When To Try Marriage Counseling: The Benefits Of Couples Therapy

Marriage counseling or pre-marital therapy can be a practical method of addressing problems and improving mental health between partners in a romantic relationship. Below, we cover when you should consider marriage counseling, common challenges that couples may face, how couples therapy can help, and why you should consider online therapy.

When should you try marriage counseling?

Typically, people may consider going to marriage and relationship counseling after they are already aware of problems in their relationship. They may also feel unequipped to work through their issues without a marriage therapist. However, you can attend therapy to plan for future marriage challenges or work through daily stress. In general, couples therapy requires both partners to contribute time and effort to see results. You may find a local therapist to work with, or you may prefer beginning therapy for your marriage online.

Earlier is often better

Many couples may wait years after serious problems arise to seek support, but starting counseling earlier can help them address concerns while there is still affection between them and the motivation to change. Counseling may not just be for relationships in crisis—it can be a proactive tool for growth and prevention.

Signs it may be time to seek therapy

Most couples may be able to identify problems when they arise. Some signs that it might be time to seek support are: 

• Poor communication
• Repeated arguments
• Trying to avoid conflict
• Ongoing blame
• Unresolved differences

Common moments when problems tend to happen

While long-term relationship challenges can happen at any time, they may be more common during life transitions, such as caring for a family member, getting married at a young age, having a child, or following a career change. Counseling during these periods can help couples work together to overcome them, handling conflict and tough times together rather than drifting apart.

What marriage counseling can help with

Marriage counseling can help people with a number of challenges, such as strengthening connections, understanding behavioral patterns, and finding new ways to relate to one another. Rather than continuing to place blame, therapy can help couples develop relationship skills to improve communication and problem-solving, so they can work together to increase relationship satisfaction.

Communication and conflict cycles

Poor communication may be one of the most common reasons that couples seek therapy. Over time, even minor misunderstandings can become part of recurring cycles of conflict, damaging trust and respect in the relationship. Marriage counseling can help couples identify unhealthy patterns and learn tools for handling conflict, including

• Expressing needs clearly
• Learning to listen without interrupting
• Responding with respect instead of defensiveness

Marriage counseling can encourage couples to adopt behaviors that foster cooperation and understanding rather than unproductive communication and misunderstandings.

Values and direction in the relationships

Many things can cause tension in a relationship, including a lack of shared values, beliefs, and plans for the future. Couples counseling can provide partners with a structured space to explore these subjects with a professional's guidance and determine what matters most. Some topics that couples can focus on include:

• Parenting
• Finances
• Intimacy
• Career
• Lifestyle choice

Extended family and outside stressors

Outside stressors, such as work, health, life changes, or family stressors, can often spill over into the relationship. Differences in backgrounds and roles can strain a relationship, affecting trust and communication. Couples counseling can help partners navigate these challenges together, putting mutual respect front and center and setting limits that protect the health of the relationship.

What marital therapy is and how it works

Marital therapy or counseling can help couples improve communication to resolve conflict and ultimately strengthen their relationships. Many couples may seek therapy when they are facing challenges, but this type of support can also be beneficial for preventing problems and fostering growth. Sessions are usually guided by a licensed professional who works with both partners, but individual sessions with each partner may also be part of treatment.

Marital therapy vs couples counseling terminology

Marital therapy and couples counseling are often used interchangeably, and the approach and therapy techniques used in each are similar, but there are some subtle distinctions between them. Marriage therapy is often reserved for legally married partners, whereas couples counseling is available to any couple in a long-term or committed relationship.

What a supportive environment looks like

Part of successful therapy relies on couples having a safe and supportive environment where they both feel heard and supported. Therapists often set ground rules to ensure that everyone feels safe and gets the respect they deserve. In this environment, couples can feel comfortable enough to open up about difficult topics, working on skills such as empathy, communication, and listening to strengthen their bond outside the therapy session.

Different forms of couples therapy

There are several forms of couples therapy, each designed to address relationship challenges in different ways. While each of these approaches varies, they can all help couples make strong connections and improve communication to support long-term relationship health. Understanding more about these approaches can help couples choose the type of relationship work that suits them best.

Gottman Method and relationship skills building

The Gottman Method focuses on learning relationship skills that help couples increase intimacy, manage conflict, and build and grow trust. This approach is based on extensive research and emphasizes improving communication, expressing needs clearly, navigating disagreements, maintaining emotional connections even in times of stress, and reducing unhealthy behaviors. This technique can be an effective option for couples interested in relationship work that is grounded in extensive research. 

Emotionally Focused Therapy and attachment theory

Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is based on attachment theory, which emphasizes the human need for secure bonds and emotional safety. This type of therapy can help couples identify any underlying patterns that may be creating distance and causing conflict. It may encourage partners to be more vulnerable and emotionally connected, and it may largely focus on building trust. Couples can learn how to grow respect and empathy in their relationship, making it particularly effective for partners who are experiencing repeating cycles of conflict or feel disconnected from one another.

CBT-informed couples work and communication patterns

CBT-informed couples therapy uses the principles of cognitive-behavioral therapy to help partners focus on how their thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors impact their relationships. It can be effective for helping to address cycles of blame and poor communication, as well as those who avoid conflict. Partners can learn how to identify and change unhelpful patterns, learning skills and strategies for handling conflict and regulating emotions. 

Why couples wait and what changes when they start sooner

Many couples may wait to get help until their problems are overwhelming, but couples therapy can be more effective when partners seek support earlier. Understanding why most couples put off seeking help can help partners take proactive steps to support their long-term relationship.

The cost of waiting

When problems begin to arise, they rarely resolve on their own. Many couples may wait, allowing issues to happen again and again, contributing to unhealthy patterns. In time, these patterns can feel so familiar that they are difficult to overcome, even when they are painful or harmful. Waiting can also cause partners to lose hope or motivation to change, and the accumulated pain and hurt can make it difficult to repair the relationship.

Setting goals and tracking progress

Starting therapy early can help make an intentional relationship work rather than a reaction to a problem or a form of damage control. When couples start therapy early, they can work together to determine shared goals, giving sessions direction and allowing them to measure their progress over time. When couples track their progress, it can make it easier to notice positive changes, like fewer heated arguments or more moments of connection.

How to find a couples therapist

Finding the right couples therapist can be essential for making positive changes in your relationship. 

How to find a couples therapist

Finding the right couples therapist may be an important step toward meaningful change in a relationship. A good match can support progress and help create a foundation of trust.

Credentials, fit, and creating a safe space

When looking for a couple therapist, it can be helpful to look for a professional with specific training in working with couples, as they can have the experience to create a safe, supportive environment where you and your partner can feel comfortable opening up. The therapist should remain neutral, treating both partners with respect and creating a supportive environment that encourages openness rather than blame.

Questions to ask before you book

There are some questions you can ask to help you determine if a therapist might be a good fit, including: 

• What type of approach do you use?
• How do you define success for your sessions and clients?
• What will a typical session look like? 
• How do you see your role in mediating disagreements and fostering change?
• How do you work with couples who have differing beliefs or values from you?

When individual therapy may be recommended alongside couples work

In some cases, a therapist may encourage individual therapy in addition to couples sessions. Individual support can help address personal stress or other mental health concerns that are impacting the relationship. Many couples may seek therapy in both ways to support personal growth while strengthening their relationship.

What to expect in couples counseling

Couples counseling can support meaningful relationship work and create lasting change. Knowing what to expect can help you and your partner reduce anxiety and set realistic expectations before your first session begins.

The first sessions and goal setting

In the first session and early on in the process, sessions may focus on each partner’s perspective, concerns, and relationship history. The therapist may ask questions to determine communication patterns and learn more about your connection and the conflict you are experiencing. You and your partner can work with your therapist to set goals that give sessions direction and ensure you are both aligned on what you want to focus on.

Skills practice between sessions

In couples therapy, progress can happen both in and out of sessions. Couples often learn specific relationship skills to try as “homework” between sessions. Examples can include: 

• Working on new ways of handling conflict
• Practicing active listening
• Expressing needs without placing blame

By actively practicing these skills in real life, couples can build confidence and healthy patterns. In time, practice can lead to better communication, problem-solving, and emotional safety. 

Getting support through BetterHelp

If you decide it's time to move forward with therapy, the next step may be answering the question, “Where can I find couples therapy near me?” No matter where you live, the answer to finding a good therapist may be the same—online! You may be able to look for a therapist online, regardless of where you live. However, in many areas, you can search for a therapist to meet within your local community as well.

You can get a referral from your primary care doctor to see a mental health professional. If you are already working individually with a therapist, they may help you find an effective mental health professional to meet your needs.

Flexible access for busy couples

One potential benefit to attending online couples therapy with BetterHelp may be that you may feel more comfortable and at ease sitting in your own space rather than in a therapist’s office. You may also find that if either you or your partner feels hesitant to try therapy, the idea of online counseling can be less intimidating.

Ongoing relationship skills building

Partners in a long-term relationship may seek therapy online as a way to find a supportive environment that offers flexibility to help them build skills that will help them build and maintain a stronger relationship. As this study explains, online therapy can be as effective as in-office therapy for relationship skills building and other relationship work. Although several of the couples participating in the study initially had doubts about whether online therapy would be helpful for them, they were able to form strong therapeutic alliances with their therapists and found that the overall experience was a positive and beneficial one.