How To Seduce Your Wife And Be Romantic

Updated December 13, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Wendy Boring-Bray, DBH, LPC

If you’re experiencing some issues with you and your partner’s sexual life, it's normal to be seeking guidance and answers.

how to seduce your wife

Are You Having Trouble Bringing The Spark Back?


Social And Demographic Trends Regarding Sex In Relationships

According to social and demographic trends noted in a survey conducted by Relationships in America, only 48% of women in a committed relationship want regular sex after the first four years. Additionally, couples who stay married longer become more likely to return to regular sexual activity. However, it’s important to remember that every couple is different. What’s “normal” means what is fulfilling and right for you and your partner, and this requires communication. While there are many articles available that discuss intimacy, communication, and related topics, this article will discuss healthy and mature ways to rekindle you and your partner’s sex life.

Charm Your Wife with Romance

Let the Words Flow To Her

Most partners would love to hear how much they mean to you. Love letters have been around since men have been wooing women, and many have been successful at winning the heart of the woman in question. Think of it as an ancient art form that is always appreciated, one that will not only let your wife know that she is loved but will also rekindle the passion you seek.

You can start your love letter with a salutation that means something to her. Try a pet name or a loving greeting; don't just start with her name. Spice it up a bit by trying something similar to," My dearest (insert her name here); To the love of my life; To my beautiful wife…”

Next, let her know what you're writing about. Tell her that you're writing to remind her how special she is and how incredibly lucky and happy you are because she chose to spend the rest of her life with you. These words will strike a chord in her heart. Follow that up with a memory that you both share. Choose a time you felt connected when it seemed like the world was a perfect place, if only for a few moments. This may be your wedding day, your first date, or the moment you saw her walking down the aisle.

woman holding coffee and smiling, man sitting across stirring his drink


Close the letter with love by sharing your hopes for your future with her. If you have plans to stay together and have wheelchair races when you are both old and grey, tell her that. Your partner is likely to feel secure when they know they have a future with the person they love. After you've written your letter, be sure to leave it in a location where she will find it, maybe with her favorite flower next to her side of the bed or in the kitchen where she will see it when she is drinking her coffee. Be genuine and authentic with this letter. Even though you may seek physical intimacy, this is a great way to strengthen your emotional intimacy as a couple.

Reconnecting After Negative Habits

According to research by the Health Research Funding organization, the most common causes for a sexless marriage include hurt feelings about the past, one partner constantly turning the other down, being too busy or too neglectful, a breakdown of communication, a lack of trust, anxiety, and other family pressures, such as children, money, or career.

Sharing Intimate Sexual Thoughts and Sensual Feelings

In this case, it frequently helps to start reconnecting as individuals and throw the sexual routine out the window. Instead, focus on sharing intimate sexual thoughts and sensual feelings. Then find a compromise that you both mutually find appealing. Seduction is not about strategy; it's more about knowing your partner and creating a delightful surprise for both parties. You'll want to remind them of the attraction that exists and has always existed between you two. Seducing your spouse is a reminder that the love you have together is still red-hot and that you are willing to chase her, as always, being the dashing romantic you are.

Consider Her Likes

What does your wife enjoy doing? Perhaps she loves eating out. Surprise her one day after work by driving to a new, romantic restaurant where you've made reservations. Looking for a coup de grace? Call the restaurant beforehand and have champagne (or her favorite drink) waiting on the table when you arrive.

Maybe she's a huge fan of gardening and plants. Perhaps you could clean your home to surprise her. Then put a big bow on a new potted plant and leave it on the kitchen counter with a card next to it. The possibilities are endless! You know your wife's tastes better than anyone else, so use this knowledge to your advantage.

Learn To Bring Back the Spark in the Bedroom

There is no one secret to enjoying a fulfilling sex life after marriage. All relationships are different, and you are more likely to benefit from focusing on the nuances of yours than trying to see what others have done. But you may be thinking of ways to develop your own seduction plan, and that’s okay!

This can be as simple as a romantic dinner where you get all dressed up and take her to a fun place to reminisce about old memories. It could also be something kinkier like sending her erotic texts throughout the day. In both of these scenarios, remember that you’re aiming to build that mutual intimacy and playful affection, which are precursors for physical intimacy.

Planning, Planning, and Foreplay

A successful night might include lots of conversation and foreplay time. Once things progress to physical touching, extend foreplay by an hour or more, delaying penetration and sexual climax. Allow both of you to concentrate on sensation, on the moment, and on the emotional connection beyond physical release. The key is to get your wife excited, so she'll anticipate what will happen next. Make the scene unpredictable but always positive and open for constant communication.


Are You Having Trouble Bringing The Spark Back?


Couples Therapy Is An Option

Even with all of these useful tools, some marriages need help from a third party to reignite the spark. This is where couples therapy can make all the difference. Online therapy at BetterHelp is a highly convenient option for couples because it can be easier to find a time that works with two busy schedules; or, you can access it from the comfort and privacy of your own home. Research shows that online therapy is a powerful tool in strengthening couples.

You can read the full study here: Marriage: A Randomized Controlled Trial of the Web-Based OurRelationship Program: Effects on Relationship and Individual Functioning.

Below, you'll find reviews of couples therapists on BetterHelp, from people experiencing similar issues.

Counselor Reviews

"Stephanie is a gem! She's very thoughtful, thorough, honest, insightful but most of all helpful. This is coming from a person that never wanted to do counseling and just "knew" I didn't need it. She's been key in helping my wife and I find our better place. She made us grow as a couple and individually. Thanks Steph!"

"Karen has helped me to be able to look outside the box to find how to find possible solutions to my sex life with my wife."


No matter how long it's been since your marriage lost its spark, there are ways to rekindle the original flame. Therapy is an excellent option to help you and your wife find this passion again, both in the bedroom and in your marriage. Take the first step to a fulfilling relationship, with excitement in and out of the bedroom.

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