Finding Convenient Couples Counseling
Life can be challenging independently, and when you’re in a relationship with another person, you may face their challenges on top of your own. Every couple comes with its own unique set of characters, behaviors, ideas, values, and challenges. With these differences or similarities, couples conflicts may arise.
Couples therapists are licensed professionals trained to support couples with various goals. Whether you’re looking for premarital counseling, experiencing a challenge, planning a family, or looking to improve your intimacy, a couples therapist can offer support. Understanding how to find a professional in your area can be beneficial when seeking services for the first time, as various types of couples therapy exist.
Not all couples therapists practice the same type of therapy, and each professional may have their own specialty or concerns they are experienced in treating. For example, some therapists may hope to work primarily with clients experiencing infertility struggles, whereas others might guide couples navigating an open relationship. No matter the reason you seek therapy, various options can be available.
Common reasons couples might seek therapy can include but are not limited to the following:
- Communication challenges
- Sexual dysfunction
- A lack of love or emotional closeness
- Mismatching values or morals
- Mismatching libido (sex drive)
- Mismatching love languages
- Family challenges
- Parenting conflicts
- Infertility and family planning
- Adoption and foster care
- A lack of time for dates and intimacy
- Open relationships or polyamory
- Infidelity (cheating or affairs)
- Lying and trust
- Life transitions
- Financial struggles
- Divorce and separation
- Long-distance relationships
- Mental illness
- Terminal illness
- Grief
- Traumatic common experiences
- Traumatic individual experiences
Depending on the reason you seek therapy, you may benefit from a specialist. Doing your research before selecting a therapist can ensure you find the proper fit. In addition, note that couples therapy may not only benefit those living with a mental illness or severe relationship issues. Couples therapy can be for any couple looking to improve or grow in any aspect of a connection—including counseling trauma.
There are several ways to find a couples and marriage therapist in your area. Most cities have couples therapy providers, but knowing where to look and how to choose the right one can be challenging. Consider the following tips when starting your search for a marriage therapist.
If you currently have an individual therapist, you may be able to ask for a referral to someone they know in your area that offers couples therapy. Your provider may have some history on the types of treatment that function well for you and may be able to let you know if there are therapists near you that could help you meet your goals.
Talking to your primary care provider can offer a similar benefit if you do not have a therapist. They might be able to refer you based on their knowledge of popular mental health service providers in your area. In addition, if you have a specific insurance plan, they may be connected with therapists in your network, so you don’t have to call and ask providers. A doctor’s referral may also increase your chances of being accepted by insurance, as it can be seen as a medical necessity.
Some couples look online for therapists by searching for the type of couples therapist they seek. Many providers list their business information and website on Google Maps. Others might be listed on internet psychology directories that list providers and allow you to contact them. If you use a psychology directory, filter your search by state, specialty, and preferred gender. You can also filter your search by insurance plans on some websites or search online for a phrase similar to "relationship counseling or therapist near me."
Some cities may have clinics or organizations of several practice therapists that work together under one practice name. Often, these organizations specify whether they work with couples, individuals, or a specific mental health concern. You can also try visiting a general mental health clinic and asking for suggestions on where to find a couples counselor accepting clients.
You can also reach out to your insurance company, if you have one, to ask about in-network therapists. Some insurance companies refer clients to therapists, which can cut down on your search time. However, you may have limited options finding a therapist, depending on where you live.
Once you’ve found a therapist you and your partner are both interested in, you might be invited to a consultation or an intake session. This session can be short and free or a paid full-length session. Depending on their session options, you might also partake in the session online or at the therapist’s office.
When you arrive, your therapist may ask you a few questions about your motives for seeking therapy, your goals for treatment, and the most significant challenges in your relationship. Some couples therapists may meet with each partner individually and then together to get an idea of why each partner is coming to therapy outside of their joint goals.
You might also be asked general questions about your life and character for the therapist to get to know you. Understanding your career, parenting status, education, and daily responsibilities can help them understand what conflicts could arise or how much time you have to commit to learning skills with your partner.
You may also be invited to ask questions and get to know your therapist to ensure you’re the right fit. Intake sessions may not detail techniques or treatment planning, as they’re often reserved for getting to know each other and setting the stage for future sessions.
In your first session or during a quick consultation with your prospective therapist, there are a few questions you can ask to learn more about their practice, including the following.
Each therapist may take their own unique approach to treatment. You may find that understanding their therapy techniques can help you decide if the therapist services would be effective for your concerns. For example, some therapists use a training and homework method, providing couples with training on a specific skill and worksheets to take home for practice. Others might take a more hands-on approach, instructing couples on activities to try in session, such as roleplaying, art projects, or reimagining conflicts.
Forbes found that the average cost of couples therapy in the US is around $175 to $275 a session. Although the cost may be split between partners, it can be an investment for many couples. For some, insurance companies may pay for couples therapy if deemed medically necessary. However, insurance may be less likely to pay for couples sessions than individual ones. If you struggle to afford therapy, ask the provider if they offer a sliding scale system for couples with a lower income. Sliding scale means the cost you pay for therapy depends on your monthly or yearly income.
Although therapists are there to help you and your partner meet your goals, couples can also put in the work to make therapy function. Being willing, open-minded, and considerate can help couples counseling sessions offer the most benefit. Therapy is not an activity that is done to you but one that you and your partner actively participate in with the guidance of a licensed therapist. Ask your prospective counselor how you can support them as they support you.
Many qualities can make or break a therapeutic relationship. When seeking a couples therapist, consider the following categories.
Psychologists and counselors abide by a code of ethics under the American Psychological Association, American Counseling Association, and their state licensing board. For many, being an ethical therapist means practicing professional subjectivity and reducing bias during sessions. Bias can look like inserting opinions, favoring one partner over the other, or discussing unprofessional ideas. Subjectivity can reduce bias by allowing therapists to consider all sides of a situation, fairly evaluate each partner, and provide respectful insertions of opinion based on research and educational background.
Subjectivity can be essential in couples therapy because partners may be sensitive to certain opinions or preferences from their therapist.
The best couples therapists make an effort to understand a couple’s unique circumstances, identity, and beliefs. When looking for a professional for couples therapy, ask yourself if you’d prefer them to have any of the following identities:
- Polyamorous
- Black Indigenous Person Of Color (BIPOC)
- Spiritual or religious
- Immigrant
- LGBTQ+
- Non-English speaker
- Transgender or non-binary
- Disabled
Having a therapist with a similar identity to you or your partner may allow them to use their life experience as an individual in the same identity category to support you in a way that may not be as effective from another provider. For example, polyamory can be controversial for some, and a therapist with experience with this type of identity may be more knowledgeable in the techniques to treat problems arising from it instead of judging the situation. If you struggle to find a therapist with your identity in your area, you can also consider finding one online.
Finally, consider the modality your therapist practices. Common forms of couples therapy include the following:
- Emotionally focused therapy (EFT)
- Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)
- Dialectical behavior couples therapy (DBT)
- Sex therapy
- The Gottman method
- Family therapy
One recent study on internet-based couples therapy held over videoconference found that couples felt the video format enhanced the therapeutic connection more than in-person therapy and gave them a sense of control and comfort over their situation. Through an online platform, couples can choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions and meet from two different locations, allowing flexibility that in-person therapy does not offer.
In addition, couples may be able to partake in individual therapy through a platform like BetterHelp if they’re looking for individual sessions outside of their couples therapy. Platforms like BetterHelp offer over 30,000 therapists trained in various modalities and specialties.
What type of therapist is best for couples therapy?
Couples therapy, also known as marriage or couples counseling, is a type of psychotherapy that focuses on improving communication and resolving conflicts in romantic relationships. Couples therapy can be beneficial for all types of couples, regardless of sexual orientation, gender identity, or marital status.
When looking for a therapist for couples therapy, be sure to find someone who specializes in this specific type of therapy. Ideally, you want to find a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) or a licensed professional counselor (LPC) with extensive experience working with couples.
Some additional qualities to look for in a couples therapist include:
- Empathy and non-judgmental attitude: Couples therapy can be emotionally charged, and it's important to have a therapist who can create a safe and supportive environment for both partners.
- Good communication skills: A good therapist should be able to listen actively, communicate effectively, and provide helpful feedback and guidance.
- Knowledge and training: Therapists should have experience in evidence-based couples therapy approaches, such as Emotionally focused therapy (EFT), Gottman Method couples therapy, or Imago relationship therapy.
- Compatibility: It's crucial for both partners to feel comfortable with the therapist and trust their expertise. Your goals and values should align with the therapist's approach.
- Specialized expertise: If you're a member of the LGBTQ+ community or a couple facing specific issues like infidelity, finding a therapist who has experience and training in these areas can be beneficial.
Is couples therapy worth it?
Couples therapy can be a valuable investment for many relationships, not just in resolving immediate issues but also in teaching problem-solving skills that extend beyond the relationship itself. One significant aspect of couples therapy is its potential impact on family dynamics, particularly if children are involved.
In relationships where conflict is frequent, children can be significantly affected. They may witness arguments, feel the tension, or even be drawn into disputes. This environment can impact their emotional and psychological well-being. Couples therapy can help partners learn more effective communication and conflict resolution strategies, leading to a more harmonious home environment. A more peaceful, cooperative atmosphere benefits the couple and the children, who are likely to feel more secure and stable.
Additionally, couples therapy can help partners develop and refine problem-solving skills. These skills are invaluable in navigating relationship challenges and other life stresses. Learning to solve problems collaboratively, listen empathetically, and negotiate solutions can have far-reaching benefits in various aspects of life, including parenting, work relationships, and interactions with friends and family.
Moreover, couples can provide a positive model for their children by working on their relationship. Demonstrating how to resolve conflicts constructively, communicate effectively, and support each other can teach children important social and emotional skills.
How long does couples therapy last?
The duration of couples therapy can vary significantly and depends on various factors. These factors include the issues being addressed, the therapy goals, the couple's commitment to the process, and the therapeutic approach used.
- Specific issues and goals: The nature and complexity of a couple's issues play a crucial role in determining the length of therapy. Simple communication issues or conflicts might be resolved in a few sessions. At the same time, deeper or more entrenched problems, such as infidelity or long-standing behavioral patterns, may require a longer commitment to work through effectively. Similarly, the goals set by the couple can influence the duration. Short-term goals like improving communication skills may be achieved relatively quickly, whereas more complex goals like rebuilding trust after betrayal may take longer.
- Couple's commitment: The effectiveness of therapy is also influenced by the couple's willingness to engage in the process and put in the effort both during and between sessions. Couples actively engaged and committed to making changes may progress more quickly than those less involved.
- Therapeutic approach: Different therapeutic approaches have varying time frames. For instance, approaches like emotionally focused therapy (EFT) or the Gottman Method have structured protocols that may suggest an approximate number of sessions. In contrast, other forms of therapy may be more open-ended.
Typically, couples can expect to attend weekly sessions for three to six months, but this can vary widely. If a client has a specific timeline in mind, it's best to communicate this with the therapist during the initial consultation. A therapist can then create a treatment plan that aligns with client goals and expectations.
What is the difference between couples counseling and couples therapy?
Couples counseling and couples therapy are often used interchangeably, but the two practices have some slight differences. While both involve working with a therapist to improve a relationship or resolve conflicts, their approaches and objectives may vary.
- Counseling: Couples counseling tends to address specific issues within the relationship, such as communication problems, intimacy concerns, or trust issues. This type of counseling often has a shorter duration and aims to resolve immediate problems rather than exploring underlying patterns or dynamics.
- Therapy: Couples therapy, on the other hand, is more focused on understanding the deeper-rooted issues that may be causing conflict in the relationship. The therapy process involves exploring past experiences, individual histories, belief systems, and behavior patterns that may contribute to the current issues. The goal is to create lasting change by bringing awareness to these underlying dynamics and developing healthier ways of relating.
Both couples counseling and couples therapy can be beneficial, and which one is right for a particular relationship will depend on the couple's specific needs and goals. A therapist can help guide couples to the most suitable approach for their unique situation.
Should we do couples therapy or break up?
Deciding whether to pursue couples therapy or to break up is a deeply personal and often difficult choice. While it's challenging to provide a definitive answer, here are some important factors to consider in making this decision:
- Communication and conflict resolution: Reflect on how you and your partner communicate and handle conflict. Couples therapy could be beneficial if you're both willing to learn and apply healthier communication and conflict resolution skills. Therapy can offer tools and guidance for improving these aspects of your relationship.
- Commitment to the relationship: Consider the level of commitment both you and your partner have to the relationship. If both parties are invested in making it work, therapy can provide a structured and supportive space to address issues and strengthen the relationship. However, if one or both partners are ambivalent or uncommitted, the effectiveness of therapy may be limited.
- Underlying issues: Assess the nature and severity of the issues in your relationship. Certain problems, like abuse (physical or emotional), addiction, or chronic infidelity, can be more challenging to address and may require specialized interventions beyond traditional couples therapy.
- Individual vs. relationship goals: Think about your personal goals and how they align with the relationship. Sometimes, individual aspirations or needs may conflict with the relationship, and it's important to consider whether these differences can be reconciled.
- Emotional and physical health: Consider how the relationship impacts your emotional and physical well-being. If the relationship is causing significant distress or harm, it may be worth reevaluating its viability.
As you examine these factors and make the decision that is best for you, remember that there is no right or wrong answer. Talking to a therapist can also help you gain clarity and understand your options. Individual therapy may help you explore your feelings and goals to make a decision in your best interest.
Why do people go to couples therapy?
Couples therapy can be helpful for a variety of reasons. Some people seek therapy to address specific problems in their relationship, while others may use it as a tool for personal growth and strengthening their bond with their partner.
Here are some common reasons why couples may choose to go to therapy:
- Communication difficulties: Many couples struggle with communication, whether it's not being able to express their needs effectively or having frequent misunderstandings. Therapy can provide a safe space to learn and improve communication skills.
- Intimacy concerns: Couples may also seek therapy when they feel disconnected, lack emotional and physical intimacy, or have differences in sexual desires. A therapist can help couples explore the underlying issues that may impact their intimacy and guide them toward building a more fulfilling connection.
- Trust concerns: Trust is often the foundation of a healthy relationship, and it can be challenging to rebuild when it's broken. Couples therapy can support rebuilding trust and addressing underlying problems contributing to trust issues.
- Pre-marital counseling: Many couples attend therapy before getting married to address potential conflicts or concerns and start their marriage on a solid foundation.
- Navigating life changes: Major life changes, such as having a child, moving to a new city, or job/career transitions, can strain the relationship. Therapy can help couples adapt and communicate effectively during these transitional periods.
- Strengthening the relationship: Even in healthy relationships, attending therapy can provide new tools and perspectives to strengthen the bond and foster a deeper connection.
Couples therapy isn't only for couples in crisis but can also be beneficial for any relationship looking to grow and improve. A therapist can provide a supportive and unbiased space for couples to explore their feelings, beliefs, and goals together.
Can couples counseling save a relationship?
There are no guarantees in relationships and no one-size-fits-all answer to whether couples counseling can save a relationship. However, many couples find that therapy helps them address their issues and strengthen their bond.
Couples therapy can be a valuable tool if you feel like your relationship is struggling and you want to work on it. It provides a structured and supportive space for both partners to explore their feelings, needs, and concerns while receiving guidance from a trained professional.
Remember that successful outcomes in therapy often depend on the willingness of both partners to actively participate and make changes. A therapist can provide the tools and support to help you and your partner work through difficulties, but ultimately, it's up to both of you to put in the effort and make changes for the relationship to thrive.
Does couples therapy mean the end of a relationship?
No, couples therapy does not necessarily mean the end of a relationship. Many couples seek therapy as a way to work through their issues and strengthen their bond.
While some relationships may ultimately end after attending therapy, others may find that it helps them navigate difficult challenges and emerge stronger together. It's important to remember that every relationship is unique, and therapy can facilitate whatever decision the couple makes for their future.
What is Gottman's therapy?
Gottman couple therapy is a popular and well-researched approach to improving marital relationships, rooted in the extensive research of Dr. John Gottman and his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. This therapy focuses on strengthening relationships through effective communication, conflict resolution, and fostering a deeper connection between partners.
The Gottman method is built on the concept of the "Sound Relationship House," which represents various components essential for healthy relationships. These include trust, commitment, managing conflict, sharing dreams and values, and building a life of shared meaning together.
Key elements of the therapy include:
- Love maps: Understanding your partner's internal world and staying updated on their thoughts, feelings, and goals.
- Affection: Expressing love and appreciation for each other through small gestures and acts of kindness.
- Nurturing fondness and admiration: Cultivating a positive perspective on the relationship by focusing on what is going well rather than dwelling on the negative aspects.
- Turning towards each other: Responding positively and actively engaging in bids for connection from your partner.
- Building rituals of connection: Creating meaningful and consistent rituals, such as date nights or shared hobbies, to strengthen the bond between partners.
- Managing conflict: Learning effective communication and problem-solving skills to navigate conflicts healthily.
- Positive perspective: Fostering a positive outlook on the relationship and focusing on the strengths and positives rather than dwelling on the negatives.
Gottman therapy also aims to help couples identify their relationship's strengths, build on them, and address any underlying issues that may interfere with the relationship. Research indicates that the Gottman method effectively improves marital relationships, adjustment, and intimacy. The approach is evidence-based, grounded in years of observational studies of couples, and focuses on practical strategies to enhance relationship health.
What to expect in couples therapy after infidelity?
Infidelity is a significant breach of trust in a relationship and can have an adverse impact on both partners. Couples therapy after infidelity can be a challenging and emotional process, but it can also be an opportunity for growth and healing.
Here are some things you may expect in couples therapy after infidelity:
- Addressing the betrayal: The therapist will help both partners explore the infidelity and its impact on the relationship. The discussion may involve feelings of hurt, anger, guilt, and shame.
- Understanding underlying issues: Infidelity is often a symptom of underlying issues in the relationship. A therapist can help identify these issues and work towards addressing them to prevent future infidelities.
- Rebuilding trust: Rebuilding trust takes time and effort from both partners. A therapist can provide guidance and support in the process, including setting healthy boundaries and rebuilding communication.
- Working through emotions: Both partners may experience a range of emotions during couples therapy after infidelity. It's essential to allow space for these feelings while learning healthy ways to manage and express them.
- Healing as individuals: Couples therapy can also involve individual sessions to address any personal issues or traumas that may be contributing to the infidelity.
- Communication and intimacy: Therapy can help improve communication between partners and rebuild intimacy in the relationship, which the infidelity may have impacted.
Healing from infidelity is a journey, and it will look different for every couple. Couples therapy after infidelity can provide a safe and supportive space for both partners to work through their feelings, rebuild trust, and ultimately decide what is best for the future of their relationship.
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