Falling In And Out Of Love: Navigating Heartbreak In Online Therapy
Do you fear you’re falling out of love? Falling in and out of love can be normal. It can be common for relationships to experience ups and downs, but if you have found yourself experiencing inconsistent feelings for your partner on a more frequent basis, you may be wondering whether you are falling out of love. If you feel deeply in love with your partner one day and completely out of love the next, this could be a sign of a deeper issue and a sign you are falling out of love.
What does falling out of love look like in a relationship?
Falling out of love can look like many things, including:
- Losing the “spark” between yourself and your partner
- Not enjoying quality time together
- Becoming hypercritical, comparing your relationship to others’ relationships
- Lacking communication
- Feeling unsure about the future of your life together
You may wish to address your changing feelings directly with your partner or discuss them with an online therapist.
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Is falling in and out of love in a relationship normal? Get advice from a mental health professional
Due to the unique nature of individuals and romantic partnerships, it can be challenging to identify precisely how it feels to fall out of love. It can be especially difficult to confirm these feelings as it is not uncommon to uphold feelings of love toward someone you feel you are “falling out of love” with. Though it may seem counterintuitive in these situations, it can be possible to love a person while maintaining the feeling that the relationship has come to an end.
Still, if you’re watching for signs, there may be a handful of feelings and behaviors that tend to characterize falling out of love. Below are a few red flags to look out for that may indicate your feelings of love are waning.
You notice a lack of “spark" and feelings in the relationship
Typically, the early stages of a relationship are filled with excitement, elation, and buzz as you fall in love. Though these feelings tend to die down in any healthy, long-term relationship, you may feel this loss of spark more intensely when falling out of love.
Impending heartbreak: Loss of emotions and passion
Similar to feeling a lack of spark, you may find that you no longer enjoy spending time with your husband or wife. You may feel sad or dejected during dates or quality time. Additionally, you may realize that you and your partner have significantly reduced or altogether forfeited quality time.
You become hypercritical of your partner
Someone falling out of love may begin to fixate on their partner’s flaws, past arguments, or the general pitfalls of the relationship. Furthermore, you may notice an increase in arguments, disagreements, or miscommunications with your partner. Though no relationship may be perfect, lingering feelings of negativity or resentment toward your partner could mean you are falling out of love.
You compare your relationship or partner to others
If you find yourself comparing your relationship to those of your friends, family, co-workers, or even couples in movies or books, this could be an early indicator that you are falling out of love. Though it's common for people to engage in some level of comparison in relationships, experiencing feelings of jealousy or hopelessness toward other couples could be a sign.
There is a lack of communication in your relationship
Typically, a healthy relationship relies on open communication. If you are having trouble communicating with your partner, it could be a sign that you are falling out of love.
Is a breakup looming? Feelings of depression and uncertainty about the future
In a long-term relationship, it can be fairly standard to plan together for your future, whether that means moving in together, getting married, or having children. If you have lost confidence in future plans with your partner that you previously felt certain of, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship as a whole.
Love versus infatuation: Assessing your feelings of falling in and out of love
Falling in love can be one of the best feelings. However, people fall out of love in relationships, too. Falling out of love with your partner can happen quickly or over a long period of time, depending on the nature of your relationship. Still, these feelings do not necessarily mean your relationship must end. There are a few things you may consider if you worry you are falling out of love with your partner.
Leaving the honeymoon phase (infatuation): Do you need couples therapy?
Depending on the length of your relationship, it can be possible that you and your partner are simply leaving the “honeymoon phase” or experiencing a cooling off period. The honeymoon phase is typically characterized by feelings of excitement and elation during the early stages of a relationship. Studies show that the honeymoon phase tends to last anywhere from 30 days to two and a half years, though this can differ for every couple.
Similar to falling out of love, leaving the honeymoon phase can look like a loss of spark or a decrease in quality time, but typically, this phase plays an important role in any long-term relationship. If you are somewhat early on in your relationship or you’ve just had kids, you may want to consider that you and your partner could be simply leaving your honeymoon phase and not necessarily falling out of love.
Falling in and out of love: Online therapy for factors outside of the relationship
You may also want to consider outside factors that may be affecting the quality of your relationship. It is not uncommon for work or financial stress, personal issues, lack of quality rest, marriage and family, or changes in mental or physical health to strain an otherwise healthy relationship. In cases like this, it may be helpful to consult a therapist for guidance.
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How to cope with feelings of depression when falling out of love?
Falling out of love with a partner tends to be challenging and troublesome for everyone involved. If you are having trouble navigating your feelings of falling out of love, there may be certain things that can help you and your partner cope.
If you feel it is safe to do so, you could try communicating your feelings directly to your partner. Though this can be a difficult conversation to have, it could help you and your partner determine how to improve the relationship or choose your next steps. This doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship, and it’s possible to fall back in love with your partner if you both have the desire to nurture the partnership and take action.
Healing your feelings during a heartbreak or breakup
Finding relationship support
If you feel yourself falling out of love with your partner, you may benefit from online therapy. Research has shown that couples therapy usually positively impacts around 70% of those receiving treatment.
When seeking couples or individual counseling, online therapy can provide more flexibility than in-person therapy. The additional flexibility of online therapy can be beneficial for those with hectic schedules or busy family life.
Effectiveness of online therapy to work through falling in and out of love
In addition to online therapy frequently offering a number of benefits in regard to flexibility and scheduling, studies show that online couples therapy can be equally as effective as in-person therapy.
Additionally, recent studies show that online therapy, in general, can be equally as effective in treating symptoms of depression, anxiety, and other types of mental health disorders as traditional in-office therapy.
Online therapy, like the kind offered by BetterHelp, can make getting help easier and often more affordable. Sessions usually cost between $70 and $100, with monthly subscriptions running around $260 to $400, billed every four weeks. Annually, this adds up to $3,120 to $4,800.
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- ✓ Live chat, phone, or video sessions
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Traditional in-person therapy can cost $100 to $200 per session or about $400 to $800 per month for weekly appointments.
BetterHelp may eliminate additional expenses like transportation, making it an even more convenient option. Whether through BetterHelp or a partner platform like Regain, online therapy can provide a flexible and budget-friendly solution for individuals seeking mental health support.
Though every relationship is different, there are a few general signs that may indicate you are falling out of love, such as:
- You may become hypercritical of your partner.
- You may feel uncertain about your future together.
- You may feel as if the “spark” has died out.
- You may feel that you can no longer communicate.
If you feel yourself falling out of love, you may want to consider the specifics of your situation or address the issue directly with your partner. Furthermore, a licensed therapist may be better equipped to help you navigate your unique situation to determine whether hanging in there is worth it.
Is it normal to fall in and out of love in a relationship?
Yes, it's entirely normal for people to feel uncertain about their emotions in relationships at times. Love tends to evolve and shift as the relationship progresses, sometimes for absolutely no reason. The early stages of a relationship often come with heightened emotions, but it’s common knowledge that over time, the excitement of this honeymoon phase naturally fades. This doesn’t necessarily mean love has disappeared. In fact, this is often a natural part of a relationship maturing. If you're experiencing this, taking a step back to assess your feelings and the shared values within the relationship can provide clarity.
Can you keep falling in and out of love?
Yes. However, when people fall in and out of love frequently, it might be a sign of underlying issues that need addressing. Some couples navigate cycles of closeness and distance due to life stressors, personal differences, or unmet needs. These cycles don’t mean your love isn't the real thing—it might mean both partners need to spend quality time together or focus on communication. However, if the pattern persists, seeking insight from a licensed therapist could provide clarity and strategies to move forward.
What does falling easily in and out of love say about mental health?
Frequent shifts in romantic feelings—or going through a cycle of breakups, feeling like you miss your partner, and reuniting—may reflect underlying emotional challenges, stress, or unmet personal needs. It doesn’t necessarily indicate a mental health disorder, but patterns of inconsistent attachment might lead to ongoing concerns like anxiety or unresolved trauma. In these cases, it can be helpful to assess your well-being and seek perspective from a therapist or mental health professional.
Can couples therapy save a relationship if you fall out of love?
Couples therapy can often lead to revolutionary reflections in relationships where love feels diminished. Couples therapy can create a safe space to communicate, explore unresolved issues, and rekindle passion. Though therapy won’t save every relationship, it can provide clarity, ultimately helping you to decide whether you’d like to work toward reconciliation or have an honest talk about the next steps.
Can therapy help you fall back in love with someone you fell out of love with?
Yes, therapy can help rekindle love by encouraging honest conversations and reframing negative perspectives. When couples explore emotions, unmet needs, and shared goals in therapy, they often notice a renewed appreciation for each other. Therapists might suggest you spend time together, engage in physical touch, or reconnect over future plans. While it is not guaranteed, this process often creates opportunities for renewed connection and a recommitment to forever.
How can a therapist or other mental health professional help me know if I'm still in love?
A therapist can guide you to identify your feelings by helping you explore your relationship dynamics from a judgment-free, first-person perspective. Over the course of your sessions, a therapist can help you identify, admit, and navigate the complexities of being human in relationships.
It’s important to hear your guy or gal out when discussing feelings of falling in or out of love, as open communication can lead to better understanding and connection. A therapist can help you clarify your concerns and assess the difference between fleeting, short-term emotions and deeper truths, whether it’s addressing moments of anger and self-centeredness or exploring the joy of connection. This process often brings clarity about what love truly means to you.
How can you tell if a relationship will lead to marriage and family?
Signs that a relationship might lead to marriage and family often revolve around shared values and effective communication. If you and your partner navigate challenges in the same way, this harmony can be a strong sign of compatibility. Additionally, feeling secure, supported, and genuinely excited when you imagine a life together suggests the relationship could be just what you need for long-term happiness.
The idea of marriage and family also thrives when partners demonstrate mutual respect and a commitment to personal and collective growth. The top three relationship experts say assessing how you handle conflict, prioritizing quality time, and envisioning a future together can help you decide if your partnership is built for the long haul.
How do you know when the honeymoon phase is over?
The beginning of a relationship is often marked by the fact that both partners feel excited. As time passes and excitement is replaced with routine and comfort, the honeymoon phase typically fades. This shift often includes a decrease in intense infatuation and perhaps less physical intimacy. However, this new reality doesn’t necessarily mean that the partners are not interested in each other anymore. Instead, it often marks the start of a deeper, more meaningful connection. Many couples build lasting bonds by navigating this transition together through communication, patience, self-reflection, and intentional effort.
Should I tell my partner if I’m feeling like I’m falling out of love?
Yes, being honest with your partner is crucial. Expressing your feelings openly can foster understanding and create opportunities to rebuild the connection. However, framing the conversation with empathy and a willingness to work together is vital. Before initiating this dialogue, it can help to reflect or seek professional help and guidance from a therapist to clarify your emotions and desired outcomes.
Should you break up if you fall out of love?
Not always. Falling out of love doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is impossible to repair. Couples often reconnect through intentional changes like spending quality time together, addressing unmet needs, or seeking couples therapy. However, if these efforts fail and you get the sense that the relationship feels emotionally draining or wrong or even harms you to the point of being physically sick, breaking up may be the healthiest option for your well-being.
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