Parenting Adolescents: Tips For Navigating The Teen Years
Parenting teenagers can be rewarding and exciting, as you get to watch and support them in learning how to manage newfound independence, responsibilities, and new types of relationships. At times, however, parents may also feel overwhelmed when helping their teenagers successfully navigate the challenges that come with growing into young adulthood. Here are a few parenting advice and tips for teenagers to help you raise balanced, healthy adolescents.
Understand your parenting style
Culture parental morality, religion, and a parent’s own experiences as a child's childhood experiences play a large part in shaping parenting styles. That said, some aspects of an individual or couple’s parenting style may evolve as their children grow. For instance, as your kids enter their teenage years, they may require a gradual increase in freedom to begin making their own decisions. Being open and attentive to the possibility of adjusting your parenting style can be important in this stage of your child’s life.
While it’s good to give your teenager more freedom as they go through adolescence, full freedom isn’t recommended. However, you may find it helpful to change the way that you set rules, for example. Communicating with your teen about how and why you establish certain rules may result in a higher likelihood that they’ll follow them. It may also encourage cooperation and dialogue about how the rules will change as they mature.
When setting rules and expectations, it's typically also a good idea to communicate clearly what the consequences are for breaking them. Reacting with a form of punishment without first setting clear expectations may confuse and reduce the likelihood that your teen will follow subsequent rules.
Lead by example
Even though they’re becoming increasingly independent at this age, teens are still impressionable. They take cues from their parents' behavior to learn how to act in the world. So when parenting teenagers, it’s important to stay mindful of your actions and how you speak to them and others. Positive role models can be a powerful force in a teen’s life. So as they become more independent, it’s a good idea to model the behaviors you expect from your teenager. These may include:
- Honesty
- Responsibility
- Healthy conflict resolution
- Strong work ethic
- Empathy
- Accountability
- Caring for one’s mental and physical health
With your good example, your teen can build a sense of purpose, autonomy, and self-esteem.
Maintain a sense of empathy
Over time, it’s common for adults to forget the challenges they faced as teenagers or how intense those things may have felt at the time. Although teenagers today face different challenges than those of past generations, upon reflection, you’ll likely find that you experienced some of the same difficulties when you were their age. At the very least, you can understand that the slew of physical and social changes adolescents go through in this stage of life is objectively difficult and extend some grace as a result.
When parenting a teen, it can be helpful to recall the challenges of adolescence and how they made you feel. Thinking about similar mistakes you may have made at their age can also help you develop fair punishments if those boundaries are breached, for example.
Connection is another potential benefit to practicing empathy with your teen. If you feel comfortable giving, communicate with your child about some of the difficult situations you experienced when you were their age. Consequently, they may be more willing to listen to your viewpoints on matters of discipline and decision-making.
Provide ample encouragement
Most younger children respond well to praise for doing well on a task, or for good behavior. As they grow into adolescence, positive reinforcement often remains just as impactful when applied to issues of self-identity and how they express their character—even if it doesn’t seem like your teen is receptive to this kind of encouragement.
A parent must be equipped with self-esteem tips for teenagers. Low self-confidence is very common in the teenage years, hence the importance of building their confidence. When parenting teens, consider making it a point to build them up for the positive characteristics they possess, it may encourage their development of healthy self-esteem.
It can also be helpful to teach your teenager how to cultivate a sense of self-compassion in the face of failures, flaws, and shortcomings, which research shows may provide them with even greater emotional resilience than self-esteem can.
Talk about risky behaviors
Speaking with your teen about topics like sex, drugs, and alcohol can be important at this age, along with subjects like violence or dangerous driving. Even though these conversations may be uncomfortable for both of you, making sure your child is equipped to make healthy decisions about these things can be important. What’s more, risky behaviors can sometimes be a sign that a teen is struggling with their mental health, so opening up a dialogue with your child about potentially harmful activities may be worthwhile.
While the prospect of these potentially awkward conversations may be daunting, many experts maintain that it’s essential for parents to address these things. As they get older, it might seem as if your teen doesn’t want to hear from you, and that speaking with them about these or other topics is an exercise in futility.
Know the signs of anxiety and depression in teens
From academic pressure to social concerns and the impact of social media, there are plenty of stressors in the life of the average teen. Since healthy coping skills for teens typically have to be learned, it’s not uncommon for teens to lack them at this age and to develop unhealthy coping mechanisms and even mental health conditions as a result. As a parent, it’s important to learn how to recognize the signs that your teen could be facing difficulties with their mental health. These can include things like:
- Loss of energy
- Significant changes in sleeping or eating habits
- Restlessness or being easily agitated
- A persistent sense of hopelessness or worthlessness
- A sudden decline in academic performance
- Chronic pain, headaches, or digestive issues that can’t be otherwise explained
While there are coping skills for teens that may help, they’re often reluctant to ask for help with mental health concerns. If you believe that your teen could be facing challenges with their mental health, it’s important to be able to notice them and offer the resources they may need for support even though communicating with teens can be challenging but is also very important to help them.
If you feel that your child may benefit from speaking with a licensed therapist, you might consider a virtual therapy platform like TeenCounseling which is designed specifically for individuals in their age group (age 13–18).
Make yourself available to talk
If encouraging your child to go to a struggling teen therapy is not ideal for your situation, consider making an effort to make yourself available. Many parents lead busy lives in addition to the activities related to raising their families. As your child approaches their teen years and becomes more independent, her other obligations may become naturally easier to balance. It may be tempting to shift your focus more often to these other areas, but it’s important to remember that your teen may not yet be as independent as they seem and may still need your guidance more than they express.
Even if your time is limited, and even if it seems like they’re reluctant to engage in conversation, it’s typically essential to be available when your teenager needs you. Checking in with them regularly and practicing active listening when you do can show your teen that you care, you’re there for them, and they can come to you when they’re facing challenges.
Seek professional help
When seeking support in raising a teen, parents often turn to friends, family, or their communities for help. That said, many parents find the added guidance of a trained professional to be helpful as well. A licensed therapist who specializes in family dynamics may be able to assist you and your teen in better understanding each other and developing more successful methods of communication. You may also find it beneficial for your teen to visit a therapist on their own to discuss issues they don’t feel comfortable speaking about around you, especially if you are concerned about their mental health. Additionally, you may find it helpful to get individual support from a therapist for the many challenges of parenting teenagers.
Parents often put their family’s health first and may sometimes neglect their own as a result. However, you deserve to care for your mental health, and it can help you be a more present, engaged parent as well. If carving out time to meet with a therapist seems overwhelming or impossible, you might consider online options that make it easy to speak to a therapist on your schedule from anywhere with an internet connection.
According to the National Center for Health Research, “online therapy can be as effective at treating issues of anxiety, depression, and trauma” as in-person services. If you’re interested in this format, you can get matched with a licensed therapist through an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, and you can meet with them via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging to get the support you may need.
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
Takeaway
What are the parenting styles in adolescence?
While approaches and styles can differ, parenting styles can usually be separated into four primary categories: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and uninvolved.
- Authoritative: This parenting style often involves the establishment of clear rules and consequences are established, with children and parents communicating openly to create a healthy parent-child relationship.
- Authoritarian: Authoritarian parents can be more strict and less considerate of their child’s emotional needs. Communication in this style is often one-way, with the possibility of unclear rules and harsh punishments.
- Permissive: The permissive parenting style often involves limited establishment of rules and consequences, giving children the freedom to do what they please. While communication occurs, it is rarely in the form of guidance.
- Uninvolved: Uninvolved or neglectful parents usually engage in limited communication and discipline. In many cases, they offer no support beyond basic needs like food and shelter (and sometimes, even those needs aren’t met.)
What are the challenges of parenting adolescents?
There are a wide variety of challenges relating to the parenting of an adolescent. These can include, but aren’t limited to:
- Establishing of healthy boundaries
- Substance use
- Spending time with family vs. friends
- Creating appropriate consequences for breaking rules
- Ensuring your child gets enough sleep
- Dealing with hormonal changes and mood swings
- Communication difficulties
- Disagreeing with a child’s choice of social groups or extracurricular activities
- Problems with academic performance
- Defiance and a growing need for independence
While many of the challenges are a natural part of growing up, some situations may require the assistance of a mental healthcare provider. If an adolescent begins to display violent behavior, the signs of substance misuse, or the symptoms of a mental health condition or illness, it may be best to reach out for professional support.
Which type of parenting is most effective during adolescence?
While every child and parenting situation is unique, research has shown that an authoritative parenting style may be the most effective. This parenting style has been associated with better psychosocial competence, higher self-esteem, and more significant academic achievement. Authoritarian and permissive parenting often led to adverse developmental outcomes, with children engaging in misconduct at school or displaying aggressive behavior. Uninvolved or neglectful parenting has been shown to be the least effective parenting style, with children displaying lower social and academic competence, more antisocial behavior, and increased complaints of feelings of anxiety and depression.
How should parents handle adolescence?
According to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), parenting an adolescent can best be handled by adhering to five basic principles.
- Love and Connect: As a teen’s maturity increases, it can be important for parents to accept and support the changes they are undergoing. Creating and maintaining a supportive relationship can set an adolescent up for a life with better academic performance, stronger social relationships, and lower chances of substance misuse.
- Monitor and Observe: While invading the secrets of teens can be detrimental, research shows that monitoring the activities your teen engages in can lower their risk of self-destructive behavior, such as drug and alcohol misuse, unhealthy sexual activity, and delinquency. Healthy monitoring often takes the form of open communication, respectful observation, and maintaining a connection with other parents in your area.
- Guide and Limit: Despite the defiant attitude many associate with the teen years, proper guidance is often still necessary at this stage in life. The establishment of firm but fair rules that respect your teen’s growing sense of independence and maturity can be essential. Consequences for rule-breaking can still be important, but some research indicates that physical punishments may lead to unintended and negative effects.
- Model and Consult: Parents play an influential and essential role in their children’s lives, and modeling proper behavior can help guide your teen on important subjects like health, employment, relationships, communication, and conflict resolution. Research has shown that parents who maintain a strong connection with their children often have more influence on the decisions they make. The key to this connection can be to remain respectful when your child imparts their thoughts and feelings, treating them in a way that shows you understand they are maturing and growing.
- Provide and Advocate: Beyond providing necessities like food, shelter, medical care, and clothing, parents should also do their best to provide for the emotional and social needs of their children. This support often involves advocating for teens in order to address the challenges they face in their everyday lives. Such challenges may include racism, sexism, or a lack of opportunities and resources. Parents can work with their children to address these and other struggles they may be facing by imparting their own experiences and discussing possible solutions openly.
What are the three problems of adolescence?
Adolescents' challenges can vary based on individual experiences, socioeconomic status, and developmental environment. Three common problems that adolescents may experience include:
- Bullying: Bullying, and its online counterpart, cyberbullying, can both be a pervasive problem during adolescence. Teens can experience bullying due to a number of reasons, including their sexuality, economic status, social status, or ethnicity. It's also possible to be bullied because the bully is struggling with problems in their own life; these individuals may seek to establish control over others due to the lack of control they have at home or in other environments.
- Challenges Relating to Mental Health: Mental health disorders like anxiety and depression can affect adolescents, which may impair their ability to function in academic or social settings. Teens experiencing mental health challenges should reach out to loved ones or professionals for support.
- Substance use: While teen alcohol consumption may be decreasing, adolescents are still faced with challenges relating to drug and alcohol usage. One of these challenges relates to peer pressure, where one’s peer group influences them to use substances in order to gain respect or ‘fit in.’
What is the biggest challenge of adolescence?
A number of concerns can present challenges during adolescence, including depression, anxiety, substance misuse, bullying (both in person and cyberbullying), academic struggles, family conflicts, dating, sexuality, and peer pressure. While the biggest challenge of adolescence will depend on individual experience, one that faces almost every adolescent is the bodily changes relating to puberty. During this phase of life, the release of the sexual hormones estrogen and testosterone can cause physical and mental changes, which may lead to significant mood swings. In some cases, these changes can cause conflict between children and parents and may cause academic or social problems to crop up.
What causes conflict between parents and adolescents?
Conflict between parents and adolescents can result from numerous sources and subjects, including:
- A lack of open communication
- Poor academic performance
- Rule-breaking
- Ineffective conflict resolution
- Sibling disagreements
- Substance use
- Money
- Cultural or religious differences
- Choice of friends
- Choice of clothing
- Lack of respect
- Curfew or bedtime
How do you deal with a disrespectful adolescent?
Dealing with a disrespectful adolescent is best accomplished by keeping a calm and patient demeanor, as well as by establishing guidelines and consequences ahead of time. By designing rules that emphasize respect and letting your children know what will happen if those rules are broken, you can avoid an emotional reaction when your teen displays disrespectful behavior.
It can also be helpful to remember that respect is more likely to be received when it is given. In most cases, your teen will rebel or act in a defiant manner when they feel as though their time, needs, or boundaries are not being respected. In addition, if you are setting up rules and then breaking those rules in front of your child, it is possible they will mimic your behavior. By following the guidelines you create, you can serve as a role model for your children to emulate.
How do you support adolescent development?
You can support your adolescent’s development in a variety of healthy ways, including by adhering to the following guidelines:
- Help your child get a healthy amount of sleep (8 to 10 hours for teens aged 13 to 18)
- Ensure they get proper nutrients and stay hydrated
- Actively listen and provide emotional support
- Speak to your child in a respectful and understanding manner
- Don’t insult, belittle, or humiliate your child
- Build up your child’s self-confidence and encourage their passions
- Establish reasonable expectations and consequences
- Create a loving and non-judgemental relationship
Why is adolescence the hardest life stage?
Adolescence can be one of the most difficult life stages due to the emotional and physical changes that can occur during this time. People in this age demographic can also experience numerous mental, social, and environmental challenges, including conflicts at home, bullying (including cyberbullying), peer pressure, academic struggles, developing mental health conditions, confusion relating to sexuality, difficulties with the law, struggles with body image, and struggles with substance use.
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