What Is Passive-Aggressive Behavior And What You Can Do About It?

Have you ever been in a situation where someone seemed friendly and polite on the surface, but you noticed that there was a hint of sarcasm in the air? You may have been faced with passive-aggressive behavior, which can be as confusing as it is frustrating. This type of behavior appears innocent, accidental, or neutral, but it typically carries an indirect expression of negative emotions such as anger or annoyance.

Passive-aggressive individuals often disguise their true feelings by using subtle actions or words, making it hard to recognize and fix the problem directly. Learning how to identify passive-aggressive behavior can help you maintain clear communication and healthy relationships. Continue reading to learn more about passive-aggressive behavior, including its potential causes and various strategies for handling it. 

What is passive-aggressive behavior?

Passive-aggressive behavior is a type of aggression that is not direct and is expressed subtly in actions or words. People who display passive aggressiveness may deny that their behavior is aggressive, which can make it harder to address. People acting passive-aggressively may show a range of behaviors, from subtly undermining others to deliberately procrastinating or being intentionally forgetful when faced with tasks they dislike.

Some causes for passive-aggressive behavior may include unresolved underlying anger, desire for control, or fear of confrontation. Passive-aggressive individuals may have experienced situations before where expressing anger or disagreement was not permitted or had negative consequences. They may have developed passive-aggressiveness as a coping mechanism or a way to protect themselves from further harm. While it may provide short-term relief or satisfaction, this type of behavior often causes a cycle of negative feelings and conflict in relationships with others.

A passive-aggressive personality can lead to harmful outcomes, such as eroding trust and creating distance in personal relationships. In professional settings, passive aggressiveness might prevent teamwork and lower productivity. It can be helpful crucial to recognize and address passive-aggressive tendencies early on, as they can become a regular part of a person's character. Some effective strategies for managing passive-aggressive behavior can include open communication, learning to be assertive, and seeking professional help if necessary.

Passive-aggressive behavior isn't always a sign of a major personality or psychological disorder. Sometimes, it may be a learned behavior or defense mechanism that a person has adopted in response to their upbringing, cultural background, or social environment.

How to know when someone is being passive-aggressive

Recognizing a passive-aggressive person can be challenging, as their behavior is typically indirect and can appear innocent or accidental. However, there are certain patterns and actions that can indicate when someone is being passive-aggressive. One common sign is when a person denies anger or irritation but still displays it indirectly. They may avoid confrontations and instead express their negative feelings through subtle actions such as intentional mistakes or the silent treatment. Additionally, their words and actions may not align.

Passive-aggressive actions often include procrastination, forgetting important tasks, or being uncooperative on purpose. For example, an employee who is unhappy with a new project might agree to complete it but then deliberately miss deadlines or submit subpar work. Someone who feels resentful toward a friend might keep making sarcastic comments or constantly show up late to events they organize. Passive-aggressive behaviors may also involve nonverbal cues such as eye-rolling, heavy sighs, or undermining statements.

To identify passive-aggressive behavior, you can pay attention to both verbal and nonverbal cues, as well as the context in which the behavior takes place. Knowing the signs of passive-aggressive behavior may help you create a plan to tackle the underlying issues and improve communication with the person displaying the behavior. Keep in mind that this behavior may stem from a fear of direct confrontation, so approaching the issue with sensitivity and understanding may lead to more productive conversations and healthier relationships.

How to interact with someone who is passive-aggressive

When interacting with an individual who is passive-aggressive, it can be important to understand the underlying cause of their behavior and communicate directly. Let’s go over five strategies that may help you interact and handle a person showing passive-aggressive traits.

• Encourage open communication: One of the main reasons people display passive-aggressive tendencies is fear of expressing their feelings directly. Therefore, creating a safe environment may help promote more open communication. Encouraging them to share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or repercussion may help diffuse passive aggression. This can require patience and understanding, as it might take some time for them to trust the process and open up. Active listening and empathetic responses may further strengthen communication, making the other person feel heard and validated.
• Be direct and assertive: When addressing passive-aggressive behavior, you may need to be direct and assertive. You can address the problematic behavior while still maintaining respect for the person. Using "I" statements can help you express your thoughts and feelings in a non-confrontational manner. Instead of blaming them, discuss how their behavior affects you. This approach not only encourages respectful dialogue but also makes it clear that you value your relationship with them. Maintaining your composure and patience can be vital, as resolving this behavior can take time and may initially be met with resistance or denial.
• Set boundaries: Establishing clear boundaries with a person showing passive-aggressive tendencies may be helpful in managing their behavior. You might be explicit about what is acceptable and unacceptable and consistently enforce these boundaries when interacting with them. Try to remain firm and consistent in your approach, demonstrating that you respect yourself and expect the same from others. In setting these boundaries, you can communicate your expectations calmly and clearly. Emphasize the benefits of maintaining a healthy and respectful interaction, showing them that these boundaries are not meant to control but to boost the relationship's overall quality.
• Avoid reacting negatively: Getting angry or frustrated with someone who is acting passive-aggressively may only fuel their behavior. Maintaining your composure while interacting with them can show that you won't be manipulated or drawn into their psychological games. Remaining calm and composed may also encourage them to communicate more openly and honestly with you. You can remind yourself that their behavior reflects their internal struggles, not your actions. Responding with kindness and understanding, rather than matching their passive aggression with negativity, can disrupt the cycle of unproductive communication and steer the interaction toward more constructive dialogue.
• Seek professional guidance: In some cases, interacting with a passive-aggressive person can be especially severely difficult and may require seeking professional guidance. Consulting a therapist or counselor may provide helpful advice and strategies for managing your own emotions and navigating interactions with passive-aggressive individuals more effectively. Professionals can provide you with tools for communication, boundary-setting, and assertiveness. If the person showing passive aggression is open to it, therapy could help them recognize their behavior patterns and work on healthier ways of expressing their feelings.

These are just some strategies to give you an idea of how to resolve situations with someone who is being passive-aggressive. You can brainstorm other possible ways to confront passive-aggressive behavior, depending on your personality and the situation at hand. In many cases, professional support from a therapist or counselor can be helpful. 

How online therapy may help you manage passive-aggressiveness

Navigating passive-aggressive behaviors on your own can be difficult. For those who have experienced the negative impacts of passive-aggressiveness from friends, family members, or loved ones, online therapy may be an effective way to find support. When you sign up for online therapy on a platform like BetterHelp, you’ll gain access to thousands of providers who have experience in different areas including passive-aggressive behaviors, personality disorders, and various mental health conditions. Online therapy may not only make therapy more accessible but also provide the means to develop healthier mindsets and relationships.

The efficacy of online therapy for healthier behaviors

Research conducted on the effectiveness of online therapy has shown positive results, with studies finding equal efficacy between interventions delivered online and those conducted in person. In one study, participants reported improved communication, more effective problem-solving skills, and enriched relationships from an internet-based intervention. Individuals and couples alike could benefit from virtual counseling to address unwanted behaviors and to learn more effective ways of communicating in their personal and professional lives.

Takeaway

Passive-aggressive behavior is an indirect way of expressing negative feelings like anger or annoyance without openly confronting them. This behavior might seem normal or harmless on the outside, but it often conceals feelings of irritation, anger, and resentment beneath the surface. Those who engage in passive-aggressive behaviors may deny their real feelings and resort to strategies like delaying tasks, being stubborn, or intentionally behaving inefficiently to get their way.

Recognizing and understanding passive-aggressive behaviors can allow you to work toward healthier communication patterns. It can be important to be aware of the signs of passive aggression in your own behavior, as it may strain your relationships and prevent open discussions. You might also want to focus on improving your communication skills, expressing your emotions directly, and seeking professional help as needed. Online therapy may be a potential solution for managing the harmful effects of these behaviors as it provides the opportunity to express concerns, learn coping strategies, and understand the underlying reasons behind such behaviors.