How Parenting Styles Psychology Helps To Shape Your Child

Updated December 14, 2018

Reviewer Lauren Guilbeault

When becoming a parent, one element that many parents don't think all that much about is how their parenting styles can shape their kid. What many don't realize, is that how we treat our kids can psychologically impact them, and how they're raised also plays a major role in the way children react to us. Here, we will explore how the psychology of different parenting styles affect how we raise our kids, and what it can do to a child regarding the long-term impact


The Types Of Parenting Styles

Currently, all types of parenting styles boil down to four different types, and all types of parents who parent their children fall into one of these. They are as follows:

  • Authoritative parenting
  • Permissive parenting
  • Authoritarian parenting
  • Uninvolved parenting

These four types are based on two factors, and they are:

  • The demandingness and expectations the parent has regarding getting things from a children
  • The responsiveness or even responding to the child's needs

These types do affect the children in different ways, both in positive and negative manners.

Authoritarian parenting is one that's typically labeled as "cruel" and heartless, where they practice tough love, and they follow the mantra of having children seen and not heard. Essentially the parent is the one that's in charge, and the child obeys. This one typically involves having strict rules, a refusal to discuss the issues, using the word no frequently, and punishments for bad behaviors.

The problem with this is there is no freedom, and what happens to children as adults, is that they need to learn how to discipline and have control, which all too often they end up lacking, and this is a challenge if they're constantly supposed to obey rules. If a child only knows how to obey rules and never thinks for themselves, as adults they will be unable to look at nuances, and in essence deal with ambiguity. Children in this situation tend to lack self-esteem, along with imitative as adults as well.

You also have authoritative parenting, which is often mistaken for authoritarian, but not as bad. It is the most effective type of parenting style according to psychologists, which combines a strong hand in a velvet glove, where they will perform strong hand direction and expectation, but also works to empower the kid, making them responsible for what they do. This is a typical parenting style of most middle-class Americans.

Authoritative is mostly based on responsiveness and how demanding they are. It's very engaged compared to the other types. It involves reasoning, establishing expectations, communicating a lot, a set boundary and limit, and responding to the emotional needs of the child. The goal of this is to make then independent, and self-reliant. The parents are more like coaches, where they prod the child to have them make the right decisions and take responsibility within li, miss. They use discipline, but not punishment. They try to engage with the student, trying to figure out why the bad behavior is working, and trying to foster a discussion with a child. It can help with bringing forth a greater sense of identity, and self-confidence in situations that are new. This is also good for children that have

ADHD since it involves much fewer restrictions and more corrective measures.

Then there is permissive parenting. These are the parents that are easygoing, who raise their children in a free-range manner or let them do whatever they want. It's when the focus is love and very little levels of discipline, and there are super few rules. It also may be avoiding the rule enforcement as well. Typically, it's high responsiveness, and low on demanding. The parents tend to be warm and accepting, rarely punish their kids, set very few limits, and don't exert a ton of control.

This is mostly the idea of parents being friends rather than the parent or boss of the kid, and they focus on being liked rather than raising the kid, so there are very little disproval and discipline. The problem with it is that children are then given the free pass to continue doing bad things, and the parents make the excuse of "oh it isn't all that bad. So, they don't need punishment," and they give off this idea that a child is only a child a singular time, so they don't want to restrict playtime and activities. However, they're never given limits to this, and they're never taught this so that when they grow up, they never learn these. Not growing up with rules makes it harder for them, since they don't accept the limitations of what they do as they should, which is a huge problem.


Finally, you've got uninvolved parenting, where children are essentially left alone, and they're asked to find their limits and boundaries, and children end up having little guidance, with nature taking the course. This isn't raising a child, so it's often criticized.

How It Can Affect A Child

Here's the thing, how you respond to your child does affect how they make decisions in life, how successful they are, and even how they understand the world around them. Parents, in essence, are the first teacher, and they have to give an instruction that allows them to be successful. It's also important to realize that you unintentionally influence a child through your actions, and since children are prone to following their parents, you essentially are in charge of the future that they have. Finally, parents are in charge of the social interactions and the like, which does shape their behavior.

A parent who is high in demand all throughout their life and authoritative does shape their child, and there is a correlation between how a child is raised and their overall behavior.

Those children that are from authoritative parents are smart and high in intelligence, which they associate as a positive thing, so they typically follow through with good academic performance and low amounts of delinquency. But, these children are very unhappy, have very low self-esteem, and they tend to keep to themselves. This is because of the pressure from parents forcing them to be successful.

But, on the opposite side we've got permissive parents, who don't have any pressure from their parents, so they don't see the point of really taking control of their studies, and they tend to do whatever they want and get into trouble, especially with drugs and alcohol. Typically, they also disregard rules since their childhood didn't have boundaries.

Those that are neglected and rejected in the no boundaries parenting are even worse off. They tend to do badly in school, and they have issues with forming relationships because of a fear of abandonment. They are more likely to have depressive episodes, engage in unprotected sex, and tend to use more drugs and alcohol, with the effects getting worse throughout life.

Parenting Styles are very important to realize because they do affect a child all throughout their life.

An Influence On The Outcome

As a parent, you have to realize that you do have an ultimate effect on the state of your child's life. You should, as a parent, try to understand that you're preparing them for the future. That may include, being more authoritative with rules if you're permissive, or maybe letting a few things slide and not being such a stick in their butt if you tend to be authoritarian. Authoritative is the best to go, and you will want to learn two-way communication with the child, where the child talks about their experiences, and you respond to them while guiding them as well.

You should monitor their behavior, but also trust them that they'll make the correct decisions and actions. You're the most important part of your child's life, and you want to make sure that you're something that your child should emulate. As a parent, you should learn to become a better parent in essence by listening to their needs, setting boundaries that aren't mysterious, and those that are helpful for the child. Every parent wants their child to do well and being able to parent well does affect their lives.


Become A Better Parent!

If you feel like you're not the type of parent that you want to be, there is always a chance that you can change. You can talk to a therapist to help you understand why you parent in the manner that you do, and any other tips and tricks to help your child become the best that it can be. You as a parent are definitely responsible for their future, and responsible for the outcome of how the child will act, so remember that, and try to be the best parent for them, and one that your child can trust, and believe in too.

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