistyping: Types similar to INFJ

INTJs and INFPs can mistype as INFJs and INFJs may also mistype as one of them. Introverted and intuitive is a powerful combination and can overshadow some of the traits necessary to define whether you are a thinker a feeler, a perceiver, or a judger. In love, though, each of these personality types is quite different, which can help bring some perspective to someone struggling to type themselves between INFJ, INTJ, and INFP.

INTJs in love are likely to forge ahead with as much logic as possible. These personality types might seek out a partner that is a match on paper, with similar interests, similar ideas, and a wit and intelligence to match their own. Because INTJs are the type most likely to have high IQs or pursue more high-minded likes and hobbies, INTJs often wait love out, if they ever find a partner at all. Like most people with high IQs, finding love can be difficult for INTJs. They are unlikely to settle for someone who is less than what they want or may wind up leaving if they do settle initially.

An INFP in love is going to focus far more on connection and emotional compatibility. While similar interests might be nice, it is a similar person who will make an INFP swoon. Connection and relationships are extremely important to INFPs, so an INFP in love will likely make plenty of room for their partner in their lives, and may even tip over into putting too much time into a relationship-especially if a connection is present. INFPs might be future-oriented, place a high price on relationships, and are unlikely to pursue romantic connections that are shallow or one-sided.

Counseling to understand Myers-Briggs, INFJ, and love

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INFJs crave relational intimacy and connection

If you are interested in learning more about personality typing such as Myers-Briggs, or if you identify as an INFJ and would like to seek guidance in matters such as love, it may be beneficial to consider online counseling. While MBTI continues to be a topic of debate among psychology experts, studies have shown MBTI to be an easy way for people to start understanding and learning about their own emotional and mental frameworks. Many people find MBTI a good starting point to learn about their personality traits, and how these traits may influence their own approach to life, love, and other matters.

Takeaway

Online counseling can be the first step toward mental health resources. You may find that licensed therapists have different backgrounds and training in situations such as mental disorders, relationship concerns, and more. With a little bit of research, you may find a therapist who can help you understand MBTI and how to approach matters of love. Online counseling is also convenient; all you need is an internet connection and a device you can use to contact your therapist. There’s no need to drive to another area that might be far away.

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